<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Immortal Entanglement by Sarah_Belles90</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452420">Immortal Entanglement</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah_Belles90/pseuds/Sarah_Belles90'>Sarah_Belles90</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Empath, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Immortality, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mutual Pining, Self-Sacrifice, Slow Build, Tags Contain Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:33:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>109,805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah_Belles90/pseuds/Sarah_Belles90</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Life had been more over normal until moving to this small mountain town. It was there everything changed in less than a second. But could she ever return the favor when it meant more to her than to him?</p><p>Friendship blooms, a bond forged in spilt blood and fallen tears. This bond will be tested time and again through passage of time. Will it remain strong, will it crumble, or will it grow?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Everyone, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kenny McCormick/Reader, Kyle Broflovski/Nichole Daniels, Stan Marsh/Reader, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Blood and Tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Reader is from a female stand point. No harm meant by it, that's just how it plays out in my head.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You moved to South Park half way through your 3rd grade year. You had heard many strange stories about this town, some you didn't really believe as they couldn't possibly be true. Having moved into a blue house near the rich end of town with your mom and younger brother, you still missed your father. But when your mom caught him with his tongue in his a secretary at his trading company, she made away with a large alimony check and moved them somewhere away from the city. Can't get more removed from a city then South Park, Colorado. </p>
<p>When you made your way into school on the first day on a cold February morning, you felt the eyes of the other kids on her. You knew that they had to be staring because you was new, something to distract them from the usual faces they had seen all their lives. 'Just keep going, they will get bored in a week', you thought to yourself. With your new class sheet in hand, you walked to your new class and opened the door. You was early enough that only 4 other kids were there along with your new teacher, Mr. Garrison. In his right hand you noticed a strange puppet with a weird hat. Hesitantly, you made your way to his desk and handed the paper to him with your eyes glued to your feet. Mr. Garrison looked at you with slight intrigue and took the paper to give it a quick read. </p>
<p>"Well, hello Jamie, I'm Mr. Garrison, and this is Mr. Hat. Say hi, Mr. Hat." The teacher said, before speaking from the side of his mouth and moving the small puppet slightly. "Hey Jamie, welcome."</p>
<p>Feeling very confused and slightly frightened, you mumbled out a small "Hi."</p>
<p>"Why don't you take that empty seat right there, the class will begin soon and then you can meet your other classmates." He gestured to a desk. "Oh, Wendy, will you show Jamie around the school today?" Mr. Garrison continued, having turned to a girl with black hair and a purple jacket. </p>
<p>"Yeah, no problem, Mr. Garrison." The girl, Wendy responded. She turned her smile at you. "After class I will show you the bathrooms and the lunch room before recess. Did you already find your locker?" She asked, eyeing the backpack still slung over one shoulder.</p>
<p>"Not yet, I wasn't sure what I would need yet." You said, moving toward the desk was now assigned to you. </p>
<p>"Well that's fine, I'll help you get set up there too. You can sit with me and my friends at lunch, Bebe always likes to have the girls together", she said before leaning down and lowering her voice to a gentle semi whisper "mainly because the boys are pretty stupid." She added with a small giggle.</p>
<p>Wendy then turned and went back to her desk at the front of the class as more kids began to make their way in. Casually you watched the other kids come in, making note to yourself who seemed nice or not from the simple banter overheard. The fat boy with a red coat was saying rude things to a boy in an orange jacket and green hat while a boy with a brown jacket and blue and red hat rolled his eyes. Behind them was another boy on all orange with his hood up, covering most of his face. They split off and went to their seats all near each other but slightly spaced out. The one all in orange sat to your right and turned to face you. From the little of him you could see, only his deep blue eyes under blonde eyebrows and his thin nose, his expression looked slightly confused as his eyebrows furrowed slightly. </p>
<p>"Who are you?" He asked, his voice muffled from his hood pulled tight near his mouth. You opened your mouth to begin to say hi when the bell cut you off and Mr. Garrison called for attention and began roll call. It was after that he called you to the front of the class and, slowly and shyly, you made your way to the front. </p>
<p>"Everyone, this is Jamie, she is new and I expect all of you to welcome her. Except you Cartman, you leave her alone." Mr Garrison, pointing to the fat kid in red when he said his last words. </p>
<p>"Hey, I haven't even done anything yet!" He yelled in retort, scowling at you. You felt your eyes tighten back at him in a glare. What was his deal?</p>
<p>"Go ahead and sit back down, Jamie." Mr. Garrison said as you quickly returned to your seat to avoid the gaze of your classmates. "Now class, yesterday we were talking about the social impact of Days of our Lives, now let's continue..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After class Wendy led you to your locker to help you put your things away and tell her what you would need to get for the end of day lessons when the boy with the brown jacket and red and blue hat approached and began to open the locker next to you. As you say him approach you felt a small flutter in your chest when you looked at his face. He had shocking blue eyes peeking out from under his slightly shaggy black hair that fell from his hat. His upper lip was thinner than his bottom and you noticed he had a gentle upturn in the corners. His skin was fair and looked soft with a slight pink tint in his cheeks. He then turned to face you and Wendy and smiled big, revealing crooked teeth but not so crooked to be unattractive. As you felt your lungs try and take a breath, Wendy's bright voice sounded next to you.</p>
<p>"Hi, Stan!" Wendy stepped over to him and grabbed his right hand while clinging to that same arm. Of course. "Stan, this is Jamie. I'm gonna be showing her around at lunch and at recess, maybe we can hang out after school?" She said all of this while maintaining hold of him and he looked at you kindly. </p>
<p>"Yeah okay. I was gonna hang out with Kyle at recess anyway. Nice to meet you Jamie." He nodded in your direction and turned to Wendy. "I'll see you later babe." He said as he then walked away. Wendy watched him walk away for a moment before turning her attention back to you. </p>
<p>"That was my boyfriend Stan. You can meet him and his weird friends later if you want. Come on, let's go eat." She said, linking her arm into yours and guiding you to the lunch room. </p>
<p>Once inside she continued to guide you to a table with more girls from their class. Standing at the head of the table, Wendy pointed them all out to you and introduced you to them as if this small step was all that was needed to all now be friends. Smiling at all of them, you found a spot between Bebe and Red and placed your lunch box on the table. </p>
<p>"So", Bebe asked, turning her upper body towards you and resting her chin on the back on her hand. "Where are you from?"</p>
<p>Tucking your strawberry blonde hair behind your ear, you adjusted yourself to sit taller, knowing there would be more questions. "Seattle. We moved after my parents got divorced." </p>
<p>"Oh I'm sorry. How are you liking South Park so far?"</p>
<p>"Its okay I guess. Much quieter. Not nearly as many cars or people. I do miss the water though." You said, remembering how much fun you had at the beaches in the summer. </p>
<p>"We have Stark's Pond, it's really fun. In the winter we skate on it and in the summer we can play in it."</p>
<p>"A pond? Aren't they small?" You asked, thinking back to the marshy ponds filled with frogs back home.</p>
<p>"I guess it could be seen more of a lake, but it's called Stark's Pond." Wendy responded this time, shrugging as she thought of it.</p>
<p>"Hey Jamie, did you move into that blue house over by Token? That's the nice part of town." Heidi asked, turning your attention to the other side of the table.</p>
<p>"Who's Token?" You asked, confused at a strange name.</p>
<p>"That boy over there in the purple shirt." Red said, pointing over at a table where most of the boys from class were sitting. As you turned to look, you saw that all of them were looking at the girls table, the main aim at you. Quickly, so as to look away that much faster, you took note of the boy in purple and recalled seeing him play outside the day you moved in. As you looked away again, you noticed that one set of eyes didn't leave you as the others had when you looked their way. The blue eyes shining past the orange hood. </p>
<p>"Yeah, I guess he might be a neighbor." You answered. Turning to Bebe, who gave off the perception of queen bee of the girls, you lowered your voice to ask her. "Who is the boy in the orange parka?"</p>
<p>Bebe smiled at you without having to look up to see who you meant. Maybe he always wore that coat.</p>
<p>"That's Kenny. He is a big flirt, so dont be surprised if he tries flirting with you too." She said, smirking once more before taking a bite of her apple. </p>
<p>"Why is he still wearing his hood up, it's not that cold in here?" You asked, wondering aloud to yourself as you noticed that he didn't have any food in front of him like the other boys did. </p>
<p>"I don't know, he never takes it off." Red answered this time in a nonchalant manner before returning to her pudding cup. Watching a bit more, you saw him turn again to look at you. This time you just studied him, curiosity stronger than embarrassment. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The rest of the school day went along as the earlier half did. You played red rover with the girls at recess and felt like things wouldn't be too different than it was before. As you grabbed your backpack from your locker, Stan was getting his things as well. As you tried to hide a slight blush you felt tickling your cheeks when you saw him, his friends came over to meet him. </p>
<p>"Hey Stan," Kyle said, flanked by the Cartman kid and Kenny, "wanna come and play video games at my house today?" </p>
<p>"Nah, I'm gonna go hang out with Wendy." Stan said, closing his locker and turning to face the others. </p>
<p>"Dude, so lame." Cartman said, clearly disappointed that Stan wasn't joining them. </p>
<p>"Yeah dude," Kenny's muffled voice added, "she has you totally whipped."</p>
<p>Kyle looked over at Kenny and though you weren't looking, from his tone you heard his confusion. "What's whipped?"</p>
<p>"Its like he is her slave," Kenny answered, then adding in a slightly perverse tone "her love slave."</p>
<p>"Dudes, I'm not whipped," Stan snapped at them, beginning to storm away as you grabbed your last book and zipped it into the bag. The group of boys were already following behind Stan, making more comments of how he was a slave to Wendy and Stan fighting back as you followed them out towards the buses. 

You must have turned the wrong way as you were near the parking lot where parents were picking up kids and began to turn left towards where the buses were waiting when you heard a hard screeching of tires and brakes. As your gaze turned to the sound and your heart kept into your throat, something firm hit you from a different direction than you were expecting. Spinning yourself while still falling, the world in slow motion, you saw a large black van coming too fast to where you had just been walking, but in your place you saw the orange parka with his arms extended in your direction. For a fast moment, you and he locked eyes. You could feel the terror vibrating through your body, knowing it had to be evident in your eyes. But what you saw in his was something opposite. His boldly blue eyes crinkled in the corners as if he was smiling under his hood, and the hint of something else shown for the smallest moment before the van and his head collided, obscuring your vision. 

All this happened in what felt like several minutes, but when you landed on the cement of the sidewalk and felt it scrape against your pants and hands, a scream from behind the van broke into your attention.</p>
<p>"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"</p>
<p>"You bastard!" Responded a second voice. </p>
<p>Barely registering the pain you felt in your body, you scrambled up to race to the front of the van, finding a grizzly scene your young eyes would never be ready for. Laying on the cement in a large pool of dark red blood that was growing large, Kenny was sprawled in unnatural angles with his face up and hood falling open. Despite the fear, you ran over to him. He needed help. He just saved you, you had to help save him. You began screaming for someone to call 911 when you felt your knees buckle, landing in the blood forming under his head. Carefully, you pulled his hood further away from his face to try and see if he was still alive, still breathing. As you did you felt the smallest shudder of breath against the skin of your hand and your eyes locked into his. Seeing his face, even bloodied and scratched, your heart screamed. He was an angel. His full lips smiled at you as he looked at you. The hint she saw in his eyes was back, this time more fully evident. Relief. </p>
<p>"Good." He breathed out, eyes still locked into you as his smile began to fall. Slowly as the sun sets, the steadiness of his eyes gave away to a stare seeing nothing. </p>
<p>"What? No, no, no!! Kenny!! Come back, okay!!! Come back!!!" You felt the words ripping from your throat as tears began to blind your vision and fall. Sirens made a faint appearance to your conscious thoughts as you felt your upper body collapse against his still and growing cold body. He died. He pushed you away and died. And all he thought was good? None of it made any sense! You gripped into the torn fabric of his jacket, tears spilling fast from your eyes as the sirens became deafening. Unable to bear the moment any longer, you stood fast, ripping a piece of his jacket off in your hand in the process, and began running as fast as your legs could push. You heard people shout your name, trying to stop you, but you kept pushing your legs, running from this living nightmare. </p>
<p>An hour later you were still sitting in the backyard in the new patio furniture, soaking the snow under you in the blood that had dried to your clothes from the run. You knew you should go inside. To change and shower. In your right hand, you ran your thumb in circles over the bit of fabric you ripped from your hero. A memento to always remember him by you thought to yourself. The boy who hid his face. Who didn't have food to eat. Who, somehow, gladly sacrificed himself to save a girl he didn't even know. He would always be your hero. And tomorrow, you promised yourself, you would find out if he had any siblings in the school so you could thank them and help them in return however you could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What you didn't know as you had been kneeling over Kenny's dying body, as your tears fell, they had landed into the blood that was flowing from his lips. The last sight he had was you, the last taste was your tears, the last sound your cries of his name. He held those small details as he slipped yet again into nothing, waiting to once again wake up in his cold, dirty room. But you didn't know that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Fabric Scraps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How is it possible? Was it a dream, a nightmare. But no, you could still smell the blood, could feel the fabric in your hand.</p>
<p>(This chapter has a few time jumps. Hopefully it isn't confusing.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You stood at the bus stop, emotionally numb as you felt the cold of the snow seeping through you leather boots. Feet from you stood Token, mindlessly playing on his phone with his headphones in his ears. You considered asking him if he knew what would happen that day, after a boy had died in the school parking lot, but the guilt gripped your tongue. 'He died because of you' your thoughts taunted you. </p>
<p>It had been a long night. You locked yourself in your room after you got the energy to move from the backyard and shower. You peeled the blood soaked pants off your legs and spent the majority of the shower scrubbing your legs raw, crying as Kenny's blood washed off of your skin. Once you felt like you would break your own skin open from scrubbing you left the shower, dressed in warm clothes, grabbed your blood covered clothes and carefully folded them before walking back outside to burn them. You opened the fire pit cover, glad it had kept the pit dry from the snow, dropped the clothes in, poured lighter fluid all over your jeans and jacket and dropped in a match you snatched from the kitchen drawer. As you watched the smoke billow up and out, you clenched the scrap of orange fabric tight, a new wave of tears gripping your eyes and streaming down your cheeks. </p>
<p>You hadn't slept that night, you couldnt get the look of Kenny's eyes as the life in them faded away out of your mind. Every sound was an echo of the thud from his body breaking. Everything smelled like his blood that had pooled under his body and your knees. Your brother had knocked on your door to ask if you were okay, you just told him to go away. He was too young to hear the horror the real world could bring. Your mother didn't even acknowledge your absence, assuming you were throwing another tantrum for moving. You sat curled into a ball on your bed throughout the night and past the sunrise, unmoving until your mother told you to get to the bus.</p>
<p>The sound of the old yellow bus pulled you out of your thoughts and Token moved to get onto the bus, you shuffling slowly behind him. You and he must have been the second or third stop, as there were already 4 other kids on the bus. Glancing up you saw Stan and his green hat friend Kyle on one seat to the left and across from them on the right Cartman, with a orange jacketed boy to his left. Your stomach dropped to your feet as they cemented to the front of the bus. No, this can't be. The hood of the orange jacket turned forward as all the boys looked at you with confusion. Token had made his way to a seat near the front and turned to look at the other boys, trying to see what you were staring at. All the while, in your right jacket pocket, you fingers were intertwined with the bit of orange fabric you kept. Your knees ached from the skin you scrubbed raw. Your nostrils still full of the smell of blood. Yet there he sat, his blue eyes locked on you, like nothing had happened.</p>
<p>"SIT DOWN!" The bus driver screamed from a foot behind you, making you jump and snap you out of your shock. Your mind reeled quickly, running through the facts you could feel and the sight you could see as you fell into the first seat before she yelled again. Behind you, you heard a slight snicker from Cartman.</p>
<p>"Hey, Kenny, I think the new girl likes you."</p>
<p>"Yeah, dude, she was totally staring at you." Kyle encouraged. </p>
<p>"Whatever." Kenny's muffled voice dismissed.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I dont know guys, she looked scared not excited." Stan commented.</p>
<p>"Oh great job Kinney, you scared the new girl, now none of us will have a chance with her." Cartman whined. Though your mind was still trying to process what was happening, you rolled your eyes. Like someone like that fat ass had a chance with you, he was a dick.</p>
<p>"Yeah right fat ass, like she would even be interested in you." Kyle mocked, obviously making fun of Cartman. Cartman exploded in an angry tirade, but you just ignored him. Shoving your fingers into your ears and leaning your head forward to your knees, you blocked everything out. </p>
<p>Okay, you knew it couldnt have been a dream, you never fell asleep. And the fabric from his jacket was still in your pocket. You planned to carry it always, but now it felt like a tether to sanity. You pulled it out of your pocket and quickly examined it, finding on a corner some dried blood stained into it. Further validation. But he was very much alive, sitting a few rows behind you next to his friends. You could hear his muffled laughter as Kyle and Cartman continued arguing. No, there had to be a reason. Maybe the ambulance revived him? Then why was he here and not in the hospital? Why was he not mangled? His clothes looked no different from before the accident, no tears or blood stains. Not even the piece that was missing that you held in your hands was evident on him now. How was this possible. </p>
<p>The bus ride passed by in a blur, arriving at the school with a full load of kids you didn't register ever getting on as your mind was all consumed. As the kids all began to get off, Kenny and his friends walked past you. As Kenny approached, you saw him look at you with an obvious questioning look in his eyes, but never stopping. 'Oh no you dont', you thought to yourself. 'You are not getting away until I know'. </p>
<p>You snatched your bag from beside you and ran to catch up to the group of boys before they entered the school. </p>
<p>"Kenny!" You screamed at him, causing all 4 of them to turn around, shocked at your volume and tone. "How the fuck are you here?!" You threw you bag down, not car in ng if it got wet from the snow and stomped up to him, pointing a finger in his chest. To your right came a scoff.</p>
<p>"Stupid bitch, he was on the bus." Cartman retorted. "You were there too, duh."</p>
<p>Without removing your glare from the deepest blue eyes that held nothing but shock, you raised your other hand and flipped Cartman the bird.</p>
<p>"Guys," Kenny's voice, muffled as always but surprisingly calm. "Go inside, I'm gonna talk to Jamie." He said, shuffling around your angry hands to pick up your bag from the snow. </p>
<p>"Yeah, sure Ken." </p>
<p>"Whatever dude."</p>
<p>"Good luck man."</p>
<p>The other three moved off slowly, nervous for their friend from the clearly wrathful creature you had become. Once they had cleared, Kenny motioned with his head for you to follow him over to one of the side benches and began to walk without your response. </p>
<p>"I spent the whole night crying, thinking you were dead! I had to wash your blood off of me! I watched you die! How the hell are you now suddenly not dead?!" You could feel the venom in your words as you approached the bench he sat at, facing forward as if to deflect your accusations. You stood over him, anger and confusion rolling off of you in waves of heat.</p>
<p>Kenny let out a small sigh, looked at you and lowered his hood, revealing his angelic face that had haunted your mind as well as a headful of messy golden hair. "Because I can't die." He said, his tone as simple as stating a known fact. "Well, I can die, I just dont stay dead." He added, almost as an after thought.</p>
<p>Feeling your knees get weak, you let yourself sink into the bench next to him. You felt like a wall was blocking your thought process, still wanting to cling to the anger that was dulling in your blood. Kenny's words slowly broke down and were examined in your mind, leaving you feel cold and confused as your anger ebbed away. Slowly, you turned your face to him, gazing at his silhouette as he continue to look forward, calm energy radiating off of him. You could feel your mouth open like you wanted to say something, but the attempt at sound died in your throat as you continued to stare at him. You noticed the freckles that scattered across his cheeks and nose, the slow and gentle movement of his breath leaving his nose in the cold air. He turned to face you, his eyes locking into yours with a feeling of hope bursting from them that was nearly tangible to you. </p>
<p>"No one has ever remembered before though. I didn't think you would, otherwise I would have tried to talk to you as soon as I saw you at the bus stop." He said, his eyes fluttered down in shame and embarrassment. </p>
<p>"I..." you felt the shudder in your throat. "I just... I dont... I dont understand. How... how is it that you didn't die?" You felt yourself choke on the last word, remembering again the horrific scene that had happened less than 24 hours prior. </p>
<p>"I dont know. I haven't figured it out. But when I do, the next morning, or sometimes much later, I wake up again in my bed, wearing my jacket, and no one remembers anything. Like all evidence has disappeared." He said, his tone hushed as other kids walked past us on their way inside. </p>
<p>"Not all." You said, pulling out the little bit of fabric you had torn from his jacket when you ran. Opening up your palm, he gazed in amazement at the bit of his parka, stained with his blood, before shaking his head and bolting up from his seat. </p>
<p>"No, this doesnt make sense! Nothing ever stays, no blood or bones, nothing! How do you still have that?!" He demanded, turning sharply to glare at you.</p>
<p>"I ripped it off yesterday. I was crying, and I guess I ripped it when I began to run home. I've had it ever since!" You snapped back at him, feeling as if he was accusing you of something wrong. Like you were messing up his weird, undead routine.</p>
<p>"What else do you remember?" He demanded, stepping closer and now standing in front of you and glaring down. </p>
<p>"I already told you, I was crying than ran home to wash your blood off of me." You were growing angry again at his rudeness, why was he being so harsh?</p>
<p>"No!" He yelled. Then suddenly like a switch, his shoulders slumped and his gaze softened as he sat down again next to you. "No, I mean before you ran. Start at your locker or something, I remember seeing you there. Start there." He said, his tone soft.</p>
<p>"Oh," you felt surprised, did he forget how it happened? Could you really tell a boy how he saved you and in the process killed himself. Could you stomach speaking it all aloud?</p>
<p>"Well, I followed you guys out I guess. Then realized the buses weren't there so i began to make my way to them. Then..." you paused, looking at him, feeling uncertain. </p>
<p>"Its okay, it wont scare me." He encouraged, a small upturn in the corners of his mouth making you feel more at ease. </p>
<p>"Um, well I was walking when I heard a car, then I felt you push me away. I was able to turn and saw you get hit..." you paused, feeling the burn in your throat that always preluded tears. "It was awful, but I saw your face. And you looked calm. Like it was okay..." you heard him release an amused sigh as you kept your eyes down, hoping to win the fight against crying. </p>
<p>"Then I ran over to you, I wanted to help, but you were dying. You looked at me and then said-"</p>
<p>"Good." He cut you off, from your peripheral you could see him nodding in agreement. You turned to face him, unashamed of the red you knew your eyes were turning as the tears finally won the battle, spilling town your cheeks. "I was happy that you didn't get hurt. Dying sucks, it really hurts and I would have been pretty pissed if you still got hurt anyway." He said, looking at you with a slight shrug. </p>
<p>"Well, thank you. For saving my life." You said, feeling like the words could never fully grasp how thankful you were. </p>
<p>"Eh," he waved his hand as to wave you off. "Its okay<br/> Like I said, I dont stay dead. And I'm willing to bet you do. So it was better this way." How could he be so dismissive?</p>
<p>"No!" You replied, your voice now firm with resolve as you stood in front of him, making yourself as tall as your small body could allow. "No, dammit Kenny. You saved my life. You died to save my life. That's not something small! So, I pledge to you, Kenny..." you paused, feeling silly as your voice broke its strength. "Wait, what is your last name?"</p>
<p>"Uh," he looked around, uncertain and confused. "McCormick."</p>
<p>Grasping again for your strongest voice, you began again.</p>
<p>"Kenny McCormick, I pledge to you, that from this moment on I will always help you in anyway I can until the day I die." Pride swelled in your chest as you thrust your hand forward, fingers curled into a fist with only your smallest finger straightened. "I pinky promise."</p>
<p>Kenny sat there, eyeing you with a look that was a mixture of both amusement and amazement. Standing up and squaring his shoulders, he too presented his hand in the same fashion as yours and locked his pinky with yours. </p>
<p>"Deal!" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Over the next few weeks you witnessed Kenny die again and again, always coming back as he had said he would. Sometimes it was the next day, sometimes it was several days. But each time he did, there you would see him in the morning kings, sitting next to his friends as if nothing was different. You wanted to ask Stan or Kyle why Kenny would die so often, but it became apparent very quickly that they never remembered that it had happened at all. Why was it that you were the only one? What had made you special?</p>
<p>After a few days, you had noticed something else that had made him different from the others. You had seen on many occasions that at lunch he wouldn't have anything to eat while he sat with his friends or that if he did, it was nothing but a small granola bar. It was after you noticed that trend that you really looked at him other than his face. You saw the holes in his backpack and shoes. You saw how in gym he didn't have a uniform. You noticed how his orange sweatpants were only long enough to barely touch his exposed ankles. </p>
<p>"Hey, Kenny?" You asked, approaching him one day after school as you made your way to the bus.</p>
<p>"Yeah what's up, Jamie?" He asked, his voice muffled, wearing his hood up like he always did around almost everyone. </p>
<p>"I wanted to ask you something, but I'm nervous you will get mad." You said, nerves making your voice small and weak to even your ears. </p>
<p>"Why would I get mad? What is it" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed, showing his concern through the little you could see. </p>
<p>"Well," you began, fidgeting with your fingers in a way similar to the kid Butters when you saw him nervous. "I couldnt help but notice that... well..... you dont seem to have food every day or things that dont have holes in them..." you said slowly, trying to gauge his reaction by staring at his feet, shame preventing you from looking higher. </p>
<p>"Yeah, so?" He asked, you could hear the anger bubbling underneath. Before you lost your nerve, you spilled out your idea. </p>
<p>"In honor of my pledge I would like I share my lunch with you and give you half of my weekly allowance to help with whatever else you need." You said all very fast and with one quick breath, snapping your head up to look at Kenny. You were expecting to see annoyance, anger, maybe even shame. Instead, the bit of his face visible showed surprise.</p>
<p>"Really? Half of your allowance?"</p>
<p>"Yes," you answered, nodding your head as to further answer. </p>
<p>"Because I have a little sister Karen. And I really want to get her a new jacket. The one she has is too small, she cant even zip it up anymore. And Kevin hasn't had a blanket for his bed in months.." He said, looking away as if he were contemplating with himself. You just watched him as he continued to mumble under his breath, listing other things he would purchase for his brother and sister with extra money. You felt a sensation spill from him as you watched, as if you could only now understand this about him. He was truly selfless when it came to things that mattered most. </p>
<p>He snapped back to you with the corners of his eyes crinkled and his freckled cheeks lifted, bringing a smile to your face as well. </p>
<p>"Thank you, Jamie, I accept." He brought his mittened hand forward and you shook hands on this new agreement. </p>
<p>Since then, every morning you would make and pack a second lunch, Dennis unaware of your actions and your mother uncaring. Every Friday after school when your allowance was placed on your bed along with a note your mother would leave before she too would leave (be good, mommy loves you, see you on Monday). Then come Monday morning you would slip an envelope with Kenny's half into his locker. Slowly as the weeks went on you would see an older boy smile more as he would say hi to Kenny in the hallway as they would pass each other as well as a kindergartner girl smile brightly as Kenny would bring a piece of the lunch you brought to her. Even after a few weeks you saw that Kenny no longer wore the ratty old shoes but new sneakers as he walked with less of a limp. </p>
<p>It all made your heart feel warmer. You didn't need that extra money from your mother or your father. Your love couldn't be bought. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>As your friendship with Kenny continued to grow, you found more silly and fun ways to help him with what he needed or wanted. One time he came to you with a piece of paper in hand and a serious look on his face. </p>
<p>"Jamie, I need your help with something." He said, looking around as if nervous to be heard.</p>
<p>"What is it, is it okay?" You asked, feeling nervous as well from the energy he began to give off. </p>
<p>"Follow me," he said, grabbing you by your elbow and pulling you around the corner and away from the occupied lockers. Glancing again behind you, he then turned the paper in front of you with a sketch of a person on it. The person wore a gray jumpsuit with a purple hooded cloak with a green question mark floating over his head. On his face was a black mask and he was posed as if he would be in a fight. Above the drawing was the word "Mysterion".</p>
<p>"What is this?" You asked as you looked at his excited face. </p>
<p>"I'm going to be a super hero!" He whispered with enthusiasm. </p>
<p>"What? Kenny, you aren't a super hero." You a laugh tickle your chest as you realized what the drawing was of as you handed him the paper back. </p>
<p>"What are you talking about? I could totally be a super hero!" He retorted. "I have a super power, I might as well use it!"</p>
<p>Swallowing the laugh you could still feel threatening to spill out, you shook your head in defeat. "Okay, fine, you van be a super hero. What do you need me for? I dont have super powers." </p>
<p>"Costume." He said with a shrug, as if the answer was obvious. "I need help with the costume. I sucked at sewing when I took home ec-"</p>
<p>"You took home ec?" The laugh finally burst from you. </p>
<p>"Not the point," he brushed off. "And I know you can do it because I've seen how you have stitched together your ripped jacket that one day when you fell at recess. So please, can you help me with the costume?"</p>
<p>Damn, he had a point. But you had one small suggestion to his costume idea...</p>
<p>"Fine, I'll help. But you know all super heroes wear their underwear on the outside? Like Superman you know?" You felt the sarcasm try to slip past your lips but you kept your tone from breaking. His face shifted into one of contemplation as he weighed your words, you waiting on bated breath.</p>
<p>"Hmm, that is true. Okay, I could probably do that." He said, smiling at you and grabbing the drawing back. </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>You had thought the superhero costume would be the only one he asked for you to help him with, especially after he was arrested for vigilantism. But not long after that he approached you with a shy "Hey."</p>
<p>"Hey, Ken, what's new buddy?"</p>
<p>"Well, the guys are planning on playing Game of Thrones."</p>
<p>"You mean like the show?" You asked, feeling like that was maybe a bit too grown up for 4th graders.</p>
<p>"Yeah, totally like the show!" He said, excitement shaking off of him. "Anyway, the guys all already have their costumes from when I was dead before so I need one too. But..." he hesitated, his shy demeanor returning.</p>
<p>"But what? Do you need me to sew that one too? We can go get the fabric later after school." Trying to guess to ease his tension. It was always easy for you to guess his moods, even if you couldnt see his full face all the time.</p>
<p>"No, it's not that." He answered, gluing his eyes down the the floor and shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "Its just, the kind of outfit and character I want to be... is a little different..."</p>
<p>"Different how?" You asked, feeling nervous now too as his mood seemed to melt into you. Finally, he released a sigh and looked up to you with shy eyes.</p>
<p>"I want to be Princess Kenny." Before you could really comprehend the meaning of his words he added in a quick breath, "I could use one of your old dresses and make some slight changes to it so I don't need too much help, but I would also need a little makeup so I dont still look so much like a boy and it would be amazing if you could help me so I could be a princess...."</p>
<p>"Uh, yeah." You thought he looked nervous so you added as the thought came to you. "I actually have a dress that would fit and look cute on you."</p>
<p>"Really?" Excitement blossomed in his eyes, making them sparkle in a way you hadn't seen before. "Cuz its gonna be so funny when I show up as a pretty princess!" </p>
<p>"You know, it would be really funny, but I will make sure you are a pretty princess." You added with a flair to your words, feeling the joke would definitely confuse the other guys.</p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Though Kenny and you had grown close and you could share in with his silly adventures with his friends, there was a more casual and honest feeling to your friendship than you had with anyone else. Maybe it was because you knew his secrets. You were there to cry at his funerals and to hug him when he would return. You watched with joy as he and his siblings began to look less underfed and healthy. You would even gather up the clothes you would outgrow as you aged to give to Karen, who after several months Kenny felt comfortable enough to introduce you to her when he finally invited you to his home. Seeing the home he lived in and sad conditions he and his siblings had to grow in, you added another silent piece to your vow to him. You would also be there to take care of his sister and brother.</p>
<p>"Hey, weird question," you found yourself asking one day while playing cards in his room with his sister. "Do you have an outlet in your closet?"</p>
<p>He looked up from his NASCAR magazine he was reading from on his bed with a confused expression. He had taken to wearing his hood down more often when you and he were hanging out alone, he wasnt embarrassed of the dirt that was always on his face from the lack of clean water. You knew it wasnt something he had control over and that he was too proud for the ridicule his other friends would give him. </p>
<p>"Uh, yeah I think there is actually. Why?"</p>
<p>Glancing at the sweet girl who was winning in your game of Go Fish (which of course you were throwing to give her more confidence), you answered, "let's put a mini fridge and microwave in there."</p>
<p>Kenny sat up quickly, dropping his magazine completely and Karen too dropped her playing cards in surprise. </p>
<p>"Wait, what? Are you serious?" He glanced quick at Karen, who was fast lighting up with a smile as she realized that it would mean more food that her parents wouldn't selfishly eat while high.</p>
<p>"Kenny! We can have our own secret food! It will be like we are grown ups!" Karen squealed, running over to him and jumping on his bed with her excitement. Watching her jump for joy seemed to make the decision for him as he turned to you with a small, defeated smile.</p>
<p>"Yeah I guess. But I'm picking it out, we dont need the most expensive thing." He said, pointing at you to try and regain some control.</p>
<p>"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, Kenneth." You smirked. You knew when it came to keeping Karen happy, you could get him to agree to anything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Heartaches and Hips Shake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Time passes, everyone grows and changes. But the growth that comes wasn't one you were expecting. </p>
<p>(Time jumps, more mature content. Had to rewrite this chapter, it deleted itself when halfway through. Is a longer chapter, so have fun!)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Middle school brought new challenges for you. Your mother was never much of a permanent figure, leaving you to act as parent for Dennis. Kenny would often come over with Karen and help you with the cooking and cleaning. You liked to pretend to be the grown ups taking care of the kids, he was the dad and you were the mom.</p>
<p>One night, as the 4 of you were heading to the school for Karen's school play, you could sense something troubling Kenny. As Karen and Dennis skipped and walked ahead, you nudged him with your elbow.</p>
<p>"Hey, what's up? You okay?". His shoulders slumped.</p>
<p>"Yeah, just thinking."</p>
<p>"About?"</p>
<p>He let out a sigh and turned his face towards you, "My folks."</p>
<p>"Oh." You felt awkward. Yes, your home life was as shitty as most of the kids in town, but his was one of the worst. You looked at his eyes and brows, the only bit visible as he usually wore in public, seeing them furrowed in a contemplative frown.</p>
<p>"Do you think I'll grow up to be just as bad as them?"</p>
<p>"No way!" You felt shocked; how could he ever worry about that? "You will be such a better parent than they could ever attempt to be, Ken. Seriously. How you are with Karen just proves that." You said, looping your arm into his as he continued to walk with his hands in his jacket pockets. You noticed the jacket was looking smaller on him.</p>
<p>"We need to get you a new jacket." You joked, bringing a small chuckle from him.</p>
<p>"I like this jacket. I always wake up in it when I come back."</p>
<p>"Kenny!" Karen suddenly called, sounding frightened. You both snapped your heads up to see what was wrong, seeing that you had made it to the school lot and the dingy brown truck had pulled into a spot close by. Seeing Kenny's parents get out of the car and his father come walking towards your small group, you scooped Dennis up into your arms, grabbed Karen's hand and continued toward the school.</p>
<p>"I'll see you inside," you said as Kenny nodded back at you. You didn't like leaving him like that with his parents alone, but you knew he would want you to take Karen away from the anger you could see billowing from Mr. McCormick.</p>
<p>"Come on Karen, I'll bring you to your teacher." You said to her as she continues her to stare after her brother.</p>
<p>"But Kenny." She whimpered.</p>
<p>"He will be okay, I promise. It will be okay." You walked into the elementary school and guided Karen to her classroom. You gave her a hug and told her you would find a seat so she could see you, you turned and bumped into a green hatted boy.</p>
<p>"Ow, oh." Kyle grabbed your shoulder, steadying you from falling as you were already off balance with Dennis on your hip. "Hey Jamie. What are you doing here?" He asked.</p>
<p>"Kenny and I were walking Karen here for her school play." You said, tilting your head towards her classroom. He glanced over your shoulder as Stan came up from behind him.</p>
<p>"Hey Jamie." Stan greeted you with a smile. You again felt your heart flutter as you looked at him, his clear eyes and creamy skin.</p>
<p>"Hey." You began to feel shy.</p>
<p>"Where is Kenny?" Kyle asked. He must have been trying to look for him.</p>
<p>"Uh," you faltered, remembering the look on his dad's face. "He might still be outside with his parents..."</p>
<p>Stan and Kyle exchanged a quick, nervous look before turning back to you with false calm smiles. They must know something you didn't.</p>
<p>"Well then," Kyle said, rubbing his hands together, "let's go find some seats. Ike's class has their show right before Karen's and I'm sure Kenny wont miss it." He turned away and began walking down the hall with that strained smile again.</p>
<p>Stan stayed, his smile breaking away as you looked at him with worried confusion. Before you could question him Stan turned his attention to your brother as he clung to your side.</p>
<p>"Is this your little brother you told us about?" He said, leaning forward to smile at Dennis, who in turned his his face in your shoulder and wiggled in your arms.</p>
<p>"Yeah, this is Dennis," you smiled then adding in a whisper, "he can be shy with strangers."</p>
<p>"I'm not a stranger anymore. Hi Dennis, I'm Stan. I'm a friend of your sister's." Stan smiled and offered his hand forward. You felt Dennis shift to look at him and offered his small hand to shake with Stan. Continuing to give his attention to your brother, he spoke again. "Let's go find a spot to watch the show, huh?"</p>
<p>As you followed Stan, you continued to look around for the tell tale orange of Kenny's hood. Still no where, but you did see the red hair of his mother near the back door. She didn't have her husband or son with her though. A nervous knot twisted in your stomach. As you sat next to Stan and put Dennis in the seat to your other side, you turned to Stan and whispered with a tone as serious as you could muster with him as close as he was.</p>
<p>"Okay, what's going on? You know something about Kenny." His eyes darted around before connecting with your as if he were seeking an answer from the air. He let our a sigh, slumping his shoulders.</p>
<p>"His dad has been drinking a lot more. Some of us have noticed some bruises on his arms in the locker room but he wont tell us what hes doing to him."</p>
<p>Your stomach dropped through your chair.</p>
<p>"I need to find him." You began to stand up, but Stan grabbed your arm and forced you to sit down, leaning in closer so that his breath was against your face. Even despite your fear for Kenny, your mind spun as you could smell and nearly taste Stan with the closeness.</p>
<p>"Are you crazy", his tone now serious as well as frightened. "If it isn't safe for Kenny, how can it be safe for you? You would just make it worse..." he ended and frowned with his eyes cast down. Your stomach twisted and acid filled your throat and made you feel nauseous. Seeing how bad you were feeling, Stan reached over and took your hand in his. Your heart felt like screaming.</p>
<p>"Don't worry, he would want us to keep you, your brother and Karen safe. So that's what we will do." Stan whispered to you, squeezing your hand in reassurance before letting go. Oh, it was a friendly protective move he was doing. Of course, as he was still with Wendy, he wouldn't be holding your hand because he liked you. You brushed that feeling away and went back to trying to focus on the small kids do their little shows.</p>
<p>Once the lights all went up, you bolted from your chair and spun, eyeing the crowd to see if you could see Kenny, but now even his mom's red hair wasn't visible. You turned to Dennis, grabbed his hand and placed it in Stan's as he watched your worry growing.</p>
<p>"Watch Dennis for a moment?" You asked, your speech rushed with stress.</p>
<p>"Yeah." He replied as you began pushing your way through the bodies making their way through the doors. You moved as quickly as you could to Karen's classroom, hoping to find her there and then as well Kenny, but no sight of either of them. Fear began to seize your muscles as you turned and ran to the lot, hoping to still see the rusty old truck but no sight of it anymore either. Defeated, you felt your heart pounding and your muscles shake as a hand gently landed on your shoulder, making you jump and spin around. Stan was standing, Dennis on his shoulders with a huge smile on his face, and offered his arms for you to fall into. Shy, you allowed yourself to be hugged quickly as he whispered into your ear, breath warm against your neck.</p>
<p>"It will be okay, we will see him in the morning, I promise." He leaned back and let go of you, grabbing Dennis's ankles to keep him from falling away. "Let me walk you guys home." He said, smiling as though all was fine.</p>
<p>You took a moment to breath, still nervous for Kenny, but excited for some alone time with Stan for the first time ever. You allowed a small smile as you looked him and replied "okay, thanks."</p>
<p>The walk home had scatterings of casual conversation about a new video game everyone was playing against each other, Cartman's latest stunt that had left him with a broken leg and school suspension and some slight gossip sharing. He had told you that Token had broken up with Nicole, which you had already known as you were friends with Nicole, but he informed you that Kyle was planning on asking her out.</p>
<p>"No!" You nearly shouted as Stan jumped slightly to your reaction. "He cant do that! At least not yet!"</p>
<p>"What? Why?" He asked. You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the ignorance of boys sometimes.</p>
<p>"Well duh, she is vulnerable right now and would only say yes to make Token jealous." You stated the obvious. "If Kyle really likes her and doesn't want to be used as a tool for her to get Token back, he needs to wait a few weeks. That way her mind is clear." You told him, watching the knowledge get absorbed as he took in your words.</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>Feeling like this wouldn't help much when he would obviously report back to Kyle this info, you added, "Nicole does like Kyle. I remember a sleepover once where she was dated to name a boy she would date other than Token and she totally said it would be Kyle." Stan's eyes perked up, excited for his friend. "He just has to wait a bit longer. Of course he could always begin to flirt with small gestures, to help secure a place when time comes."</p>
<p>"Yeah, that could totally work!" He said, smiling and pulling his phone out as he began to text a message to Kyle. Dang, he worked fast.</p>
<p>Seeing his phone, you thought to pull out yours to see if Kenny had called. He still didn't have a phone but you were planning on getting him one on your family line as a Christmas gift, you knew you could sneak it without notice, because you knew he would decline unless you snuck it as a gift. His pride was the biggest hurdle you had when you wanted to get him something. Stan glanced at you staring at your phone with no new notifications.</p>
<p>"He will call, he's probably waiting for his parents to go to bed or something." Stan said as he pulled Dennis down from his shoulders. You had made it to the front steps to your house and Dennis began jumping up the steps and counting each one. You sighed as you watched him, remembering how easy life had been when that young.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I hope so." You said as you pocketed your phone and turned to smile at Stan. As you locked eyes you felt a blush flush your face, making you turn away for a moment. He moved at the same time, nearly mirroring your movements, which you didnt understand. Gulping confidence, you faced him again.</p>
<p>"So," you said, searching for words. "Thanks again, for walking us home."</p>
<p>"Yeah, of course, any time!" He said, voice higher than it was a minute ago as he bounced on the balls of his feet. Why was he so fidgety now?</p>
<p>You both stood silently, avoiding looking at each other when Dennis impatiently called out from behind you, "Jamie, I'm hungry!"</p>
<p>"Well, good night." You said, turning away with a deeper blush than before.</p>
<p>"You too." You heard him say before the sounds of his shoes on the sidewalk began walking away.</p>
<p>Later that night you were sitting in your bed, occasionally glancing at your phone as if it was about to start going off with the ringtone Kenny had set for when he calls. When he chose "I'm Too Sexy", you argued that it would make people thing you two were a thing but he just countered with the fact he made it the ring tone for him in everyone's phone because, as he said, it was "truly about him". You glanced from your book, to your phone, to your clock in a pattern that began to make you feel dizzy as it ticked closer to midnight.</p>
<p>Tap tap tap. It sounded from your window, making you jump and let out a small yelp. Grabbing your softball bat from where it leaned, you made your way over and opened the curtains. Looking in was a hooded figure that you recognized immediately and you threw the window open.</p>
<p>"Kenny, what the fuck?!" You nearly screamed, grabbing him from under his shoulders and pulled him in as he continued climbing through.</p>
<p>"I realized I've never done that. I highly recommend it." He laughed, but you could hear something off. He began to stand and you fully took in his appearance. You could see fresh blood spotted on his jacket as well as large smudges of grime. Hood still up, he kept his face down so you couldn't see him. You took a step forward and began to lift his hood when his hand grabbed yours, stopping it. The knuckles were broken open and slightly bleeding.</p>
<p>"Kenny," you said softly and his grip loosened. You continued to pull his hood off, seeing matted blood in his hair around his face as well as new cuts, swelling around his left eye, his lower lip was busted and you could see one of his teeth had been broken. You gasped at his broken appearance and dove in to hug him but the moment your arms wrapped around him he winced in pain.</p>
<p>"I think he cracked some ribs," he said, holding his side and slumping to sit on your bed.</p>
<p>"Hold on," you said, running to the hallway bathroom to grab first aid supplies. You returned with things to clean his wounds, band aids and an ice pack for his ribs. You gently helped him out of his jacket and lifted his shirt to see the swelling and bruising that was forming over his right side. Gently, you touched and prodded his ribs, he inhaled sharply each time, but you assured him that they didn't feel broken. You got to cleaning his cuts as he stared forward, lips tight and eyes burning.</p>
<p>"What happened Kenny?" He turned his eyes away, lips tighter. You tried again. "After I got Karen inside I couldn't find you. I looked but Stan-"</p>
<p>"You were with Stan?" He cut you off, eyes now sharp on you.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I ran into him and Kyle. Quite literally." You chuckled. "Stan told me they have seen bruises on you." You said softly, his eyes looking away again. "After the show I couldn't find you or Karen, I've been worried sick. Stan walked us home." Again his eyes rounded on you.</p>
<p>"Why did he walk you home?" Why was he upset, Stan is his friend too.</p>
<p>"He said you would have wanted him to make sure we were okay." You said, shrugging it off as he once again glared away from you. Frustrated, you knelt down in front of him with your arms on his knees. You looked at you with surprise at your sudden movement.</p>
<p>"Tell me what happened, or I'm calling the police." You demanded. He began shaking his hands, eyes scared.</p>
<p>"No, please don't! They just send us away for a while and nothing ever comes from it. Please don't!" You glared at him this time as he gently laid down on your bed, feet hanging off the side.</p>
<p>"Dad saw us walking together. He thinks we are together and when I told him we weren't and that we were friends, he started calling me a fag. Saying I must be a fairy if I wasn't "trying to hit that"." He added air quotes on his father's words. You stomach churned at what his dad was trying to imply.</p>
<p>"What the f... dude, we're 12!" I could hear the disgust and shock in my voice.</p>
<p>"Hes perverse. I kept trying to get him to back off, that I wasn't gay, but he wouldn't let up.... I hit him first." He said, covering his face in his hands. You crawled into you bed to lay next to him on your side, trying to help him. Your hand touched his bruised arm gently and you felt the warmth of the skin as well as a strange pain that shot through your fingers and hand. It was small, but shocking enough for you to let go. Kenny looked at you for a moment but you quickly shifted your face to hide what happened. Not the time to worry about you.</p>
<p>"He did all of this to you?" You asked and he nodded slowly.</p>
<p>"I should have known better than to try and fight. Once I was on the ground and he was kicking, I aimed another punch that got him to stop long enough for me to run." A tear had formed in the corner of his eye and began to fall toward his ear.</p>
<p>"I thought about jumping off the bridge. Letting myself die. Ending this pain quick and easy. Waking up with only the memory of the pain." The words he spoke each felt like a sharp knife to your chest and head. He would willingly die. Knowing it could take days to come back. Leaving you alone. Tears began to spill down your cheeks. He turned to face you, eyes filled with pain. "I stayed there for so long, debating. Then I came here." He said, lifting his hand to brush away some of your tears. "I didn't want you scared. And i knew i would be safe here." A sob broke through your throat as you gently laid your head on his uninjured side.</p>
<p>"Kenny, please, " you cried, "don't ever die on purpose. You matter to so many of us, I wish you could see the pain everyone has when you are gone. Please, stay!" You sobbed into his worn Zeppelin shirt, grabbing into it as if you could hold him to the earth forever. "You're my best friend."</p>
<p>He moved his arm to hug you close. "You're my best friend too Jamie." He began to kick off his boots and you let him shift himself slowly and carefully so as to get more comfortable. You pulled a blanket over him and grabbed another one from the foot of your bed and dropped it to the floor, walking toward a large teddy bear in the corner of your room.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" He asked from his relaxed position.</p>
<p>"Making myself a bed, my teddy is super soft." You said as if it were obvious.</p>
<p>"Don't be stupid," he said, patting the other side of your bed that he had left open, "get your ass in here."</p>
<p>You stopped and eyed him suspiciously, arms crossing over your chest. Seeing your glare he smiled sweetly and placed his hands in a prayer formation.</p>
<p>"Not trying anything, I swear." Though you thought you saw a small gleam of mischief in his eyes, you dropped your arms and rolled your eyes, climbing into bed and using a separate blanket to keep your bodies apart.</p>
<p>"You better not." You said, reaching up to turn off your light. In the darkness you heard his gentle voice wish you good night. You allowed your eyes to flutter shut, being pulled into sleep as you finally felt like Kenny was okay. As you drifted to sleep, you didn't feel Kenny brush a strand of hair from your face and he cupped your cheek, a small smile relaxed his face.</p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>After the first night Kenny had shown up bruised and bloody, you told him that in order to keep your promise to him you would be giving him a spare key to your front door so he could come over anytime he felt he or Karen were unsafe. He didn't like this idea at first, stating that if the other guys noticed a new key and found out that they might assume the worst and make it a game of taunting you and that he was fine climbing up the old rose trundle that led to your window. You countered his argument that if he died on his way up to your window it defeated the purpose of him being safe, therefore winning the argument. Kenny decided to keep your key around his neck as a necklace so that it wasn't mixed in with his bike key and his own house key. As the summer between middle school and high school loomed closer, so did your friendship with Kenny due to late night conversations when normal daylight filters left your minds. Sometimes you would ask him to sing for you, listening to his classically trained voice sweep across the room like a bird taking flight, other times you and he would share more philosophical ideas and thoughts. He told you of the times he would be in Heaven and in Hell, what it had felt like to be trapped inside Cartman's body and of the times he and his friends had gone into outer space. You felt like he had lived through some of the most interesting, terrifying and beautiful things and when you would try to tell him that maybe his curse wasn't exactly a curse, he would scoff and change subjects.</p>
<p>A night came where you had a slight idea that you were nervous to bring up and as you made dinner for Dennis, Kenny and yourself, Kenny tossed a wadded up ball of paper to the back of your head.</p>
<p>"Hey space case, the water is about to boil over." He shouted to you, having brought your mind back to the present instead of what you had been dreading all day.</p>
<p>"Oh shit shit!" You grabbed the handle of the pot and moved it to the cool burner before the water began to spill over and you could hear Dennis giggle from the table.</p>
<p>"Hey," you yelled to your brother. "You are supposed to be copying those letters to show your teacher tomorrow!" Dennis was copying down sentences she had written down for him so that it could be seen that his writing was severely different from hers as his homework for Mr. Garrison, who had resumed teaching Kindergarten that school year.</p>
<p>"You okay James? You seem off." Kenny asked, having moved to your side and handing you a glass of water. It always surprised you how he knew that when you were upset your mouth would get dry. You gulped it down, turning to face him and aimed a glance in Dennis's direction.</p>
<p>"I just have an idea..." you let the words hang in the air as he looked at you expectantly. "About how we can look into your 'super power'." You added in quotes, watching his brows furrow together and a slight frown turn down the corners of his mouth.</p>
<p>"It has something to do with a cult, so I don't really want to learn anymore about it. The last time I got close it blew up in my face." He said, turning away and walking back to the table where he had been helping Dennis with holding his pencil and tracing lines and curves.</p>
<p>"I know it did," you said, remembering the horrifying time when Cartman had paired up with the monster Cthultu and went on a killing rampage. You remember how Kenny and his friends who were all playing super hero had been banished into a dark dimension and you were never more scared in your life, unsure if you would ever see your friends again. "I just think that maybe you went about looking in a wrong direction. You went spiritually, magic link. Maybe the answer could be found with science instead." you suggested as you scooped up the pasta dish into individual bowls and walked them to the table.</p>
<p>"Look Jamie, I did all the letters!" Dennis cheered, holding the paper up crooked to show off his work.</p>
<p>"That's awesome little dude! Here, eat up." you placed the bowl in front of him and ruffled his hair, pulling his completed homework away before he could get noodles on it.</p>
<p>"Meaning?" Kenny asked, mouthful of noodles as he watched you put the paper in Dennis's backpack and grabbed your bowl.</p>
<p>"Well, Dr. Mephesto is really smart at looking into DNA." You shrugged, trying to not give away how much you were placing your hopes in this theory. "Maybe he might be able to see if there is something in your DNA that could explain it. Maybe just one small thing."</p>
<p>You looked at Kenny, hoping to see him contemplating the idea, instead you saw his eyes widen and mouth open in shock, noodles pouring from his mouth.</p>
<p>"My DNA? Oh my God, what if Karen has it then too?! Has she been going through the same thing and we don't know?! I need to talk to her!" He began jumping from his seat, ripping his coat from the back of his chair. You ran to him, hands against his chest to stop him from sprinting away into the night.</p>
<p>"No! Calm down! I imagine if that were the case she would have tried to tell someone by now right?" you said, trying to calm his panic as he continued pulling his jacket on. "Besides, we don't even know if it is! It's just a theory, like I said." He began to settle, his shoulders relaxing and you could feel his breath slowing down against your hands.</p>
<p>"Yeah I guess." He slumped back to the table, forking up the bite he was halfway through and lifting to his mouth again.</p>
<p>"I was thinking also, that if it is there, if it can be found and focused. Because I was thinking of something you said a while ago.." You continued, getting to your main worry. You fully doubted this was something he would need to worry about for several years, but you couldn't help but consider it when you watched how Kenny would play and help with Karen and Dennis. You could tell he would someday want to be a dad. A real dad, not just a man who fathered a child.</p>
<p>"Okay, should I be more worried then?" He asked, watching you chew on your thumbnail.</p>
<p>"Well, if it is in your genes, you could possibly pass it on someday." You said, choosing your words slowly and delicately. Though you could watch the words process in him, you felt a rock in your stomach. He couldn't live with himself if someone else had to live the way he did, constantly dying from freak accidents, suffering the pain of death over and over only to come back to someday do it all again. His face fell, eyes becoming glazed over.</p>
<p>"I won't let that happen." He said, his tone somber and final. Even Dennis seemed surprised by this side of Kenny, turning to him and patting him on the shoulder.</p>
<p>"It's okay Kenny, everything is okay." Dennis said, smiling with noodles dangling from his teeth. Kenny snorted out a small laugh.</p>
<p>"Your right buddy, it's all good."</p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>In the final week of middle school, you were in your room studying for your last final for the next day when you heard your door open behind you and shuffled footsteps against your carpet. Without looking up, as you of course knew who it was from the walking pattern, you greeted your guest.</p>
<p>"What's wrong now Kenny?" You heard him plop down on your bed with a groan. You could tell from his shuffled steps, silent entry and now from the groan it was in face a problem. You spun around in your chair, facing him as he was laying in your blankets and mumbling something you couldn't hear. Slight annoyance shifted you from your seat, walking over to him and pushed to roll him over onto his back.</p>
<p>"You're gonna have to repeat that, my mattress isn't the best listener." You said, looking at his saddened eyes. Normally a lovely deep blue like an evening sky, they now were dull and flat, making your heart feel as sad as his was at the time. He frowned up at you.</p>
<p>"I'm so confused." He whimpered, bringing up confusion in yourself as to what that could even mean.</p>
<p>"Confused about what? Our science final for tomorrow? Because i'm going over notes for that now-"</p>
<p>"Not that kind of confused!" He whined louder, then adding as if it were a side thought. "Though I'm not very confident on that either. No!" He began again firmly. "No, I'm so confused about.... Ugh, I don't even know how to start." He began to roll himself over again, reminding you of a hot dog in a convenience store.</p>
<p>"No," you said, forcing him over again. "Just start from where your thoughts started, I'm sure I will catch up." You tried to encourage him as he continued to pout, avoiding your gaze.</p>
<p>"It's Butters." A single tear broke through his eyes. Oh. About time he could see it.</p>
<p>"You mean," You said softly, trying to not scare him away from his realization, "how you are kinda in love with him?"</p>
<p>Kenny jumped up so fast he nearly bashed his face into yours and began pacing around your room.</p>
<p>"I didn't say that! Ever since I went with him on his Hawaii trip 4 years ago he and I have been friends and he can be so kind and innocent. So different from everyone else in this shit town. I feel like if I'm not with a girlfriend or you, I'm trying to spend time with him. And then sometimes I'll think of when we dressed him up as Marjorine and something just happens to-"</p>
<p>"Stop! I so do not want to hear about your jack off sessions dude, one time was too many." A quick flashing memory of the time you walked into his room one day without knocking and you found him with his pants around his ankles and a Playboy in hand was disturbing enough, you really couldn't handle what else he thought of while doing that.</p>
<p>"Ugh, not just that kind of something. Like I just want to hold him. But I'm not gay, I still totally love chicks, so I don't know what I'm doing, what this means." He said, running his hands through his hair in frustration. You smiled at him, pity for this boy filling you as you stood and walked over to him, taking his hands down to hold them.</p>
<p>"Kenny, sweetie, I'm going to tell you something about yourself that I figured out, like, 2 years ago, okay?" He stared at you, eyes showing his desperation. "You are what is known as a pansexual. Basically, you are attracted to people no matter if they are boy or girl. You follow your heart blindly. Your heart doesn't care about gender." You let the silence that followed settle, dropping his hands as he had become very still, and moved back to your desk. You hoped this would show to him that it wasn't a big deal and didn't change how you saw him, but you began to get worried after 3 minutes and he still hadn't moved. "Ken?"</p>
<p>Finally his statue imitation ended as he turned his head to you and a large exhale of air came from him.</p>
<p>"You're right." He said softly.</p>
<p>"Of course I am." You could see the humor break his shocked face, softening it back to his usually relaxed and somewhat cocky expression.</p>
<p>"How did you know." He asked, slowly moving to sit on your floor and lean against your large teddy bear.</p>
<p>"I have eyes." you answered flatly, turning back to your science notes.</p>
<p>"Does that mean other people could tell?" you could hear the worry flowing under his words.</p>
<p>"Dude, this town is full of morons, they wouldn't notice a spotted flying hippo if it was eating them. You remember the ManBearPig shit?" your voice was dripping in both sarcasm and disdain. You had to get out of here before you became as idiotic as the adults were.</p>
<p>"So..." he paused. "What should I do?" he said, playing with his bootlace as you rotated to again look at him, this time feeling more excitement as you knew exactly what he should do.</p>
<p>"You silly boy," you teased. "You call Butters and tell him how you feel. My eyes didn't just see you, you know." He just stared at you, either confused about what you were implying or internally denying that Butters could like him in return. You sighed, you always had to be blunt with this boy when it came to himself.</p>
<p>"Butters has been staring at you just as much as you have been staring at him. You both happen to turn at the same time." You shrugged, adding to make the point clear. "He wants you. So go and get him." He beamed up at you, jumping up off your floor and running to you, grabbing you with a quick hug and planted a quick kiss to your cheek.</p>
<p>"You're the best James!" he shouted as he ran from your room and down the stairs. You turned back to your notes as you heard him slam the door and you chuckled.</p>
<p>"You're damn right I am." you mumbled to yourself.</p>
<p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>After that night Butters had become as regular a house guest as Kenny was. Butters had an innocent and joyful energy about him that was infectious, Dennis quickly latching to him like he was both Santa and the Easter Bunny in one. Something else you noticed about Butters influence was how much happier Kenny was, how much less he would randomly die. You had given it thought and decided now was a good enough time as any to tell him something you had been feeling for a long time, with him being a happier version of himself.</p>
<p>"Hey Kenny, can I talk to you?" You asked as he was cheering on Butters and Dennis as they played video games in the living room.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he stood up, gave Butters a small kiss on the top of his short blonde hair and followed you to the stairs. You sat down halfway up the staircase, not wanting to be too far in case Dennis or Butters needed something. Butters was still learning the house, but he was polite about his search for things in the kitchen and for extra blankets in the closet, quick to apologize. "What's up?" Kenny asked, leaning against the handrail a few steps down from you.</p>
<p>"I need to tell you something, and it might be... freaky." You said, trying to find a close enough word to terrifying, horrific, or disturbing without giving away the fact it was scary.</p>
<p>"I can handle freaky, I'm immortal." He joked, giving you a reassuring smile. You felt a grimace tighten your expression.</p>
<p>"About that... For a while now, though I didn't put it together for a few years, I don't know if it was because I was still young or just wasn't paying attention to the details, anyway," you could feel yourself stalling as his eyebrows raised questioningly. "Um, when you die, however way it was, I know it happens. Not like something stupid like psychic or anything. I know...." You stalled, the worst bit having a light shone on it despite hiding in shadows for years.</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Kenny egged you on, very curious as to what it could be. When it came to this, he was always serious.</p>
<p>You sighed and closed your eyes to avoid watching the heartache you knew would happen.</p>
<p>"I know, because I can feel it happen to me too. Not painful enough that I'm damaged, just enough to cause pain and discomfort." You squeezed your eyes tighter, the tension that just exploded from Kenny large enough that you could taste it. It reminded you of the times he would commit suicide, always a lingering taste of iron and salt, reminding you of blood and tears. The ones when he would shoot himself were the worst, the headache lasting even after he would come back.</p>
<p>"W-w-what?" Kenny was stammering, making you open your eyes out of concern. "You mean to tell me, that when I get impaled, or hit by a car, or stabbed..."</p>
<p>"I can feel some sort of ghost of it happening to me, yeah." You said, nodding and continuing to avoid his eyes.</p>
<p>"Is it just the deaths you feel? Like can you feel when other things happen to me?" He asked, you could see him from the corners of your eyes randomly poking at his chest and stomach.</p>
<p>"No, that would be way weirder!" you said, standing and knocking his hands down from prodding at himself. He dropped his hands to his sides and looked you over, as if studying your face and body for the first time.</p>
<p>"When did it start?"</p>
<p>"I don't know, but I think maybe the second time you died that I knew of. You were off with the guys doing God knows what and then suddenly I felt like everything was knocked out of me and I couldn't stop crying. Mr. Garrison had to send me home, I was hysterical." You said, grasping at that long ago memory that had been the beginning of hundreds more. Kenny stepped closer and wrapped you in his arms, you were at height with him from your step, and he whispered into your ear.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry. I don't want you to hurt. Emotionally or physically. It's all my fault." He said, his voice broke on his last word.</p>
<p>"It's not. I don't know how or why this has happened, but it's not your fault." you whispered back to him, you felt a tear land on your shoulder.</p>
<p>"Kenny?" Butters voice sounded from the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the scene with concern clear as day in his stance and face.</p>
<p>"Butters, baby, it's okay." Kenny said, wiping his eyes and turning to face his boyfriend. Butters continued to eye you both like he was trying to understand what must have happened.</p>
<p>"I just, I needed to tell Kenny something and I think he took it kind of hard." you said, trying to think of something to tell Butters that could explain the sad expression on Kenny's face. Butters, being so trusting and believing the best in everyone, immediately looked sad as well and closed the gap between him and Kenny with a hug, kissing his cheek.</p>
<p>"It's okay Ken, no matter what you will be okay." The cheery voice seemed to have worked as Kenny's face began to brighten as a tight band that had been squeezing your chest without your knowledge began to loosen. You knew that the random deaths would still come, but with you and Butters in his life, you felt his days of killing himself to be able to escape the world may have finally ended. You began to walk down the stairs back to Dennis when Kenny spoke from behind you.</p>
<p>"Hey Jamie, you going to Token's party this Friday?" You turned to Kenny and Butters, still wrapped in each others arms.</p>
<p>"Wait, what party?" You asked, feeling you recalled Bebe mentioning a party yesterday when you and she were at the pool, teaching Dennis how to swim.</p>
<p>"Ugh, what are we going to do with you." Kenny sighed, releasing Butters and snickering. Butters as well had a slightly mischievous smile on his normally innocent face. "Token is throwing a party on Friday to celebrate our last summer before high school. His parents are gone on their usual European vacation, and word has it he will have alcohol and that Stan is going to be sneaking some of his dad's pot too." At the mention of Stan, you felt your body respond against your will, feeling your face and chest perk up as if your heart itself were being lifted with a string. You silently prayed that it had been small enough to not be noticed, but Kenny missed nothing when it came to your small cues. A devilish smirk formed to his lips and you felt your stomach tie into intricate knots. Oh shit.</p>
<p>"Stan huh?" He teased, turning to Butters now. "Didn't Stan say to us earlier today that Wendy was driving him crazy and he was thinking of breaking things off?" Butters nodded in agreement, looking from you to Kenny with curiosity. You remembered texting Wendy earlier that day as well, how she was saying Stan had been distant the last few weeks. Feeling your heart speeding up and a lightness in your mind, you stomped over to the boys.</p>
<p>"Okay guys, time to go home, I need to get Dennis to bed." You said, pulling them by their jackets and leading the way to the door. Once you were able to get them outside and shut the door, you leaned against it and breathed out a sigh of relief. You had a few days until the party to figure out what you were going to do.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Kenny had figured the same thing, as he and Bebe were over the following day, lounging in the living room and playing with Dennis when you returned from the library with the newest book on your summer reading list. Once you had walked in Bebe had left from her position on the couch and dropped the magazine she had been reading and stomped over to you, her face stern.</p>
<p>"Come with me." She grabbed you by the elbow and pulled you upstairs, not giving you time to ask what the hell her problem was when she pushed you gently into your room and shut the door behind her, rounding on you with that stern face again.</p>
<p>"Spill." She demanded, her arms crossed over her full chest.</p>
<p>"What?" You asked, knowing you must have looked stupid as you had no idea what had happened to cause this reaction from her.</p>
<p>"Uh," Her face broke, also showing confusion. "Wait, have you not talked to Wendy today?"</p>
<p>"No, no one has talked to me today." You said, pulling your phone out, seeing no messages or missed calls and putting your phone back into your pocket.</p>
<p>"Oh, well...." Her arms dropped and moved to placing her hands on her hips. "Anyway, Wendy called me this morning. She said Stan broke up with her before she went to volleyball practice." Your stomach flipped, but your face showed concern. Wendy was still your friend, you didn't want her upset. "Apparently, he said it was because he was interested in someone else." Oh shit, you didn't need to hide the shock in your face. Every time they had broken up in the past, he never dated anyone else. There was a time Wendy had dated Token for a little while, but she eventually made her way back to Stan. You took the route of concerned friend, seeing it was the safest for you to continue to hide your crush.</p>
<p>"Oh my God, what?! Why didn't she call or text me?!" You asked Bebe, watching her shake her head but her eyes were wide, like you were missing the obvious. Which, you were really. Yeah, you liked Stan, but you hadn't spoken to him this summer but for the few times he was at the pool to hang out with Kyle and Kenny. You and Bebe would go every week to teach Dennis how to swim as she was captain of the swim team, so you hoped her more refined movements would help him learn. You remembered when you would see him at the pool, his hair wet and messy, falling over his bright blue eyes. How the water glistened on his lean muscles he earned from football training and his animal friendly diet. Suddenly, Bebe's voice broke into your conscious and snapped your out of your day dream.</p>
<p>"Because, Jamie, she thinks he meant you!" She snapped at you, as if it was your fault for something Wendy was thinking.</p>
<p>"What?! I haven't done anything! You have been with me every time I have seen him since school ended, Bebe! You know nothing is going on and that I would never do that to Wendy." You yelled back at her, feeling your face burn as anger began to bubble inside your stomach.</p>
<p>Bebe sighed, dropping her arms and slumping to your bed. "I know you wouldn't, I told her that but she wouldn't let it go."</p>
<p>"Maybe I shouldn't go to the party..." You sighed, feigning disappointment.</p>
<p>"Don't be silly, Jamie." Bebe laughed, flipping her curls over her shoulder. "She will be over it by then, I'm already working on her rebound. Token is way better for her than Stan is. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, but he has his demons you know?" She said, reminding you of the hard times Stan had. When he went through a goth phase after the first time Wendy and he had broken up, the time Kenny found out he had been hiding liquor in his dresser and when he first moved out to his father's weed farm and he, Kenny, Jimmy and Butters started a death metal band. However, you remembered thinking Stan looked way hotter as a goth and it made you anxious to even look at him and you felt like you may have had a future as a groupie when you saw the band perform at the Autumn Festival. "So there should be no problem with you at the party. If I work things right, she will be happily making out with Token before 10pm." Bebe's lips shifted into a conniving smile.</p>
<p>She seemed to have settled down, having gotten her answer from you, and began heading back out of your room and down the stairs.</p>
<p>"Bye Kenny, see you Friday!" She called out as she made her way to the front door.</p>
<p>"Later Bim-Bebe!" he called back, not looking up from the game he and Dennis were still playing. You walked into the living room and sat on the couch, grabbing the magazine Bebe had left behind and flipping through the pages.</p>
<p>"Bim-Bebe?" You asked, confused at what Kenny had called Bebe as she was leaving.</p>
<p>"Yeah," He shrugged. "Like bimbo. Bim-Bebe."</p>
<p>"You're an asshole." Despite yourself, you laughed as you reached over and ruffled his wild blonde hair.</p>
<p>______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</p>
<p>The night of Token's big party arrived faster than you had anticipated. You were turning from side to side, examining outfit change #5 and debating if it was sexy but still casual and young. You knew that there would be a lot of things happening at this party as it was the first one being thrown with no adults around. Kenny and Butters were relaxing on your bed, Butters playing a game on his phone and Kenny lazily tossing a ball in the air while on his back.</p>
<p>"That one looks fine, let's go." His bored voice disrupted your examination. </p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Turning to him and feeling both desperate and nervous. "I want to look more grown up, you know? Make everyone see me as something... I don't know... more than me." You said, your insecurity peeling away the attempt at confidence you were trying to dress as. You heard both Kenny and Butters sigh heavily in unison, Kenny got up from the bed and moved over to where you were again staring in the mirror. </p>
<p>"Okay, James, sweetie," Kenny said, turning you by your shoulders to face him. "You look totally hot. If I were not stupid in love with Leo-" "Aww!" Butters swooned from the bed. "and having been your friend since we were kids, I would totally want to tap that." A large blush of embarrassment bloomed over your face as you giggled quickly in your hand.</p>
<p>"Okay, okay." You said. Turning to look in the mirror, you adjusted your hair again.</p>
<p>"Are you nervous because you know Bebe, she is going to try and- try to get you to make out with someone?" Butters asked, looking up from his phone, his tone innocent as if he was asking what you had for lunch today. Though you didn't think you could blush any deeper in embarrassment, you had been very wrong. Both Butters and Kenny looked at you with a new curiosity, turning to each other and exchanging a look before turning back to face you. Kenny smirked, reaching into his pocket and pulling a small silver flask out and offered to you.</p>
<p>"Liquid courage." He encouraged you. Eyeing it carefully, you grabbed it, untwisted the top and before the smell could turn you off you took a quick gulp. It burned it's way down, making you cough slightly. Before you could second think it, you took another drink, making sure you held your breath so the burn was lessened slightly. </p>
<p>"Jamie, have you ever kissed anyone?" Butters asked, his head tilted slightly, finally uncovering your secret.</p>
<p>"No... I can't say I have..." You said, trying to sound less embarrassed than you felt. "I always thought kisses were meant for when you love someone and I haven't... exactly..." you felt your voice breaking off against your will. Suddenly, with a quick step forward, Kenny grabbed the sides of your face and lowered his to yours, pressing his full and soft lips to yours. Though it lasted only a second or two, the surprise held you in place, but you felt a slight flutter in your chest at the warmth of his lips, how they melted to yours gently and when he pulled away you could feel a lingering taste of him.</p>
<p>You stared, eyes wide, only a few words forming in your mind.</p>
<p>"Kenny, what the actual fuck?" You said, the shock finally setting you free. You looked at Butters, who was simply looking at the two of you with a bemused look. How was he unbothered by this?</p>
<p>"What?" Kenny shrugged. "You said kisses are for people who love each other. I love you. You love me. There, no big deal. First kiss done. Now..." He said, grabbing his flask and turning to Butters with his hand extended. "Let's get to that party already!</p>
<p>You felt like the last few seconds had passed both too fast and too quickly, so much happening in such a short time yet not being acknowledged. Shaking your head slightly at the oddness that was your best friend, you followed him and his boyfriend from your room. Not wanting to bother with a purse as your skirt didn't have pockets, you told Kenny that he would have to unlock the door when they went back and he just nodded, nearly skipping across the yard towards the sound of a party at Token's across the street. You locked the door with the knob and made sure it was locked after shutting it and made your way to the party after the boys.</p>
<p>Kenny and Butters were nearing the front door before turning to look for you, seeing you had stopped at the sidewalk and were staring at the house. You could feel the bass of the music against your chest already and various shouts and laughter floating from the backyard. Kenny rolled his eyes, letting go of Butters after giving him a quick kiss and telling him to head inside before walking to you to link his arm in yours.</p>
<p>"It's fine. Maybe that first kiss wasn't the best, but I know Stan will be getting here very soon, and maybe," he lifted your chin with his free hand to make you look at him. "His kiss will be much better." He smiled and winked softly. Damn him and his knowledge of all your weaknesses. He continued to guide you to the front door and then muttered under his breath, always to make fun of any situation. "By the way, Butters is a much better kisser than you are."</p>
<p>"Hey," you shouted in amused annoyance, pushing him away from you, "that isn't fair! I didn't kiss back so I could be awesome!" Kenny began laughing, opening the front door and stepping inside. </p>
<p>The inside of Token's house was similar in layout to yours aside from an additional level leading downstairs to what looked like a home theater/den room. You looked over to the living room where some people were dancing to the music and lounging on the couch. You made a mental note to yourself with slight shock that Wendy was there, her face locked into Token's as they were heavily making out on the couch. In the dining area you saw some people playing pong and shouting competitive insults at each other. The kitchen beyond that had people gathered around random snacks and a large punch bowl that you were sure had liquor in it. Next to where you and Kenny stood was the stairwell that led to the upper level, where a small group of people were chanting. You looked in time to see Clyde sliding down the stairs on a cardboard make shift sled and you jumped out of the way as he came barreling toward you and Kenny. Kenny however was not watching and was hit in the knees, landing on top of Clyde, causing both boys and the crowd at the top of the stairs to burst into laughter. After a second, Kenny shifted to face Clyde and smiled.</p>
<p>"Hey, Clyde. How you doing tonight man?" So casual, as if he didn't just collide into him. Clyde just continued laughing from his supine position, looking up at you now.</p>
<p>"Oh, hey Jamie. Nice legs." Clyde said, eyes devious and hungry. "Is that lace I see?" He asked, angling his head slightly as you realized he was trying to look further up your skirt. You stepped further away as Kenny aimed a punch into his gut.</p>
<p>"Fuck off, Donovan. Like you could find out." You called over your shoulder, walking toward the kitchen. You definitely needed more to drink, starting to doubt the skirt option. In the kitchen you found Butters taking a shot with Nelly, both making a face afterward and taking a drink from their chasers before laughing. It still surprised you how much more daring Butters had become over the years. Though he was out of the closet among friends, his parents still believed he was straight and he was terrified to tell them otherwise. Kenny had told you of how much abuse Butters had been going through over the years from his father and the negligence from his mother and you had begun to consider making him a key as well, but Kenny told you not to. That Butters never had a chance to escape like Kenny did as Kenny's parents didn't care what he did, Butters's parents were so strict that he couldn't use the restroom after lights out even if sick. You moved over to Butters and grabbed an empty shot glass before asking for one as well.</p>
<p>"It's really strong, Jamie, so uh, you might want a drink first." Butters said, pouring the clear liquid anyway. The bottle read EverClear and you had remembered Kenny telling you to avoid that one. Fuck it you thought, too late now. You grabbed a coke from the fridge and cracked it open, taking a quick sip. Butters had poured himself another shot as well so you weren't alone and stood holding his in the air. You lifted yours as well before smiling with Butters and taking your shot.</p>
<p>The liquid burned much more than what Kenny kept in his flask, and you nearly gagged as it hit your throat, but you swallowed it down as fast as you could and immediately lifted your coke to your mouth, gulping down several times before coming up for air.</p>
<p>"Holy shit!" You exclaimed, laughing with Butters as Kenny leaned across his back. "That was so fucking strong! The hell?!" Butters and Kenny continued laughing, Kenny grabbing a quick swig straight from the bottle before turning to whisper to Butters.</p>
<p>"Hey Leo." He said, his tone darkly flirtatious. "Since your butter, can I be toast so that I can have you all over me?" Butters eyes widen and nearly bulged from his head, his face the shade of a tomato, as you doubled over in laughter at that very forward come on. You continued laughing hard and by the time you regained composure, you noticed they had left and were replaced with a very seductively dressed Bebe. She was wearing a very low cut and tight fitting crop top with high-waisted shorts, but the first thing you could see her wearing was a mischievous smile. Oh no. Your stomach tightened, you knew what she had planned for you. She handed you a plastic red cup with some of the alcohol mixed punch in it from what you could smell and turned to face the rest of the party that was inside.</p>
<p>"Hey everyone! Cheers to Token for hosting our very first high school party!" Cheers erupted from every corner of the house and a few scattered ones from outside. "And heads up," she continued, "anyone wanting to smoke, Stan just came in with his dad's Summer Special, so get your asses outside! Any of the rest of you sluts wanting to fool around with random people, meet in the den in 5 minutes!" She drank from her cup with that last command, a few extra cheers coming from various people. As you found yourself chuckling at her bold words and taking a drink from your cup, you saw from the crowd that was moving to the back porch a figure with a blue and red hat. Stan broke through the crowd, making his way to the punch bowl. You took note of his dark jacket, blue jeans, a band shirt from one of the death metal bands he would listen to sometimes with Kenny, all fitting to his lean body perfectly. Before he could catch you staring, Bebe began laughing and pointing toward the living room. As you turned to look at what she was laughing at, she giggled into your ear while leaning into your shoulder, "Oh my god, looks like they aren't pretending anymore!" Finally finding what she found amusing, you saw Craig and Tweek in the dark corner of the living room, clearly unaware people were watching. But as you watched, you could tell they didn't care. Craig had Tweek pinned to the wall, his hands in Tweeks blonde hair that stood out at all ends as he kissed feverishly to Tweek's neck. You watched as Tweek clawed at Craig's shirt and back, leaning his body forward with his hips to close the distance between their bodies, his face showing carnal ecstasy. You couldn't look away, your eyes were transfixed to the way his eyes were closed tightly, how his mouth was open slightly like he was panting, how his cheeks were flushed, looking deep red against his fair skin. You felt a longing, not for the boy himself, but for what he was feeling. Suddenly you felt a warm breath against your neck opposite from where Bebe was still giggling.</p>
<p>"Glad to see they're finally admitting it." Your head snapped over, seeing Stan standing very close to you, his face lowered towards yours so he could speak to your without shouting over the music. You eyes locked into his for a second, lost in the clear and bright blue that was traced with dark lashes, before a blush began to betray you and you looked away. </p>
<p>"Yeah," You said, trying to regain composure. "I imagine we will be seeing a lot more yaoi artwork again." You joked, recalling how their relationship began in the first place because Asian girls would draw them together. You could both hear and feel Stan chuckle at your statement, causing your heart to beat faster.</p>
<p>"Oh my God, hi Stan!" Bebe said, finally coming up from your shoulder. "You should come play 7 minutes in heaven with us." </p>
<p>"Sounds fun." He shrugged, glancing sideways at you with a small smile. You could melt and would be fine with it.</p>
<p>"Great!" Bebe squeeled, grabbing your arm by your elbow and began pulling you towards the den. When you got down the stairs you could see the chairs had been pushed up against the walls and the only door in the room was open, revealing a closet with the clothes hanging being pushed to the side by Annie. Already down there as well was Kyle, Nicole, Nelly, Token, Jimmy and Kevin. You noticed Wendy was no longer locked onto Token, but he seemed fine and excited. You hadn't seen her since you first arrived.</p>
<p>"Alright you naughty, naughty children." Bebe teased the group, making everyone chuckle nervously. She held an empty beer bottle in hand and wiggled it slightly. "We will be playing 7 minutes in Heaven by random spin. Who ever spins will spend 7 minutes in the closet with who ever it lands on, no respins!" She eyed the boys with this statement. "So toss away your homophobia guys, time to let your freak flag fly." You laughed more this time, Bebe sure has been spending more time with Kenny with a statement like that. Everyone then moved forward and sat in a circle. You sat down between Kyle and Annie, nerves building up in your stomach again. Bebe sat down in the circle as well, leaned forward and spun the bottle saying, "time for fun."</p>
<p>You knew that with this game there would be a lot of awkward waiting for those who were not in the closet, and as the first 3 couples made their rounds, only 1 coming back out with very messed hair and lips looking slightly swollen with grins on their faces, you made casual conversation with Annie. You were both thinking of trying out for cheer, giving you a lead up on possible scholarship options in the future when it was time for another spin. It was Stan's turn. Though of course you didn't get your hopes up, you couldn't help but wish with all you had that it would land on you. As the bottle slowed and the group made excited noises as they had each time, your stomach flipped. It had stopped, the neck of the bottle pointing straight at you. You looked up at Stan, sure your eyes showed surprise as the group let out raucous laughter and Bebe reset the timer. Stan stood up from his seated position and walked over to you, offering a hand to help you stand up in your skirt. You took his hands, nervous they would begin to sweat, allowing him to help pull you up. As you stood, he held your hands for a second longer before letting go, his eyes were locked in yours. Though you weren't sure, but it almost looked like he had that same hungry look in his eyes like Clyde had earlier that night. You both walked toward the closet while the others made lewd comments, the only ones you registered were from Kyle and Bebe. </p>
<p>"Yeah man! Get it!" Kyle had shouted.</p>
<p>"Only 7 minutes you two!" Bebe teased as you made the final step behind Stan to be closed in as she shut the door.</p>
<p>Your eyes couldn't see anything, but you could sense him standing next to you. You weren't sure if it was the 'liquid courage' you had been drinking or because you felt you had been waiting for this moment for years, you turned your body so Stan was directly in front of you. You reached your right hand out, trying to feel him. Your hand connected with his arm, and you traced your hand up his arm and across his shoulder. As you reached his neck, you stepped closer and slightly wet your lips, your heart pounding so loudly you were sure he could hear. You hand found it's mark as it held his jaw, letting you know where to aim. You leaned your face forward, now less than an inch from his lips. You could feel his breath against your slightly parted lips.</p>
<p>"Jamie." He breathed out your name, your heart leaping into your throat as he closed that final inch, lips connecting with yours. His lips were hot, pressing into yours with more pressure than Kenny had done. You felt Stan's hands gently grab hold of your hips, pulling you more forward still until you were pressed against him. You felt his mouth open slightly and his tongue grazed across your lips. A small sigh of pleasure escaped your lips, his tongue taking advantage of your open mouth and gently brushing against yours. His taste in your mouth sent your mind spinning away. It didn't matter that you were in a dark closet with your friends outside, waiting to tease you. It didn't matter that you were at a party with both underage drinking and underage marijuana use. Nothing mattered but this boy in your arms, kissing you like you had always wanted. His hands began to move up against your back, pulling your chest flush to his, but this still wasn't enough. You felt him pushing you back softly until your back was against the wall of the closet, his lips moving faster and with more urgency. Your hands had made their way into his midnight hair, feeling the soft locks through your fingers and pulling slightly. He moaned into your mouth when you did this and you felt encouraged to do it again, wanting to inhale his every breath. His lips began moving down your jaw and to your neck, you felt your lungs gasping for air as you felt his tongue lick against your neck, your stomach flipping and heart pounding against your ribs. He took a small bite where your neck met your shoulder, bringing up a moan from your chest. You could sense something new happening as well, a warmth and slight tingling, craving pressure and attention. This new sensation sent your body into overdrive, you grabbed Stan by his jaw and forced him to kiss you again, arms around his neck and your leg lifting, your foot flat against the wall and knee bent near his hip. He felt your movement, could taste your need for him, moving himself closer and pressing his hips into yours. Your mind registered the firmness you could feel on him, but you could't be disrupted. His hands where now pushing their way under your shirt and his fingers were pressing into the skin of your back, you both moaning into each others mouths.</p>
<p>A brightness blinded you both, howls of laughter and hormone driving hoots erupting into your ears. Your eyes adjusted and you and Stan were still in the position you had been in, faces slightly apart and taking in the flushed face of the other. His lips and cheeks were reddened, his hair messy, hat having fallen to the floor. You could see his heartbeat pounding in the vein in his neck and his pupils were wide with lust. You could only imagine you looked similar, feeling a new blush creep up your face as you realized your friends had caught you. You both let go of each other quickly and began to adjust yourselves to be more presentable. You straightened up your shirt, which had fallen off one shoulder, and pulled your very raised skirt down before anyone could see further than you were comfortable. From the corner of your eye you saw Stan adjust his shirt and turn away from the crowd to adjust his pants, making you feel like your heart would explode if it beat any harder. Stan then bent down to pick up his hat, eyeing it for a quick second before turning back to you, as you began walking out of the closet, and pulling it down onto your head. You stopped, turning to shyly smile at him and pull the hat back up off your eyes, finding him bent to your level.</p>
<p>"Now everyone can see that you are mine." He breathed out, causing your head to spin again and your body ache with need for his touch again. He smiled at you, looping his arm around your hip and guided you out of the closet. Though you could hear the catcalls and whistles from the rest of the group still wanting to play the game, you turned away and made your way up the stairs with Stan. </p>
<p>You and he spent the rest of the night, curled on the couch and talking. You had been friends for years, but there were things that you had never shared with each other before and you two began talking of things you had only ever talked about with your girlfriends and Kenny. It wasn't until the lights all went up, music cutting off and Kenny carrying Butters on his back as he walked over to you did you and Stan stop your conversation. You were pulling his hat off to hand it back to him, having nearly forgotten you were wearing it until Kenny looked at you funny, eyeing the hat on your head.</p>
<p>"Keep it." Stan said, stopping you from removing it further.</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" You asked, feeling a shy blush tickle your cheeks. </p>
<p>"Yeah," He smirked. "That way I have to come get it later." He leaned down and placed a soft, warm kiss to your cheek. His face lingered there a second longer after his lips stopped, his cheek simply pressed to yours. You felt like the world was spinning as you absorbed the heat from his skin and smelled his scent coming off of him. Wishing it would last forever, he leaned back up and gave a parting nod to Kenny who was watching you both with a pleased smirk on his face. "I'll text you." Stan said, turning to wave goodbye as he made his way to the front door, meeting up with Kyle as he was kissing Nicole goodbye.</p>
<p>"So," Kenny's voice broke you out of the trance Stan had left you in. "Kyle said you had a good time. And from what I see, I feel like 'good' isn't enough."</p>
<p>"Get some girl." Butters slurred against Kenny's shoulder, head rolling as he fell back into a drunken sleep. You and Kenny both laughed softly as you and he began to head out the front door to go back to your house.</p>
<p>"He is such a light weight, can't take him anywhere." Kenny joked, Butters chuckling in his sleep as Kenny continued to carry him all the way into the guest bed after you got the key from his neck to unlock the door. You left Kenny to take care of his boyfriend, wishing him good night, as you began floating to your room. After slipping out of your clothes reluctantly, wishing to continue living in them as they kept Stan's scent on them, you were pleased to find that your very skin had absorbed it as well. As you felt yourself falling asleep, you remembered that look in his eyes when he looked at you in the closet, how his voice sounded when he said your name, how his hands and lips felt. You were sure that had you seen your face at the time, Tweek's ecstasy would pale in comparison.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Flying High</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>High School begins with all hope of fun with friends and new love. But as the saying goes, when you fly too close to the sun, you will burn your wings.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning after Token's party you made your way into the kitchen with a small headache, feeling groggy but still buzzing with excitement with the time you had spent with Stan. As you had slept, his hat that had been on your head had managed to stay on but had given you a massive combo of bedhead and hat hair. You sat down in the breakfast nook with a glass of water, gently sipping it down as Kenny came skipping down the stairs and into the kitchen, whistling a nameless tune. Though it was gentle and mild in volume, it still made your headache intensify slightly around your eyes. You groaned, lowering your face into your hands to hide and ease the pain and you heard Kenny chuckle to himself.</p>
<p>"How's the hangover?" He asked as you heard him moving around in the kitchen, most likely prepping breakfast. It was his turn to make food, and normally he would make pancakes as they required the smallest amount of effort. You simply groaned in response. You heard him shuffle closer to you and heard a glass being placed down by your elbow. Curiosity turned your head to see a glass of orange juice with some white pills next to it.</p>
<p>"Take them, it will help." You turned to look at him, smiling largely while sipping on juice as well.</p>
<p>"Thanks." You grumbled, taking them with a small gulp of juice. The sugar tasted better than how your mouth felt and you looked past the entryway to the stairs, expecting to see Butters but he wasn't there. "Where's Butters?"</p>
<p>"Oh he had WAY too much to drink last night. And it was his first time smoking pot too so he is still sleeping." He snickered before casting his eyes down. "Thank God his parent's are in Denver this weekend, I can only imagine the shit they would do to him if he came home the way he is now." He finished off his glass and stared at it for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. You knew the abuse Butters would go through at home was similar to what Kenny would have, but the Stotch's were better at hiding what they did to him. You believed it was part of the reason that no matter the weather Butters would wear a long sleeve turtle neck sweater, so as to better hide his bruises. And that was only the physical abuse.</p>
<p>"So," Kenny said, snapping his smile back in place. "Do we want blueberry pancakes or chocolate chip?"</p>
<p>As you were cleaning the dishes from breakfast as was the rule you and Kenny had agreed upon, you heard a small groan from the entryway of the kitchen. Butters came staggering into the room, wearing an overly large t shirt that you knew used to be Kenny's a few years ago as well as a pair of your gym shorts. He was still rubbing his eyes with both palms when Kenny lifted him up into his arms, kissing his forehead and carrying him to the breakfast nook where his waiting pancakes had been placed. You smiled softly to yourself, happy to see this tender side of Kenny and how relaxed Butters finally seemed. All growing up he was always nervous, second guessing himself with everything. Over the last few weeks, Butters was seeming to come into his own, speaking without his usual mumble. You placed the clean dishes away and left the room without a word, allowing the boys to have some time to themselves. Though you didn't want to wash the smell of Stan off of your hair, a small glance as you walked past a mirror in the hallway determined that you needed a shower.</p>
<p>Feeling clean and much better as your headache had ebbed away, you checked your phone for any messages. You were supposed to be getting Dennis in a few hours but you wanted to make sure he hadn't tried to call. Instead you found a text message from Stan. Your heart jumped into your throat and you dropped to your bed, not worried about getting dressed or if the boys walked in, you were too surprised. You knew that normally boys aren't the one to initiate a conversation, normally when you would text your male friends it was you starting because you had a question about hanging out or for work assignments. You opened the text and stared at it for a moment, allowing this feeling to settle in.</p>
<p>'Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out around 12?'</p>
<p>You glanced at the clock. 10:43am. Still time to say yes and get ready. You responded quickly, trying to not mess up the words as your typed.</p>
<p>'Yeah, that sounds like fun.'</p>
<p>You were still buzzing from the message that you nearly jumped from your skin as the response came back less than a minute later.</p>
<p>'Great! I'll pick you up. Don't wear a skirt this time ;) ' Your heart was beating in over time. He would pick you up? Don't wear a skirt? And a wink?! You felt suddenly way too giddy and nervous as a small squeal erupted from you as you jumped from your bed and ran to your door.</p>
<p>"Oh my God! Kenny! Butters! I need your help!" You heard frantic sounds as the boys came rushing from the kitchen and to your room where you stood in the middle of your room, hair still damp and towel wrapped around your body. Kenny burst in first and upon seeing how you were still more or less nude, turned his face away with a gently blush. Butters then saw you and simply looked at you with confusion as he tried to see what was urgent. Grabbing hold of the towel tightly so it wouldn't slip as you ran to them, you thrust your phone to Butters as he was the only one not nervous about a naked girl. Butters grabbed the phone and you watched as he and Kenny glanced over the short conversation before both reacting with small chuckles and knowing smiles.</p>
<p>"Okay, you need help with what to wear, right?" Butters guessed, handing you back your phone as Kenny chuckled and clapped his hand on Butters's shoulder.</p>
<p>"About time he asked, damn." He muttered to himself before turning away from the room to make his way downstairs. "You got this one, Leo." Kenny leaned in and planted a small kiss to Butters's cheek before leaving. You continued to stare at Butters knowing that you were radiating with panic as he looked you up and down before walking to your closet.</p>
<p>As he opened the closet doors as well as the dresser drawers, glancing at your various outfits, you could hear him muttering softly to himself. He had been a part of Stan's close friend group during the times Kenny was dead when they were growing up, he knew Stan nearly as well as Kenny did. Finally Butters turned to face you, his face lit with excitement. "Let's have some fun. This boy won't know what hit him."</p>
<p>Several minutes later Butters was adding his finishing touches to your face, having dressed you in skinny jeans, your ankle boots, a shirt that accented your collar bone and feminine shoulders and had your hair in a ponytail with some strands hanging loosely around your face. He added some eyeliner at the outer corners and slight shimmer to your cheekbones to your temple. You looked at yourself, seeing how he managed to make your eyes look wider and your face brighter with those little additions. He stood back, smiling proudly when Kenny walked up to your room.</p>
<p>"Stan just messaged me asking if I was over here." He said, casually walking in while still looking at his phone. "And that if I was to 'get lost, dude.'" He finished with a laugh. "Seems like he wants you all to himself." He angled an eyebrow, hinting at things you were too nervous and embarrassed to admit you were thinking of as well. You felt a blush ride up your cheeks softly as you chuckled and pushed him gently.</p>
<p>"So maybe you should leave, it's nearly noon now." You joked. He flashed you a look of overdramatic betrayal, laying his hand across his heart and gasping.</p>
<p>"How could you dare wish for us to leave! We, who helped you in your time of need. We, who helped mold you into the object of desire who will seduce the moron Marsh."</p>
<p>"I believe you mean me, Ken. I did this lovely work, thank you." Butters corrected him, Kenny then turning his pretend shock on his boyfriend.</p>
<p>Oh. And now you have turned my beloved against me! I, who entrusted this mighty yet simple task to you to turn this lovely young lady into a sexy lady." To this you felt another blush cross your cheeks.</p>
<p>"Sexy?" You turned again to look in the mirror, trying to look at yourself and not think of you as yourself but as how someone may see you as a stranger. You saw the shine in your hair, how it framed around your face and eyes, giving a sensual mystery to your gaze. You looked at your body, noticing how the pants hugged your legs and butt, giving shape normally hidden. How the way Butters had tucked the shirt highlighted your gentle hourglass figure and made the skin exposed across your chest and shoulders show off the tan you got over the summer. Hmm, sexy? Maybe. You smiled into your reflection, seeing both Kenny and Butters smiling at you as well, Butters with friendly pride but something you couldn't place with Kenny. Admiration?</p>
<p>"Okay Ken, it's time for us to head out I guess. I need to get home and do my chores before my parents get home and ground me." Butters turned to Kenny, a nervous twitch in his fingers that reminded you of an old habit of his when he would rub his knuckles together.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Kenny said, gently grabbing Butters's hand. "Let's get you home. Jamie," he turned his head toward you. "You better text me how it goes later! I want every juicy, dirty detail." He gave you a smirk and a wink before pulling Butters down the stairs and toward the door. You followed down the stairs, giggling under your breath and glancing at your phone as it buzzed in your hand. Another message from Stan.</p>
<p>'On my way. See you soon :)'</p>
<p>You wondered how he was coming over, on a bike or was he having a parent drive him. You doubted he would pedal all the way from his dad's farm, it was 30 miles from town. Both of you wouldn't be eligible for driver's education or permits until next spring. Maybe he was coming over from Kyle's house, that was less than a mile from your neighborhood into town. You decided to keep yourself busy by working on a puzzle you and Dennis had started the other night as it was splayed across the dining room table. You knew if you kept looking at your phone you would be staring at the clock, waiting for the smallest sounds of someone approaching. To help distract you, you turned on some music and sang along while putting a few pieces in place. As you placed the last piece of the puzzle's edge in you heard a sound in the driveway. It sounded almost like a motorcycle but not quite. Curiosity and confusion guided your feet to the front window to look outside, finding Stan climbing off a large dirt bike, wearing dark jeans and a leather jacket over a gray T shirt. You watched him for a moment, taking in his lean body, how he moved with confidence but that confidence broke as you watched him look at the front door. He stopped and ran a hand through his disheveled black hair, seeming to blow out air in a great large puff. 'Is he just as nervous as me?' You thought, watching him softly bounce on his feet and nod his head before walking the rest of the way to the door and ring the bell.</p>
<p>You bounced your way to the door, now feeling much more confident than you had been mere minutes prior. If he was feeling nervous too, then he must really be wanting to make a good impression, must be thinking you were worthy of being nervous for. You took a steadying breath and then opened the door. Stan looked up, eyes and smile bright as he looked into yours. You were thankful for that breath you had taken as all of it now seemed to have left your lungs.</p>
<p>"Hey Jamie." He said, hair ruffling his midnight hair again, reminding you of the hat still up in your room. Oops, you forgot to grab that when you came down.</p>
<p>"Hi Stan." You smiled back, feeling a blush tickle your cheeks as you glanced down and then back up again, reminding yourself to not feel shy. He wants to see you. Don't be shy. "I left your hat upstairs, I image you want it back." You said, slightly turning toward the stairs to go and get it.</p>
<p>"Not really." He smirked, pausing you in your place before you turned to face him more. "So, you ready to go?" He asked, motioning to his dirt bike.</p>
<p>"On that?" A rebellious spark lit inside your belly. Riding on the back of a cute boy's bike. Your heart began beating harder just thinking about it.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I put on some back pegs for you this morning." He smiled, his eyes shining. "Otherwise you would have had to wrap your legs around me to keep them from dangling."</p>
<p>The way he said that made you both blush and you couldn't help but picture it quickly, a part of you thinking that it sounded better than pegs. You just nodded slightly, nerves and excitement making your smile tight.</p>
<p>"Let me just lock up then I guess." You went back to the living room, grabbing your house key and a few dollars before putting it all in your pocket. You turned back to Stan and saw him removing his leather jacket and holding it open toward you. You felt a quick confusion but understood his meaning right before he spoke again.</p>
<p>"You should wear this. The air can get cold and it will help keep you safe." You slid your arms into the sleeves, feeling how long they were as your fingers barely were visible and the bottom of the jacket fell below your bottom. You took a quick breath of his scent as it was wrapping around you and turned around to face him again, smirking and holding up the arms to show how large it was on you. Curse your mother's small stature. But Stan just looked at you with a pleased smile and nodded to himself, speaking softly as if to himself. "So cute."</p>
<p>You felt your blush come back, betraying your feelings.</p>
<p>"What about you? Won't you get cold?" You asked him, seeing the short sleeves of his thin shirt. He simply grinned and took your hand in his, guiding you back to the front door.</p>
<p>"I'll be plenty warm with you pressed against me." Could your heart beat any faster as you felt yourself nearly floating to the front.</p>
<p>You locked up the front door and walked over to his dirt bike, feeling nervous as he showed you how to climb on best and how to position yourself for when he was driving it. As he sat between your legs and started the bike up, you felt it jump to life underneath you, making your body vibrate softly. You felt like you were on a new kind of drug, his smell strong on his jacket and in his hair that was near your face, your body vibrating and feeling the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt, you let yourself cave into the desire and lean into his back, wrapping your arms around his waist. You felt him inhale quickly, filling his lungs as he felt you press against him. Maybe he was riding on the same high you were?</p>
<p>"You hungry?" He called back to you as he started down your road.</p>
<p>"I could eat." You answered into his ear, seeing and feeling him lean into your breath just ever so slightly. You enjoyed that response, making note to try that again later. He made a turn toward the woods and away from town making you slightly confused. Okay, maybe you will talk again sooner than you thought.</p>
<p>"Where are we going?" The confusion was evident in your voice and you felt him chuckle under your hands before turning his head towards you so you could hear him better.</p>
<p>"It's a surprise!" He was smiling brightly. Had he been planning this all day? You and he continued to make your way further into the woods, at one point abandoning the road and he began riding down a hiking path, making you giggle and squeeze him tighter with the bumps and turns. Even just this part of your date was amazing, wrapping yourself around his warm body, feeling his heartbeat under your hands and wind in your hair as you heard him laugh along with you. He began to slow down after cresting a hill that had a clearing of trees and over looked a large portion of town. You were admiring the view when he pulled up along a tree and turned the bike off.</p>
<p>"We're here." He said, his voice sounding slightly winded as he turned his head to face you. "Hop on off, I have it set up over there." He motioned with his head slightly as you began to shift your body off of the bike and felt even more excitement.</p>
<p>"What did you set up?" You asked, smiling softly as he jumped off the bike and leaned it against the tree. He simply turned to you, smiling excitedly and reached for your hand again.</p>
<p>"You'll see." He then began to lead you around a corner of the clearing where you saw a large blanket spread out and a cooler set in the corner. You looked at this little picnic set up, feeling your heart giddy with admiration at this sweet boy. He smiled at your as you turned to him with a smile just as bright. He pulled his phone out of a pocket and pulled up his music app, looking up at you with slight worry.</p>
<p>"What kind of music do you want to listen to?" You simply smiled and began walking toward the picnic to find a comfy spot to sit.</p>
<p>"Just put on what you like." You smiled, feeling at ease as you found a spot on the ground that felt comfortable but still had a lovely view.</p>
<p>"It's not exactly date music..." He said shy, walking over to the blanket as well. You let out a single chuckle.</p>
<p>"So? I'm with you, so music that you like is exactly what I want to listen to." You watched as it was his turn to blush and look away from you as he pressed his fingers against his phone, pulling up a heavy sounding band that you could vaguely recognize. He must have continued with his heavy metal and rock music taste since he and Kenny had that band then. He sat down across from you and opened the cooler, blush continuing as he pulled the items from inside it.</p>
<p>"It's not the fanciest of meals." He seemed so shy suddenly, making your heart squeal and dance as you held a gentle smile on your lips. "Some PB&amp;J sandwiches, apples and water. I didn't want anything to spoil when I went to get you." His blush continued to grow.</p>
<p>"Stan, it's a picnic." You could hear the lighthearted tone bright and clear, knowing he had to pick up on how happy you were anyway. "They aren't meant to be fancy. And besides, I love PB&amp;J, it's an American classic."</p>
<p>He smiled up at you, picking up an apple and pulling a pocket knife from his pocket, flicking up a blade and slicing a piece of apple before eating it.</p>
<p>"So, Kenny told me that apples were your favorite." He said, holding his apple and looking at it and back at you.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I love apples. There were always apple trees everywhere in the farming areas of Washington." You said, remembering your early childhood and time with your father before your family broke. "When I was little, my mom and dad would take me to go apple picking in the fall. My dad would carry me on his shoulders so I could reach the apples that hadn't fallen." You told him, eyes glazed over as you looking into memory and took a bite of your sandwich. Suddenly, Stan giggled next to you, snapping you back to focus with surprise.</p>
<p>"You have a little," He said, motioning to his own cheek. What? His eyes flashed quickly as you reached to your own cheek, trying to figure what he was talking about. "Here, I got it."</p>
<p>He leaned forward, his face now very close to yours and you felt your heart jump up your throat, forcing you to hold your breath. His mouth pressed against your cheek and you felt his tongue lick your skin very softly, sending electric sparks down your spine as your brain turned into a spinning ball of light. You realized you had closed your eyes to better focus on the feeling of him and what he made you feel so you snapped them open before he saw you in such an embarrassing way as he leaned away, smirk plastered to his face.</p>
<p>"Jelly." He said, shrugging one shoulder slightly.</p>
<p>"Oh." Was all you could come up with as your brain continued to glow and spin. You saw his face fall, worry ghosting over his features.</p>
<p>"Was that too forward? I'm sorry! I just... I feel like I've been buzzing ever since last night and I can't stop thinking about it and wanting to be near you again." He said all very fast, surprising both of you as his mouth snapped shut and his eyes were wide. "I'm sorry." He said, turning his face down, clearly embarrassed. 'This won't do.' You knew you were nervous, but he felt exposed. It was your turn.</p>
<p>"It's okay." You said, also not looking at him directly, knowing if you locked eyes your words would fail you. "I feel like I could relive that moment in the closet forever and be totally okay with it. Or maybe even more...." You let those last words linger between you, making the tension now so visible it made your vision fuzzy. He snapped his eyes up to yours, the clear blue nearly eclipsed by his wide pupils as that same hungry look radiated from his gaze. You imagined you must look similar.</p>
<p>"You know, you have some gold in your eyes." He said, leaning much closer, his eyes locked into yours still as you felt yourself lean closer as well, desperate to close the distance. You felt his nose brush yours, his breath filling your lungs as your eyes closed and you felt his lips against yours.</p>
<p>Maybe it was because alcohol wasn't in your system, maybe it was because you knew he wanted it too, or maybe it was that you were able to see him come in close, but this kiss was stronger emotionally than the one last night. He started softly, lips gently pressing into yours, like you were made of a thin and delicate glass that he was scared he would shatter. He opened his mouth slightly, the taste of apples light on his tongue as it brushed against your lips and teeth as you opened your mouth to accept him in. You could feel yourself wanting more, you pressed your lips harder into his, forcing his lips and yours to mold into a single shape. His hands had moved to hold the back of your head and top of your neck, the other hand cupping against your cheek as his tongue became more adventurous, brushing against yours more as well as the insides of your cheeks. You wanted to taste him more as well as your tongue began moving in a similar way, your arms wrapping around his torso and one hand reaching up to the back of his hair.</p>
<p>He scooted himself closer to you on the blanket, his leg now pressed to the side of yours. You rotated your upper body to press yourself closer to him, longing to close the space between your hearts, wanting them to beat in rhythm. When he felt you push your body against him, his hand that was at your cheek dropped and quickly wrapped around your waist and pulled you tightly to his body, making a small moan escape you. You felt his fingers dig into your back, eager for that response to be repeated. You recalled how he had moaned when you pulled on his hair last night and you gave a gentle tug with the hand you had in his hair. His moan vibrated against your lips before radiating all through your body. You felt him break away from your lips, and though you were thankful for the air, you felt sad at the cold air on your lips but then felt his lips, tongue and teeth traveling down your jaw, your neck and into the dip of your shoulder, bringing another moan from the depths of your throat. This must have been driving him crazy, as he continued at that spot with a fever, biting and sucking on your skin, bringing your breath to gasps and moans. You could feel your chest heaving with the breath you couldn't seem to catch as you felt the hand that was on your back slowly moving toward your side and continuing closer to your breast. Fear screamed into your lust crazed mind, pulling focus on what his hand was doing.</p>
<p>Your hands were on his chest as you gently pushed him away, his hands letting go of you quickly and his face turning to you. You could still see the lust in his eyes as well as the flush in his cheeks and fullness in his lips, but the emotion he expressed was more of concern than anything else.</p>
<p>"Let's hold on." You said, still out of breath but wanting to make him understand. You were enjoying yourself of course, but you were not ready for something like that.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry!" He said, pulling his leg up to put his elbow to his knee and face in his hand. "I shouldn't have done that, especially not without asking. It won't happen again, I swear." He lifted his head back up, eyes now more serious and you could see he was genuinely upset with himself.</p>
<p>"No, I understand." You said, softly grabbing his hand with yours and holding it as you spoke. "That was amazing and I understand that things could get carried away. But," you blushed and felt embarrassed. "I'm not that kind of girl. I mean, Kenny is my best friend yeah, and he is kind of slutty in a way, but that doesn't mean I am." You added as a joke. He suddenly panicked.</p>
<p>"Oh no! No! I would never think that! Not at all!" He was on his knees in front of you now, hands together as if he was pleading. "I just, I've liked you for a long time. And you're so sweet, and smart, and caring, of fucking gorgeous." You could feel your blush deepen with each compliment, the last one making you hide your face in one hand and turn away from him. You felt his hand on the side of you face to make you turn back to him then. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to be with you." He smiled, his eyes searching yours.</p>
<p>You felt a large volume of air fill your lungs before it expelled fast with a smile and a squeal of "OH MY GOD YES!" You felt your body leap forward, colliding with his and you were suddenly laying over him, mouth again on his as you kissed him with quick closed mouth kisses. You were too excited to care if he found it silly, and soon found yourself kissing his cheeks and nose and chin and forehead as he laughed under you, arms wrapped around your body to prevent you from rolling away. Once you stopped with your kiss attack, you looked at him, letting your features soften into a sweet smile.</p>
<p>"I would love to be your girlfriend, Stan." You said, finishing your sentence with the most romantic kiss you could create, soft and gentle, with the lingering feeling of the whisper of your lips against his in the smallest way possible.</p>
<p>"There is a God." You felt him whisper against your lips. You smiled, kissing him again before sitting up off of him, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a sip, smirking at your very first boyfriend as he looked at you, blushing and smiling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>School had officially begun, and walking hand in hand with Stan through the hallways you felt like you had never been happier. You're mom had even begun spending more time at home, only leaving on the weekends now so your weekdays had been opened up for you as Dennis now had his actual mother to help him. One day while walking in the hallway on your way to a class you had with Butters and Kyle you saw a poster for cheer tryouts. You felt yourself beaming and grabbed onto Butters, stopping both him and Kyle in surprise.</p>
<p>"Oh my God! Tryouts are next week! Butters," You pulled on his arm again. "You totally have to try out with me! You would be perfect for it!" His eyes went wide in fear as his head began shaking back and forth quickly.</p>
<p>"No, Jamie, I can't be a cheerleader! I'll get grounded! My parents will find out I'm gay!" He was now beginning to shake all over as Kyle glanced around nervously, not one to want an audience even if he isn't the one in focus.</p>
<p>"No Butters! I swear you would be perfect for it and I have a great excuse for you! You can just tell your parents that you joined so you could 'touch girls'. They will believe you are straight with something like that!" He stopped shaking then, looking at you as he contemplated your words. "And you would be perfect. You are always so happy and your joy makes everyone else happy! And I know you are strong enough, I've seen you pick up Kenny loads of times." You stopped, watching him consider your words even more before a slight smile began to turn up the edges of his lips.</p>
<p>"Hey yeah, I am pretty strong huh? And I love making people happy!" He began to smile even brighter as his eyes began to look excited as well. You could feel the fear leave Butters and tension dissipate from Kyle's face as he continued to watch the exchange as he took a glance at his wristwatch.</p>
<p>"Guys, we need to get to class, it's all the way upstairs." Kyle muttered. You looked over at him and sighed, nodding and continuing on to class.</p>
<p>The rest of the week Butters, Annie and you were practicing flips, jumps and lifts. After watching videos online Butters was able to figure how to hold both you and Annie up in the air without either of you feeling like you would fall. On the days Stan and Kenny didn't have football practice they came to watch, occasionally cheering or catcalling, even making Annie blush. Once cheer tryouts had arrived, you saw Butters standing near the doors to the gym, his arms wrapped around himself with tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Butters?" You came over, reaching your hand to his face and wipe his tears away. He refused to look you in the eye as he sniffled, trying to stop crying. "Butters, what's wrong?"</p>
<p>"My dad said that if I'm gonna be a cheerleader to touch girls that I have to make the squad or I'm grounded." He mumbled, wiping more tears away. You looked at him, thinking quickly.</p>
<p>"Well..." You paused, trying to find the words that would help him feel less frightened. "Then I guess it's time we go and show them how great you are and how perfect you will be for the squad!" You said, smiling and holding his hands in yours, trying to push excitement to him from yourself. Slowly you saw his eyes clear and a coy smile break his frown. You smiled even bigger, knowing he was feeling better. You continued, knowing you needed to get him more excited. "No tell me Butters; Who is gonna shake and moove the house?" You elongated the O in move as you had heard done for years from the cheerleaders, making a hint at the mascot every school in town used.</p>
<p>"South Park Cows." He mutters, still nervous, glancing down.</p>
<p>"I can't hear you!" You put on your cheer voice, having worked on it for days. "Who is gonna shake and moove the house?!" Butters's smile became bright again as he stood up straighter.</p>
<p>"South Park Cows!" He chanted back, wrapping you in a hug. "Thank you, Jamie. You really are the greatest!"</p>
<p>Two hours later, you, Butters, Annie, and Leslie were all getting measured for your new cheer uniforms so they would be ready for the homecoming assembly and game. You sent a text to Stan and Kenny, telling them that the 4 of you had made the squad.</p>
<p>'Awesome guys! This is going to be so epic with you and Butters on the sidelines while we're playing.' from Kenny.</p>
<p>'That's great baby! Can't wait to see you in that uniform ;)' from Stan.</p>
<p>The message from Stan made you blush as you walked Butters home, reminding him that everything is going to be okay and that he could continue to play as a ladies man for his homophobic parents.</p>
<p>At the homecoming game two weeks later, you continued to feel like life was going to be great and that troubles would end soon. You felt like your heart was flying just as high as you were being tossed and then caught. You had been chosen as a new flyer as you were the smallest on the team, still only standing 5'2" and weighing 107lbs. As you cheered on the sidelines, you watched Stan as he played, occasionally winking at you or blowing you a kiss while defense was on the field. You had never known life feeling so complete. After the game with a narrow win for South Park, Stan's mom drove you home and Stan walked you to your front door.</p>
<p>"You look amazing by the way." He whispered in your ear, his breath hot against the cool night air, sending chills through your body.</p>
<p>"Thank you," you blushed, hands clasping his jacket and standing on your toes to give him a parting kiss. He held your face in his hands and you kissed his lips, tasting the sweat that had lingered on his mouth from playing. You pulled back only a fraction to speak against his lips. "Will I see you tomorrow?"</p>
<p>"You bet your sweet ass you will." He said, his hands quickly brushing down the sides of your body and as he slightly turned, one hand slipped behind you and softly grabbed your left buttock, making you gasp and jump slightly at the touch. He smirked as he continued to turn and began making his way back to his waiting mom as she was fidgeting with her phone. You were certain that she hadn't seen what he did, and the fact he even took such a risk made your heart pound quickly. He had been finding ways to make you feel more and more amped up, wanting to feel his touch every time he left, a burning ghost of his touch lingering against your skin for hours at times. Though you could tell he wanted to keep going further with each touch, you were still nervous. You didn't want to push him away, but you weren't sure how long he would stay if you didn't let him continue to inch closer and closer ever so slightly to what you knew was his wish. You could feel the temptation burn inside your stomach as well, denying it would be a lie to yourself, but you still felt too young for things to progress much further.</p>
<p>Before you made your way into your bedroom after saying good night to Dennis as he played on his computer, your phone chimed as a message bubble popped up.</p>
<p>'Sorry for the surprise, I honestly didn't think my hand would move that close.' Stan. You smirked to yourself, laying on your bed as you heard movement downstairs too heavy to be Dennis.</p>
<p>'I was surprised, but I think I will let that one slide ;)' you flirted back. Your door opened, a damp and tousled blond head peeking in before the body followed.</p>
<p>"Oh dang, you're still dressed." Kenny joked, snapping his fingers in disappointment. You simply rolled your eyes and threw a stuffed animal towards his head, making him dodge slightly before plopping down next to you. "Ooh, is this lover boy Stanny?" He snickered, looking over your shoulder as you tried to roll away.</p>
<p>"Dude, privacy!" You felt your phone go off again and you opened Stan's response.</p>
<p>'I will consider it an honor then! Greatly looking forward to the next one you will allow! ;P' Stan. A large blush erupted across your cheeks and you could feel your bed shake as Kenny began to wrestle the phone from your hands to see what had caused that reaction in you. Before you could stop him, your phone was in his hands and he was texting quickly and you began to climb over him to grab it back.</p>
<p>"Kenny! Don't!" You whined as his thumb pressed against the send button. "What did you do?!" You snatched your phone back and quickly read what he had typed before you felt the blood leave your face as he laughed and rolled onto his back on your bed, clutching at his stomach.</p>
<p>'Just wait baby, i'll be lettin you slide on in and you will be puttin that tongue to use ;P&gt;'</p>
<p>"Oh my God, Kenny I am going to kill you!" You snarled at him as you quickly texted Stan again before he could react to that message.</p>
<p>'Kenny stole my phone! That was not me!' Your phone dinged as you began pummeling Kenny with your pillow as he continued laughing on your bed, taking absolute pleasure in your embarrassment.</p>
<p>'I knew something was off. You use proper spelling. And are NEVER that forward!' You sighed, thanking God that your boyfriend knew you better than you had thought. You phone buzzed again as you finished reading the first message. Stan had sent another.</p>
<p>'But I will admit, I nearly had a heart attack with that one. Maybe tonite in my dreams. ;x zzz' Stan. Your stomach did a flip as you felt yourself caught off guard, pillow still in hand and raised in the air. Kenny noticed this pause, and again dove for your phone, ever the devil on everyone's shoulder. He read over the messages that had passed since he had intervened and turned to face you with raised eyebrows and a knowing smirk.</p>
<p>"Oh he is so going to masturbate to you tonight!" Kenny said, tossing your phone towards you as you dropped the pillow and gasped, hands flying to your face to hide the embarrassed red of your cheeks.</p>
<p>"Oh my God, Kenny! Get out!" You commanded, stomping your foot as he began making his way towards the door and you continued to hide in your hands.</p>
<p>"Fine, I'll be in the guest room. It's your turn to make breakfast tomorrow! Night!" he walked out and shut the door behind him, leaving you to try and catch your breath and return your heart rate back to normal before texting good night to Stan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You and Dennis were sitting in the living room still in your pajamas as as Kenny was tending to the dishes in the kitchen when you heard knocking on the front door. You and Dennis shared a quick confused look, normally Butters would walk in with a friendly hello and neither of you were expecting anyone early in the morning. You made you way to the door and opened it to find a smiling Stan holding a sunflower in his hand. He stepped forward and planted a kiss to your cheek, offering you the flower and his other hand gently wrapping around your waist.</p>
<p>"Good morning." He smiled at your blush, looking at your lounge pants and strappy tank top. You weren't wearing a bra and you suddenly became very aware of that as the cold outside air hit you and Stan's eyes glanced at you chest and widened slightly.</p>
<p>"Good morning. This is a surprise. What are you doing here so early? It's not even 8." You pulled him in with you and shut the door quickly.</p>
<p>"I told you that you would see me tomorrow." He shrugged, making his way toward the living room and waving a quick hi to Dennis who just grinned back in response.</p>
<p>"I remember that." You said, sitting down next to your brother again, resting the flower delicately in your lap. "I just didnt expect you so early. I normally like to be showered before I see you." You smirked, letting him know with those words that you were both wanting to stay cute in front of him but also willing to show a more natural side of yourself. He smiled at you and began to open his mouth when a loud bang of pans in the kitchen grabbed his attention. 'Dammit Kenny, you always drop those things.' You thought to yourself and rolled your eyes.</p>
<p>"Is that your mom?" Stan asked, making his way to the kitchen. He had only seen your mom in passing, had not even seen her since you two started dating. You stood up to follow him into the kitchen and began to correct him.</p>
<p>"No silly, mom is out every weekend, you know that. That's just-" Stan had stopped abruptly in front of you as he saw Kenny standing in the kitchen, sweat pants hanging off his hips, no shirt but kitchen gloves on as he scrubbed the bacon pan from that morning's breakfast.</p>
<p>"Kenny?!" Stan sounded stunned and on the brink of anger. You looked at him with confusion as Kenny spun around at the sound of his name, his crooked smile perked up when he saw the two of you.</p>
<p>"Oh, hey Stan, what's u-" his voice was cut off as Stan had rushed him and grabbed him by the throat, rage billowing off of him in large red waves. You were stunned in place as Kenny's eyes darted from Stan's snarling grimace and your shocked eyes. "What the fuck?" He managed to gasp out.</p>
<p>"I should say the same! Are you fucking with my girl McCormick?!" Stan's face was close to Kenny's, still holding him by his throat as Kenny grabbed at his hand and began to pull him off.</p>
<p>"What the, dude, no!" Kenny looked at Stan with surprised annoyance.</p>
<p>"Stan let him go!" You found your voice and had made you way to stand next to them, pulling Stan's arm down and trying to squeeze yourself between the two boys. "Kenny stayed the night but it's nothing like that!" You reached your hands up to cup Stan's face but he roughly pushed your hands away. Tears began to form in your eyes. You had never seen him like this. But you needed to get him to understand, thinking you should have told him earlier how Kenny practically lived with you and Dennis.</p>
<p>"Stan, I have Butters you moron! I would never do that with Jamie or hurt you like that!" Kenny shoved Stan away from him, anger now evident on his face as well.</p>
<p>Stan stood there, looking at the two of you both still in your sleep clothes, jealousy still evidently glowing off of him. You stepped forward, reaching a hand up to touch his shoulder. He didn't push you off this time, just looked at you, hurt now building in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Let me explain sweetie." You said, pulling him to the dining room. He slowly and somewhat reluctantly followed as you kept a gentle but firm hold on his forearm. You glanced at Kenny who continued to watch with mild anger at Stan's outburst. "Please join us in a minute, Ken." He nodded short and quick, turning back to the dish he had dropped.</p>
<p>Stan let you guide him to a chair at the table and slumped in it, his eyes set on you with mistrust and his arms folded across his chest.</p>
<p>"What is he doing spending the night, Jamie?" His voice and volume low but his tone snarled as you sat next to him, placing a hand on his knee and leaning forward. You sighed before you began, knowing it would reveal things Kenny had hidden from his other friends.</p>
<p>"Kenny has been more or less living here since a night back in 6th grade when his dad beat him into a bloody pulp." You watched his eyes shift from anger to shock, the tension is his jaw now completely slack. "I even made him a key so he wouldn't have to sneak in through my window. He and Karen are here probably more than they are home." His shoulders softened even more when you brought in how even Karen was involved. You heard Kenny move into the dining room behind you and sit across the table from you, leaning forward on his elbows, eyes on his folded hands. Stan too was looking at him.</p>
<p>"Kenny, is that what you have been hiding from Kyle and me?" He was sounding more like his lovable self, always concerned for his friends. Kenny looked up and held up his key necklace.</p>
<p>"My key is for here. We didn't want to tell anyone because Jamie didn't want to get in trouble or get a bad reputation and I didnt want to go back to foster care." He dropped the key and you saw a shift in his eyes, a bitterness that made your stomach turn. "And everyone thinks I'm a slut already, there was no reason to drag Jamie's name down with me if they knew I was sleeping here." You frowned at that.</p>
<p>"You are not a slut, Kenny." You argued back, but you felt a small joke slip out. "You are a horndog and a flirt, but not a slut." Both Stan and Kenny laughed with that and the tension in the room finally began to fade. Dennis then popped his head around the corner, now dressed and looking confused.</p>
<p>"Who's a slut?" Dennis's light voice asked. You rolled your eyes as the boys snickered at your brother's reaction to the word.</p>
<p>"No one Dennis. What do you need?" You asked.</p>
<p>"Can I go play basketball with my friends at the park?" He asked, smiling his falsely sweet smile he put on when he wanted something.</p>
<p>"Yeah, sure." You shrugged. "Take your phone if I need to reach you. Do you need lunch money?" You asked as he began running to the front door. You heard him reply as he ran.</p>
<p>"I'm good! Thank you!" The door opened and closed with a slam very quickly. You sighed again, turning back to Stan and smiling softly at him. He was looking at you, a question in his eyes.</p>
<p>"What is it?" You asked, still hoping to ease his concerns.</p>
<p>"You said he snuck in through your window." He said, eyeing Kenny now who began to chuckle.</p>
<p>"Yeah, dude, totally easy to get up there." He added a wink in Stan's direction which resulted in a slight blush just under his eyes.</p>
<p>"But where do you sleep?" Stan asked, trying to glare without showing jealousy. Your stomach flipped with nerves this time. Kenny also seemed nervous as he returned to look at his hands to hide his face. Stan turned to you now, glare growing again.</p>
<p>"Well..." you began. Might as well tell him the truth. "The first night we stayed in my bed. Only sleeping of course!" You added fast, feeling your voice beginning to speed up. "But he usually stays in the guest room, especially if Butters is here too."</p>
<p>"Usually?" His tone serious again.</p>
<p>"Some nights he-" you felt a nervous bubble stop your breath and Kenny graciously took over for you.</p>
<p>"Sometimes, if I get here after my dad..." he didnt finish that sentence, only paused but the unspoken words were still understood. "Jamie will help me and have me sleep in her bed so she can help calm me down." He looked away, embarrassed. "I have nightmares and accidentally hurt myself more. She helps." He didnt know what else to add, now just looking at Stan to finally understand. You prayed silently that he may finally see how strong your friendship and bond with Kenny was, and that he wouldn't be upset or jealous about it.</p>
<p>Stan looked at Kenny, absorbing the conversation and processing the words both spoken and unspoken as he turned to look at you. You couldnt understand the emotion in his eyes as you searched them for anything. Forgiveness, anger, acceptance. Nothing. He then leaned forward and lowered his face to yours before placing a chaste kiss on your lips.</p>
<p>"You are such a beautiful soul." He said softly, lips a breath away from yours. You heart jumped, so happy he wasnt upset with you or Kenny. Overjoyed that he could put his own ego aside to see that a friend was in need and another friend came to the rescue.</p>
<p>"Now that I know you two aren't going to start throwing punches and breaking things, I'm going to take a shower." You stood up and kissed the top of Stan's head, taking in the smell of his cologne that was faint in his hair, making your way upstairs to the bathroom.</p>
<p>As you showered, you allowed your mind to swim in that lingering scent of Stan. It was the first time Dennis would be gone for a few hours, and you could easily convince Kenny to leave and give you and Stan some alone time. But what did you want to use it for. You had been dating for a few months and making out was still amazing to you, but you wanted more. And you could tell he did too. Of course, you weren't going to kid yourself that you were ready for anything under the pants. But maybe... under something else. You looked down at your chest, wondering if what you had to offer would be okay. You felt that though you weren't flat chested, but not anything like Bebe, that your breasts were nothing special. But maybe, since you had seen his reaction before, maybe to him they would be special. You took a deep breath as you turned the water off and began to dry yourself off. You peeked outside the bathroom door to make sure Kenny wasn't in the hallway towards the guest room to get dressed. He had seen you in a towel before of course, but you were sure that Stan would explode in jealousy again of he knew it happened while he was there. You bounded to your room in 3 quick, large steps and grabbed your phone.</p>
<p>'Dude, find a reason to leave!' Sent to Kenny.</p>
<p>You quickly dried your hair, letting it hang in damp tangles as you threw on a loose and somewhat sheer tank top, underwear and tights as you heard Kenny's voice call from the bottom of the stairs.</p>
<p>"I'm going, James. See you later." Thank God he understood what you had been asking. You hollered down a farewell and heard Stan begin making his way up the stairs. You stood near your door, hearing him pause on the other side and then knocking softly twice.</p>
<p>"Jamie, can I come in?" He asked, his voice tender with a small hint of nervousness. He hadn't seen your room yet.</p>
<p>"Yeah babe, I'm dressed." You answered, opening the door and seeing his surprised expression again before it slid into one more lustful. You saw and felt his eyes grazing down your body, lingering on your chest. You knew in this lighting he could see very slight definition and the hunger in his eyes made your stomach flip in longing. Finally he made his way back to your eyes and his smile was eager. He wasnt the only one eager.</p>
<p>With a devious grin, you grabbed him by the edges of his jacket and pulled him to you as you kicked the door closed behind him. You heard him laugh low and soft in mild amusement. You have never been the aggressor before. And you knew he was going to be very surprised again soon. He leaned his face to yours, holding you close to his body but your feet continued to walk backward, guiding him further into your room. You had a destination. The bed.</p>
<p>When you felt the bed against your legs, you pulled his jacket down his arms and let it fall. You felt him smile against your lips as you kissed him, hands now moving to the bottom hem of his shirt and you began to pull it up and over his head. You saw him look at you with surprise at having taken his clothes off and you grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back to you as you continued to kiss him heavily with occasional nips at his lips, small moans filling your mind. Your hands began to travel down his chest, feeling the definition you had been dreaming of touching for years and an eagerness tickled your brain, fingertips gently scratching down his stomach towards the opening of his jeans. As you got lower down his stomach a shiver erupted under your fingers, a louder moan coming from his throat. That moan was a trigger to your body, heat flooding to your core and a twisting in your stomach as you hooked your fingers into his jeans and with one swift movement threw him down on your bed and straddled his lap. He looked up at you, his bright blue eyes giving away his surprise as you looked down at him. Here was the boy you had been admiring from afar for years, now laying under you and all yours. You were going to give him something you had never given before and had not wanted to give to anyone else. You smiled softly and moved your arms to grab the bottom of your shirt, slowly raising it. His eyes went wide, his mouth breathing out a soft "oh" as the last bit of fabric cleared over your head. You dropped the shirt down, taking in the look of overwhelming need that was holding Stan your captive.</p>
<p>"So beautiful." He whispered, pulling himself up slowly and reaching up to grab you by your cheek, fingers in your hair and pulled you down with a heated kiss. At first it was tender and sweet, the exposed skin of your chest softly laying against his, but you began to feel a need growing inside both of you. The kisses became rougher, teeth biting at lips and hands beginning to explore. When he began sliding his hand up to cup your breast for the first time, you felt him moan against your mouth. A carnal need began to command your movements and you lowered your body to close the gap between you. You rocked your hips, feeling how he was solid and bursting against his jeans with your dampening womanhood. A shocking growl erupted from his chest and you found yourself on your back now, barely registering how you got there. Stan began thrusting his hips against the inside of your thighs, each inhale you took a gasp and exhale a moan or pleasure filled sigh. His mouth was attacking your neck and collar bone, making his way closer to your exposed breasts. Before he got there he looked up at you, his pupils eclipsing his pale blue eyes. You bit your lower lip in anticipation. He took your whole nipple in his mouth, making circles with his tongue and with his hand massaging your other breast and pinching your nipple between his thumb and finger. Shocks of electricity from his mouth rippled through your body, your hips bucking up into his, desperate to feel his erection against you and your back arched whe. He switched off. He began making his way back up, biting and sucking into your chest, somehow able to remember to stay where your cheer uniform wouldn't expose a hickey that you felt forming under your skin. As if you cared. You craved to have your body marked by him, to walk with evidence that you were his and he was yours. The band in your stomach was twisting tighter and you could feel that it would break very soon. His thrusts began pushing deeper, pushing your hips deep into your mattress and animalistic moans escaped you without your consent. A sudden explosion in your stomach warned you a second before the snap, your nails now dragging down his back.</p>
<p>"Oh God, STAN!" You heard yourself scream, the band in your stomach snapping and a pulsation erupting from your soaked opening and echoing itself for what felt like an eternity afterward. Your blood was fire, your consciousness flying into deep space and all you could comprehend was this boy, no, man groaning into your neck. Suddenly and without warning he pulled himself away like he was shocked, uttering a curse and his face looked pained. You felt the lose of heat and touch, leaving you feel void. Your eyes opened and you hazily looked at him.</p>
<p>"I.... uh... I will be right back." He smiled, looking tense and left your room moving toward the bathroom.</p>
<p>Worry began coating your thoughts so you quietly pulled your shirt back on and tiptoed your way down the hall. As you neared the bathroom you could hear that Stan was making noises, but as you got closer it became more obvious to what he was doing. You heard the curses and moans, bringing a new need to your body as your heart beat blood into y ou ur cheeks to blush deeper. Those noises were like a drug. You wanted more. You wanted to be the one to bring them out of him. You wanted to feel them muffled into your neck as he was buried into your skin. Your mind began to feel foggy with lust as you heard a larger moan, more guttural than any he had made before and you clamped a hand over your mouth to avoid moaning in response. You leaned against the wall, not trusting your legs to carry you to your room anymore. The door opened and he saw you, embarrassment turning his face into a purple hue of a blush and he finished zipping his pants, taking tentative steps towards you.</p>
<p>"So.... yeah...." he shoved one hand into his pocket, the other at the back of his neck, eyes down and away from you. You moved to stand in front of him, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning so your chin rested on his chest.</p>
<p>"Happy almost birthday." He smiled at you then, his eyebrow quirked in confusion.</p>
<p>"Was that my present?" A devious smirk on his lips.</p>
<p>"That was part one. I couldnt exactly do that at your party." You giggled. He smiled brighter, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his waist and walked back to your room.</p>
<p>"Well, that was the best, most amazing present I have ever gotten." He nuzzled into your neck, making you shudder again as your nerves were still on high alert. He chuckled under his breath, dropping you softly on your bed and grabbed his shirt from where it had landed. He crawled into the bed next to you, pulling you close to his body, holding you and breathing in the smell of your hair, kissing the top of your head. You nuzzled closer, your body relaxing into his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Winter came quickly in the Rocky's and football season came to an end, but cheer continued with basketball. While you were on the sidelines, Stan cheered you on in the stands as well as his best friend Kyle, having made varsity. Winter break was about to begin and it was the last basketball game until classes began in January when after the game Stan scooped you into his arms before the crowds dispersed. You helped in surprise as he laughed and started running off with you.</p>
<p>"Stan Marsh, you put me down!" You laughed as he ran from the gym. He set you down next to a trophy case and captured you in a playful kiss. You giggled and gently hit him in the chest, poms still in hand. "What are you doing you goofball?"</p>
<p>He smiled and leaned forward to not be heard as the crowds from the game walked passed.</p>
<p>"Stay awake tonight, I feel like testing out that rose trundle to your window." A blush rose into your cheeks as you gasps at him in surprise.</p>
<p>"What? I thought you were staying at Kyle's tonight before you leave for Aspen for the week?" A nervous excitement was shining in his eyes and you could feel it glowing in yours as well. He gently held your chin, leaning even closer to speak against your lips.</p>
<p>"True, but its a good thing Kyle will cover for me." He kissed you softly, but the energy inside his kiss held mischief. You felt nervousness again and pulled away.</p>
<p>"Stan," you sighed, "I know what you are hoping for, but I don't think we are ready for that. I know I'm not." You looked at him, watching his eyes fall just slightly.</p>
<p>"I know, Jamie, and I'm not coming for that!" He took your hands in his and leaned to rest his forehead on yours. "I just want to be with you as much as I can before we leave. I'm going to miss you like crazy." Your heart fluttered and a happy hum vibrated in your chest.</p>
<p>"Okay..." you blushed, kissing him again as his parents started to walk into view. "I'll see you tonight."</p>
<p>That night you were laying in wait, trying to read the copy of Pride and Prejudice your English teacher had assigned but jumping at every sound outside. You had picked out a cute pajama set with frilly shorts and a tight fitting shirt. Though Dennis said he was going to bed you could hear him playing video games in his room and occasionally cursing into his headphone mic. You reread the same paragraph on the page for the third time when you heard a small tapping sound on your window and your heart jumped up faster than your legs. You pulled the window up and smiled at Stan who was wearing a large grin and his nose and cheeks were pink from the cold.</p>
<p>"That was actually fun." He joked, climbing into the window as you giggled softly. "I've never done something like that before; I should totally do it again." He smiled brightly and pulled his hat and jacket off before wrapping you in an embrace. You felt your feet leave the floor and he sat you on your bed and kicked off his boots, casually sitting in your bed next to you.</p>
<p>"So," you eyed him with playful suspicion. "What were you hoping to get from this little adventure?" His face softened, smile sweet and crystalline eyes gentle, and he reached to lace your fingers together with his.</p>
<p>"Closeness. I wanted to talk with you, have you fall asleep in my arms so I could tuck you in. Give me a view of you as a sleeping beauty for me to wake up when I get back, so I could be your prince charming." He said all this, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand and with his other brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. You could feel a heat bloom in your chest and in your cheeks and you shifted to lay against his chest, head tucked over his heart.</p>
<p>"I can give you that." He moved a bit and pulled the blanket over the both of you, you could feel the nerves you had before he arrived immediately evaporate from you. "What do you want to talk about?"</p>
<p>"How about... what's something you haven't told anyone? Not even Kenny." His arms were softly wrapped around you, holding you without making you feel trapped. You thought for a moment.</p>
<p>"Hmm..." a small thought fluttered to the front of your mind, one you didnt like to think of as it showed vulnerability, but at this moment you felt safe. "Okay. So you already know that my parents are divorced. My dad had cheated. And since we moved here, my mom is gone to Denver all the time. I dont really know what she does over there, honestly, but I dont really care. But..." you hesitated.</p>
<p>"What?" He asked, his tone unrushed, more like he was gently encouraging you to continue.</p>
<p>"Well, I've practically been raising Dennis since we came here. He was only 2. And its been really hard. When Kenny started staying around more it got easier with someone else but... to tell the truth.... I would rather have my parents back. I think mom only kept us for child support. And I would rather have them fighting and here then always gone. I have seen dad only 3 times since we moved." You stopped, feeling tears slowly falling down your cheeks and into Stan's shirt. "I feel like I'm all on my own."</p>
<p>Stan pulled you up so your face was level with his. He looked at you with his eyebrows tight together and his lips a hard line.</p>
<p>"I'll be here too. I would happily leave that shitty farm and stay here every day. You don't need to be alone anymore." He kissed your forehead and your eyes closed hard, forcing the last tears to fall and go away so more couldn't form. You both laid there in silence for a little while, curled into each other. A thought bubbled in your head and you tilted your head in curiosity.</p>
<p>"What about you?"</p>
<p>"Hm?" His eyes were closed but the peace on his face was gone now.</p>
<p>"Something you haven't told anyone, not even Kyle." You tried to keep your expression soft but you saw in his now open eyes deep worry.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I have something." He sighed, turning his face away. "It started when a little after I turned 10. It was like something changed in me and a lot of weird things happened. I never really recovered. I think Kyle knows, but he doesn't say anything." He stopped, still not looking at you. You reached your hand up and held his face gently, pulling him to look at you. His eyes were watery, nearing tears. His bottom lip began to quiver.</p>
<p>"Please tell me." You whispered softly.</p>
<p>His eyes shut tight, shame flowing from him.</p>
<p>"I think I'm an alcoholic. I have a drink... every morning... before anything else. When I don't.... the whole world around me.... is just shit. It's how I can get through.... each day..... every single day." Tears began flowing from his closed eyes, the words had come out choked and he was gasping for air. You looked at him feeling shocked. You remembered he had some issues in 4th grade, but you didn't know he was still doing this. You pulled him close and pulled his head to your chest to try and calm him. You could still feel how ashamed he was in himself as he shook, sobbing harder as you ran your fingers through his inky black hair. </p>
<p>"Thank you for telling me this." You whispered and continued running your fingers through his hair, doing your best to soothe him. You felt an array of emotions as you held the young man that held your heart. You were scared for him, worried that he had been hiding an addiction for 5 years and self medication what sounded like a deep depression. You felt grateful that he trusted you enough to tell you something that upset him so much. And all the while, you realized that how much you cared for him did not lessen. In fact, it felt like it may have solidified. </p>
<p>"Stan?" You tilted his face up by his chin, wanting to look at him when you spoke. "I hope you know this means we need to get you some help.." His eyes widened with fear and he squeezed into you tighter and buried his face in your chest.</p>
<p>"Please, Jamie!" His slightly muffled voice cried from between your breasts. "Please, baby, don't tell anyone! Not yet!" He continued to cling to you desperately. </p>
<p>"Okay hun, okay." You hugged his head, trying to calm him again, and he looked up at you, his light eyes shining in fresh tears. "But I really want you to think about it." He burrowed in again.</p>
<p>"Jamie, I don't know if I can. I tried before and it was the worst few days. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. Everything I heard and saw and smelt. It was all just shit!" He was starting to get angry and pulled away from you and sat up in the bed.</p>
<p>"Stan." You used your softest voice, hand on his shoulder. He sat there, breathing heavily but he didn't move away from your touch. "Stan. I'm just worried. I'm sorry." He let out a loud sigh, turning to look back at you over his shoulder. </p>
<p>"I know. I'm sorry. I..." he paused, his shoulder shuttered under your hand as a new sob shook him." I understand if you don't want to stay with me now." He began pulling the blanket away and a scream of fear vibrated through you as you leapt up and clung to his shoulders, wrapping yourself tightly to him.</p>
<p>"NO!" You nearly screamed into his ear. He fell forward into the bed from your sudden attack and began chuckling. You were confused by this reaction but let go and let him roll to face you.</p>
<p>"Okay, I take it from that reaction that it wasn't something you were thinking of." His eyes were still wet but there was a new hope in them. You grabbed onto that hope, promising yourself that you would bring all the hope back into his eyes. You loved that hope. </p>
<p>Oh. Is that it?</p>
<p>"Stan," you took a breath to steady yourself. "Its not. And that's because... I think I'm in love with you." Your eyes searched his feeling terrified at the shock and surprise that he stared at you with. You felt like time had stopped as you waited, for anything at this point, even a meteorite to strike to end the silence. His eyes softened finally and then closed, a smile brushed across his lips. He leaned up, grabbing the back of your head and kissed you. His lips were soft and warm with no hint of lust and you felt him smile against your lips. He parted by the smallest bit, his breath hot against your wet lips.</p>
<p>"I love you, Jamie." Stan whispered. Your heart beat hard and fast with a warmth flooding into every inch of your soul. He wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you back onto your pillow and reached up to turn off the light. In the dark you reached to grab the blanket over both of you. </p>
<p>"Go ahead and sleep. I'll have to go back before everyone gets up at Kyle's though, okay baby?" Stan whispered against your hair. Sleep beckoned you, the words you had longed to hear since that first breathtaking smile echoing in a sweet melody in your mind. You floated on a cloud; his warmth your blanket, his scent your air, his words the wind that carried you. You were in a heaven of dreams, never feeling when Stan detached himself from you and silently dressed and climbed back out your window.</p>
<p>When you woke to a cold and empty bed, worried that you had dreamed up the whole thing, you found on your book a small note written on a ripped piece of paper. </p>
<p>'Dream lovely things my Sleeping Beauty. All nightmares will end soon with true love's kiss. Your Prince Charming'</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A forewarning, the next chapter will have darker themes and may trigger some. Please proceed with caution. </p>
<p>All things will be okay in the end. If things are not okay, you can be sure it is not the end.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Falling in Flames</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How did this happen? Was it that you weren't enough? How can you keep going? </p>
<p>Why are they so terrible? How could someone be so cruel to their own child? </p>
<p>Pain is all you know. Pain and heartache. Will relief ever come, or do you have to take it for yourself?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter will contain homophobic language that may be painful to some. Please know that I myself would never say these types of things and in no way encourage this language either. There will also be a potential trigger as self harm will be presented in the form of cutting. Please remember this so you can separate your pain from the story. </p>
<p>I wish I could say that this chapter could be skipped, but for a story to see the light that can be, it has to know darkness. This chapter and the one following will be darker in tone and events, some of which reflections of my own life. If anyone has similar experiences and needs help but you don't know where to start, just ask. I will personally search for something local for you and help as much as I can! If you think no one cares, that you are alone, know that I do and we can be alone together. </p>
<p>I also want to say a HUGE THANK YOU for all of you reading this! It's my first time sharing my writing with the world and seeing the kudos literally makes my day!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You had a week and a half to hang out with friends while Stan was in Aspen with Kyle and his family. Stan had said that the last time they went it was awful, but he is hopeful that now that they are older and have more freedoms that they can have more fun. You wanted to enjoy the snow as well, so you sent texts to Kenny, Butters, Bebe and Lola to see if they wanted to go sledding. Dennis wanted to come, he invited some friends as well.</p>
<p>The best sledding hill was less than a mile from your neighborhood, so you walked with Dennis and dragged the sleds behind you as you and he crunched to the meeting spot. You could see ahead the bright orange jacket and light blue sweater. You shook your head, wishing Butters would wear a jacket but his parents refused to buy him one after his new one had been ripped after a week. As you had nearly approached them you heard a voice call to you from behind.</p>
<p>"Jamie, wait up!" You turned and saw that Bebe and Lola were about 50 yards behind, dragging an inner tube behind them.</p>
<p>"Here buddy, go ahead and meet up with Kenny." You handed Dennis his sled strings and he continued his way to the boys.</p>
<p>"Hey! I'm so happy you guys came!" You smiled brightly as the two girls made it to you. "I've been needing some girl time."</p>
<p>"Then why are Kenny and Butters here?" Lola asked, sarcasm thick. Bebe snorted a laugh.</p>
<p>"Like they count!" Bebe nodded towards them, wrapped in a full embrace and Butters's face covered in Kenny's hood in what you imagined was a deep kiss. A small twist in your stomach when you saw it. You must be missing Stan already. You wondered what he was doing as the three of you made it to the top. That early afternoon was filled with laughs as you and your friends were sledding and then initiated a snowball fight that even drew in other kids in the area.</p>
<p>You were dodging a snowball thrown by Lola as you heard a scream behind you followed by a sharp pain in your stomach and right temple. Shit.</p>
<p>You ran to the scream, finding Bebe holding a hysterically crying Butters, tears pouring down her cheeks as well. They were standing at a sudden drop off that had blended in so well that it came up to you right before you fell off. You chanced a look over, already knowing what you would see but terror gripped you still.</p>
<p>Kenny lay at the bottom, body twisted and broken, blood staining the snow and rocks that he had landed on, the largest puddles near is stomach and head. You knew he was already gone, but this was the first death he had while with Butters. You felt the tears hot on your cold and slightly chapped cheeks.</p>
<p>"Oh my God!" Lola screamed, turning to Bebe and Butters. "What happened?!" Butters was still hysterical, leaving Bebe to answer.</p>
<p>"He was running from us as we both threw balls at him, everything was fine. Then he suddenly was gone. We didn't know he had fallen. He didn't even scream. When we came over... we saw... and.. h-he.." Bebe broke into sobs now. You silently went to them, pulling Butters from her loose grasp and began walking him back down the hill.</p>
<p>He was near to passing out, you could sense it coming, so with tears streaming down without pause, you sat him in a sled and began pulling him into town and the direction of his house. You were beyond thankful that Dennis had gone off with his friends and that Butters's house was empty as you made your way inside. He had stopped crying and was silent and eyes wide, staring at nothing and seeing nothing. You pulled him up, guiding him to his room and laying him in his bed. You hoped that he would fall asleep from shock soon and sleep through the night. You hoped Kenny would have a short death, waking up tomorrow and everything being back to normal. Maybe they would remember it as Kenny just leaving during the game and everyone just going home after to warm up. You hoped that Butters would have no memory of the pain and anguish of seeing Kenny like that.</p>
<p>You pulled his snow boots off and pulled the blanket over Butters as his silence broke with a shuddered whisper.</p>
<p>"I lost him." You looked at him, brushing his white blonde hair out of his eyes to see the empty blue eyes staring ahead.</p>
<p>"He will never really be gone." Fresh tears trickled down your cheeks and fell from your chin. Butters finally looked at you with pain and confusion. "He would never leave us." You leaned forward and placed a soft, comforting kiss on Butters's forehead before turning to go home yourself. As you made your way out of the Stotch house, you pulled out your phone and sent a text to Stan and Kyle. You were always the bearer of bad news with Kenny's deaths when you were there to witness.</p>
<p>'Guys, something terrible happened... Kenny is gone.'</p>
<p>That night you had spent on speaker phone with Stan and Kyle, all collectively crying. Of course you knew it would be temporary, the pain was always there for each one. You three would always comfort each other until the morning you would get a text from Kenny. The following morning was no different as you woke from a chime from your phone. You opened your message with burning eyes, the sting of tears still painful.</p>
<p>'Hey! What I miss? &gt;D' Kenny</p>
<p>You breathed a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>'Oh, just Butters having a full melt down. Even though he won't remember that boy deserves a nice date after that.'</p>
<p>':_( poor Buttercup! I think I have an idea tho :0&lt;==3 ;)'</p>
<p>"Holy fuck! Oh my God!" You laughed out, turning your phone away as you tried pushing the visual away.</p>
<p>'Dude! TMI!'</p>
<p>'Dont be jelly! Maybe soon you can get some Stan juice too! Or maybe he will get himself some Jamie jelly? &gt;D' you felt your stomach doing flips when you read his message. Why did he always make you feel like this! Always nervous goosebumps and butterflies, especially when he would add that mischievous smile with that glint in his eyes. Even when he was little he had a future as a seducer. You would have thought you would be used to it or immune, but somehow you could feel an involuntary response.</p>
<p>You shook your head to clear it, focusing your mind on Stan. You sent him a text saying good morning with small hope. He didn't have any service while on the slopes and probably wouldn't see your message until lunch but it was better than nothing. You left your room and went to make breakfast for Dennis and yourself as Dennis was yelling into his headphones. Video games. He must have seen you come down the stairs as you heard him moving quickly and suddenly was at your shoulder.</p>
<p>"Jamie," he was bouncing, clearly eager for whatever he was about to say. "Is it okay if I stay at Mikey's tonight? His mom already said it would be okay."</p>
<p>You eyed him for a moment, already having an answer but wanting to make him wait just to see him squirm. Mikey was a good kid, and his parents owned a restaurant in town where Dennis would go often when you had cheer practice. They were good people.</p>
<p>"Yeah alright. But you mind your manners. Deal?"</p>
<p>"Deal." He smiled before running back to his game.</p>
<p>"Did you eat breakfast?" You hollered before he was deaf to you.</p>
<p>"Yep, I'm good." He shouted back, already getting back into his game.</p>
<p>As you made yourself a bowl of cereal, not needing to do a big breakfast, you started mulling over an idea. A slumber party didn't sound like a bad idea. And you already knew who you would invite, one specifically that you have been meaning to talk to for some time.</p>
<p>After you and Stan had started dating, you had only one conversation with Wendy and it had been rather one sided as she only responded in one word statements. You weren't sure who she was mad at more; you or Stan. Bebe reassured you that Wendy wasn't mad, she just didn't know how to react as Stan had never dated anyone but her before. So a fun night with just girls where the mood would be light would be perfect for you to try and reform that friendship again. As you ate your breakfast you sent out a mass text to Bebe, Wendy, Red, Annie, Lola, Nicole and Nelly.</p>
<p>'Slumber party at my place tonite? No boys allowed! :D'</p>
<p>As you ate response came in randomly, all saying yes and how they were excited or what they planned to bring. You began to feel excited too, not having had an all girls night since 7th grade.</p>
<p>Later that night they all started to arrive and tossing their stuff into the living room. The last to arrive was Wendy.</p>
<p>"Hey." She said softly.</p>
<p>"Hi." You tried your best to sound welcoming and sincere. "Come on in. Where's your stuff?" You saw that she didn't have anything with her.</p>
<p>"Oh, I'm not staying the night." She shrugged. "My family is heading to Aspen tomorrow for the week so I'm just staying for a few hours. If that's alright." She looked a little uncomfortable. You just smiled, welcoming her in.</p>
<p>"Of course it is."</p>
<p>A short while later as you were all eating pizzas and gossiping in the kitchen, Wendy spoke clearly.</p>
<p>"Hey, Jamie?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, what's up?" You asked, swallowing your bite.</p>
<p>"Why Stan?" Wendy asked, looking straight at you as all girls fell silent looking back and forth between the two of you. You felt your heart beating hard, you didn't expect this conversation happening in front of everyone.</p>
<p>"Uh, well," might as well tell her the truth. "I liked him since I first met him actually." You looked up, nervous what she would say.</p>
<p>"Really?" She was taken aback. But you didn't see anger, so you continued.</p>
<p>"I never did anything while you two were together. Nothing was ever more than friendly until Token's party. And he never showed anything towards me until then either." You could see Bebe nodding softly as she encouraged you as Wendy studied her own fingers laced together on the table. You took a breath, hoping this wouldn't push Wendy away from you.</p>
<p>"And, honestly Wendy, I really care about him. He makes me happy and I think I do the same for him." She looked back up at you, something unreadable in her eyes. "I just wish you would be happy for me as my first friend when I moved here." You could feel the plea in your eyes as well as the sound of it in your voice.</p>
<p>Wendy went back to looking at her fingers as the girls around the two of you continued waiting in silence. You knew as much as they did how much was hanging on Wendy's response. Finally she looked up with a small smile.</p>
<p>"Okay." She said, the group collectively breathing again as they had been holding their breath. "I can do that."</p>
<p>Everyone began eating and gossiping again, the tension lifted and the mood light. The rest of the night was filled with dancing, stupidly silly games and making bizarre videos to post online. Near 11pm Wendy got up after looking at her phone and began getting her shoes on. You walked with her to the door.</p>
<p>"Wendy?" You touched her shoulder causing her to turn and face you. "Thank you again. I know it must be hard but it is so big of you to not be jealous or angry. You really are a great friend." You leaned forward and hugged her softly. As you leaned away her face was set as if hiding something. You brushed it off, thinking maybe the hug was too much too soon. "You know, Stan and Kyle are in Aspen right now too. Maybe you will run into them." You added with a smile, continuing to keep light and friendly. Her face broke with slight surprise and she smiled softly.</p>
<p>"Yeah maybe I will. Have a great night Jamie." Turning slightly to yell over you. "Bye everyone!"</p>
<p>"Bye Wendy!" Scattered calls responded before going back to what they were doing. Wendy nodded and smiled at you one last time before walking out to her dad's waiting car. You felt that it was a large patch in the fabric of your friendship that you and she just began stitching back in, but you were hopeful the stitches held.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had begun to feel like the longest winter break you had ever had. Stan was due to come home tomorrow and you hadn't heard from him at all in days. You could contact Kyle, asking if Stan was okay and why he wasn't responding to you, but he just said it was something you two had to deal with and that he would come see you when he got home. You asked Kenny and Butters if they had spoken to Stan. Butters hadn't but Kenny would shrug, telling you that he seemed distant when he would text him. A growing anxiety began seeping through your mind, making it harder for you to eat or focus. Dennis would have to repeatedly remind you that you had to eat as well or that you had been standing in the kitchen or living room for a long time and to sit down.</p>
<p>Had something happened to him while he was away? Did he begin drinking heavily while away from parental eyes? Was Kyle busy taking care of a drunk Stan and that's why he wouldn't give you a solid answer? Or was it the opposite, that lack of drinks had him in a detox or a deep depression. You looked again at the present you had wrapped for Stan under your tree, hoping it would help him keep focused on happiness. You had made him a photo collage of the two of you from childhood parties and silly snapshots friends had done all surrounding your favorite photo together; homecoming before the game, both in uniform, he was holding your poms in a girly pose and you had a football and your best war face on. That photo showed how silly and happy you two could be, not worried about what others thought and just happy together.</p>
<p>Your phone had dinged, a message from Stan. Your heart jumped, finally!</p>
<p>'Are you home?'</p>
<p>That's it? Worry pulled your eyebrows together and made you feel a twist in your gut.</p>
<p>'Yeah, I'm here.' You typed, pausing and thinking. 'I missed you!' You added before hitting send.</p>
<p>'I missed you too. I will be there soon.' You tried to feel hopeful but the worry wouldn't ease off of you. You looked over at Kenny and Butters over on the couch; Butters reading a book and Kenny resting in his lap and seemingly sleeping.</p>
<p>"Stan should be coming over soon." You spoke softly, trying to sound pleased and happy as Butters looked at you with joy in his smile.</p>
<p>"Oh boy, Stan's back!" Butters closed his book and softly shook Kenny's head waking him. "Ken, Stan is coming back."</p>
<p>"Yay," Kenny yawned, eyes still closed and his legs shifted for better comfort. Butters just shrugged happily at you as you rolled his eyes at his unenthusiastic response. Not before long a small knock sounded at the door and you rushed over to it, holding Stan's gift behind your back. You opened the door and saw his face, feeling a peace in your heart you had been missing. A smile graced his lips but you saw that it didn't his crystal blue eyes, a twist in your stomach again.</p>
<p>"Hey, Jamie." He said, stepping slightly closer but not reaching to hold you. Something was wrong, you could feel it as your smile began falling.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" You asked, hearing the stress in your voice. You heard movement from the living room behind you. Stan's eyes fell to look down at your feet as you stood in the doorway, frozen with one hand on the door still while the other still held his gift. Behind him on the sidewalk you saw Kyle, looking stern and his arms crossed across his body. What is happening?</p>
<p>"I.... something.... something happened." Stan stammered out, still avoiding your eyes. You took half a step closer, trying to get a better view of his eyes. From what you could see they looked a bit bloodshot. Had he been drinking already?</p>
<p>"What happened?" You asked, keeping yourself as strong as you could. A single tear fell from Stan and landed on the porch at his feet. Your stomach began to feel hollow.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry Jamie.... I'm so sorry...." he began mumbling, sounding like he was choking on the words as they came out broken and quiet. "There was a party... I had been drinking... and then Wendy was there....."</p>
<p>You felt like the ground underneath you had vanished. Wendy. Wendy, who had said she could be happy for the two of you. Wendy, who said she was going to Aspen and you told her Stan was there. Wendy, who had been with Stan for years and knew him very well. Wendy. Stan continued to look away, more tears falling now as the sob building in him made him shake. You could feel yourself standing there, but you were a shell, a body. You felt like your breathing and heart had stopped, waiting for the truth.</p>
<p>"We... we started talking.... it was fine.... but then..." the sob broke through him now, his hands covering his face and his body slumped forward. You swallowed, trying to bring some wetness to your throat so you could speak.</p>
<p>"Did you kiss her?" You asked. Even your voice sounded as hollow as you felt. Stan began crying harder and you began to feel sick.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry Jamie!" He cried, reaching hysterical. "I didn't.... think clearly.... and it wasn't... it wasn't... until we were...getting dressed...."</p>
<p>Your hands fell to your sides, gift falling to the floor behind you, as the words hit you. Getting dressed. It was more than a kiss.</p>
<p>"Did... did you have sex with her?" You barely got out, more of a breath than a question. He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around your legs, crying and begging for forgiveness. The words floated around d you, but they could not be processed. You could see Kyle still standing where he was, face in his hand. He had known. Movement behind you brought your focus back.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Kenny asked, serious and concerned as he took in the scene; Kyle uncomfortable in the distance, Stan crying on his knees and you standing like a statue with what you could imagine as shock and pain on your face. He gently grabbed your shoulder and you responded to his warmth, like just the touch brought life back into your body. You turned to see him and saw anger and confusion shining through his deep blue eyes, Butters standing a few feet behind rubbing his knuckles nervously.</p>
<p>"Stan fucked Wendy." You said, voice flat and dead sounding as Stan began wailing near your ankles. Kenny's face morphed into something you had never seen before, and though you felt numb a shadow of fear slid across you. He was rage, pure and mighty. You saw his teeth bare into a snarl and fire light in his eyes as he leaned down and grabbed Stan by the back of his shirt collar, freeing you from his grip. You felt yourself moving, you couldn't stay near. You had to find somewhere to cry. Somewhere to scream.</p>
<p>"You're a dead man, Marsh." You heard the growl from Kenny and could see Kyle begin to run toward the scene. You turned away. You ran up the stairs and into your mother's empty room, the blankets slightly smelling like her. You jumped into her bed, hiding yourself under the blankets, covering yourself with the absent mother as if she was really holding you. You could hear shouts downstairs, but you didn't care. You felt a scream coming from you but you couldn't hear it over the ringing in your ears. Just the tension in your throat was evidence. You felt your eyes burn and your face feel wet from the tears that were streaming freely. You felt only pain. Physically in your crying, mentally as the memory of Wendy's smile goodbye and of the image of the two of them together. You felt bile raising in your throat, feeling like you were going to be sick. Images flashed in your mind; her mouth on his, his hands on her body, her fingers pulling at his hair, him pushing himself inside her, her grinding down on him. Fresh screams erupted from you until you could no longer make sound, vocal cords destroyed.</p>
<p>You lost time. You felt nothing but pain. You could not open your eyes or lips, each breath brought fire into your lungs. Your head felt like it may explode as cruel images continued to play and torture you. At some point you imagine you fell asleep as you felt less pain and could remember where you were. You felt the bed under you shift as someone climbed in next to you. You could feel the light movement and smell the clean linen scent. Butters.</p>
<p>He didn't say anything as he climbed in. You heard him place something on the bedside table and then pulled the blanket down just enough to have your face exposed as he brushed a tissue over you still wet cheeks. He laid down, mirroring your body and looked at you with worry and sadness.</p>
<p>"Stan and Kyle are gone." He said, speaking softly as you flinched at his name. "Kyle had to pull Kenny off of him, but not before breaking his nose and probably giving him black eyes." You felt a whimper in your chest as the thought of Stan hurt crept to your hollowed heart. "Kenny said you should drink some water, so I brought some." That must be what he put on the table. He fell silent then, just looking at you as if waiting for you to say or do something.</p>
<p>"I loved him." You whispered, your voice hoarse and sounding like you had gargled sandpaper. Butters softly ran his fingers in your hair near your face to comfort you. He didn't say anything. You wouldn't know what to say in his position either.</p>
<p>You two just lay like that until you eventually dozed off again. Butters had left, he and Kenny taking care of your brother as you would occasionally cry in your sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>New Years Eve was a few days away, and though you had begun eating again, Kenny still wouldn't let you have your phone. He said it was the best thing for you, but you knew Stan was trying to talk to you. Some nights you thought you heard him outside, like he was calling for you before you would cover your ears with your pillow. Kenny had removed the rose trundle, claiming it was old and rotting, but you thought it was to prevent Stan from climbing to see you. Kenny was there every day, leaving only for short times but only to have Butters take over. You felt like you were being baby sat, so finally you turned to them as you were eating dinner.</p>
<p>"I'm 15 years old guys! I don't need a baby sitter, I'm fine!" You slammed your hands down on the table. Dennis nervously looked from you to Kenny. Kenny placed his fork down and took a deep breath before looking at you.</p>
<p>"No, you aren't. And neither is Stan." You flinched slightly. "He has backed off, but we are scared that he will try to win you back and that will just be the worst thing for you."</p>
<p>"How can you know that?" You felt defiant.</p>
<p>"Could you ever hold his hand again without thinking of what he did? Ever kiss him?" He asked, head tilted. The graphic images flashed in your eyes again, making you feel ill. It must have shown on your face as Kenny picked up his fork again and resumed to eat.</p>
<p>"My point exactly." He said as if it was the end of the matter.</p>
<p>"Okay fine, but you two have lives. I can avoid Stan on my own. School starts up again soon. And I know you two want to have fun on New Years."</p>
<p>"What about you?" Butters asked, a small pout on his lips.</p>
<p>"I'll just hang out with Dennis." You said, gesturing to your brother as he smiled mid chew.</p>
<p>"I am awesome company." Dennis spoke around his food.</p>
<p>"Come on," you sighed at him. "Don't speak with your mouth full." He opened his mouth, food mashed and grotesque as he crossed his eyes, intentionally making a face to annoy you. Brothers.</p>
<p>"Dude!" You flung a pea at him as he laughed. You saw from the corner of your eye Butters and Kenny smile at each other.</p>
<p>"Okay." Kenny said. "We will back off." He slid your phone across the table, you noticed he had changed the background to a basic setting. You opened your phone and looked to see what else he changed, noting all photos of Stan, his messages, even his number were gone. "But if he bothers you, tell me. I haven't had a fight like that in a long time." Both you and Butters glared at him as he smirked into his bite.</p>
<p>New Years Eve had come, and while you were doing laundry a ding on your phone came in.</p>
<p>'Hey, are you home?' Kyle</p>
<p>'Yeah, why?'</p>
<p>Kyle hardly ever texted you except for school work as you and he were in many AP classes together.</p>
<p>'Stan wants me to get some of his things...' Kyle.</p>
<p>Your stomach twisted, thinking of two of his sweaters, his hat and a notebook with song lyrics scribbled everywhere all sitting in your room.</p>
<p>'I'll have them on the porch.' You sent, not sure what to say. You prayed that he wouldn't want to talk, you weren't sure if you could do that. Another thought lingered in your mind, saying Stan might come too, but you pushed that away hard and fast. You had 3 days until you had to go back to school, you needed those 3 days to finish building the strength needed to face the stares and comments you knew would come.</p>
<p>An hour later you heard a knock at the door. You approached hesitantly, looking through the peephole first. Kyle. No Stan that you could see. He was holding the bundle of Stan's things but wasn't leaving. You sighed as you unlocked the door.</p>
<p>"What do you need Kyle?" You asked as you opened the door. He rolled his eyes, as if he didn't want to be the middle man.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry Jamie, but Stan wanted me to tell you that he would leave you alone, that he is always going to be sorry for hurting you and that.." he stopped, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of wrinkled paper and begun reading from it. "And that he will always cherish the photos as his happiest memories and inspiration to be better."</p>
<p>He looked at you and the two of you just looked at each other blankly for a few beats. Kyle broke first, looking down with a sigh.</p>
<p>"I didn't see them leave, I could have stopped it but I didn't know or think that would happen." He sounded defeated and you felt pity. He had been there to clean up Stan's mistakes so many times.</p>
<p>"Its not your fault, Kyle." You said, stepping closer to show you felt no anger at him. "They are the ones who hurt me, not you. You can't hold yourself responsible for everything Stan does." He looked up at you, eyes sad and conflicted. You had never stood this close to him before and you noticed for the first time how lovely his eyes were. A soft forest green. No wonder Nicole and Bebe were interested. He was handsome.</p>
<p>"You're my friend too. At least, as kids we were." He said, looking almost ashamed. "I hate that he did that to you. You deserve so much better."</p>
<p>"Thank you." You felt surprised. He usually wasn't this tender towards you, but maybe you just never noticed.</p>
<p>"Yeah." He said. He shifted his weight as if anxious. You could feel the confusion pulling your features. "Because you're so nice. And smart, and caring and funny. I know he is my beat friend, but he was never good enough for you." More confusion held you in place.</p>
<p>Suddenly, as quick as a flash, Kyle had leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. You felt the warmth and soft pressure long enough to know it had been there when it was gone. He stood back up straight, eyes wide with surprise in himself as you looked at him with the same expression.</p>
<p>"Wow." You said, a blush erupting on Kyle's cheeks.</p>
<p>"Sorry. I... I don't really know where that came from." He said, shifting around awkwardly.</p>
<p>"Yeah," you said, stepping backward into your house. "I guess you were always a sucker for a girl in need." You chuckled, thinking back on some of his past flings. The tension was gone with that as he laughed too.</p>
<p>"Ugh, that is my weakness." He laughed, stepping further away. "Let's just say that didn't happen." He smirked but his eyes looked nervous. You could only imagine what both Stan and Kenny would say, or do, if they knew he had kissed you.</p>
<p>"No problem." You smiled back as he turned away to finish walking down the steps. "Oh hey, Kyle" you called and he turned to look at you. "Nice kiss, I see what Nicole was talking about." You smirked as he chuckled and shook his head, a blush again tinting his cheeks as he walked away and down the road.</p>
<p>The rest of New Years Eve you spent playing video games with Dennis and losing gloriously every time. As the count down began, you and he grabbed some pans and wooden spoons, banging them loudly together and running around the yard yelling as midnight stuck. You had done this with him every year since he was old enough to stay awake, and you smiled to yourself that you could do this again. You didn't need Stan to be happy. You had Dennis, Kenny, Butters, and your other friends. You weren't alone.</p>
<p>You had only been asleep for only a few minutes when a loud bang woke you. You sat up fast in bed, trying to focus on what happened. Though dark, you could see Kenny's shape as he burst in your room.</p>
<p>"Jamie, I need your help!" He shouted, running to you and pulling you from bed.</p>
<p>"What?" You asked groggily, standing on weak knees. You barely registered that he didn't have his jacket, only his t shirt and jeans.</p>
<p>"It's Butters! We have to go!" He yelled, throwing you shoes as he grabbed a jacket from your closet. His panic broke through your mind then and you forced your shoes on fast and began running after him as he tossed you a jacket.</p>
<p>"What happened?!" You asked, running down the stairs and pulling your arms through your jacket as he sprinted through the door. Thank God you stayed in shape as you ran after him and threw the door closed, not worrying about locking up.</p>
<p>"His parents came home. They found us." Kenny's voice yelled back as the realization of what had happened and what may be happening to Butters now dawned on you, pushing adrenaline through your body and helped you run faster.</p>
<p>As the two of you rounded the corner of Butters's block you could hear distant yells and screams. Panic blocked all thoughts as you and Kenny ran in a full sprint to the house and before you could reach the door it had burst open. Stephen Stotch was holding a bloodied Butters by his short blonde hair, dragging him and a suitcase out the door. Not far behind stood Linda Stotch, crying into a handkerchief but not doing anything to stop the abuse. Kenny's rage bellowed out of his chest as he ran forward and tackled Stephen, both falling into the yard. You ran forward to a semiconscious Butters, holding his face and seeing the blood coming from his ears, nose and mouth.</p>
<p>"Butters! Oh my God! We have to go!" You screamed at him, trying to pull him up into a sitting position. You turned to look for Kenny when a sharp pain struck across your face. Linda had slapped you and you fell back in surprise.</p>
<p>"Get off him! He needs to be saved from his sin! My son will not be a faggot!" She yelled at you, eyes hysterical. Stephen was at her side then, kicking your legs away from Butters and grabbed the boy roughly under his arms. You looked for Kenny, who was grunting in the snow and spitting blood out of his mouth. You scrambled through the snow toward him.</p>
<p>"Kenny, come on!" You pulled at him as you heard the Stotch adults move towards the car in the driveway. He seemed dazed, eyes unfocused as he looked around.</p>
<p>"Kenny!" Butters screamed, finally aware enough to try and fight. Kenny heard his voice and seemed to be able to refocus in an instant, pushing up from the snow and running towards the car.</p>
<p>"Shut your mouth fag!" Stephen screamed.</p>
<p>You looked at saw Stephen was throwing Butters inside the trunk of the small car and had slammed it shut as soon as Kenny collided with him again, aiming a punch at his head. You ran forward, going to open the trunk and pull Butters to safety when again Linda attacked you, this time swinging her bag and it collided with your face.</p>
<p>"Kenny!! Help me! Please let me out!! Jamie, help!!" Butters continued screaming from his prison, banging on the lid.</p>
<p>You felt blood falling from your nose as you saw Stephen aim several kicks into Kenny's stomach before jumping into the car as Linda pulled away too quick for you to reach the door handle. As they tore out of the driveway, tires spinning in the snow, you ran, you had to save him. You were inches away from grabbing the door handle to pull it open and launch yourself inside when they gained traction and were down the road in a second. You collapsed in the road, knees hitting the pavement, hearing Butters scream from the trunk as you watch the car disappear from view.</p>
<p>You felt each breath bring sharp pain to your lungs as you gasped for air, turning to look at where Kenny laid in a crumbled heap in the snow. You could hear his broken cries along with the sound of crunching snow. Someone was coming. You stood quickly, feeling your head spin from the rush of blood and held a sleeve of your jacket to your nose to slow the flow.</p>
<p>A few feet away from Kenny's sobbing form approached Kyle. You had forgotten he lived a few houses down from Butters, but you couldn't understand why he was suddenly here. You walked over, trying to keep steady from your spinning head and frozen feet. You had only just realized your shoes were soaked through with snow.</p>
<p>"Kenny? Jamie? What happened?" Kyle asked, looking back and forth from the two of you and the blood splatters in the snow. You surveyed the scene as well, taking a moment to think about the last few minutes.</p>
<p>"Butters." Kenny spoke, words soft compared to his cries. "They took Butters." A new wave of anguish broke over him as Kyle looked over at you, unsure what to do.</p>
<p>"Why are you here?" You asked Kyle, your tone not hiding your confusion at his random appearance. You could now clearly see he was wearing his green hat and a jacket over what looked like a proper pajama set as well as unlaced boots. He must have thrown on his jacket and boots in a rush because you knew him well enough to know he would never look so unprepared.</p>
<p>"I was reading our assigned book when I heard yelling. I looked out the window as saw you and Kenny run passed so I came as fast as I could." He looked down, a look of shame on his face and making his shoulders sink. "I wasn't fast enough." He said softly.</p>
<p>You looked from Kyle to Kenny, feeling the pains in your body become more evident as you continued to press your sleeve to you nose as a throbbing began.</p>
<p>"Kyle," you asked, wanting to get out of the snow and beginning to worry that Kenny would get hypothermia and die again. "Can you carry him? I don't think he is going to move." Kyle nodded, worry pulling at his features as he lifted Kenny over a shoulder with a grunt. You began to lead the way back to your house when you saw Kenny's orange jacket near a bush at the edge of the yard. You wondered go yourself how it got there but grabbed it anyway, continuing down the road as you lost feeling in your toes.</p>
<p>When you made it to your house you opened the door and found Dennis standing near the door.</p>
<p>"Jamie, thank God, what happened?!" He ran to you and hugged you. "I heard you and Kenny yelling and the doors slamming and you were gone." He was still hugging you as Kyle walked in behind you, panting with the effort of carrying a still crying Kenny. Dennis let go fast, running to look at Kenny with renewed worry.</p>
<p>"Kenny, what happened?!" He floated around the three of you like an orbiting rocket, spewing frantic questions that you ignored. He was too young, too innocent to learn about this kind of hatred and evil.</p>
<p>"Dennis," you said softly, taking hold of his shoulders to keep him still. "Go get the first aid kit from the bathroom upstairs. Please." Exhaustion radiated through your body as he nodded and ran, eager to help. Kyle looked to you now, eyebrows raised in an obvious question.</p>
<p>"Living room." You said, pointing the way as you made your way to the kitchen and turned on the tea kettle. Dennis came back with the kit and ran into the living room. You walked back in and sat in a chair, groaning in pain in the movement as you began taking off your shoes and eyed your purple feet. Kyle had laid Kenny across the couch and was checking his ribs for breaks.</p>
<p>"Tea?" You asked, knowing Kenny would say no but you would make him some anyway. Kyle began cleaning the cuts on his face and lips, answering but focused on his task "yeah, thanks".</p>
<p>After a few minutes, 3 mugs with hot tea on the coffee table, Dennis back in bed and a Kenny finally moving willingly on his own, the three of you sat in silence in the living room.</p>
<p>"Okay, seriously Ken, what happened?" Kyle asked, authority in his tone as he demanded an answer. Kenny let out a large sigh, shoulders slumping and head falling forward. You were leaning forward with your arms on your thighs, eager to know what happened as well.</p>
<p>"Butters's parents were supposed to be out for the night, in Denver for a New Years party. So we had the house to ourselves." His voice was hoarse and deeper than usual, speaking like he had been reviewing the events over and over in his head. "We weren't doing much, just kissing... but something happened and we were laying on the couch. We...." he paused and you saw a small pink hue to his cheeks. "We were getting a little handsy..."</p>
<p>Both Kyle and you shared a quick awkward glance, sharing a blush of slight embarrassment. You knew what Kenny was implying so neither of you interrupted.</p>
<p>"Suddenly I had hands around my throat and I was being pulled off of Butters. We didn't hear the door, we didn't know they had come back. I was thrown to the ground and Butters was being grabbed then... he was hit in the face, so many times..." more tears began to spill from his closed eyes, you got up from your seat and knelt at his feet as you rested your hands on his and Kyle put a hand on his back. "I tried stop it, but he just cold clocked me, and kicked me out the door, quite literally, and threw my jacket out. I didn't know what to do. Cartman moved away, so I couldn't find him, Stan was too far away and.." he looked up at Kyle, sad eyes pleading, "your mom would freak if I came to get you." Kyle returned his sad gaze, a wish to apologize for something he had no control over lingering over him. "So I came here." Kenny now turned to you, his voice echoing the exhaustion and pain of the night.</p>
<p>Kyle looked to you, eyes seeking a continuation of the story. You sighed quick, knowing this was the worst part.</p>
<p>"We ran back after Kenny woke me." You began to tell Kyle. "When we got there Butters was being dragged out of the house by his hair. He didn't even look like he was fighting, like he was unconscious or something. Kenny jumped his dad and I tried to help Butters, but his mom hit me and then his dad was back. They kept calling him a..." you stopped, the word bringing bile to your throat, leaving the rest of your words hushed. "His dad put him in the trunk and shut it before either of us could stop him. They drove away before I could get to him." You stopped, remembering the painful finality of that moment.</p>
<p>"Where do you think they went?" Kyle asked, a hand on his forehead, something you had seen him do when stressed many times.</p>
<p>"I think..." you began, remembering what Mrs. Stotch had yelled at you. "I think they are taking him somewhere to try and force him to be straight. Like a cult or one of those 'pray the gay away' places." Kenny's head snapped up, eyes panicked but sensing the truth in your words.</p>
<p>"They would do that. Those homophobic fuckers." He nodded before covering his face with his hands and his speech became muffled. "Butters is a perfect person already! They are so full of shit that its blinded them!" He looked up at you, eyes bloodshot from crying so much. "What am I supposed to do?"</p>
<p>You rubbed his thighs, trying to think but logic was leaving as you heard a clock chime 3am from the corner.</p>
<p>"First, we should sleep. We won't know what do to or even where exactly they went, so we can only wait. Butters can be sneaky, we all know he knows how to work around things. He might find a way to contact us so we can save him. But for now, sleep." You cupped Kenny's bruised face gently and he turned into the touch. You stood and extended your other hand for him to take so you could lead him to your room. Kyle stood as well, looking slightly awkward but very tired.</p>
<p>"There is a guest room at the end of the hall upstairs, you can use that if you want. Or the couch. Whatever you feel most comfortable with." You offered to Kyle as he looked from you and Kenny with confusion painting his face.</p>
<p>"Where's he sleeping?" Pointing at the blonde who had leaned down and was resting his head against the back of your shoulder. You were going to take him to your bed to make sure he didnt panic in his sleep or try and kill himself from grief. Both of which were highly likely.</p>
<p>"Uh.." you felt the awkward tension in the air, but Kenny grumbled from his slouched position.</p>
<p>"I get nightmares, Jamie keeps me from acting on them. It's not weird, it's not sex. Put your dick away, Broflovski." Kyle blushed and turned away to begin walking up the stairs, you and Kenny a few steps behind. Kyle nodded in your direction as he reached the guest room as you and Kenny stood in the doorway of your room.</p>
<p>"Good night." You both spoke to each other, shutting the door. You turned to see Kenny already laying in the bed, boots hanging off the edge and he had begun quietly crying into the pillow he usually used when he stayed in your bed. You watched him for a moment, feeling a hollowness in your heart. In less than a month you both lost the person you each cherished, having them ripped away from you by someone else. You walked over and pulled his boots off easily and dropped them to the floor before crawling in next to him, kicking your shoes off as well. Again you cupped his face with your palm, using your thumb to brush some tears away before placing a soft kiss to his damp cheek. When you pulled away he curled into you, face nuzzling into your neck and his arm wrapping around your waist as he continued to softly cry. You gently ran your fingers through his messy blonde hair, relaxing in the warmth of his body and pushing that relaxed feeling back into him, until the cries stopped and his breathing had taken on a more relaxed pattern indicating he had fallen asleep. You placed another kiss in his hair, finally falling asleep as well.</p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>January was cold and gray. The color that had been in your life had been drained away. Stan was avoiding both you and Wendy from what you could notice, but you could also see him watching you frequently. He had changed his appearance, taking on more of the Goth look he had sported years ago with darker clothes and letting his hair fall into his face. It took all that you had to resist looking at him, to not admire the way his blue eyes looked like sweet pools hiding in a dark forest. You threw your focus instead into preparing for your finals and keeping Kenny from jumping into traffic, or off a bridge, or a tall building. You kept reminding him that if Butters would hear that he had killed himself after all that he had already gone through with being ripped away from his life, Butters may never mentally recover from it. That he might blame himself. This small possibility was the only string you could pull to keep Kenny off the edge. But you did notice that he had picked up a new habit as the scent of tobacco began to soak into his clothes stronger than when it was just his parents. He had asked you to stitch his jacket as it tore from jumping over a fence the other day when you found a pack of cigarettes in one of his pockets.</p>
<p>"Kenny." You stood in the doorway, holding them in your hand as he was struggling through his science homework. When he looked up, his face sank when he saw your expression and the cigarettes.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I know." He looked down at his work again, clearly avoiding what he knew was coming.</p>
<p>"Dude," you tossed the pack on the table toward him. You weren't his mother, nor his girlfriend. You didn't have any ground to tell him what to do or not to do. "That shit is so bad for you. You could get cancer."</p>
<p>"If only I could be so lucky." He chuckled darkly to himself. Though he didn't see, you made an annoyed face as you walked back to where you were working on his jacket.</p>
<p>In the second week of January you had received a letter in the mail that had a forwarding address from Texas. You had never heard of the place on the envelope, but you opened the letter. It took only a small glance for you to yelp and began running to the park. Kenny was playing basketball with some of the boys there and would be back later for dinner but you knew he had to see this now.</p>
<p>"KENNY!" You screamed when the basketball court came into view, the group of boys turning to see your running form approaching them with a huge grin on your face. "Kenny! It's Butters!" All of the boys then hurried over to you, Kenny leading them as he reached you first.</p>
<p>"What?! Where?!" He didn't see the letter in your hand, but you thrust it forward with the envelope for him to see.</p>
<p>"Texas." You said, as he looked over the letter and his face lit up like you hadn't seen in weeks. </p>
<p>"Texas?" Token asked, glancing at the letter as if confirming it was Butters's handwriting.</p>
<p>"Let me see the envelope, Ken." Craig reached for it, Kenny absent-minded handing it over as he read the letter, small tears glistening in his eyes and making the blue shine brighter. Craig took the envelope and looked at the return address, Tweek at his side and pulling out his phone. </p>
<p>"It's some sort of gay reform camp." Tweek said, having pulled up the website. "Oh God! Kids have killed themselves there! OH GOD! WHAT IF BUTTERS DOES THAT!!" Tweek began pulling at his hair with one hand as the other held his phone. You grabbed the phone away from him, looking over the news article he had found on the place as Craig pulled his hand from his hair and walked him to the side to calm him down.</p>
<p>"Tweek, you need to stop honey. Butters would never do that. You know that. I know that." Craig's voice was steady, calming Tweek enough that he wasn't shaking as violently. You looked over the article with Clyde and Kyle at your shoulders to look at it with you, all of you muttering under your breath.</p>
<p>"Jesus dude."</p>
<p>"What the fuck?"</p>
<p>"What kind of shit hole is that?"</p>
<p>Kenny was holding the letter close to his chest, smiling peacefully at the group of them.</p>
<p>"Butters says he misses us all and that he is okay. He said that they keep trying to tell him that he is broken and shit, but he says that they can't change him. That he knows who he is and that he is going to escape as soon as he can figure out a plan."</p>
<p>"Why did it come to my house?" You asked, having not seen your name on the top of the letter when you opened it. Kenny smiled and a small laugh shook his shoulders. </p>
<p>"He wrote about that. That if it looked like he was writing to a girl the staff wouldn't question it. That they, in fact, 'encouraged conversations with the opposite sex'." Kenny chuckled again, everyone also joining in, feeling the happiness that radiated off of him. You smiled and gave Kenny a quick hug and spoke against his shoulder.</p>
<p>"I told you he would find a way."</p>
<p>February approached fast, Valentine's Day with it. As you and Kenny walked the halls, both trying to keep your gaze from the new couples that had been popping up from no where, you both groaned in annoyance at the decorations that were going up. As you reached your locker, you saw at the end of the hall a gait you knew too well, arm in arm with another gait you knew. You didn't need to look to know, nor did you need to look to feel your stomach drop through the floor and a vice tight around your heart. You kept your eyes forward to the inside of your locker, but you saw how they leaned into the wall, sharing a kiss before parting. He began walking down toward you and you shut your eyes tight, holding in the tears and screams you could feel attempting to burst out. You thought you felt him stop, felt him almost reach an arm out to touch you. You squeezed your eyes tighter, seeing the strange colors swim in your vision, hunching your shoulders forward so you may be able to fold into yourself enough to disappear entirely. You held still, eyes shut, lungs unmoving, until you could feel that he was gone. A sob took over your breathing, the tears flooded as your eyes opened, and you slammed your locker shut as you ran down the hall.</p>
<p>You ran to the girls room, going straight for the furthest stall that also had a window with a window sill large enough to sit in without being noticed by anyone outside the stall. You climbed up and curled into a ball, forehead pressed to your knees, arms wrapped tightly around your legs and you cried. You heard several class bells, crying through all of them as visions that still haunted you at night began erupting violently in your mind. You could feel the passage of time in the discomfort in your legs and back, but you held tight. The physical pain was something to focus on. Something that had nothing to do with Stan. You longed for that pain, feeling a clear thought process for the first time in nearly 2 months. The ache in your body was making you shake when you heard the door open slightly. You stayed silent, no one had found you yet after how many hours, you doubted they would now. But a nervous voice spoke out instead.</p>
<p>"Uh, nnggg, Jamie?" Tweek loudly whispered, evidently nervous to be near the girls room. You relaxed, having been found and not wanting Tweek to feel uncomfortable.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm here." You said softly, hearing a soft scream of surprise from the boy. You climbed down and walked out of the stall, seeing his pale face and wild blonde hair peeking through only about an inch through the door. You felt a dull chuckle in your chest. What was so scary about a girl's bathroom? "It's just a bathroom Tweek, there isn't any one else here." You said, palms up as if displaying the empty room. He opened the door a little more and behind him was Craig, who upon seeing you turned to look at his phone.</p>
<p>"Oh jeez! Kenny! Oh man, he freaked out!" Tweek said, now brave enough to walk quickly to you and grabbed your hand as he pulled you out of the bathroom with him.</p>
<p>"What, why?" You asked, very confused.</p>
<p>"He saw Stan with Wendy. He figured you had too." Craig said, showing no emotion but for a small twitch of a question in his eyes when he saw you twitch at the names. "He's been looking all over for you. You need to be better at answering your phone." </p>
<p>Your phone. You then remembered that you had left it in your locker with all your other things when you first saw them. </p>
<p>"Shit, it's in my locker, just over there." You pointed and jogged over to it and opened it, grabbing your phone and bag. 30 missed calls. 56 messages. Holy shit Kenny!</p>
<p>"Jamie!" Kenny's voice echoed down the hall as he ran to you from the end of the hall. Craig must have messaged him that they had found you as when Kenny approached he was out of breath as he pulled you into a hug.</p>
<p>"Dude, I'm fine." You said, feeling squished from his body weight and the tightness of his hug. He pulled away, pulling his hood down to better breath, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.</p>
<p>"I just... I saw them... and then you wouldn't answer me. And then you weren't in class, no one had seen you. I wasn't sure what you would do." He said, voice still sounding worried.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry." You said, voice as small as you felt. Tweek and Craig walked off then, waving goodbye to Kenny as he thanked them. He then turned back to you with a new look in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Are you sure you are okay?" He had leaned down so you and he were eye to eye and he searched you for any hint of a lie. He knew you too well for you to get away with a lie, so you chose a filtered truth instead.</p>
<p>"I'll be okay. I just needed to be away, cry it out." You said, holding in the idea that was forming in your mind before you added with a small smirk. "I'm not you, Ken. I can't off myself for the day because I'm upset." He rolled his eyes as he stood tall again, pulling you to his side by wrapping his arm around your shoulders and began walking you out of the now empty school.</p>
<p>That night, after you helped Kenny through some of his school work, science and history being his least strong classes but your best, he went home. You had assured him that you were fine and that you were just going to go to bed soon anyway and he wanted to get home with enough time to help Karen with her Valentines. When you waved goodbye the hollow feeling slowly made itself present again. </p>
<p>"Make sure you get to bed by 10." You said to Dennis as he watched the television and you made your way up the stairs. When you reached the hallway, you looked back down to check that Dennis couldn't see you before walking to your mother's empty room. The made bed, items on the dresser, closet that was slightly opened, all reminded you of how untouched it all was. Empty. Just like her promise to be around more.</p>
<p>In the private bathroom in her room, you knew she had kept some art supplies as she would clean them in her sink when she did stay for a few days. On the counter you saw brushes, pencils and an small pointed blade she would use for pottery details. You considered the blade for a moment before grabbing it and feeling the sharpness with your thumb. You could feel how it tugged against your skin with the slightest touch. You carefully crept out of the room and across the hall to your own room, blade in hand feeling like a giant flashing light. You sat on your bed, thinking.</p>
<p>You didn't want to be 'that girl', the one who harmed herself. The one covered in scars that everyone could see. Your cheer uniform had your arms and legs fairly exposed, so you couldn't hide in sweaters. After basketball would be tournaments, and you didn't want judgmental eyes on scars that you couldn't hide. Maybe on your side? Near your hips? Wait, did you want to do this? Does it hurt that much that you need this strong of a distraction?</p>
<p>More flashes of him and her, a vicious loop playing in your mind like a censored porn, only seeing for sure the parts you knew. It felt like a poison was spreading inside your head and your stomach, causing a searing pain and bile to rise in your throat. You saw his strong hands on her hips, her hands in his soft midnight hair. You could hear the way he would moan, the sound of his heavy breathing. You saw the lips that had kissed you all over her body. You collapsed into yourself, unable to breath save for gasping, sinking further under water. You could hear Wendy's taunting voice, laughing at your misery. 'He will always be mine. Only I can make him happy. Only I can satisfy him. You meant nothing. Just to pass some time. Had you put out, maybe he wouldn't have come back for me. He knows I can make him feel good. He wanted me. To be with me. To be inside of me. Only me, only me, ONLY ME!!!' The evil Wendy voice screamed in your head, making your ears ring as all other sounds had disappeared. You opened you eyes, seeking something to save you from this attack. The blade shined where you had dropped it on the floor. Tears were falling silently down your face as you reached for it, raising it to your left side as you lifted your shirt. You pressed the blade to your skin, feeling some stinging warmth, but her voice hadn't silenced. You pushed hard, this time dragging it, letting it pull open your skin as a hot sting lingered where it parted. Dark red blood formed at the cut and slowly flowed down, not enough to alarm but enough to need to hold pressure to stop flow. As soon as the blood first appeared her taunting voice was gone, as were the images of her and Stan. It was like they left your body in the blood on your side. You sighed in relief, focusing your mind on the physical pain the cut had brought with it. This was something you could fix. This was something you could make right. </p>
<p>You grabbed your towel from your shower that morning off of your floor and pressed it to the cut, feeling the sting from the touch and you held that sting with praise. Pain that was real. That you could point to and say 'here is where it hurts'. You looked at the blade, blood still on its edge as it lay on your comforter. You grabbed it with your free hand and set it inside your desk, just in case you may need it again. You then quietly snuck down the hall to clean and cover the cut, taking care of it like you used to when playing doctor. It was the first night you had slept a full night since the night Stan had left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nothing but Ashes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>More and more pieces crumble and fall. Each step falls out from under your feet leaving you scared to move at all. Each death tears at your body, each rumor rips at your soul, and every substance burns your mind. So you burn in tattered pieces.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter will include very harmful and self destructive thoughts and behaviors, both performed by our main character as well as those around her. </p>
<p>It may leave you wondering why I have the story rated teen. Let us not kid ourselves, we all know these would be things teens you knew had done. Or even things you had done. (Raising own hand)</p>
<p>So proceed carefully.</p>
<p>(Also, just cuz I'm my worst critic, I'm trying to proof read my stuff before I post but since I see the story faster than my fingers go, I may miss some mistakes. Thanks for being patient and not calling me out on something dumb.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the course of the next few weeks as winter began to shift into spring, more letters would arrive from Butters that were secretly addressed to Kenny. He told of how he was making friends with some of the other boys, of how he was the new leader of the revolt to escape, and how they were preparing to do it soon. Kenny would always glow with pride at how confident Butters had become in himself, muttering that he always had it in him. You however noticed something else in the letters. A reoccurring name of Jake, usually mentioning his encouragement from him, or how he would cheer him up when he felt like there wasn't hope, or how he was his best friend.</p>
<p>Had the you before read these, you would just think Butters had an ally in his horrible situation. But the you now understood. You sensed the words unwritten. You could see the fondness that shaped the letters of the name. The new you was not blind to betrayal and hurt. You held your tongue, wishing it was just a bitter aftertaste, not wanting to upset Kenny.</p>
<p>Early April brought another letter, this one longer than the others. You sat while Kenny read it to himself and you watched the smile you had loved since you first saw it fall away. First shock and surprise, which changed to hurt, then to anger. He seemed to have finished when he suddenly stood up and threw the pages to the floor before running out of your house. You watched and tried to follow, but you weren't wearing shoes and you could still feel his anger erupting from a block away. You instead turned to the letter. You read it over quickly, spotting several sentences that you knew were the ones that shifted Kenny into the torn and angry boy he was now.</p>
<p>Butters and several others would be escaping later that night(5 nights ago from the date of the letter). His plan was to go to California by bus to stay with his aunt and uncle, because they were always more progressive thinking and kinder than his parents had ever been. He was not going to come back to South Park. He didn't want to come back to Colorado for any reason. He also went on to say that he and Jake had fallen in love and that Jake was coming with him to California. Butters wrote that he was sorry to do this through a letter, but that he would always remember Kenny as his friend. You felt the heartache in yourself as you read the sorry excuse for a break up. You folded the letter up, put it back in its envelope and set it above the fireplace. You would give Kenny the privilege of burning it.</p>
<p>Before you could get to your phone to text him to come back so you could help, a sharp and angry pain erupted in your skull with your temple as the epicenter.</p>
<p>"GOD DAMMIT, KENNY!!!" You screamed, tears of pain and anguish beginning to flow. The pain could only mean one thing to you; Kenny had run home in his pain and anger and shot himself in the head. Wincing, you walked up the stairs and to the guest room to look over the town, where you saw in the distance flashing lights in Kenny's neighborhood. The pain throbbing, making it hard to see, you lay in the guest bed with your eyes closed and knees curled into your chest. You knew it would lessen after a few hours, but it was the longest few hours to wait.</p>
<p>The next morning you didn't receive a message from Kenny and school was canceled as news of Kenny's death spread. Your phone was buzzing like an angry wasp nest as calls and messages from mutual friends came in, but you ignored it. You were alone again. No Stan. No Kenny. Even Dennis kept his distance. Though you had tried to lessen the pain in your head, it barely faded away.</p>
<p>You were in the shower, eyes looking at the blade in your hand as you placed it against the skin on your side. There were several scar lines, faint and pale, and you began to add another. The slice drawing your attention, throbbing pain in your mind dulled as you watched the blood mix with the water on your body from the spray of the shower. A steady river of red fell down your side, over your hip and down your leg. You focused on the movement, allowing the pain and pressure in your head leave with every drop that left you. You then focused on letting the pain of betrayals, of the men in your life always leaving you, of those you thought you could trust stabbing you in the back escape with the blood too. The shower floor was coated in red and your mind felt a little light. You grabbed a washcloth and held it to your side to stop the flow, using your foot to shift the water and remove the blood. Once you felt satisfied with it, you got out and dried off, angry at yourself for marking your skin again.</p>
<p>School resumed the next day, and with Kenny still gone the hallways would hush as you walked by. Someone had seen him leaving your house shortly before he had done it, and many blamed you for the reason he did. The few who didn't were Kyle, Bebe, Token, Clyde, Tweek, Craig and Jimmy. At least, they were the only ones who would talk to you.</p>
<p>In math, Bebe leaned over and held out her juice bottle. You eyed it curiously and she leaned over.</p>
<p>"Just take a drink, you need it." You took the bottle and opened it, the scent of vodka and orange juice hitting your nose harshly.</p>
<p>"Seriously? A screwdriver at school?" You whispered back, astonished at her ballsy move. She simply smiled deviously as you took a large sip. You gulped it down before taking another two and handing it back to her, feeling the warmth burn it's way down your throat and into your stomach. By the end of the class it seemed to have helped a bit as some of the tension in your body had eased. Bebe had slipped her arm into yours and walked with you out of class, flipping off a few people who stared at you.</p>
<p>"Tomorrow I'm bringing spikes gummy bears, so be ready for a snack." She winked before unhooking her arm and walking off to her other class, leaving you chuckling under your breath as you made it to your next class.</p>
<p>This routine continued for the next two weeks, you waiting for Kenny to return, occasionally sneaking some sort of alcohol during school or after school and then going home after practice to make dinner. You made sure to not get bad enough to get anyone's attention, but on the weekends when Dennis was away or asleep, you would drink until your vision would double and cry. The third weekend came with a party at Clyde's as his dad was going on a conference for some new shoe ads.</p>
<p>You had been dragged by Bebe and Red, both saying that you should try and find someone to make out with as they figured that would cheer you up. When you got there you felt your sight immediately land on Stan and Wendy, making out on the couch while she straddled his lap. You felt the bile rise up, not even drinking yet, and ran to the kitchen where you found Kyle, Token and Clyde doing a round of shots. Perfect!</p>
<p>"Pour one for me boys!" You said, trying to sound flirtatious and fun when all you really felt was hollow. Clyde laughed and poured one for you. You didn't even care to read the bottle or smell the liquor. All that mattered was that it was alcohol. You and the 4 all raised your drinks and Kyle declared loudly, "To Kenny!" and the others in the room followed suit, raising whatever drink they had. You felt your heart fall slightly before taking the shot as well. He had been gone for so long you were starting to worry he might not come back. Which again brought tears to your eyes. Kyle noticed and rushed over, wrapping his long arms around you and pulling your head to his chest.</p>
<p>"I know Jamie, I know. He is somewhere better." He tried to comfort you, but you knew the truth.</p>
<p>"No he's not!" You cried into his chest, clutching his shirt. "He's in Hell and he is burning and suffering!" You felt Kyle stiffen under you at your words, probably frightened by them.</p>
<p>"Hey," he let go and tilted his head down so you could see him better. You only just noticed he had grown a few inches since you were last this close to him in December. "You can't think that way. Kenny wouldn't want you to think like that. And I know he wouldn't want you crying this much." He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ears and lifted your chin with his fist.</p>
<p>"I miss him." You said softly. And you had. The sound of his voice, the ease of his grin, his corny sex jokes, the shine of his honey colored hair, the freckles that scattered across his cheeks and nose. You missed how he always knew when you were lying, how he would snuggle into the crook of your neck as he would sleep, one arm draped across your mid section. You missed how he would randomly dance down the hallways, occasionally grabbing someone at random to dance with him. You missed his warmth, his scent, his very presence. And it hurt.</p>
<p>"I do too." Kyle said, leaning down and placing a small kiss on the top of your head and hugging you again. That kiss sent a small thought down to your mind, twisted with cruel intentions. Though you knew it could be easy to do, you couldn't. Kyle was a true friend, always kind and helpful. You wouldn't use him to make Stan jealous. It would destroy their friendship as well as the one you and Kyle shared. You brushed it away and hugged him back. You lost Kenny, but so did he.</p>
<p>You pulled away and smiled as best you could, sadness still evident in your eyes. He smiled too, sadness present in him as well.</p>
<p>"Alright everyone, in Kenny's honor, let's get fucked up!" Clyde yelled, holding up two large bags. One had strange gray shapes and the other full of leafy greens. You felt a nervous knot in your stomach. You hadn't done any of these, but you felt safe with your friends and the broken part of your soul shrugged to your concerned mind as if to say 'fuck it, who cares'. An hour later you had taken a few hits from a shared blunt that had been passed around and had managed to swallow a few mushrooms, which you chased with a shot as it tasted awful. Kyle had guided you to a chair to ride out your high and you watched something on national geographic. You weren't sure what the program was about, and you could sense others next to you watching it as well, but all you could focus on was the way the trees moved as if they were in an elaborate dance that told all the secrets of life and of the world.</p>
<p>Several hours later the sunlight shone in your eyes and alerted you to the pain in your head. You felt your eyes peel open slightly, wondering where you actually were as you tried to take in your surroundings from an awkward seated position. You saw a few others scattered around the room you took for the living room as it had the couch and television, also noting the empty plastic cups and beer cans littering the floor and coffee table. You recognized Bebe curled into Token, sleeping against his back as he was slumped across the side of the couch. On the floor next to them was Kevin, who had scribbled words on his face and arms. On the other side of the couch lay Red, half off the couch and leaning on a glitter covered Timmy. This surprised you most as you had never seen Timmy out of his chair and you glanced around for it. You adjusted as you looked and had only then realized you were in his chair, curled into the seat with your legs under you.</p>
<p>"Fucking Christ," you mumbled, no memory of how you and he had switched or why as you attempted to move out of the seat and felt the ache in your legs from lack of movement and blood flow. You felt yourself hobble a few steps as your stomach flipped, threatening vomit. You hurried out to the front door and made it into a bush before your stomach emptied itself violently, your legs giving out and causing you to fall to your knees.</p>
<p>"Jamie?" A voice behind you, tired and rough sounding but still too familiar. Fuck, of course.</p>
<p>"I'm fine." You groaned, spitting the taste of sick out of your mouth, turning away from him as he approached.</p>
<p>"You don't look fine." Stan said, hand landing softly on your shoulder for a moment before you roughly jerked away. He pulled his hand back and held it up, face looking surprised and innocent. You faced him, feeling the hurt and rage that had been building inside you for the past few months beginning to boil over.</p>
<p>"I don't look fine? Are you fucking serious?" Your tone was dangerously sarcastic, and the smallest upward shift in his eyebrows was the final break inside you.</p>
<p>"Fuck you Stan! Of course I'm not fine! The boy I loved cheated on me with a girl I thought was my friend and my best friend fucking killed himself! I AM THE FURTHEST FUCKING THING FROM FINE!" You had begun screaming at him, several eyes inside the house now watching the scene with hung over attention but you didn't care. "I hate you Stan Marsh. I hate you."</p>
<p>You began walking away, aware that you were wearing someone else's shirt as it fluttered from the fast movement as it was far too large. You were just happy you were wearing your own shoes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------</p>
<p>It took another week before Kenny finally came back. Neither of you spoke of what happened during the time away. You weren't sure if he was no where or in Hell, but you didn't want to tell him of how you began spiraling downward. You could see it happening with him too, but he was doing well in his attempt to hide. But you could see his bloodshot eyes, hear his slurred words. What you didn't expect were the new hickeys on his neck when he would take his hood down.</p>
<p>"Dude, is that a hickey?" You asked when the first one appeared. He hurriedly pulled his hood back up as his cheeks flushed.</p>
<p>"No, it's nothing." He went back to his book.</p>
<p>He would still stay the night frequently, and though you spent most nights with a liquor bottle, you still would hear when he would leave late at night and return a few hours later. There were some nights when he would come back and you could hear him crying after the door was shut, and you wouldn't know what to do. You felt guilty by not doing anything, but you knew he would feel embarrassed and upset if you came to comfort him. A few times when he would walk from the shower to the guest room you could glance and see new hickeys or even bite marks around his neck and shoulders. That was when you heard the rumors around the school.</p>
<p>"I heard that Kenny was fooling around with both Tina and Hailey."</p>
<p>"I saw Kenny the other night in the alley and on his knees with some older guy."</p>
<p>"Amy told me that she had walked in on Kenny giving it to that student teacher in Mr. Olsen's class."</p>
<p>"I kid you not, Kenny was getting fucked by that senior Brandon! I saw them behind the gym last week!"</p>
<p>"From what I heard, Kenny was in a three way with Alex and Jessica."</p>
<p>Each time you heard a new one you felt a sick twist in your stomach. What was he doing? Why did he think going around and fucking anyone who was willing would help? You had had enough, and you knew you were going to ask him.</p>
<p>That night instead of going to bed, you followed Kenny into the guest room, arms crossed and eyes set. He looked at you surprised before sliding on his usual seductive grin.</p>
<p>"Wanna join me tonight?" He motioned toward the bed before chuckling, knowing you wouldn't accept his offer.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" You asked, eyes hard as you stood your ground.</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" He asked, casually walking to his bed and laying down with his arms under his head.</p>
<p>"I mean you fucking anything that walks, Kenneth!" You used his full first name, making it known you were serious. His previous playful attitude broke and his smirk fell away. He sat up in the bed and crossed his legs, turning to look towards the window.</p>
<p>"Why does it matter?" He shrugged, but you could feel his heartache beat off of him with each second.</p>
<p>"It matters because you deserve better!" You stomped over to the bed to sit in front of him. "It matters because you are going to hurt yourself, emotionally and mentally if not physically. Hell, probably even physically." He still wouldn't look at you but you could see his eyes build up with tears. "It matters because you are 15 years old and are selling yourself short. Do you know the horrible things people are saying?" His head fell to his chest, he must know the rumors.</p>
<p>"I just..." he whispered, "I just want to feel. I am numb to so much, I just want to feel again." Tears fell to his lap and your own heart broke at the sight. You leaned forward and took him in a hug.</p>
<p>"Please, calm down, Kenny. You can't keep doing this. I know it probably feels good in the moment, but you know it doesn't mean anything." You said, fingers gently brushing through his hair as your other hand rubbed circles on his back.</p>
<p>"I know. I do." He said, his voice broken and hollow. "I just can't seem to care. I want to. But I don't." Your heart shattered some more but you swallowed the lump in your throat before the cry could escape.</p>
<p>"I don't have any say in what you do, but please stop hurting yourself. What if you get a disease? Or if someone abuses you?" He flinched slightly at your words, setting blaring alarms off in your head. "Has someone hurt you?" You asked, leaning away to try and catch his eyes. He just kept his eyes closed and stayed silent, but that was answer enough for you. You gently got up from the bed and encouraged him to lay down.</p>
<p>"Stay in tonight okay?" You said as you tucked him in. He looked at you then, his gaze thoughtful and confused.</p>
<p>"Why do you smell like alcohol?" A quick panic shot through you before you grabbed onto your go to answer you have used with Dennis.</p>
<p>"Mouthwash. Never heard of it?" You shifted your lips into a smirk as his eyes stayed narrowed and you made your way out of the room and into yours. You grabbed the bottle from behind your bed and stowed it inside one of your old hollowed out stuffed animals. The idea had come to you when you had been trapped in a depression spiral one day while looking at yourself in the mirror. The outside looked sweet and innocent, but inside was empty and poisoned. How poetic to use that analogy for a way to stash your liquor you thought.</p>
<p>The rumors continued but at least there were less random names as time went on. You would still occasionally hear Kenny leave at night but he wouldn't cry when he would return. You hoped he was at least being more careful even though it was evident he was having sex with a lot of people, but that hope was short lived.</p>
<p>Two weeks after you had confronted him, some time after he went out again, you felt a deep pain in your side. You were thankful you were already laying down as it knocked the wind out of you, hitting both a lung and liver. You gasped for breath and reached for your phone to rapidly call Kenny. The angle was direct but did not follow through all the way, a visual of a knife in your mind as the line rang and rang before going to voicemail. Fuck! Please answer! You tried 5 more times and it was the 5th time you got an answer.</p>
<p>"Kenny! Where are you?!" You nearly screamed into the phone.</p>
<p>"Downtown.... be.... behind the.... City..... City Wok..... Ja.. Ja.... Jamie." His voice came out in painful gasps, you could hear the blood loss taking effect.</p>
<p>"I'm calling the police!" You yelled and pulled the phone away to hang up and call 911 but you heard his voice on the other end.</p>
<p>"Wait! No!" He spoke with more power than he had before.</p>
<p>"No?!" You shouted. How could he say no, he's dying! "What happened?!"</p>
<p>"It's too..... too late..... James...." you heard a sound of clattering like he had dropped the phone and a distant sounds of coughs and a car driving passed.</p>
<p>"Kenny? Kenny?! KENNY?!" You screamed, waiting for the answer but knowing what it was anyway as the pain in your side began to ebb away. Sobs broke through your chest as you hung up and dialed the police, telling them what you could and knowing they would find his dead body soon. You then grabbed the bottle hidden away and after several large gulps finished it off, not wanting to feel anything anymore.</p>
<p>The next morning there was a message from the school that Kenny had been murdered and a suspect was already in custody. As you managed to piece together from a few different people was that after Kenny left he must have met up with this one guy who worked in the restaurant across the street from the City Wok. From what it sounded like was a drug deal gone bad as Kenny didn't have money and offered to pay a different way. The guy had confessed saying that he wanted it to be known that he wasn't gay and he didn't know Kenny was a minor.</p>
<p>When you heard all of this you asked Dennis to keep the television off and avoid social media, you didn't want him to hear any of this about Kenny.</p>
<p>It didn't take long for him to return this time, only two days. When he texted good morning, you called him immediately.</p>
<p>"Well good morning sunshine." His chipper tone a cover, you could hear the annoyance underneath.</p>
<p>"Seriously dude? For some fucking drugs?" You snapped at him.</p>
<p>"Hey, people said this guy had the good E. Had to give it a go."</p>
<p>"Ugh!" You groaned "Well I hope it was worth it."</p>
<p>"Of course not, fucker never gave me anything. And he is a really aggressive dude! If he hadn't stabbed me I would probably be shitting blood right now." The reality of what must have happened flashed in your mind.</p>
<p>"Oh my God dude! Fucking too much!" You could hear Kenny laughing on the other end.</p>
<p>"I'll see you later, James." He hung up laughing as you groaned again in disgust. Seriously? In an alley with a drug dealer? Standards Kenny, learn that shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A Friday in May had you getting an angry voicemail from your mom. She was yelling and through the many curse words you understood that you were to come home immediately. You grabbed your bag and even though it was only the early half of the school day you left anyway, texting Kenny that something must be up. As you got to your front steps you could hear your mom yelling as well as hear Dennis crying. You felt a jolt of panic, unsure what you were about to walk into but you felt the overwhelming sense to protect your brother.</p>
<p>"You stupid child!" Your mother was screaming as you burst through the front door, seeing your mom dragging a large suitcase behind her as she stomped down the stairs toward a crying Dennis who sat at the bottom.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" You asked Dennis softly, reaching your hand to his shoulder but it was quickly slapped away by your mother, her glare now on you.</p>
<p>"Its your fault, isn't it, you fucking irresponsible brat?! You let him get away with it?!" Her eyes were wild and dangerous, causing you to cower away from her. You hadn't seen her in weeks and had no idea what she was talking about.</p>
<p>"Mom, I don't know-"</p>
<p>"Of course you don't, you're probably too busy being a little whore!" She screamed again, pointing a meticulously crafted fingernail in your face. You shook your head slowly, eyes trying to see everything. You could smell she had been drinking and you tried to catch Dennis's eye to try and understand.</p>
<p>"Did you know your pathetic brother got expelled today?" She screamed at you but turned her claw at Dennis. Your eyes widened in shock. He got expelled, but why?! "I got the call in the middle of a meeting with my lawyer, do you know how bad that will make me look?!" Had she not been standing right in front of you you would have rolled your eyes. Of course it was about her, that's all she really cared about. "He got into a fight at school and now they won't let him return until he is old enough to enroll in the high school! And it's all because you couldn't fucking keep him under control!" She rounded on Dennis this time and you jumped to stand in front of him, your instinct to protect stronger than your fear.</p>
<p>"You are going back to your father! I can't stand to be near you!" She pointed at Dennis, her words coming out from between her teeth. The suitcase made sense, she had packed his things. Dennis clung to your arm as your mind began to spin. She was banishing him back to Seattle. "Get your ass in the car!" She demanded, her long nails prying his fingers from around your arm as he began crying harder.</p>
<p>"Mom, please just calm down. I'm sure we can talk to the school board and get this fixed, Dennis doesn't have to leave!" You grabbed onto her hands with tears threatening to spill down your cheeks.</p>
<p>"Get out of this you little tramp! You had one thing to do while I'm gone and that is to take care of Dennis and you couldn't do that. So now you will have to stay here alone!" She spat the words at you, the sting slicing into your heart. How could this woman be allowed to do this to you and Dennis? Why did she feel the need to abandon you, and now to take your only stable family member away? Why is she so horrid? Why did she even bother having children in the first place? You tried to hold Dennis to you but a sharp slap across your face sent your mind reeling and you knees to buckle underneath you. As if from far away at the end of a tunnel you saw Dennis being pulled through the front doorway and his voice echoing back to you.</p>
<p>"Please no! Jamie help! Mom stop, I don't want to leave!" You watched the door slam shut in horror, the new silence deafening. You curled into a ball, crying and a scream bursting from your chest. You failed him. You couldn't save him. You failed.</p>
<p>The week that followed was the slowest and each moment felt progressively more painful. You had tried to talk to Dennis, even going so far as calling your father to try and speak to him. But he would refuse or just hang up. Even he blamed you now. In the hallways you would see Wendy and Stan wrapped up in each other as if no one was there, making you feel sick for hours. With that along with no one to cook for, you often forgot to eat dinner. You tried to have Kenny or Bebe stay the nights, just so you didn't feel like a ghost roaming an empty house, but Bebe couldn't on school nights or would have something else come up and Kenny seemed to have a new nightly conquest. You and he had another argument about it the night you saw him making out with and grinding against Annie in an empty hallway during classes.</p>
<p>"Kenny! I made you a promise that I would always help you but I can't do that if you won't help yourself!" You screamed at him through the phone. The line was silent for a long time and you thought he had hung up when he finally broke the silence.</p>
<p>"Maybe I don't want your help, Jamie. I don't need you trying to tell me what is good for me." His voice was hard and full of venom and you felt it sting like a bite, poisoning you with alarming speed.</p>
<p>"Fine." You got out as the tears began to fall and hung up the phone.</p>
<p>So in a week, you lost your brother, your best friend didn't want you around, your other friends seemed to have distanced themselves as if you gave off a cloud of misery, and the boy who had said he loved you had clearly moved on like you were never a part of his life.</p>
<p>That next morning when your alarm went off, you ignored it, turning it off and rolling over. You hadn't slept, spending the night fighting nightmares and crying. Your body ached as if the pain emotionally had taken over your muscles. All your insecurities seems to stand out when you looked in the mirror. How short you were. How you were so thin. Your lips being too wide, your nose too thin, how your hazel eyes never could match perfectly together, one always lighter than the other. You looked at the girl in the mirror and felt like you had never met her. The shadows under her eyes, the hollow in her cheeks, the tangle of hair around her head.</p>
<p>'No one wants you anymore.' A voice whispered to you. It sounded like your own, but it was wrong. Something was off. 'No one even cares if you were here or not. Your family doesn't want you. Your friends don't want you. Why stay?' A flash in your mind of the ultra strength Tylenol in the cupboard. You had heard that the most common accidental deaths from overdosing was from Tylenol in health class just a few months ago.</p>
<p>'Do it.' The voice cooed. 'It will be like falling asleep. And it will be all over. You won't be alone anymore.' The promise was too tempting, the empty sobs seemed to echo inside your head as you nodded slowly and made your way to the medicine cupboard. The bottle was still mostly full, looking like it had only been opened a time or two. You couldn't even remember exactly when you last used some, probably from a headache while studying for finals months ago. Your movements felt jerky and unnatural. A small part of your mind was screaming at you to stop. That you couldn't do it. That you had to just keep trying. </p>
<p>'There is nothing to fear.' the voice called, soothing your mind again. 'This was always meant to happen anyway. Why delay the inevitable?' You stood there for a few moments. No one would find you for days. You would be gross by then. No, that wouldn't do. Maybe if you were in your yard, back yard would be better. That way they could find you faster and not need to come inside. But it was cold this morning. </p>
<p>'Kenny's sweater was left here. He always comes back wearing his coat or sweater. He comes to life in that jacket. How perfect for it to be there for you to die in.' The voice spoke, as if this was always the plan. You moved back to the spare room, grabbing his sweater from off the floor and pulling your arms through the sleeves. It still had his smell, and the warmth felt like he was there holding you in one of your favorite hugs. The one you had always loved since he first gave you one as kids. Tears splashed down on the front of the sweater, making the orange a deeper amber color. </p>
<p>In the backyard, you found a chair that had been sitting in the sunlight so it wasn't too cold against your exposed legs. You thought about changing out of your pajama shorts but realized it didn't matter in the long run. You wouldn't be cold for very long. A glass of water in one hand, you poured the open bottle of pills into your mouth, taking gulps of water with each mouthful. Your throat closed in your cries, your body trying to fight for life with each movement. It was the 5th gulp that had emptied the bottle, your stomach beginning to ache already and head spinning from the fear and misery pumping violently through your body with each painful heartbeat. You pulled out your phone, typing out your final good bye. You hoped he would at least read it.</p>
<p>'Please tell Dennis I'm sorry. Maybe you can come visit me in the after, where ever it is I'm going.' </p>
<p>You hit send, feeling the tears ebb away and a silent acceptance coming over you. You sat back in the chair to look up at the sky. It was a beautiful day. You weren't sure what time it was, but it felt like it was near noon. The sky was a deeper blue than mornings were, a few clouds as soft white cotton floating with no need to move or shift. Maybe you would come back as a cloud, just to float above everything, not really a part of anything, in between the different planes of the world. The pain in your body felt like it was being numbed but a different pain came with it. A burning feeling in everything as your eyes could no longer focus on what you were seeing. A melody played from far away, familiar and painful. Though you could sense your body in the chair, you couldn't feel it anymore. Just the burn. And a feeling like you were sinking. Choking. Air couldn't fill your lungs, they wouldn't breath for you anymore. You could hear your heart beating, but the sound was faint and rapid. Just burning with the far away melody playing again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A pulsing ache in your head was the first thing you could feel. You held on to that feeling even though it hurt, at least it was something. Better than the burning nothingness that had held you for so long. You pulled on the rope of that feeling, pulling and pulling until other things became more apparent to you. A taste of vomit in your mouth. A raw pain in your throat. A bright light in your vision. And a soft voice that was speaking indistinguishable words. The voice was sweeter than you normally heard it, maybe only a few times hearing this tender version that was never aimed at you. You focused now on the voice as it was the sweetest thing you could find, trying to remember what the sounds that were words were saying. Your mind couldn't understand it at first as it sounded like a foreign and romantic lost language, then some words could reach you.</p>
<p>"Jamie?"</p>
<p>"Wake up, please."</p>
<p>"I have you now."</p>
<p>"It's going to be okay."</p>
<p>Kenny? You felt the lids on your burning eyes open, bright visions blurred as a face hovered over yours. A halo surrounded his shining honey hair, his deep blue eyes making you gasp like the first time you saw his face. His full lips parted in a small smile, the small chip in his tooth from when his dad hurt him peeking from the corner.</p>
<p>"An angel." You breathed out, throat sore and making your words broken and harsh. His lips closed and smirked, the shine in his eyes now brighter and he shook his head. You wanted to stay with the Angel Kenny, happy that he came to make sure you could go to Heaven, but your eyes couldn't stand the bright light and your body had run out of energy as you felt yourself slip away again. His gentle voice spoke close to your ear, breath warm against your neck and reminding you that you still had a heartbeat as it quickened from the feeling.</p>
<p>"Rest. I will be here."</p>
<p>Several hours later you felt an ache in your stomach, hunger and pain that refused to be ignored. You shifted, feeling the soft fabrics of your bed all around you as well as something far more solid and warm. How are you in your bed? You opened your eyes, realizing it was dark outside, no hint of daylight left in the sky through your window. You looked around your room, seeing that it was the same as you remembered but for boots and several things had been shifted or moved. Your small garbage was beside the bed as well as one of your larger stuffed animals. It seemed to be covered in a blanket and moving slightly. An alarm sounded in your head as all your senses came back. You had tried to kill yourself, you were outside and had swallowed a lot of pills. You spun to look behind you as you felt the bed shift slightly, finding a sleeping Kenny curled in your blankets with you. Even more confused, you reached down and raised the blanket on the stuffed animal to find a sleeping Tweek. What the hell is going on? As if your freak out was being sensed, your door opened slightly and you saw a familiar face peek in, illuminated by the hallway light.</p>
<p>"Jamie, are you awake?" Token asked, opening the door slightly more. You looked at him, feeling more confused than you could put into words. At the sound of Token's voice, both Kenny and Tweek began to shift awake.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" You managed to ask, confused at the scratchy tone of your voice. You began to twist your hips to begin to get up but you were forced to stop as Kenny's arms wrapped tightly around you and pulled you down into the bed again.</p>
<p>"Jamie! Please don't ever do that again! I almost lost you! Please! Oh God James!" He was crying hard, pulling you closer and closer to him until you felt you might be crushed. You felt hands gently trying to pull his grasp lose.</p>
<p>"Dude, you're going to crush her." Token's voice calm.</p>
<p>"Stop! She can't breathe!" Tweek the very opposite of calm, his voice cracking as he spoke. Kenny let go and shifted so that you were sitting in his lap and his hands on your shoulders.</p>
<p>"WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?!" He shook your shoulders, yelling through his tears. You couldn't answer him, you just looked down and felt a new wave of tears coming to the surface along with the shame of your actions and what must have led to this moment. The room was silent, Tweek kneeling on your stuffed animal and Token sitting on the edge of your bed. You began to wonder how any of them even got here in the first place. Not that you weren't friendly with Tweek and Token, but you hadn't spent much time with them outside of large group things.</p>
<p>"What happened?" You asked, knowing full well that there were large gaps in time that you couldn't recount, the last thing being in your backyard and dying. As well as a hazy memory of Kenny as an angel. Or was it a dream? Tweek and Token both turned an anxious gaze to Kenny as his grip on your shoulders slacked and his hands fell down the length of your arms before falling at his sides. </p>
<p>"I got your message on the way to class. I was walking with Tweek. I tried to call you to see what you were talking about, it seemed wrong.... You didn't answer." He stopped, eyes down and brows furrowed. The melody you heard, of course, it was his stupid ring tone playing on your phone. "So I just started running here. Actually..." He laughed, turning to look at Tweek now. "Tweek was following until he realized it was about you, then he beat me here."</p>
<p>"Soccer." Tweek tried to shrug, but it came out more like a violent twitch. "I heard glass break from the back so I found you first."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry..." You whispered. You knew Tweek already had issues with anxiety, and you knew that him finding a dying classmate would not help with that.</p>
<p>"It was a good thing he came actually." Kenny said, taking your hand gently in his. "He saw the bottle and knew what to do."</p>
<p>"How?" You asked, shaking your head softly and looking to Tweek. A deep look of grief was on his face and you could feel it wash out like a wave all across the room.</p>
<p>"Craig.... he... nnggg, he did this last year..." Tweek said, twitching harder now. "He... nnnggg.. He was scared of actually being gay." You felt a new softness for both Tweek and Craig then, how crazy their lives had been since 4th grade. You just didn't realize how much it had effected Craig as he was always so stoic and strong.</p>
<p>"Oh." You said, knowing that there wasn't anything you could say, having just done the same thing. Kenny rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb softly and continued telling you what had happened.</p>
<p>"He told me to make you throw it up, so I managed to get you to gag enough to vomit." He grimaced slightly and you felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment. At least that explained why your throat hurt, he had shoved his hand down there. "Once we did that Tweek ran to Token's to get more help. His parents keep some medical stuff there so Token was able to make sure you were still alive enough that we didn't have to call an ambulance, despite Tweek's freak out."</p>
<p>"She could have died!" Tweek yelped out.</p>
<p>"Her mom would have been called!" Kenny yelled back. Only he knew how badly you never wanted to get her involved no matter what it was. Tweek and Token both just looked away from Kenny's glare.</p>
<p>"Anyway," Kenny continued. "You woke up for a minute after a while, and then fell asleep again. We brought you up here to wait for you to wake up."</p>
<p>"I woke up?" You asked, thinking back to your Heavenly vision. Kenny and Token both chuckled softly as Tweek grinned awkwardly at you.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Kenny said, "You called me an angel." You felt a blush rise up in your face again.</p>
<p>"I thought I was in Heaven." You spoke to your hands, feeling slightly embarrassed. Kenny chuckled again, pulling the blanket off the two of you then.</p>
<p>"Okay guys, I can watch her for the rest of the night. Thanks again." He moved to give parting hugs to both Tweek and Token as they made their way to the door. "Please lock up on your way out, yeah?" Kenny called down the stairs as you heard the two of them leaving. You continued to sit in your bed, feeling shame, guilt, sadness and the persistent pang of hunger. Kenny turned to face you, tilting his head and eyes soft as he looked you over before moving slowly towards you.</p>
<p>"James... I'm sorry for what I said." He said.</p>
<p>"No, you are right. I keep failing everyone. And now I've failed at this too." You said, holding your legs to your chest, the small voice from earlier smiling with venom. </p>
<p>"No!" Kenny said, grabbing you from your seated position and pulling you tightly to his chest, forcing you to take a deep breath that was saturated in his scent. Though you tried to avoid it, you felt a warmth flood your stomach as you were pressed close to him. "Please Jamie. I meant what I said, I won't leave you again. It can be me and you always! You don't need to be alone anymore! Hell, I could probably move in to the spare room and my parents wouldn't even care." He chuckled at that, but a small spark went off in your head.</p>
<p>"Why don't you?" You looked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction, his face very close to yours from this position. You could feel your lungs protest as you held your breath, waiting for a reaction from him.</p>
<p>"Huh.... but Karen needs me." He said, his voice not as resolved as his words. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, like you would let her stay in that shit hole if you had anything to say about it.</p>
<p>"Bring her. Please! Both of you deserve to be somewhere clean and safe." You said, the idea now sounding far more exciting and possible as you pictured it. Kenny and her could share the guest room or Kenny could always just stay in Dennis's old room, he wouldn't be coming back for years at this point, if he ever did come back. And you could all look out for each other and take care of each other. No more beatings from a drunk father for Kenny. No more hiding from drug addicts so she doesn't get watched in ways that would make skin crawl for Karen. It would be perfect. And you wouldn't be alone. You could have someone to come home to. Kenny seemed to see the way the idea had lit up in your eyes as he gently brushed loose hair behind your ear and smiled.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Let's do that!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Birth of a Phoenix</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You climb from the ashes, resolved to be a better version of yourself. And with Kenny and you supporting each other you know you can do it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night Kenny made you some chicken noodle soup for dinner before climbing into bed with you. Though you were still tired you tried to stay awake just a bit longer, feeling more at peace resting against his chest and listening to his heart beat than you were ready to admit to yourself.</p>
<p>"Jamie?" He asked, shifting his head to rest his cheek against the top of your head.</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"I won't ask why...." He paused, you could hear his heartbeat quicken just slightly. "I won't ask why you did it. Maybe someday, but not now. But why did you think I was an angel?" Your stomach was in a knot as you thought back to the hazy memory.</p>
<p>"You were glowing." You answered, trying to not sound as awkward as it made you feel. His arm wrapped around you gently and you felt him settle further into the mattress.</p>
<p>"Cool." His voice was soft and you could tell he was falling asleep. You nuzzled closer, thinking about how once again, Kenny was there to save your life.</p>
<p>'I'm gonna need to really owe him now.' You thought as the gentle rising and falling of Kenny's chest lulled you to sleep.</p>
<p>In the morning you woke to find your bed empty but the sounds of furniture moving from down the hall. You got up and made your way down the hall to find Kenny shifting things around in Dennis's room. The posters were down and rolled up and the clothes that were left behind were folded up into piles on the bed.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" You asked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.</p>
<p>"Getting the room ready for Karen. She is going to be so excited being able to stay here all the time." He said, smiling brightly at you. "Of course we will still have to show up there every now and then so my asshole parents don't freak out. They even still think Kevin lives there but he moved out like a year ago to live with his girlfriend but he comes by like once a week." You nodded, still groggy, the coffee you could smell from the kitchen calling your name.</p>
<p>"Coffee first, everything else later." You said, turning away from Kenny who continued shifting things in the closet.</p>
<p>Later that afternoon you and Kenny had gone to his house to get his and Karen's things that they would need for the next few weeks. You brought empty luggage for them to put their things in and helped Karen with her clothes and other things as she was smiling and trying hard to not make too much noise. When you and Kenny had arrived and told her that she and Kenny were going to stay with you, she squealed in excitement before clamping her hands to her mouth before telling you that her parents were still sleeping and that they had been doing "needle stuff", to which you and Kenny looked at each other with dark, knowing looks.</p>
<p>That night Kenny had moved his things into the guest room and Karen into Dennis's old room. Kenny tried to negotiate putting up posters of naked women but you stood your ground, finally backing down when you agreed to a single poster of two women kissing and his NASCAR posters. Before going to bed the three of you watched an old 80's B zombie movie and laughed at the horrible acting and special effects with Kenny acting out scenes that were especially awful and Karen laughed on the floor. You hadn't felt that peaceful in a long time and as you went to your room, you didn't even consider the alcohol that was hidden away, not needing it for a good night's sleep.</p>
<p>With the next few weeks cramming for finals and getting ready for summer, you and Kenny kept focus on studies. You and he had made some simple house rules so that there wouldn't be issues or arguments. Curfew of 9pm on school nights. Karen needed to tell either you or Kenny if she would be out with friends passed that time. Homework done before dinner. The one who cooks is free from cleaning up after. Laundry in the laundry room by noon Sunday to be done. And the one you added special for Kenny, no random hook ups at the house. He glared at you with that rule but Karen agreed, stating it was "gross" seeing him kiss a bunch of people. You smirked, having won that round easily thanks to Karen.</p>
<p>The last day of school was more eventful than you had hoped it would be as Wendy approached you at your locker as you were cleaning it out.</p>
<p>"Jamie, I really want to talk to you." Wendy said, sounding honest and open, but you knew better. With her, there was always something more.</p>
<p>"Shove it up your ass, Wendy." You replied, not even bothering to turn and face her. She grabbed your elbow and made you turn to face her and the urge to punch her in the face nearly overwhelmed you.</p>
<p>"I'm serious!" She said, seeing tears in her eyes. You hadn't looked at her fully since the night of your slumber party in December. She looked strained and tired, hair flat and bags under her eyes. You simply glared at her with your arms crossed.</p>
<p>"Fine," you spat, "what?"</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry. I know you will never forgive me or even believe me, but I didn't mean for what happened to happen. I missed him and I wanted to be supportive but we were stupid-"</p>
<p>"Clearly!" You interrupted, annoyance vibrating through you as she looked down at her shoes. "You done?"</p>
<p>"I just wanted to say that I hope someday we can move past this. Maybe even be friends again. I miss hanging out with you." Anger surged through you and formed into harsh words.</p>
<p>"You know Wendy, I may someday forgive you. But that's not today. And if you think you beat me or something stupid like that, it's only because I deserve better than a cheating alcoholic for a boyfriend." You could hear the venom in each word as you spoke, and felt the pain that had been building inside you being released as well. Her eyes widened with surprise at your words, sending you more ammo. "Oh, you didn't know? Of course you didn't, because you only love the idea of Stan. You never loved who he actually is. And that is what makes us different. Other than the obvious fact that I have class and you're a whore who had to fuck a guy to get his attention." You grabbed the last book and slammed the locker door closed as she stared at you with her mouth agape in shock. You gave her a gentle smile and tilted your head slightly as you turned to leave. "Have a great summer!"</p>
<p>You were still riding on the high of telling off Wendy when Bebe came over to you as you returned your library books.</p>
<p>"I heard you tell off Wendy. Not gonna lie, that was epic!" She was laughing as she spoke, making upperclassmen turn and look at her. "Listen, I'm having a small party at my place tonight. You and Kenny should come! And no, Wendy is not invited, neither is Stan. I'm just as annoyed with them with that stunt as everyone else." You rolled your eyes.</p>
<p>"I'm pretty sure I trump the annoyance level over everyone else. But yeah, we'll be there." You said, handing your books over and pulling your now much lighter bag over your shoulder.</p>
<p>"Yay!! Should be super fun!" She said with a wink before running off toward Token, Clyde, Craig and Tweek who had just walked passed.</p>
<p>You pulled out your phone and typed out a quick message to Kenny, knowing he was most likely tongue deep in someone at the moment.</p>
<p>'Hey, party at Bebe's tonight. Meet me there around 8?'</p>
<p>You got home and kicked your shoes off, thinking of grabbing an apple for a snack when you heard Karen yell for you from upstairs.</p>
<p>"Jamie, please help!" Something in her voice made a rock fall in your stomach, something was wrong. You ran up the stairs and couldn't find her in her room.</p>
<p>"Where are you?" You asked, now walking to Kenny's room to look there.</p>
<p>"Bathroom." You turned and went back to the bathroom door. What could she need, you kept the spare toilet paper in the bathroom so it's not like she needed a refill. You knocked softly before cracking the door slightly.</p>
<p>"Karen, are you okay, sweetie?" You waited to hear something from her before walking in until you heard a soft whimper. You opened the door enough to look inside and found her sitting on the toilet but you could see the blood on her underwear around her ankles.</p>
<p>"I don't know what to do." Karen cried, her face screwed up in frustration and embarrassment. It dawned on you in a quick flash. Karen was 11, almost 12, this must be her first period. You smiled sympathetically, moving into the bathroom and opening the cupboard under the sink to get the menstrual supplies you kept stocked.</p>
<p>"Its okay. I'm sure you know what this is right?" She nodded, tears still falling silently. "Then you know it's okay. I'll go grab you some clean underwear okay? This is a pad." You held it up, thankful that you had bought a multi need pack the other month. "Just put that in your underwear. I also have wipes, so you can clean yourself up and some Midol, it will help with the cramps." You showed her the little kit you had set up, she smiled slowly at you. "And don't tell Kenny, but there is a secret chocolate stash behind the books in the third row on the book shelf." You smiled conspiratorially at her and she smiled with a curious glint in her eye. "If he knew he would eat them all. Chocolate helps with the cramps and if you feel a bit cranky." She nodded, tears now fully dry.</p>
<p>You got up and went to her room, finding a clean pair of underwear for her. When you brought them in Karen was studying the pad and box of tampons.</p>
<p>"Not those yet, maybe later." You said, taking them and putting them back in the kit.</p>
<p>"Don't tell Kenny!" She said, eyes now wide with embarrassment. You snorted a laugh despite trying not to.</p>
<p>"He has no business with this. I'm sure he will eventually realize it is happening, but it's more of an unspoken thing for guys. Don't worry." You smirked, walking out then to get back to that apple snack you were craving.</p>
<p>As you sat on the couch snacking into your apple when you heard the front door open and the distinctive sound of Kenny kicking off his boots at the door.</p>
<p>"Hey, did you get my message?" You called out as you heard him move to the kitchen, most likely grabbing a snack as well.</p>
<p>"Yeah, sounds fun!" He said, turning into the living room with an apple as well.</p>
<p>"So what have you been up to?" You asked, taking another bite as he plopped down on the couch, sitting on your feet as usual to warm them with his body heat.</p>
<p>"Having fun with that junior Daniel Martin," he said, angling his eyebrows and smirking in a flirtatious manner.</p>
<p>"The one on the swim team?" You recalled from one of Bebe's meets you went to.</p>
<p>"That boy has a good stroke." He slyly said, winking boldly as you gagged from laughing on your apple. It took you a few moments of coughing until you were able to breathe properly again.</p>
<p>"Holy fuck Kenny!" You finally managed to get out, pulling a foot out from under him to give him a playful kick as he laughed and allowed himself to be pushed. "Well I hope you got what you needed, because you aren't bringing any hookups here."</p>
<p>"Doesn't mean I won't have any while there." He said smugly, taking another bite of his apple as you shook your head softly.</p>
<p>As you were getting ready a few hours later Karen popped her head into your room.</p>
<p>"Hey, is it okay if I spend the night at Anna's? Her mom said it would be okay."</p>
<p>"Yeah, sounds okay. Ken and I can walk you." You said, looking through your shirts to find a good enough one.</p>
<p>"Its okay, her mom said she would pick me up on the way to get pizzas." She said, leaning against your door frame.</p>
<p>"Oh, sure then." You looked at her, suddenly remembering. "Hey, make sure you pack some extra needs okay. And you could always text me or ask her mom if you need help or anything." Karen just blushed slightly and looked at her feet for a moment but you could tell she still wanted to say something. You tilted your head and placed your hands on your hips as she looked back at you, a question lingering on her face. "What's up, Karen?"</p>
<p>"Well," she mumbled, avoiding looking at your eyes, "are you and Kenny, like, together?" You could feel the awkwardness rising in the room.</p>
<p>"No...." you said, she still avoided your eyes. "Why do you ask?"</p>
<p>"I know that sometimes he sleeps in your room and you guys seem so happy when you're together." You felt a blush rise in your cheeks now, thinking of how strange it might be to see your sibling slipping out of someone else's room. You decided to be honest but gentle. She didn't need to know the deep reason why you and he would sleep in the same bed. Sometimes you felt it was a strange thing, but it just felt right and comfortable.</p>
<p>"Yeah, he will sometimes stay in my room. It might seem weird but sometimes he will have really bad nightmares and when that happens I try to calm him down."</p>
<p>"He has nightmares? About what?" She asked, her eyes sad.</p>
<p>"Um... sometimes about stuff that has happened, or about bad stuff about your mom and dad, or something bad happening to you..." you said as gently as you could. She didn't need to know how often his dreams made him relive his deaths or the scenes of violence he had shielded her from. You always hated when he had his nightmares. She looked at you with a broken heart.</p>
<p>"I didn't know he had nightmares like that." She said, looking at her fingers. "I'm glad he has you as such a good friend."</p>
<p>"Kenny is a great person, Karen. You really have a wonderful brother." She smiled at you then.</p>
<p>"Yeah, he's the best." Her face slid into a smirk very similar to the one her brother would give you. "Just think you guys should be together already." She left you with that, turning to her room as you felt a small bit of shock mixed with a strange feeling of embarrassment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You had decided to wear one of Kenny's old rock shirts with a pair of high waisted shorts for the party, Kenny opting for a white shirt under his usual orange hoodie. He still had a habit of wearing his hood up but he no longer kept it tight around his face so his flirty smiles were more easily seen. You and he walked down to Bebe's with Token and Clyde, sharing summer plans on the way. When they got to Bebe's house you ran into Annie and Nelly outside.</p>
<p>"Hey Kenny." They both said, seductive smiles on both of their faces. Kenny seemed to shift from a casual guy to a sexual beast on the prowl right in front of you as he moved over to them.</p>
<p>"Hey ladies, how have you been?" He asked, arms linking around both of them. You just rolled your eyes and continued inside.</p>
<p>"Jamie, Token, Clyde!" Bebe said, smiling bright in a small top and shorts. Clyde seemed to stand taller when he saw her and you noticed his nervous smile. 'Interesting.' You thought to yourself.</p>
<p>"We have a game in a little bit, so go and grab a drink and we will start." Bebe said, smiling toward the door as Kenny came in with Annie and Nelly.</p>
<p>It was a small group of friends and the party had more of an intimate feel than the usual chaotic times. You sat on the couch next to Tweek, leaning against the arm as he leaned gently against Craig, his usual blank expression only softening slightly when Tweek would kiss his cheek or neck. Craig noticed you watching and turned to eye you. You smiled small and quick as he just turned away, still no expression shared for you.</p>
<p>"Okay guys! The game is like truth or dare, but you are going to do it or you take a drink. And as a gracious host, I will go first!" Bebe said, hand placed on her chest as if she just did everyone a favor.</p>
<p>"I'll get her!" Annie said, smiling at everyone. "Okay Bebe, truth or dare?"</p>
<p>"Dare." She said, eyes confident.</p>
<p>"I dare you to give Clyde a hickey!" She started laughing as the group also chuckled and looked at a glowing red Clyde. Bebe looked at Annie with a smirk that was trying to hide a grimace as she moved over to Clyde and straddled his hips and he watched her with shock and awe, hands resting on her legs at his sides.</p>
<p>"Someone else will need to go, this will take a minute." She said as she lowered her mouth to his neck and began to work, Clyde now wearing a very pleased grin.</p>
<p>"I'll go!" Kenny said, leaning forward with a smile. "I'll give Clyde a hickey too!" He chuckled, Clyde managing to flip him off as he closed his eyes to Bebe's actions against his neck. Everyone knew he was enjoying it more than he would admit.</p>
<p>"No, I got one for you dude!" Kevin said. "Truth or dare?"</p>
<p>"Dare!" Kenny said as he then stood up and began jumping in place to amp himself up.</p>
<p>"Alright. I dare you to show us your very best strip tease." Kevin smirked, looking at Kenny like he had him trapped and would be forced to drink. Kenny, as you knew, would never back down from a dare that involved anything sexual. Kenny smirked back at him and Kevin's smile fell.</p>
<p>"Easy." Kenny smiled at you, knowing he would want music and you already knew which one he would want. You chuckled and pulled out your phone, pulling up his song and hitting play. Soon Kenny was dancing around seductively for everyone, other than Bebe and Clyde who seemed still caught up with what they were doing as his hands were on her back and in her hair, and stripping down to his cherry decorated boxer briefs in a routine you could tell he practiced. The room had gotten quiet, everyone flushed in the face either in embarrassment or arousal. You tried to seem aloof for the dance, but you found yourself watching the movements of his hips and shoulders and how the muscles in his stomach rolled. When he was done he gave an overly dramatic bow and began getting his clothes back on.</p>
<p>"Too easy Kevin, far too easy. Unless that was what you wanted." He added, winking at him as he bent to put on his pants and Kevin blushing and looking away.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'll choose who goes next." Bebe said, climbing off a stunned looking Clyde who was now sporting a large bruise on his neck and sat awkwardly.</p>
<p>"Jamie." Bebe smiled at you as you felt a nervous bubble in your stomach. "Truth or dare?"</p>
<p>You looked at her and considered your options. With Bebe, either option would be embarrassing, but with dare it would be a sexual embarrassment and truth could be emotionally embarrassing. You sighed, your option obvious.</p>
<p>"Dare." She giggled and ran off to the kitchen, returning a moment later with a large popsicle stick. Shit.</p>
<p>"I dare you to show how much of this you can fit in your mouth." She held it out in front of you with a bold smile as you glared at her. You remembered how at a slumber party nearly a year ago you and the girls were all daring each other to see who could fit most and you won, being able to get the whole thing and had the stick at the tip of your teeth which brought a huge round of laughter. Clearly Bebe was remembering this too. You tried not to notice as the girls giggled, remembering as well, and the guys all turned to watch with varying expressions of excitement and curiosity. Even Craig and Tweek seemed somewhat interested.</p>
<p>"Fine." You reached out and grabbed the popsicle. "Please don't tease." You said aloud to the group with your eyes closed, prepping for the crude comments sure to come. You sighed and opened your mouth and tilted your head back slightly so it could slip easier down your throat, feeling the cold treat fill around your throat and you focused on relaxing so you wouldn't gag. As your hand on the bottom of the stick pressed against your lips, you knew you were done and pulled it back up. Curse your great aunt for being a sword swallower in the circus. You opened your eyes and looked around, all the male eyes wide in surprise. Then several comments exploded around the room, most of which you ignored but a few weren't too bad.</p>
<p>"Hot damn!"</p>
<p>"How in the fuck?"</p>
<p>"Holy shit!"</p>
<p>"I wish I could do that."</p>
<p>"I didn't know you could do that, what the fuck?" Kenny said, jumping into your lap and making you nearly drop the popsicle still in your hand. "And here I thought I would be the best at head!" You blushed deeply.</p>
<p>"Oh my God, you know I haven't!" You exclaimed, hiding in your hand as Bebe grabbed the popsicle from you to toss it. You spent the rest of the night doing your best to not look at how the boys would eye you as you drank until the awkwardness went away. Unfortunately for you, you had built up a tolerance so it took a lot of drinks for you to relax, and as you rapped along to old school hip hop songs with Token you found that standing soon became difficult.</p>
<p>"Ken, dude, she can't even stand." You heard Token from over you as you lay in a giggling heap on the floor.</p>
<p>"She will be okay, just help me move her to the couch." You heard Kenny say. You tried to focus as you felt yourself moving to the couch, still laughing but unsure why now.</p>
<p>"She should get some sleep. Do you want me to bring her home?" Token asked, his voice sounding like echoes across a lake.</p>
<p>"No, it's okay. I'll bring her home in a bit." Kenny's voice like sparkling ribbons wrapping you in warmth.</p>
<p>"Oh Kenny, you were going to show me something, remember?" A girl's voice from across the room and you saw the blurred version of Kenny move towards the girl and Token laying a blanket over you from the side of the couch.</p>
<p>You could feel yourself falling asleep when a new blurry shape stood in front of you. You turned to try and focus on the face, recognizing the red hair and soft smile.</p>
<p>"Let's get you home." Kyle said, scooping you up into his arms. You adjusted slightly, wrapping your arms around his neck and moving closer to lessen your chance of falling.</p>
<p>"Hi, Kyle." You smiled at him, your head feeling heavy as it fell to his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Hi." He smiled back. "I ran into Ken when he was going into a room with Lola. He asked if I could bring you home, saying he didn't want to break your rules." You giggled slightly as a uncomfortable feeling gripped your chest. That was odd.</p>
<p>"Thank you." You nuzzled in, the warmth of his skin comforting against the chill of the night air as he continued walking. You had never been this close to Kyle before and you allowed yourself to enjoy the scent and softness of his skin against your cheek. You felt like a small child being rocked to sleep until the brightness of your porch light hit your eyes.</p>
<p>"Home sweet home." Kyle said, adjusting to get the key from his pocket to open the door while still holding you. He made his way in and placed you on the couch. As he turned away you grabbed his hand and he stopped to turn and look at you.</p>
<p>"What is it?" In your hazy vision his face was very close to yours now as he kneeled down next to you. You could almost taste the peppermint scent of his lips. Chapstick maybe? You leaned forward, lips very close to his now.</p>
<p>"Will you make out with me?" You asked in a breathy whisper, your eyes fluttering closed, wanting to feel wanted again so badly it made your stomach ache. You could feel his breath against your lips, waiting to feel him close the gap.</p>
<p>"As much as I'm going to regret this, it wouldn't be right." He said as you felt him lean away from you as the rejection burned your eyes. "Jamie, I couldn't. You're really drunk and I know you don't really want this." The sober you nodded in agreement inside your head as the drunk you who was in control at the moment pouted with your best sad puppy eyes.</p>
<p>"But it would be fun. And I really want to kiss you right now." You could hear the whine in your voice but you knew he was too good of a guy. You heard him sigh really deeply and hoped he was starting to cave in.</p>
<p>"Jamie." He had leaned close again as he spoke your name gently. You felt him brush your loose hair away from your face and his thumb traced across your cheek. Again your eyes closed for the hope of a kiss but you were surprised to feel his gentle and soft lips press against your forehead. "Get some sleep."</p>
<p>The sound that woke you several hours after the sun had come up was of the front door opening and closing and heavy objects falling loudly to the floor. Your head was pounding violently as if threatening to explode like a bomb as you felt the couch under your feet moving under the weight of Kenny as he sat.</p>
<p>"Good morning D.T.Q, how does your head feel?" His voice, normally making you feel relaxed, made the bomb that was your head continue to near explosion.</p>
<p>"Nnnngggg." A grunt was all you managed to get out, turning your face more into the cushion to hide in shame. You heard him chuckle and scoop you into a seated position, the movement flipping your stomach uncomfortably. You felt him drop small tablets into your hand.</p>
<p>"Take." He said. You opened your mouth and popped the pills into your mouth, eager for pain relief. "Drink." A cold glass now pressed to your hand and you downed the whole glass of water, your mouth feeling gross.</p>
<p>"Did you call me letters?" Rational thoughts coming to the forefront of your mind.</p>
<p>"D.T.Q." Kenny laughed, your ears ringing from the gleeful sound. "Bebe came up with it at one point last night while you were doing your karaoke. Deep Throat Queen." You groaned, fresh embarrassment flowing over you. "Kyle told me something interesting when he came back from bringing you home." His voice teasing. Shit. A larger embarrassment hit you hard and fast and you leaned forward hiding your face in your hands.</p>
<p>"I know, stupid." You groaned. Kenny's hand was on your back rubbing gentle circles.</p>
<p>"Hey, I'm not just saying this because I'm his friend, but he isn't a bad choice. If he wasn't as straight as he is I would want a piece myself." You laughed then, causing your forehead to feel like it was swelling in pressure.</p>
<p>"No, I'm just...." you stopped, trying to find the right words. Lonely? Bored? Horny? In all honesty, all three. "Its not like I want to be with Kyle. He's wonderful, but I just don't like him like that. I just miss the contact." You finished, your voice as small as you felt.</p>
<p>"You should tell him, because he seemed really confused last night." He got up, heading towards the stairs most likely to shower.</p>
<p>"Ken." You asked, a thought coming to mind as he turned to face you. "If I'm the Deep Throat Queen, is there a Deep Throat King?" You expected him to smile proudly and declare it was himself, but instead an amused smirk traced his lips.</p>
<p>"Tweek it turns out. We tried at one point that trick you did for fun. Craig looked like he was going to have a stroke. He and Tweek disappeared for a long time after that." He winked as you chuckled, both knowing what must have happened last night.</p>
<p>You pulled your phone out of your pocket as you heard Kenny start his shower and saw it was near dead and you had a message from Kyle. You went up to your room and plugged it in so it wouldn't die while you replied to what it was Kyle said.</p>
<p>'I hope you slept okay and aren't in too much pain this morning. I don't know how much you remember about last night but text me when you're up.' Kyle</p>
<p>Always so polite. You prepped yourself, pulling a piece of information from a secret drawer in your head as you began to text him back.</p>
<p>'Morning. I slept okay enough considering but I feel like my head may explode. I'm so sorry about last night. It was wrong of me to put you in that position. But I know how to make it up to you.' You hit send and began pulling off your alcohol scented clothes, hoping Kenny doesn't use up all the hot water. A ding from your phone sounded as you pulled a fresh towel around your body.</p>
<p>'I should apologize as well. If I ever led you on I'm sorry. Not that it wouldn't have been nice, you are very beautiful, but my heart wouldn't be in it. I'm sorry.' Kyle.</p>
<p>'Your heart is exactly how I can make this better.' Jamie</p>
<p>'Huh?' Kyle</p>
<p>'Nichole really misses you. I know you guys split a while ago. She told me it was because she didn't like how short your temper was. But I know she wants to be with you still. I imagine if you can work on that a little, you may win her back. If that is what you want that is.' You hit send, hoping all the words were gentle enough but also helpful.</p>
<p>'Really?! God I miss her so much! She really said that?' Kyle. You smiled, relieved you could help your friends resolve their relationship. You loved playing match maker.</p>
<p>'Yes really. Show her that you miss her and, please don't feel like this is a jab at you, show her that you can have better control of your emotions. You can do it and you guys move past this to be happy again. :)' You hit send and heard the shower turn off. Finally! You could still smell the rum and whiskey in your hair.</p>
<p>As you walked out of your room and down the hall, Kenny came out of the bathroom with the steam of the shower creating a haze that billowed out. You felt your eyes widen and mouth build up extra moisture as you saw his shaggy blonde hair still damp and tousled and the towel low on his hips, water still dripping down his chest and stomach. He saw you standing in the hall, naked but for the towel as well and gave you his signature smirk. Despite how many times you have seen it and how you were normally immune, a warm twist in your stomach nearly betrayed you by sending a shiver to your knees.</p>
<p>"All yours." He motioned to the bathroom, stepping into his room then, you grabbed quickly to a sarcastic comment before he could sense how aroused you had suddenly found yourself.</p>
<p>"About time, dude." You walked into the bathroom and heard him chuckle as he closed his door. The room's haze was full of the smell of his body wash and shampoo, making your head spin and the shiver spread from your knees and up your body. You swallowed deeply and shook your head softly, forcing yourself to focus. 'He is your best friend. And that would be too weird. And he is fucking nearly half the school. Stop thinking like that.' You began chanting this to yourself, trying not to acknowledge your body's reaction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the summer went on you grew nervous for when you knew the inevitable would happen and how you would handle it with Karen. That situation came in late July but you were thankful that Karen was away at camp for her Girl Scout troop. That day you and Kenny were lounging lazily in the backyard, not doing much of anything as you lay in the sun in shorts and a tank top. You heard him sigh heavily and you turned to look at him over your sunglasses.</p>
<p>"Let's do something." He said with his head tilted to the side as he would do often when thinking.</p>
<p>"Like what?" You rolled slightly to rest your chin on your hand.</p>
<p>"I got it! Let's go shopping cart racing!" His eyes lit up and he grabbed out his phone. "I'll invite Clyde, Kyle and Token. You text Bebe."</p>
<p>"Shopping cart racing? Seriously? You nearly broke your leg last time and Kyle almost broke his collar bone. His bitch mom grounded him for 2 months for that." You said, already nervous about what new injuries were going to come.</p>
<p>"We won't push as hard, it will be fine!" He had clearly already sent the message and you rolled your eyes. Looks like you and Token would be supervising the chaos again.</p>
<p>Less than an hour later you, Kenny, Kyle, Bebe, Clyde and Token were walking up the steep road at the end of town with Kenny and Clyde happily pushing stolen shopping carts. In the winter it would be closed due to ice, but summertime would bring more traffic in the evenings as it led towards the makeout point the teens who could drive would use.</p>
<p>"Who's gonna call winner?" Kyle asked, his attempt at sounding above it lost as you heard excitement in his voice. You stopped walking upward and began to go back down.</p>
<p>"I will, it's the only way to make sure no one cheats." You said to groans from the boys of disagreement and statements that they didn't cheat while Bebe laughed.</p>
<p>The first 3 rounds saw Kenny lose to Clyde, Token lose to Kyle and then Clyde getting a close win to Kyle. Bebe went down once just for fun with Clyde happily at the bottom to catch her in case she crashed, his feelings for her so obvious it was flashing across his head like a neon sign. The next round was Clyde and Token with both carts crashing into each other and resulting in a draw with both boys becoming tangled up and fairly scrapped up. When Kyle and Kenny went down Kyle was able to stop his cart but a tire of Kenny's cart came loose, sending his cart to flip fast and violently. Screams of panic and pain hit your ears as the impact of Kenny's skull hit the pavement. You felt the blinding pain and could already smell the blood, but he hadn't died yet.</p>
<p>You rushed over to him, Kyle right behind you as the others came running wildly down the hill. Kenny was staring up at the sky, his eyes desperately searching as his fingers twitched. The rest of his body seemed to have lost function. You landed hard next to him, a flashing reminder of the first time you had seen him die and how similar he looked. He still had his full lips and sweet scattering of freckles. His deep blue eyes still made your heart ache with loss. He looked at you, fingers still twitching slightly. The pain at the back of your head, the same as where his life was fading away, was slowly lessening as well as his life. That first time you could only watch in horror. But this time you could help.</p>
<p>You hadn't tried this with Kenny yet, still nervous about how well it might work or if it will at all. You remembered how strange it was the first time you did this when Stan had taken you to the animal shelter to volunteer playing with the animals. How you could feel the pull of pain come through your fingers and up your arms. It wasn't until you stopped touching that old dog did it stop. And it had taken you several more tries to figure out how to get rid of it once it was inside your arms. You were nervous because this was much different. But there is no better time than the present.</p>
<p>You grabbed one of Kenny's hands, feeling the twitching cease at your touch and your other hand gently carded through his hair so that your fingertips were against his scalp, staying away from the blood and brain matter less than an inch away. Your stomach twisted and nearly emptied itself against your will, but you held your breath and focused. His eyes were wide with surprise as you felt the pain that was distinctly his flood into your fingertips and up towards your palm.</p>
<p>It was much more intense than what you had ever experienced with the dogs at the shelter but you gritted your teeth and kept focus. You looked again at Kenny, his eyes locked into yours with more focus than he had before you started. You figured that with less pain clouding his dying thoughts he was more aware of what was happening. Kyle knelt beside you, crying heavily while holding Kenny's other hand as you heard the voices of the others around you, Token on the phone with emergency dispatch by the words you could hear, but you kept your focus on Kenny. His eyelids were drooping now, but his gaze still held to you and a burning question was evident in the fading light. You could feel his pain as well as your own begin to ebb away, your fingers brushing through his hair again as your vision blurred from the tears that were now beginning to fall. You let yourself lean forward to rest your lips to his forehead, the last of the light fading from his eyes and the pain in your head floating away like a feather in the wind. You knew he was gone, you could hear the panic, disbelief and anguish from your friends, but you stayed where you were.</p>
<p>It worked. He got to pass without pain. You did it. Now to dispose of the pain before it felt like you needed to rip your arms off.</p>
<p>As the ambulance took Kenny away, everyone now settled on the sidewalk talking to the police and giving their statements, you leaned back and ran your hands into the grass of the yard behind you. You closed your eyes and let out a deep exhale, focusing the pain of Kenny's death out and into the dirt. You knew it would kill the grass and confuse the homeowners, but it was better than putting it into someone or keeping it inside. Kyle came to sit next to you and wrapped his arms around you, his face somber. You accepted the comfort and returned it as well. This was always the hardest part. The pain of loss that seemed to ripple throughout the town.</p>
<p>You went to bed early, unsure if the McCormick's had gotten to their daughter to tell her yet. You had made sure Karen had told them she was going as a safety blanket if this happened, now you were worried it would ruin the experience for her.</p>
<p>You were pleasantly surprised the next morning to feel a body land in your bed and jerk you awake, sitting up with a startled noise to find a honey haired boy eyeing you with excited curiosity. Once the shock of being awoken so roughly was gone, you smiled and leaned into his chest.</p>
<p>"Welcome back." You said, face in his shirt and taking in his scent.</p>
<p>"Okay, spill." He said, rolling so he was on his side and looked at you with loaded expectation. "What they hell did you do?"</p>
<p>You sighed, having practiced the wording as you fell asleep last night.</p>
<p>"Okay. It first happened when Stan and I went to the shelter. There was this old dog who had arthritis that I would sit with while Stan would play with the younger ones. Anyway, I was wishing I could help her feel better when I could suddenly feel a pain in my fingers. It freaked me out but she seemed to move easier. So I tried again, thinking of taking the pain away. I could feel it go all the way into my forearms and then she was running around with the younger dogs and Stan." You began, watching his expression show the shocked confusion you had felt when you were experiencing it. "Stan and the people at the shelter were all excited and surprised, apparently that dog hadn't been able to play without difficulty for a long time. But I could still feel her pain in my arms. When Stan took my hand I relaxed a bit and he let go like I had squeezed really hard. It wasn't until I got home that I tried to push it all out. I was able to rot an apple right in my hand." You remembered how the apple had grown soft and dark, decaying at the speed of a week in nature a second in your hand. How you had to hold in your screams of fear at what you were doing so Dennis didn't come running in and see.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, eyes bright. "You have a super power and never told me?! This is so cool!"</p>
<p>"I wasn't sure it would work." You shrugged, smiling as well. "I was planning on trying with you and the perfect time was yesterday. How did it feel?"</p>
<p>"It was strange. I could feel the pain and I could still see but I couldn't focus. Then the pain was leaving but I wasn't fading like I do when I die. I could see you and I could see that you were hurting and crying. I could see Kyle crying next to me too. I knew I was losing too much blood and I couldn't form the words, but you just looked at me like it was okay. Then I woke up down the hall." He said and then suddenly sitting up and grabbing your shoulders. "Wait, where did you put the pain?! Are you still hurt?" He was looking at your arms now as if he could see the remains of his death on your fair skin. You snorted and rolled your eyes, amused by his assumption that you still had it.</p>
<p>"I'm fine. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but I got rid of it in someone's grass. Its probably dead grass now though." You snickered as he let go of your arms and looked at you with amazement. You could feel the blush in your cheeks begin to bloom under his gaze, he hadn't looked at you like that in years but this time was different. You resisted the awkward smile fighting at the corners of your mouth as you nudged him away.</p>
<p>"Let me sleep, it's too early." You flipped back down on your pillow and pulled your blankets over your head, thankful for the cover as the blush heated up your cheeks.</p>
<p>"Lazy." He said, pushing off of your bed and leaving your room to head downstairs. You knew he would have coffee made by the time you would normally wake, and let that happy thought pull you back to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Summer days led to summer nights and you tried to fill them as much as you could with spending time with friends. There would be some moments late at night when you would wonder how Dennis was, hoping he would answer the next time you called. You would think of how Stan was doing. After you spilled to Wendy that Stan was an alcoholic, you heard from Kenny and Kyle that she had confronted him about it and went as far as telling his mom. Last you had heard he was in Denver at a youth rehab facility. You told both Kenny and Kyle that you knew and told Wendy, feeling like all of it was your fault. But before you could start crying they admitted that they knew of his addiction as well, having found bottles in his room over the years, and felt just as guilty for never helping him either. That was a difficult night for all three of you. </p>
<p>Summer was coming to a close and sophomore year was approaching, and you knew that this would be a turning point for all of you. This year you had many choices for classes, all of which would continue the course to potential college and careers. </p>
<p>One night you sat outside in the back yard as the fire in the fire pit began to burn down. Kenny sat across from you, smoking a cigarette he once again promised would be from his last pack. You were both watching the flames and enjoying the quiet of the night when you thought to ask.</p>
<p>"What do you wanna do when you leave here?" You asked as you watched an air bubble in the wood pop and a small spark flew upward.</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" Kenny blew a puff of smoke out of his lungs as he leaned back in his chair, turning his gaze to you.</p>
<p>"You know, like when we're grown up. You can't want to stay here." You said, looking at him as well and gesturing your hands to indicate the town. </p>
<p>"Like I could leave even if I wanted." He smiled bitterly as he flicked his spent cigarette into the fire. You frowned at him when he said this, wondering how he could let himself be defeated so easily.</p>
<p>"Kenneth McCormick, are you really quitting that easily?" You asked, sitting straighter as he gazed at you with frustration. </p>
<p>"No one expects anything from me, James. Hell, if they do expect anything its that I will be a drug dealer like my folks." He slumped further into his chair and the action annoyed you enough that you stood up and walked over to him, sitting on his leg and began to poke at his chest.</p>
<p>"The only thing stopping you from doing anything is YOU, Kenny!" You poked with every other word and he began shifting uncomfortably under you so he could hold you further away.</p>
<p>"Stop poking me!"</p>
<p>"No!" You glared. "You seriously think that you don't have something to offer the world, Ken? You don't think that the life you have had to live isn't motivation enough to demand better for yourself? If you spent half as much time on your school work as you do trying to get into people's pants you could be top of the class! Jesus Christ Kenny! You are smart, and you are clever and caring. You could really help so many people, so many kids even who have to live like you did. Wait..." you stopped, a genius idea hitting you like a truck. "That's it!"</p>
<p>"What?" He said, still holding you on his leg but far enough that you couldn't jab him in the chest.</p>
<p>"You could work helping kids in the foster system. I remember how horrible those people were to you guys when you had to leave. You could work to help save other kids like you did then. That would seriously be perfect for you!" You felt so excited that you jumped off of him then and stood in front of him, bouncing on the balls of your feet and clapping quietly. He looked at you in disbelief and then cast his eyes down and shook his head.</p>
<p>"Sounds great, but how in the fuck am I supposed to get the money for college for something like that?" He looked up, a frustrated and disappointed glare in his eyes that broke your heart. But only for a moment.</p>
<p>"Scholarships. I could help you find as many as possible. Hell, I even heard once someone got a scholarship just for making their prom outfit out of duct tape. With your childhood, your superhero thing you did, and sports, we could find enough." You could see that even he was seeing the possibility of a future you realized he had never planned on, but as quick as that candle was lit something blew it out again.</p>
<p>"Only kids with good grades get accepted into colleges though. And I barely get by with my C average." You sighed, gently climbing back into his lap and wrapping your arm around his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Ken," you said, your tone gentle but firm. "If you let me, I can and I will help you do this. I pinky promise." You held out your hand, pinky extended like your first promise to him. He kept his eyes on yours, looking for any wavering doubt and finding none before your favorite smirk lifted his lips and he latched his pinky with yours.</p>
<p>"Deal."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Taking the Wheel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>16 isn't too sweet, but it's your life and it's time you decide where it goes.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When school began you managed to get Kenny and yourself signed up for the same driver's education class during the school day so that it wouldn't cut in with cheer and football. You were also in class with Kevin, Red, Annie and Stan.</p>
<p>The first day when you and Kenny came into class was the first time either of you had seen him since school had ended and he looked vastly different. His skin looked healthier, he didn't look as weak and tired. He almost looked just like he had the last night he held you in his arms if not for a lip piercing and a few extra inches taller. Despite your resistance you felt yourself swoon as soon as he looked over at you, your knees feeling weak and your heart pounding in your ears. He smiled soft and sincerely at you as if he was going to come talk to you, which you almost welcomed, but Kenny grabbed you by your elbow and guided you to a desk away from Stan and turned to block your view of him.</p>
<p>"Jamie, seriously?" Kenny had a stern look with his lips in a hard line and his brow furrowed.</p>
<p>"What?" You asked innocently.</p>
<p>"Stan cheated on you, remember?" His voice was low but the words rang loudly in your head, reminding you of the pain you were nearly healed from, tearing itself open again to bleed freely. You pressed your eyes tightly, closing out the room to regain focus. When you opened them Kenny's stern face was still in view, but a soft sadness filled his heavenly eyes as he saw the effect of his words.</p>
<p>"I know that. But I can move on. I can." You said more to yourself than to him.</p>
<p>"Hi Jamie, Kenny." Stan was now standing next to you and Kenny and the both of you looked up at him in surprise. "Did you have a nice summer?" You and Kenny exchanged a quick look of surprise before you decided to answer.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it was okay." You said as Kenny and Stan looked at each other with expressions you had difficulty reading. "I heard you were in Denver." You added gently to which Stan nodded softly.</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah I was." He looked down and began to shift his feet awkwardly, which you could easily remember he did when feeling uncomfortable. "I just wanted to... I wanted to say I'm sorry Jamie."</p>
<p>"Dude-" Kenny started to stop him but Stan kept going.</p>
<p>"No, Ken, let me say it." He held a hand up at Kenny before he could stand up from his seat. "I don't expect or hope for forgiveness. But I am sorry. What I did to you, to all of my friends, but especially you." He slowly reached out his hand towards yours and your hand shot into your lap before he could connect. He froze for a moment before putting both hands in the pockets of his jacket. "It will always be my biggest regret."</p>
<p>The three of you stayed frozen in place for a few moments as the others made their way into the small classroom. As the bell rang Stan shifted and began to move to an open seat.</p>
<p>"I'll talk to you later, Kenny?" Stan asked, quiet hope in his tone that nearly shattered what was left of the part of your heart that once belonged to him.</p>
<p>Kenny smirked playfully and replied with a gentle "Yeah man, I'll text you."</p>
<p>Thankfully drivers ed was the only class you had to share with Stan and you did your best to avoid conversations with him beyond the essential school needs. Kenny would often eye you strangely, sensing the obvious unsettled tension but you refused to acknowledge it.</p>
<p>By mid November you felt like things were settling into a casual routine when someone approached you at your locker you hadn't expected.</p>
<p>"Hey, Jamie." Kevin Stoley was standing next to you with his hands grasped firmly around the straps of his backpack. You could feel the nervousness shaking off of him as he smiled at you, the hint of his nerves as plain in his eyes as were the white color of his knuckles. You took all of this in within a fast second before smiling kindly back.</p>
<p>"Hi, Kevin. What's up?" You held your math book casually against your hip, trying to show that you were relaxed and to push that relaxation on him as well. You hated seeing people tense. But you hadn't tried pushing emotion on anyone without touch, so you weren't sure it would work, and it didn't appear that Kevin was calm yet.</p>
<p>"I... uh, I got my license the other week..." he said, his eyes now shifting down like he was looking for his words on the floor.</p>
<p>"Cool, that's awesome man." You said, nodding in encouragement. What was he trying to say?</p>
<p>"Uh, yeah. Anyway, I was wondering if maybe... maybe you wanted to go to a movie this Saturday?" He said, the last few words rushed in a big breath. You felt the surprise inside but tried not to show too much as your eyes had already widened before he could look back up.</p>
<p>"Oh, um.." you didn't exactly dislike Kevin, but you never gave him much attention. He looked at you with a mixture of fear of rejection and hope of approval, his deep brown eyes wide and expressive. Well, it had been a long time since you had been on any kind of date, and Kevin was nice enough. "Yeah, that sounds nice. Sure." You smiled, seeing a huge grin light up his face before he regained control and softened his grin to look more casual. You felt a blush tinge your cheeks, feeling flattered he was that excited by your response.</p>
<p>"Great! So I'll pick you up at 6?" He asked, the nerves finally dissipated from around him.</p>
<p>"Okay." You smiled and closed the door of your locker. "I'll see you then." He smiled again and waved as he walked away towards Jason, who you noticed had been watching at the corner of the hall. You chuckled under your breath and began to walk down the hall when a large bunch of flowers began running towards you.</p>
<p>"What the f-"</p>
<p>"Jamie!" Nichole's voice came from behind the lilies, soon followed by her face that was in a flushed and energetic smile. "I just found these in my locker!" She held up the flowers to show them off, as if they weren't already obvious. There must be nearly 50 flowers in the bouquet she was holding, all calla lilies and tied together in a green ribbon.</p>
<p>"That's amazing, do you know where they came from?" You asked, though you had a hunch as you saw from down the hall a green hat and red hair peek around the corner.</p>
<p>"No, I uh.." she faltered, her smile dropping the smallest fraction.</p>
<p>"Here's a note." You said, seeing a small bit of paper tucked deep in the bundle. You grabbed it out and was about to open it to read it for her when she snatched it out of your hand, her smile even bigger than before. As you watched her read it her eyes shined and you could see her shoulders shift, clearly romanced by whatever was written there. The face peeking around the corner smiled before disappearing and you shook your head with a smirk. Clever move, Kyle, very good.</p>
<p>"Hey, Nichole, nice flowers." Kenny was now walking up towards you and her. "Where did they come from?"</p>
<p>"I have a pretty good idea." She said, her voice nearly singing as she began to walk back down the hall towards where you had seen Kyle watching.</p>
<p>"Huh?" Kenny asked as the two of you watched her walk away.</p>
<p>"Kyle." You answered his open question, realization dawning on his face. "I'm just curious how he got those into her locker."</p>
<p>"Well, it wouldn't be the first time Kyle hacked into the school computers to get some information." Kenny shrugged with a mischievous grin.</p>
<p>"No way?" You looked at Kenny with shock which he answered with a cocked eyebrow. "Well shit, good thing he has good morals or we could all be fucked."</p>
<p>"That or we would all have better grades, if only he would take my ideas." Kenny groaned, earning him a quick jab with your elbow.</p>
<p>"Dude, I told you, we can get that the old fashioned way." You began walking to math with him dragging behind as usual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>That Saturday afternoon you started to get small butterflies and became a bit fidgety as Kenny and Karen watched you pacing between tidying up.</p>
<p>"Uh, James, what are you doing?" Kenny asked, lounging across the couch as Karen watched you over her school book.</p>
<p>"What? Nothing. Cleaning." You said, hearing the staccato of your words and groaning internally. Kenny quirked an eyebrow at you and he and Karen shared a quick look, neither buying what you said. You sighed, Kevin would be there in a few minutes, might as well tell them. You let out a sigh of defeat before looking at them with slight embarrassment. "I have a date."</p>
<p>Karen dropped her book to her lap with a pleasantly pleased smile, Kenny however reacted a near opposite. He furrowed his brow and frowned, his face growing dark and he sat up with stiff shoulders.</p>
<p>"With who?" He asked.</p>
<p>"Kevin Stoley." You watched his expression soften with surprise as he slouched back into his original position.</p>
<p>"Eh, Kevin isn't so bad I guess." He said, eyes back to the television to watch the report of a previous NASCAR race. You weren't really sure what his first reaction was about but you brushed it off to sit in a chair and let your anxiety out with your leg twitching under you.</p>
<p>"Who's Kevin Stoley?" Karen asked you, gossip her evident goal. You smiled softly.</p>
<p>"Just a boy. I've only talked to him a few times." You admitted as Karen tilted her head slightly.</p>
<p>"Why did you say yes?" She asked.</p>
<p>"Uh-" you stammered.</p>
<p>"Karen, knock it off." Kenny grumbled, eyes focused in frustration as he watched the stats being listed. Karen Simply glared at him with a pout but she stopped hounding you with questions as you heard the doorbell ring. You went to grab your phone out of your pocket to check the time, he had to be early, but found it wasn't there. Only then did you remember you had it charging so you had a full battery if needed.</p>
<p>"Shit! Kenny can you tell him I'll be right there." You quickly said as you began running up the stairs to grab your phone from your room. As you began your way back down you saw Kenny standing in the doorway with a very surprised Kevin on the door step.</p>
<p>"Kenny? What are you doing here?" Kevin asked him with a tone of slight annoyance.</p>
<p>"I live here, duh." He said as you began to walk quickly to the door.</p>
<p>"Hi Kevin. I'm ready, I had to grab my phone." You smiled as Kevin continued to eye Kenny suspiciously as you grabbed your wallet and keys from the entryway table. As you stepped closer and outside the house you yelled over your shoulder. "Bye Ken, bye Karen, see you later."</p>
<p>Before you could shut the door you heard Kenny call out in a fake mature voice, "Have her back at a decent time young man."</p>
<p>As you walked down the steps you giggled a tiny bit as Kenny was several months younger than Kevin but when you looked at Kevin he still had that suspicious look on his face. Your breath caught in your chest for a moment as you turned to him and waited for him to step closer.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" You asked.</p>
<p>"Kenny lives with you?" He asked and motioned toward the house with his thumb. 'Ugh, this again?' You though as you put on a calming smile.</p>
<p>"His sister Karen as well. They moved in officially over the summer but they have practically lived here for about 4 years." You nodded gently as if this was an easy conversation.</p>
<p>"Why?" His brows stayed in a tight frown.</p>
<p>"Well, his parents... it's safer here." You said, the pause pregnant with the things unsaid but were known to everyone in town regardless. He simply nodded slowly as he continued to guide you to his small gray car.</p>
<p>As the two of you drove to the only theater in town you debated on watching the musical or the slasher horror. You had heard strange reviews about the musical so you both decided the horror flick would be best and Kevin seemed happier with that idea as well. It was another Saw film, and though it had upped their scare game, it was still nothing compared to the real fear and terror of watching your friend die. Kevin seemed to be a bit frightened at times but with the amount of fake blood and horrible acting to injuries that would have people dead in less than a minute instead of the several they gave horrible lines through, you found yourself laughing slightly as the movie went on.</p>
<p>At one point near the climax of the movie Kevin jumped and reached a hand out, grabbing tightly to your thigh. You looked over at him after a few seconds as he still didn't remove him hand even after his grip lessened.</p>
<p>"Dude." You whispered, getting his attention and purposefully looking down at his hand.</p>
<p>"Sorry," he said, removing it slowly but intentionally dragging his fingers across your jeans as he did. You felt a nauseous bubble in your throat, hoping it was an accident, but when he then did the stupidly obvious stretch and yawn move to put his arm over your shoulder you figured out it wasn't. This move was more innocent than grabbing your leg, so for a short time you let it be until a scene came up that was interesting enough to have you lean forward and away from his arm. You weren't that interested in him yet for this much contact and hoped to let him understand that soon.</p>
<p>After the movie he began to drive you home until a few blocks away he turned off the road and parked next to an over grown bush, nearly hiding the car from view of passerby. A new bubble began to rise into your chest, but this one was darker and with more menace.</p>
<p>"What are we doing?" You asked, looking at him with a nervous grin. You tried to tell yourself it was okay, just to talk, get to know each other, just smile, but goosebumps began to rise.</p>
<p>"I wanted to ask you something." He said, leaning casually in his seat and slightly angled towards you.</p>
<p>"Okay, what?" You asked, trying to maintain a light mood.</p>
<p>"Um, well, do you remember that party at Bebe's a few months ago?" He said, a shy smile now brushing his face.</p>
<p>"Yeah." Where was this going?</p>
<p>"I wanted to talk to you then but you were.... passed out." He said, a nervous laugh escaping his throat. "This might sound weird, but I was wondering... how did you do that popsicle thing?" He said, his eyes showing a glint of something you couldn't read in the darkness.</p>
<p>"Uh, well, it's a genetic thing I guess. My great aunt was a sword swallower even." You told him, shrugging slightly. "But like, I still have a gag reflex of course. Like if i was poisoned i could throw it up, but I guess I have more control over it or something." You said, slightly concerned about his question now, making you hesitantly add. "Why?"</p>
<p>Kevin shifted in his seat to lean closer and put his arm against the headrest of your seat, making you recoil slightly towards the door.</p>
<p>"I was wondering if maybe you would want to give me another demonstration." He said, his intention now disgustingly evident.</p>
<p>"What the fuck, Kevin?!" You pushed him away from you. "Why the fuck would you even think that?!"</p>
<p>"Well, shit, Kenny is your best friend and he doesn't exactly take it slow-" He said as fresh venom filled your mouth.</p>
<p>"What so you think that because Kenny does dumb shit that I would to? Do you think I'm just a slut or something?" You spat at him, growing more and more angry each time he opened his mouth.</p>
<p>"Well, he fucking lives with you, how do I know you two aren't fuc-"</p>
<p>"Fuck you, Kevin!" You interrupted! "First of all, I am not a slut, nor would I ever fucking think of giving you ANYTHING! Second, how fucking dare you judge what Kenny does, you don't know his reason and it's none of your god damn business." You yelled, pushing him fully back into his seat and turning towards the window of your door. "And third, fucking take me home now!"</p>
<p>You refused to look at him and the air was heavy with tension as he finally murmured a soft "Fine, whatever." and pulled away. As soon as your house was in sight, you unbuckled and nearly jumped from the car as it was coming to a stop, not caring if it hurt, you just wanted to get far away from him. You stomped your way up the front steps and burst into the front door, not caring how late it was and if you were waking Karen or Kenny as you slammed the door behind you as you heard Kevin tear away from your house.</p>
<p>"Whoa, what happened?" You heard Kenny's concerned voice from behind you as you turned and realized that you had begun crying as he came up and wiped the tears from your cheeks with his sleeves. "What did he do?" His voice now stern as he looked you up and down as if looking for damage.</p>
<p>"Ugh, remind me to never go on a date with anyone who went to Bebe's party." You cried as you walked over to the couch and dropped down, feeling a burn in your throat that usually came with more tears.</p>
<p>"What?" Kenny asked, walking over and sitting softly next to you as he gently took your hand and with his other rubbed the back of your hand.</p>
<p>"He asked me to give him a demonstration of that popsicle trick." You told him, watching the gentle concern morph into white rage.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna kill that fucking cum stain." He said, beginning to stand up but you pulled him back down with the hand he still held.</p>
<p>"He's not worth it." Kenny reluctantly sat next to you, deep in thought by the way his eyes were distant. Suddenly, you saw a devious smirk lift a corner of his mouth and you knew trouble was coming with that look.</p>
<p>"I may not have to be the one to kill him." He said, pulling out his phone and dialing a number you didn't recognize as he walked into the kitchen. You frowned as you watched him leave before you bent to begin taking off your shoes so you could curl more comfortably into the couch. "This will be more fun anyway." Kenny said as he then walked back to the couch, watching the screen of his phone as if waiting for something.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" You asked only to receive a hand raised with a notion to wait. Curious, you watched his phone as well as a message then came in, indicating he received a video message. His devious smile grew more as he opened it and hit play.</p>
<p>It was a short video that displayed the inside of a room with Star Wars posters. It went to the bed before lowering and pulling something that looked like hazy photos out from a box that was hidden underneath. As you looked at the photos, you began to recognize the person in them as Tweek. One of Tweek working at his parents' coffee house. One of him playing soccer from that past spring, and one of him wearing nothing but a towel in a locker room. You gasped and looked at Kenny as the video then ended.</p>
<p>"What the fuck was that?!" You asked, terrified at what you just witnessed. Kenny began typing away on his phone while answering you.</p>
<p>"That was a video courtesy of Kevin's sister, Allison. I fucked her in his room the other week-"</p>
<p>"Eww!"</p>
<p>"Anyway," Kenny continued with a short chuckle. "We found those after and totally freaked. Looks like Kevin has a little secret of his own. And send." He pressed the button and smiled at you brightly.</p>
<p>"Who did you send that to?" You asked, "To Tweek? He is going to flip out if he knew Kevin took pictures like that!"</p>
<p>"Nope." Kenny popped the P with extra emphasis. "Better. To Craig."</p>
<p>"Oh shit." You gasped. "Rest in peace Kevin Stoley."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As your 16th birthday approached so did you final drivers test to allow you to officially get your license. It was another drive practice day and though you had avoided it all the other times, you and Kenny were paired to ride with Stan. The three of you stood shivering in the early January cold in the parking lot waiting for Mr. Austin to come with the student driver car. Once he pulled up and got out of the car the three of you approached and nearly dove for the heat coming from the car to begin to thaw your frozen faces and hands.</p>
<p>"Stan, you will be driving first." Mr. Austin handed him the keys as you and Kenny climbed into the backseat and Stan got in the drivers seat. As Stan went through his drive you felt both his and Kenny's eyes on you randomly throughout those 30 minutes. You knew once it was Kenny's turn, most likely next because Mr. Austin always did things alphabetically and Prescott came after McCormick, you and Stan would be sitting very close together longer than you had in over a year.</p>
<p>"Great job Stan, great job. I know you're already 16 so you will get your certificate for completing the course to take for your official test whenever you can after today." Mr. Austin said, smiling as he finished his notes as Stan pulled over to switch spots with Kenny. "Alright Kenny, you're up." He smiled at him as he slid into the drivers seat and began adjusting the seat and mirrors. Stan sat slowly next to you and you turned your head to look out the window, catching a glance from Kenny as he adjusted his rearview mirror.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, you felt a small nudge on your right leg and turned to see Stan holding his phone with an open message to no one so that you could read it.</p>
<p>'How have you been?' You eyed him and gave him a wordless look that could only be understood as an are you fucking kidding look. He grimaced and brought his phone back and typed more.</p>
<p>'I heard you had a date with Kevin a while back.' You rolled your eyes and pulled out your phone to type.</p>
<p>'Yeah, it was a shit show. Why do you care tho?' You held the phone so he could read it and his eyebrows furrowed and he began typing fast.</p>
<p>'I care because there was a time I was your friend, and I still care about you regardless. Why was it a shit show, did he hurt you?' You tried not to feel the ache when you read that and began typing again.</p>
<p>'No, but he got what was coming anyway. Didn't you see what Craig did to him?' You smirked with malice as you thought back to how Kevin had come to school with black eyes, a broken collarbone and a split lip the Monday after your date.</p>
<p>'Yeah I did. Do you know why he did that?' He asked, showing more curiosity now.</p>
<p>'Not my shit to tell.' You wrote back, not wanting others to know Tweek was practically being stalked.</p>
<p>'Well, I'm still sorry to hear it didn't go well.' He typed. You two continued to sit in silence as Kenny did his parallel parking. You could feel the question burning inside you, the same question that caught flame the moment you found out what he did as he cried around your legs. Maybe, without spoken words and others present, you could ask. Finally get an answer.</p>
<p>'Why did you do it? Was I not enough?' You held your phone for a few seconds, looking at the words before you angled it towards him with a small nudge to his leg as he was looking out the window. He looked down and read the words before he looked at you with wide eyes expressing shock and hurt as he loudly said, "NO!"</p>
<p>"Stan, please stay quiet while someone else is driving, thank you." Mr. Austin said as Stan looked down in shame and you and Kenny exchanged a quick conversation with your eyes. (What happened? I'll tell you later. Okay, you better. I will). Stan was typing away on his phone for several seconds and very quickly.</p>
<p>'God no! No! You were the most amazing person who gave me the most amazing experiences I ever had in my life, still to this day. If I could take it back I would. I would give anything to take it back but i cant. I know i could never make you trust me again so i know my chance of ever being able to hold you and kiss you again is gone but that doesnt mean i dont miss you every day. Your gift is still in my room, to remind me that drinking just leads to loss for me. Even now you still inspire me. And I am so so sorry. Please believe this. Please.' You read it over several times, having to blink back tears. He pulled the phone away and added more before turning it back to you.</p>
<p>'If I could someday call you my friend again, even just that, i could know my life hasn't been completely ruined by one bad drunken decision. Please consider that, please.'</p>
<p>You looked at him, seeing tears in his eyes as well as he searched your eyes for a shred of hope. You noticed it was nearly time to switch off and your turn to drive, so you needed to focus. You took a deep breath and typed four short words.</p>
<p>'I'll think about it.'</p>
<p>Of course you did well on your drive exam for Mr. Austin as well as the official one for when you turned 16, receiving your license and a call from your dad.</p>
<p>"Hello my little girl. Happy birthday." He said, his voice a fake cheerful as see through as plastic wrap.</p>
<p>"Thanks dad," you said as Kenny motioned with his hands to ask what the two of you had been planning for a few weeks. "Hey daddy?" You said, putting on a sweet voice you used when asking for things you knew he would say yes to.</p>
<p>"What is it princess?" He said as you heard a few papers being shifted around in the background.</p>
<p>"Now that I'm 16 and I have a license, can I get a car?" You crossed your fingers as Kenny sat in front of you doing the same. "I've been doing very well with school and I'm on the cheer squad and it's really hard riding the bus and trying to get home after practice. It gets so cold here daddy." You added a small whine for effect.</p>
<p>There was a slight pause as you heard the sound of a pen scratching on his end before he came back. "What's that, a car? And your grades are good? Sure princess, whatever you want. Do you want me to send a car down to you?" You already pictured the sleek sports car he would send that would have no chance in these snow covered streets.</p>
<p>"No daddy, I already have one in mind that I could get and I have some girlfriends who have very car smart dads who can help me." That last part was a blatant lie. Kenny was the one who would help you with all car maintenance as he would also be the one driving once he turned 16 as well. You and he had scoped out a Chevy truck with a decent sized cab and bed that would be useful for summer and winter in these mountains. You held your breath as you heard your father hum to himself.</p>
<p>"Sure princess, how ever much you need just name it."</p>
<p>"Great, $10,000 should cover it for sure daddy! Thank you! And now when Dennis wants to come visit I could pick him up. Is he there with you?" You asked, hopeful to hear from him.</p>
<p>"Oh no dear, he's at his boarding school until spring break. I'll be sure to have him call when he comes home in April." You knew he would forget moments after hanging up but you didn't let the disappointment come through your voice.</p>
<p>"Okay daddy, thank you for the great birthday present!"</p>
<p>"Anything for my princess." The phone then went dead, never a proper good bye or actual spoken affection as per usual. You brushed away the sting as you faced Kenny with a large smile.</p>
<p>"Let's get that truck!"</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>March brought Kenny's 16th birthday and you let him use the truck to do his drive test to get his license. You and Karen sat at the front step waiting for him to come home so the three of you could go and get some Taco Bell for dinner to celebrate. As you sat and watched the gentle breeze through the blooming flowers and leaves in the trees Karen let out a big sigh.</p>
<p>"What's up, Karen?" You ask, looking at her as she slumped next to you. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled her knees close to her chest.</p>
<p>"I like this boy, but I don't know if he likes me." She said, leaning her chin on her knees and picking at her shoes.</p>
<p>"How do you know he doesn't?" You asked her, trying to give her the advice you wished you'd had.</p>
<p>"I don't know." She said after a few quiet moments.</p>
<p>"Do you talk to him?"</p>
<p>"Sometimes, he's pretty quiet around most people." She went back to picking at her shoes.</p>
<p>"What's he like?"</p>
<p>"Well..." she was hesitating and buried her lips into her knees, muffling her voice like how Kenny used to sound daily. Which of course you could easily understand. "He's a goth kid."</p>
<p>Your mind immediately went to the group of 4 kids you knew of that were goth and began eliminating them quickly. Not the girl, she said boy. The tall one was a junior, she wouldn't know him. The one with red hair was a sophomore, so also not as likely. There was the 8th grader though, and Karen was in 7th grade now. That had to be it.</p>
<p>"I think I know who you're talking about. Can I ask what you like about him?" You tried to be gentle, your memories of that kid from the few things you had heard was that he was quiet but when he did talk he was dark, morbid and a bit scary. Not at all good enough for her. But she still had to have seen something worth liking.</p>
<p>"He can actually be really nice. When he thought no one saw him, I watched him save a baby bird that fell out of its nest. And I heard that he goes and reads stories to his grandma because she went blind."</p>
<p>"Wow," you said as a warm surprise filled your heart. "I didn't know that. That is nice."</p>
<p>"He's really smart too, I've heard him talking with his friends and you can tell he can keep up with the deep topics and sometimes helps with their schoolwork." She was smiling against her knees, clearly thinking of him more.</p>
<p>"You should talk to him." You nudged her slightly.</p>
<p>"I'm not goth, he won't notice me." Her smile fell and she held her legs close again.</p>
<p>"You won't know until you try." It was then that the truck approached the driveway, a beaming Kenny in the drivers seat as he parked and rolled down the window.</p>
<p>"I got it! Let's get some tacos!" His bright face hanging from out the window as he yelled up at the two of you. You jumped up with a smile and pulled Karen up with you, noticing again how she was almost taller than you now.</p>
<p>Later that night after Karen and you sang Happy Birthday to Kenny and had the cake she and you had made him, you and Kenny were relaxing in his room listening to some Led Zeppelin. Maybe you could mention Karen's crush and see if Kenny had ideas. Or maybe he would go into protective mode as he usually did with Karen. You tried to tread lightly instead, getting some information he might have on the group.</p>
<p>"Hey, Ken?" You asked, getting his attention from PSP.</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"What do you know about those goth kids?" You asked, keeping it casual. From where you sat with your back against his bed you heard him chuckle behind you.</p>
<p>"I know that Henrietta is really kinky and that Pete is a bisexual power top."</p>
<p>"What th- wait, who's Pete?" You turned to see that mischievous grin that began to make your stomach flip.</p>
<p>"He's the one in our grade. With the red hair." He shrugged, as if his various sexual adventures were nothing. You sighed, not really getting anything close to what you were looking for.</p>
<p>"No, I mean, what do you know about the younger one?" You asked, propping an arm on his bed and resting your chin on it. He rolled over onto his stomach so he face you better. You felt a small twist in your stomach again, his face so close to yours it somewhat startled you.</p>
<p>"Uh, his name is Firkle or something. Seems nice enough I guess. Carries a switch blade which has killed me before, so that sucked." You remembered that, it was during the whole Cthulhu disaster. "I don't know, never really talked that much with him."</p>
<p>"Hmm." You hummed to yourself, wondering how else to help Karen.</p>
<p>"Why do you ask?" He looked at you with a tilt to his head and a squint in his eyes. Shit, might as well tell him a little bit.</p>
<p>"Karen may... kinda... likes him." You bit down on your lower lip anxiously as his face went stern.</p>
<p>"No, not good enough." He flipped back over to lay on his back and play his game.</p>
<p>"That's for her to decide." You pushed up from the floor to sit next to his head.</p>
<p>"Bullshit it is. It's my job to protect her, and she is way better than that little fucker." You could see the irritation on his face.</p>
<p>"Whatever." You rolled your eyes and walked out of the room to go to bed. As you began slipping on one of Kenny's old shirts that were too small for him to sleep in, your door opened slightly. You thought it would be Karen, so you walked over to open it more only to find Kenny. His eyes went wide as he saw you and you realized you weren't wearing pants and began to pull the shirt down to try and hide his view of your light pink panties and slammed the door.</p>
<p>You ran to put on some shorts as Kenny's voice came from behind the door.</p>
<p>"I uh, I was just gonna ask if you were mad at me but I take that little show as a no." Ugh, why was he so infuriatingly flirty?! You heard your mind screaming at you to let him in but you just went back to the door and opened it once you made sure you were fully clothed.</p>
<p>"I am not mad, and I did NOT think it was you or i wouldn't have opened the door like that!"</p>
<p>"Stop yelling, I'm going to bed!" You heard Karen yell at the two of you from her room. You sighed and grabbed Kenny by his shirt and pulled him into your room and shut the door.</p>
<p>"What a birthday present though." Kenny joked, dropping down onto your bed, his grin and eyes burning with sex that you couldn't unsee.</p>
<p>"No," you said softly, trying to regain composure. "Forget you saw that." You glared with no real threat.</p>
<p>"Like I could." He smiled again before dropping into a serious face. "I wanted to ask you something."</p>
<p>"'Kay," you said as you moved to sit on the bed opposite him. "What?"</p>
<p>He looked down at your comforter and pulled at a loose thread as he spoke. "We never really talked about this, because I know how shy you get, but I'm curious. And you don't have to answer if you dont want to."</p>
<p>"What?" Your voice was low and suspicious, not sure what he was planning.</p>
<p>"How far did you and Stan go?" He asked, his words sounding slightly strained like he was nervous about the answer.</p>
<p>"Uh," you felt a blush rise in your cheeks and your heart begin to beat harder in your chest. "Nothing below the belt I guess you could say." You admitted, noting a slight blush in Kenny's cheeks as well as he nodded and looked back at the thread on your blanket. You curled your legs under you and shifted slightly closer, wanting to ask him something along these lines as well that you didn't know yet.</p>
<p>"Can I ask..." you paused as his fingers froze on the string. "You've been with a lot of people, but who was the first one you actually had sex with?" He wasn't shy about many sexual things, but he never went into details about things as he would usually just hint at the actions instead. He didn't move for a few beats until his hand went to his lap, eyes still downcast.</p>
<p>"Butters. We snuck away at Christmas." You remembered how he had come home that day smiling brightly but a relaxed euphoria hovered around him. You hadn't paid much attention to it as you were still several feet into your sorrow hole. He continued, his voice breaking as if he was near crying. "It was perfect."</p>
<p>You felt like a complete asshole now as you saw a tear fall onto your blanket and curled into his chest to hug him tightly. You felt him relax his head into your hair, his breath out of rhythm as he tried to regain control of his emotions. He pulled you closer until you and he were now laying in your bed, your head laying on his heart as you listened to the sound of the beats settle and relax. You listened to the gentle beat, feeling it softly against your cheek, more comfortable than you would be on your pillow as his arms wrapped around your torso and providing heat to keep you warm. You shifted your hips and moved a leg to sit it between his, hearing his heart beat pick up speed for a few moments. You felt yourself wish it was because of the contact that made his heart jump, but you knew it was simply because of the movement. </p>
<p>Why did you want to wish for that? It's Kenny. Stop thinking of him like that. It's pointless and will not get you anywhere other than sexually frustrated. Stop thinking of the way he runs his fingers through your hair or how nice it feels when his hands are on your back. Stop thinking of how at home you feel against him or how you could stay forever right here. Stop, stop, stop!</p>
<p>"Do you want me to go?" He asked, shifting just slightly as if to move but you grabbed him tightly.</p>
<p>"No, stay." You said, feeling the heat in your cheeks as well as between your legs. "Will you sing for me?" You asked, trying to focus on something other than his body, strong and warm and perfect. He chuckled slightly, your head bouncing with the laugh as he took a breath and began singing a simple song you used to listen to at night. You smiled against his chest, not knowing he even knew the words and felt yourself begin to fall asleep.</p>
<p>Of course, you were already unconscious before he finished and he stroked you hair gently away from your face before pulling you closer and hesitantly placed a whisper of a kiss to your forehead.</p>
<p>"Good night, Jamie."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In case anyone is wondering, Kenny's stripper song was Peaches and Cream by 112. He is such a tease that one.  </p>
<p>The song he sang as Jamie fell asleep is by The Spill Canvas called Lullaby. Super sweet and I highly recommend it for those of you who are romantics like myself.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Learning to Listen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You knew that there were things your body was telling you, something your heart would scream at you, but your mind would refuse to listen as memories of betrayal prevented you from accepting the words you knew hung on the tip of your tongue. But as your heart screamed and screamed you weren't the only one that could sense it's need to be heard. And though you were the one who played match maker, maybe it was time you listened to someone else.</p>
<p>Time to move on, to heal, to let go, and let love.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sophomore year ended with both you and Kenny receiving perfect grades from all of your classes and that night you and he celebrated by roasting marshmallows in the back yard with Karen. She also had begun to improve with her school work since moving in with you, now that she wasn't spending so much time crying and hiding from the horrors of home. You felt a large amount of pride for both of them as you watched him try and blow out his flaming marshmallow while she laughed, not noticing hers had melted off of her roasting stick. Later that night the three of you sat as the fire died down, watching the stars and talking about the random bits of gossip that early summer brought.</p>
<p>Kyle had officially patched things up with Nichole, having proven to her that he had gone through anger management classes as well as wooing her with romantic gestures. Wendy had been accepted into a prestigious private school and would be leaving for her last two years of school, though you pretended not to care when you heard about that. Rumor had it that Tweek and Craig had finally had sex, but having heard it from Bebe you weren't sure if that was true or not and knew better than to ask. But you did notice however that they seemed more connected in a relaxed sort of way which made you believe it could be true. Kevin came out that he was in fact bisexual, and he and Jason were now apparently an item as well. The most surprising bit of gossip among your friends however was that Red and Timmy had started dating. You weren't sure how or why, but you had noticed them sharing smiles across the room in the last week of school, and it made you feel like if those two could find happiness in each other than anything was possible.</p>
<p>That summer was filled with very casual days, knowing that next summer would be the last one you would all have together before people began to leave. And it was with that knowledge you decided to swallow your pride and prove once again that even though you were rather small physically, you were the bigger person.</p>
<p>Early July you called both Wendy and Stan separated and asked them to meet you at Stark's Pond that day at 3pm. When you drove up at a quarter to 3, you could see that Wendy wasn't yet there but that Stan's dirt bike was propped up against a tree. He must already be at the picnic tables waiting for you, but you didn't want Wendy to see his bike and think this would be a trap of some sort. She could think just as quickly as you could and you had to do this. Only a few minutes later you saw the car that belonged to Wendy's mom approach the parking lot and pull into a spot a few down from yours. You got out of your truck and walked over to her, having noticed her see Stan's dirt bike and turned the car back on to leave. You ran up to her hood and stood with your hands up as a show of peace, offering her a pleading and gentle look. Having been her friend for nearly 6 years, you knew she couldn't deny a girl in need. You saw her shoulders rise and fall in a sigh as she turned off the car and stepped out.</p>
<p>"Hey." She said, standing out of her car but not yet moving away from the open door.</p>
<p>"Come on. This is important, I promise." You offered a hand to her, extending something that she knew was more than just a physical gesture. She looked from your hand to your eyes, seeing that you had no ill intentions hidden away and began to walk with you towards the tables and where you knew Stan was waiting.</p>
<p>The walk was short, but you had to break the ice before it froze over all of you.</p>
<p>"I heard you got into a new school."</p>
<p>"Yeah," she nodded, a hint of the old Wendy beginning to breakthrough her eyes. "It's really great, and I will be able to pursue real humanitarian activism, not just the small podcasts I do here." You couldn't resist the small smile as you listened to her as her spirit picked up like it did when she would fight for justice for others. It was your favorite thing about her.</p>
<p>"Jamie? Wendy?" Stan's voice called from a few yards ahead as he had clearly seen it was the two of you approaching. From where you and she stood you could see the panic in his face as he stood up and looked around, searching for the best direction to run.</p>
<p>"Stan, wait! It's okay, I promise." You said, walking faster to try and catch him before he could run. "I invited both of you here. I wanted to clear the air." You said, letting your shoulders slump as the weight of what you were doing settled in. Both Stan and Wendy stood awkwardly on either side of you, Wendy with her arms crossed and Stan with his hands in his jean pockets. You took a deep breath and began to voice what you had been preparing for a week.</p>
<p>"What happened, happened. It was over a year ago. We shouldn't be like this anymore." You started, seeing Wendy shrink slightly from the corner of your eye. "Wendy, I wish I could forgive you, but I can't. But I can let it go. You did something, and if it was to hurt me or to get him, it doesn't even matter anymore. I can't keep holding this grudge and you can't let it keep burning away at you." You saw a few tears streak down her cheeks before she could wipe them away. "And Stan." You turned to him, seeing that he was already looking just as miserable as the day he told you but finding that though you felt sad, you didn't hurt as much. "There will always be a part of me that loves you but I can tuck that away. I know that I can't linger forever on what you did because then I can't find someone new." You took another deep breath, reaching the hardest part for yourself. "You were fighting with something that would control you. You told me about it and I didn't get you the help you needed. And that night it controlled you again. So in a way, all of this is also my fault." You stopped, fighting the ache in your throat that threatened tears. "But I have to get over you Stan. I want to be happy again, and I can't do that holding onto those memories of you."</p>
<p>"Jamie, please, I know what I did was awful but I'm a different person now, if you could just let me show you-" Stan began, taking a small step closer as you saw Wendy raise a hand to her face to hide her own tears.</p>
<p>"No." You said, not letting him continue. You held strong to your resolve. "No Stan. Friends again soon, but never again what we were." You squared your shoulders and turned to Wendy now. "Congrats again Wendy. Maybe I'll see you around later this summer. And Stan," You faced him again as you pulled your keys from your pocket. "I'll see you around." With that you walked away and back to your truck. You were sure they watched you leave for sometime, but you didn't look back. You had said what you needed to, and the need to look back was now all gone. You were free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>August came and went quickly, with two weeks of summer left you felt like after all this time living with a teenage boy had earned you a girls night. You had eventually told Bebe about you and Kenny being roommates, and though it took several conversations that included eye rolls and suggestive smirks, she finally stopped assuming more was happening. But as you left one night to have a slumber party at Bebe's house, seeing Kenny give you a small parting smile and wave made your heart feel tight. It's not like you weren't going to see him again sometime tomorrow, so why did you feel so uncomfortable leaving. You brushed it off as you walked the few blocks to her house, finding driving would just be a waste of gas when she lived so close. When you walked in and made it up to her room, she already had pillows scattered for lounging and music playing gently for background noise.</p>
<p>"Okay, I know you said it's nothing, but I just can't believe that you could be that blind." She started up again, clearly wanting to dive back into the Kenny topic. You groaned and dropped your bag to the floor as you plopped down on one of the pillows.</p>
<p>"I'm not blind, Bebe, I know he is attractive. But he's my best friend."</p>
<p>"I get that but seriously? You can't tell me that the thought of holding him or kissing him hadn't crossed your mind." She paused as if to let you answer but began again before you could. "Or when he gets out of the shower, you can't tell me you never checked him out." With that one a small blush tinged your cheeks and you tried to turn away but she caught it before you could hide.</p>
<p>"YOU HAVE! I KNEW IT!" She was nearly jumping on her bed. You scrambled to find a distraction.</p>
<p>"What about you and Clyde though, huh?" You grabbed a thread, hoping it would work, and seeing a small smile twitch in her lips before she scoffed and flipped her curls over her shoulder.</p>
<p>"It's just Clyde, he's fun to mess around with."</p>
<p>"They why did you linger on that hickey you gave him last summer?" You prodded, seeing that twitch again. Gotcha! "You could have finished that in less than a minute but you lingered for a long time. You liked it, didn't you!"</p>
<p>"Fine!" She blurted, her lips fighting the embarrassed smile and losing terribly. "Yeah, I like him, but it's Clyde! Everyone likes him." She was right there, he had slimmed down and shot up over the last several months, giving him the classic boy next door cuteness that a lot of the girls were fawning over.</p>
<p>"But he likes you too." You added, watching as the smile finally won and brought along it's friend, the embarrassed blush.</p>
<p>"Really?" Bebe began playing with a curl absent-mindedly.</p>
<p>"Duh, I have eyes." You said in a flat tone. Suddenly her eyes hardened and sideways smile shifted her lips.</p>
<p>"I have eyes too, Jamie, and they see that there is something between you and Kenny! Now spill!" Shit, you thought you got her distracted enough.</p>
<p>"Ugh, yes, he has a great body. And yes he is practically the physical embodiment of a sexual God." You started, feeling your heart begin to beat faster as you pictured him more in your mind. "And his hair looks like it's made of gold but is softer than silk. And his eyes are like the final shade of blue as the sun sets on the water. And his smile is full of innocence but hints at deep seeded lust. And yes his voice sounds like that of an angel. And yes when I lay against his chest I want to melt into his skin and never leave-" You stopped, feeling your heart ache with the force it beat against your ribs as your eyes focused back on the room and the shocked face of Bebe. It was then it finally clicked. "Oh shit. I love him."</p>
<p>Of course you love him. You probably loved him for a long time. Every time he died and you cried over it, was because you loved him. Each time he hugged you or would smile at you and you felt a strong beat in your heart, it was because you loved him. Each time you laid in his arms and listened to his heart beat and felt his lungs move with his breath and how it lulled you to sleep, was because you loved him. Each time you saw him with someone new or heard him mention his exploits and it made you feel sick wasn't because you were a prude, it's because you loved him. You loved him so much that now that you could actually see it you saw it everywhere and in everything. You felt like the world was spinning all around you as your lungs began shaking for air. You could feel the shudder in your chest and the sting in your eyes before you realized you were crying as words spilled from you.</p>
<p>"Oh my God, I'm in love with him. I love him. What do I do? I love him, what do I do?!" You collapsed into a pillow on the floor, crying harder as you realized he was most likely with someone random again right now since you were out of the house and the sting of jealousy burned through your veins. You felt Bebe's hands rubbing your back and pulling you up from the floor, seeing the damp stains on the pillow from your tears as your vision began to clear again.</p>
<p>"Hey, calm down, it's okay." She said, trying to move her own face into your focus so her words were heard and understood by your delirious state. "Jamie, just breathe, okay? Breathe in, and breathe out."</p>
<p>"What do I do?" You said, gathering yourself back together as you looked to her, feeling more lost than you ever had in your life. How could you go home and continue like it was? How could you look at him and not want to kiss him? How could you talk to him and not scream out the truth? How could you watch as he flirted his way into someone else's pants without wasting away in anguish?</p>
<p>"Well, for now, we think about something else okay?" She brushed the tears off your face and ran her fingers through your hair to fix the tangles you made from crying. "Sorry, I don't own a brush." She said as her fingers got stuck in a snag. You laughed slightly , wiping away another tear as it fell. "Okay, how about we go down to the corner store, buy a huge tub of ice cream and watch the best romance ever, The Princess Bride!" She smiled brightly as you felt yourself smile and chuckle in return. You did love that movie, though it wouldn't help your pining over Kenny as he looked somewhat similar to Wesley, aside from the mustache and Kenny had a stronger and broader jaw. You took a breath and stood up with Bebe, grabbing your wallet from your bag and followed her out.</p>
<p>The little corner store was about 2 blocks down from Bebe's house, and it was usually open 24/7. It was normal for teens to float in and out of there during the summer at all hours of the day, grabbing sodas as well as sweets and junk food as it was closer than the grocery store and the guy who ran it didn't check for ID as often as he should, making it easier for teens who looked older to sneak alcohol and bring to the parties at the houses nearby. When you and Bebe approached you saw a small group of older kids leaving with a few paper bags and laughing conspiratorially. The ice cream was in the far corner, close enough from the register but just slightly out of view as it was a short freezer that you had to reach down into. As you and Bebe were leaning over to look at the various options of flavors you heard the front door open loudly and the unmistakable sound of a shot gun racking. You felt the danger as soon as the man's voice began to yell and pulled Bebe down with you as you fell to the floor and against the rack of kitchen goods that stood across from the freezer.</p>
<p>"Okay man! I want all the shit you have in the register! Keep your hands up! I know you have one of those panic buttons! Now MOVE!" An angry voice was screaming at the elderly man behind the counter as you and Bebe held your hands over your mouths to hold back any screams of fear or sounds of heavy breathing. As you continued to hear the cashier talking calmly with the robber, you moved your hand away from your mouth to look at Bebe and without a sound mouthed to her.</p>
<p>"Did you bring your phone?" You had left yours on her floor, having only grabbed your wallet and thinking this would only take about 10 minutes, 15 tops. She nodded slowly and began reaching for her pocket, both of you scared that your slightest movement would cause noise that would alert the growingly-aggressive man to your presence. As she began to pull up her text screen to text 911, you heard a new voice that made your stomach fall through the floor.</p>
<p>"Hey, asshole!" The voice of Mysterion called loud and rough, the deeper and raspy version he had adopted years ago coming back like he never stopped in the first place. "Leave the old man alone and fuck off!"</p>
<p>"Who the fuck are you?" You heard the angry voice of the man as the elderly man began crying and Bebe looked at you with the same shocked surprise. Everyone their age knew that Kenny was Mysterion, most of the adults had forgotten but memory was funny that way. The adults thought it was just a game, but all of you knew he was serious and was seriously stopping many petty crimes. You just didn't think he was still doing it.</p>
<p>"I'm the guy that is going to fuck you up if you don't leave now. The police are already on their way." Mysterion's rough voice barked as it came closer to where you could hear the other men. Bebe had typed her message and had received a silent response that police were on their way, having gotten a tip earlier. You sighed in relief, hoping they would come before anyone got hurt but fear was still holding your heart. You inched towards the end of the aisle and peeked just slightly passed the bags of chips, seeing the man in dark clothing now holding his rifle at Mysterion, his finger dangerously close to the trigger as Mysterion glared hard through his mask and hood as if daring him to make a move. A shudder went through you, causing you to exhale harder than you meant and one of the bags of chips shifted and fell, grabbing the attention of Mysterion and the gunman. As you shifted back, you knew it was too late.</p>
<p>"Who the fuck is over there?!" You heard the man yell while at the same time you heard Mysterion move quickly closer to where you and Bebe sat, cowering in fear. Before you could begin to jump over Bebe, hopefully shielding her from whatever danger you knew was coming, you heard the shotgun blast and the ringing in your ears from the closeness of the explosion and the smell of gunpowder. But the strongest thing that happened was the eruption of pain in your abdomen that coincided with the sound of a body hitting the floor and the flashing of red and blue lights. You groaned in pain and began to crawl back toward the front, knowing what you would find but terrified all the same.</p>
<p>You heard a commotion over you and around you, the sounds of many voices yelling and Bebe crying, but it all seemed distant as you turned the corner and found your hand landing in the quickly spreading pool of blood. You looked up and saw that his hood had been knocked back, exposing his shining hair over his dark mask that only made his eyes shine that much brighter. You pulled yourself closer, reaching out a hand to grab onto his shoulder as the pain began to lessen faster than you were expecting. You pulled yourself to rest your head against his chest, his chin to your forehead and he turned to smile at you with the little strength he had left. His smile began to fade along with the shine in his eyes as the scream in your chest threatened to burst through your rib cage if you didn't let it out soon. As you felt the dampness of tears on your cheeks as you looked at him, too late to help ease his pain, the final breath that escaped him brushed against your cheeks and made your tears sting that much more.</p>
<p>As you lay there crying, you lost track of time. Again he saved you, only again to die doing so. But this time was so much worse as you clung to the body of the young man you loved, wondering why he was even there in the first place. Why was he still doing this, he knew it was dangerous. Your felt your body being pulled up by an officer as Bebe was standing next to you, crying quietly as the officer spoke to her. Several minutes later her mom arrived and drove the two of you back to the house, all thoughts of ice cream and movies gone as you lay in the pillows on the floor of her room, crying for the unfairness that kept him tethered to frequent death and pain.</p>
<p>The next morning you woke with heavy eyes and an even heavier heart. Bebe was lounging in her bed, painting her toes and humming softly under her breath.</p>
<p>"Morning sleepy head," She said as she replaced the polish brush in the bottle. "You kept talking in your sleep last night. Or should I say, moaning." She winking and began rolling her shoulders seductively as she mocked your voice. "Kenny, Kenny, oh Kenny please!" You looked at her, completely in shock at how relaxed she was. Did she not even remember-</p>
<p>Wait, she didn't remember! You gasped out a laugh, causing Bebe to stop her impression and look at you with bemused confusion. She didn't remember Kenny dying, which would only mean that he was back already! You grabbed your phone from the floor near your knees and there it was, 1 message from Kenny.</p>
<p>'Sorry if I ruined your girls nite :(' Kenny</p>
<p>You began laughing again, a wave of relief washing over you as you held your phone to your chest.</p>
<p>"Jamie, you okay?" Bebe asked, placing her feet on the floor and shifting towards the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm fine. Did we ever watch that movie?" You asked, wondering what false memory she had from the night.</p>
<p>"No, remember, you fell asleep before we could even get our ice cream. Turns out it was a good thing, as the little corner shop was held up last night!" Her eyes were wide as she told you, clearly thinking how lucky you two were. "Thankfully the caught the guy before anyone got hurt though."</p>
<p>"Yeah," You chuckled again softly. "Thank goodness for that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior year had begun and you tried to keep your focus on cheerleading and helping Karen with her school work, but you could feel how awkward you seemed to be around Kenny which only made him seem cuter. As you would find yourself blushing when he was in his usual flirtatious mood, you could hear him chuckle and see him smile at the effect it had on you. You could hear your brain screaming in frustration and your heart demanding you to flirt back, but you would resist the blush in your face as hard as you could and chew on your lower lip as you tried to hide.</p>
<p>By the time homecoming came you felt like you were going to explode as you saw him in a dark corner making out with a senior boy you didn't recognize. Why did he have to kiss everyone? How did he not know how special he was? Why did he seem to think it was okay to give himself away so easily to anyone. They didn't know how kind he was, how selfless he could be, how brave he was, how golden his heart is. They didn't know how silly he could be or how even after all the horrors he had lived through he still jumped during scary movies. They only saw him as the tempting and delicious blonde who knew how to turn people on with a single look. And that's all they cared about. Why couldn't he see that?</p>
<p>On Tuesday as you were leaving practice you got a message from Kenny telling you that Clyde would be over as they had a class project they were working on in the backyard.</p>
<p>'Cool, now you can tell him to grow a pair and ask out Bebe already.' You sent as you threw your backpack in the truck and began driving home. When you pulled up you walked in and dropped your backpack on the table so you could prep dinner before starting your science and math homework. You opened the window from over the sink and called out to Kenny and Clyde.</p>
<p>"Dinner will be ready in about an hour. Clyde, you staying?" Both guys turned to look at you and smiled.</p>
<p>"If that's cool?" Clyde answered with his own question.</p>
<p>"If it wasn't I wouldn't be asking." You chuckled as you began working on the food.</p>
<p>"Dude, Jamie sure has gotten hot over the years." You could hear Clyde's voice coming up through the open window. They must have thought you had shut the window.</p>
<p>"Fuck off, Clyde, she's not a piece of meat." Kenny snarled. "She is more than just hot."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" Clyde asked, your ears perking up. What did Kenny mean?</p>
<p>"She's really kind, and selfless, and really funny. She wants everyone to be happy. And there are these little things too that are adorable." Kenny said, your heart starting to beat faster.</p>
<p>"Like what?" Clyde seemed to be encouraging him by the sounds of it. He was just as bad as Bebe. Maybe they were perfect for each other.</p>
<p>"Like how when she is working on something difficult she puts her hair up in a messy bun but she always misses a few strands of hair. Of how when she is nervous she bites on her lower lip. Or how she sometimes talks in her sleep. Or she will sing along to music even though she can't sing." You felt a giggle in your throat as you listened to him, feeling like your heart was growing.</p>
<p>"Sounds like love to me, man." Clyde teased. "Just ask her out."</p>
<p>"Yeah right!" Kenny laughed. "She's way to good for me. And you're one to talk, when are you gonna ask out Bebe?"</p>
<p>"I will, eventually." Clyde said quietly. The both of them fell quiet for a while as your heart was leaping for joy and you resisted the urge to start jumping and dancing. Clyde was right, it sounded like Kenny returned your feelings too. You took a minute to catch your breath before you continued cooking. You needed to figure out what to do. How should you react to this?</p>
<p>The following evening after you and Kenny had come home from practice and dinner had been made and eaten, Karen went upstairs to read while Kenny began playing video games in the living room. By the way he was talking, laughing and taunting with occasional insults, you imagined he must have his gaming headset on. You had finished the dishes and began to make your way into the living room to scroll through social media when you took a moment to stop and watch him. You observed the way he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he played. You studied the way his muscles would flex as he pressed buttons with extra force. How he would run his fingers through his tousled blonde hair making it even messier. You watched how he would purse his lips tightly in concentration before a laugh would escape followed by his usual graphic but lighthearted insult. He turned to face you quickly as he waited to respawn, catching you watching, and flashed you a sweet smile before turning back. It was that smile that drew you in as you felt yourself float over to him.</p>
<p>You stood in front of him, blocking his view and he twisted to correct his view before shifting his gaze to meet yours. There must have been something in your eyes that gave away what you were feeling as he looked at you with quiet awe, his eyes widened and his lips slightly parted. You could hear Stan's and Kyle's voice coming from his headset still on his ears but that didn't matter. You moved forward and straddled his lap, he dropped his controller to the side and hands moved to your hips. As you leaned in, you felt a smile of sweet release bring up the corners of your mouth. Before you could close the last inch, Kenny pushed forward, closing it for you and pressing his full lips to yours.</p>
<p>Behind your closed eyes you saw a shower of rainbows erupting across your eyelids as all logic left your mind. You gave in to the instructions from your heart without hesitation, pressing further into the kiss for dear life. His arms wrapped around your body and pulled you closer, his mouth moving slowly with yours. He kissed you in a way like he didn't want to rush it, nervous it may end too quickly and he was slowing time down.</p>
<p>Your hands brushed softly across the skin of his neck and jaw, feeling the heat rise and his pulse under your fingertips. You could taste his lips but you craved more, testing slowly by opening your mouth enough to take in a breath of his lips and exhaling with the smallest moan. You began to move your hands up into his hair, feeling the soft golden strands between your fingers before bumping against his headphones. Oh right, those were still on. As if your touch activated your other senses, you could hear Kyle and Stan yelling to get Kenny's attention as the game was still going. You leaned back with a pleased giggle, opening your eyes to see the same joy reflected back in Kenny's eyes as he grabbed the controller on the couch.</p>
<p>"Dude, what are you doing?" "Stop fucking around Kenny, get in the game." You giggled again. "Is that Jamie?" "Is she playing?"</p>
<p>"Gotta go guys." Kenny said, ripping his headphones off as he shut off the game and tossed the controller only to wrap his arms around you again, pulling you back into the kiss.</p>
<p>You shifted your hips closer, closing the gap between your bodies like you could never be separated again. This shift brought a sigh from Kenny and you took that as the chance to lick the inner seam of his lips which slid into a smirk as his tongue brushed gently against your lips in return. Your head was spinning wildly as your hands grabbed into his shirt and hair, scared you may float away with the power he had behind his kiss, moving from gentle to deep and back again in a way that felt like he was holding back. This wouldn't do, you have been waiting what felt like years for this moment and you wanted nothing more than him.</p>
<p>"Kenny," you moaned into his mouth and that seemed to have broken his hesitation, now grabbing you close and twisting himself so he was laying softly against you as he pinned you to the couch, his tongue pushing further into your mouth and massaged yours with dizzying talent. You pushed back, rolling and twisting your tongue with his as if it were a delicate dance between your mouth and his. His taste was intoxicating and addicting and you craved more and more. You were insatiable as his name pulsed through your blood and your body.</p>
<p>You looped your arms to grab into the back of his shoulders and pulled him closer, raising your hips to meet his as he groaned softly in approval, settling in between your legs. You could feel his hips press enough into your inner thighs to hint at his presence, the urge to grind your hips up and feel him press against the heat building inside of you. His mouth left yours as a sad moan left your lips to form into a more aroused moan as his lips began exploring your jaw and neck.</p>
<p>"Kenny," you moaned again, your filter falling as you felt his tongue graze over your skin, leaving a hot trail down to your shoulder as your hands flew to grab at the sides of his jeans to pull his hips deeper against you. A breathy moan breezed across your skin from his mouth and you pulled again, moving your hips to collide with his, craving to feel him push against you. You needed to feel him against you, around you, inside of you. </p>
<p>"Jamie, God yes," Kenny moaned against your neck as you pressed against his groin, feeling the firmness with a shock of need and surprise. You had heard from girl gossip that Kenny was rather impressive but feeling a hint of it pressed against you, you were intimidated and intrigued. </p>
<p>You pressed again as his mouth began moving back towards yours with kisses guiding him. As you shifted again, you felt him push back as well, his jeans pressing hard against your and sending a moan all the way through your body on contact. You latched your mouth onto his, working into a slow rhythm with your hips that he matched with you. Each push sent shocks of pure electricity from where he connected to your brain, need filling your every thought. You took his plump lower lip into your teeth, biting and pulling slightly as he moaned again.</p>
<p>"Uh huh." A voice from the entryway snapped both you and Kenny back into where you were. He jumped up and off of you as you sat up quickly, both of you looking to the sound that distracted you.</p>
<p>"I'm not gonna say I'm surprised, but not on the couch please." Karen said, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and a sly smirk on her face. You felt embarrassment color your face as you nervously giggled into your hands as you heard Kenny chuckle and turn his face down too. "I'm going to bed now. Please keep it down, I have a test tomorrow." Karen turned away and went upstairs.</p>
<p>You turned to look at Kenny, feeling a new nervousness that you didn't know what to do with. Now what? You wanted to keep him all to yourself. But what would that mean? You lived down the hallway from him, he was your best friend, you were still a virgin and he was..... very not. How would this work? Would he even want to? You smiled nervously at him as he smiled back with your favorite smirk and took your hand in his gently.</p>
<p>"Let me tuck you in?" He said, pulling you softly to your feet as you smiled and stood. </p>
<p>"Okay." You let him guide you up to your room. He walked you to your bed and pulled your blankets back and before you could walk into the bed he turned and scooped you into his arms. "Ken!" You giggled as he smiled and placed you gently on your bed and pulled your blanket up over your waist. You hadn't been tucked in by anyone since you were a small child and you resisted the giggle that came up. He sat on the bed and leaned down to your face, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. His face lingered close and you felt the words float from your heart and out of your lips.</p>
<p>"I love you." Fear gripped your breath for a second as you realized you said it out loud.</p>
<p>"I love you." He breathed against your lips as you felt your heart explode with sparkles and confetti and fireworks. "Good night Jamie." He said, brushing your hair away from your face and walking out of your room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Molded from the Same Lump of Clay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You feel like years have been building up to this moment. You can feel the heat of your blood as it pumps violently throughout your body as every inch of your skin aches for his touch. You have been preparing for this for months, and damn has that boy earned it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW</p>
<p>Time for the slow build to explode</p>
<p>You're welcome ;)</p>
<p>Be sure to take a cold shower when your done. Or don't. You're call.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning when your alarm went off you woke up with an overwhelming sense panic. You did it, you kissed Kenny. He kissed you back! You told him you loved him. He said it back! Holy shit! How was this going to work?! Normally couples are together for a while before they move in together, and they are usually already having sex, and here you are already just a door down from where he slept most nights. Shit, some nights he was in your bed! Was he going to start staying in your bed more often?! Would he expect you to come to his?! He was so much more experienced than you were, would he wait? Or would he be willing to take it slow? What if because you aren't sure you are ready will drive him away? What if he just has sex with other people regardless? Is this going to become a relationship or would he just want to be in an open relationship? You couldn't stomach the idea of him touching and kissing anyone else, nor did you want to even begin to think of him in bed with anyone else or you were sure you would be sick. Was there even a point in freaking out? Did he want to pursue this or was last night just fun and games for him? But he said he loved you. But he has said that for years, does he mean it as friends or more? Did he think you thought it was as friends or more?</p>
<p>Your head was spinning wildly out of control and you hadn't even gotten out of bed yet.</p>
<p>"Jamie, get up or you and Ken will be late!" Karen yelled from down the hallway. From the sounds of it she was near the bathroom. You squeezed your eyes closed to try and regain a logical train of thought. Okay, first, get up and get ready for the day. Kenny will most likely already be downstairs as he is an earlier riser (which you could never understand) and would be eating breakfast. You will get dressed, brush your teeth and hair, throw on a bit of makeup like always and get your coffee and breakfast. Then the 3 of you will get in the truck, take Karen to school, then you and Kenny will go to school. Just breathe.</p>
<p>You moved robotically throughout the morning, both Karen and Kenny watching you with amused confusion. By the time you threw on your letterman jacket and climbed into the passenger side of the truck, you let yourself fall into your brain and worries. You were so lost in your own head that it wasn't until you heard the engine turn off that you realized you were at school, having already dropped off Karen, and Kenny had shifted to face you on the bench seat with his right leg pulled into the space between you.</p>
<p>"I know your lips taste great, but I don't think you should completely chew it off." He smirked with his comment as you realized you had been biting down on your lower lip enough that it was now sore. You let out a laugh in a sigh, knowing he was waiting for you to respond.</p>
<p>"So... um... I am... I have just been thinking a lot." You stammered out, not knowing what to say or how to start.</p>
<p>"Clearly." You sighed, knowing you were horrible at hiding from him. Sometimes it felt like you both knew how to read the other without trying, like one of you was there when the other was being written.</p>
<p>"When I... when you said... did you-"</p>
<p>"Of course I meant it." He stopped you from your horrible attempt at speaking. He scooted closer in the seat and leaned forward to press his forehead gently to yours, his deep blue eyes holding yours as a willing prisoner. "I love you, Jamie. Please be mine."</p>
<p>If the world collapsed in on itself, sending all on it to perish in fire and stone, you wouldn't have noticed. His eyes held you as your lungs forgot to breath and heart skipped several beats, his sweet words floating around your mind like a small flurry of glowing butterflies. Soft and gentle in their movement yet each one having a huge wavelike impact on everything around it. Before words could properly form to answer your lips grazed across his and feeling the curve and flow of his cupid's bow as you pressed your lips in a feather light kiss. As if that magnetic pull and delicate touch activated something inside you, your breath returned and with an exhale you answered. "Yes."</p>
<p>You felt him smile against your lips as he caught you in another kiss, his hand reaching under your hair to gently hold the top of your neck and lace his fingers in your hair. In his hold you could feel all worries begin to float away, but the small part of you that remembered the pain from the past, cheating, broken families, loneliness. You pulled back slightly, you had to give that small, scared Jamie her chance to be okay too.</p>
<p>"Kenny, I want to be with you so much, but are YOU sure you want to be with me?" You asked, pulling his hand away from your neck and holding it tightly in your hand.</p>
<p>"Of course I do. Why would you think I wouldn't?" He asked, his eyes sparkling and warm, but you had to continue.</p>
<p>"Well... I'm not ready to just... jump into bed." You said, hoping he could understand your too innocent phrasing and how unready you really were to even say it. You felt so stupid.</p>
<p>"Is that what you are worried about?" He chuckled softly under his breath, pulling your hand close to his lips. "I would die a hundred deaths, live a hundred years, if it would mean to someday be with you. I won't pretend I don't want you like that, that would be stupid, but I will wait until you are ready. It's not like I'm addicted or something." He added with a grin as he kissed your knuckles and pressed them softly to his cheek.</p>
<p>"So you are okay with just me? You won't... like... want to find someone else in the mean time?"</p>
<p>"No." He shook his head gently, continuing to hold your hand against his cheek. "I'm all yours. If you will have me." You felt a blush building in your cheeks as well as heat rising in his cheeks against your knuckles, he was beginning to blush too.</p>
<p>"So, I'm your girlfriend?" You smiled, your mind settling with tiny, nervous Jamie sitting down and watching cautiously.</p>
<p>"Only if I get to be your boyfriend." He answered with a smile that would make an angel jealous. You blushed and felt your face instinctively turn away to hide when his hand reached out to have you face him again. "Let's head inside. I think Kyle and Stan are about to ruin this moment." He said, his eyes now looking over your shoulder.</p>
<p>You turned to look where he was, very confused at to what he was talking about when you saw both Stan and Kyle walking toward your truck from the other side of the parking lot. You could see mild surprise on Kyle's face as well as what could only be seen as disappointment on Stan's as they approached and you realized that from the angle they could tell how close you and Kenny were and the way he held onto you. You shook your head with mild annoyance and grabbed your backpack from the floorboard and began your way out of the truck as they met up with the two of you.</p>
<p>"Dude, you just took off last night during a match." Stan whined at Kenny as he walked to your side and slung an arm casually around your shoulders and pulled you close. This movement was closely watched by Stan and Kyle as Kenny shrugged.</p>
<p>"I had something more important to do." He said with a smirk as you felt a blush tinge your cheeks as you pursed your lips together to prevent an awkward smile. Kyle noticed and began laughing.</p>
<p>"I imagine that was your fault." Kyle nodded at you as the tension in your lips broke into a cheeky grin as your face shifted into a bright red.</p>
<p>"You bet it was." Kenny slyly added as he leaned a bit to place a kiss on the top of your head as your hand raised to hold his as it lay near your chest.</p>
<p>"Come on guys, it's cold." You began pulling Kenny with you as you walked to the school, Kyle and Stan turning to keep up.</p>
<p>"When did this happen?" Stan asked, his tone hinting at jealousy. Why did he have to make this uncomfortable.</p>
<p>"Just now, actually." You said, feeling a light airy feeling in your chest. Even Stan's jealousy couldn't ruin this day.</p>
<p>"So what happened last night?" Kyle asked suggestively, making you roll your eyes and blush again.</p>
<p>"Wouldn't you like to know." Kenny joked, making your blush deeper. "But seriously, you know I don't kiss and tell." Kenny added with a more sincere tone. You exhaled heavier than you realized you would, nervous that though he didn't go into details with you that he did with his guy friends. But from that statement, he really was one to keep those details with himself.</p>
<p>"Okay, I have English, I'll see you later." You said, turning to look up at Kenny and stood on your toes to give him a parting kiss before going up the stairs for class. As your lips connected with his, again you felt like you were floating as the warmth from his lips melted you into a cloud. Time was lost and all that existed were his lips. Until you felt a gentle touch on your shoulder that was off in temperature. 'Not Kenny' your body shouted to you to get your attention.</p>
<p>"Ken, Jamie, let's go." Kyle was patting on your shoulders to bring both of you back to reality and as you opened your eyes you could see the floating happy cloud feeling reflected in Kenny's eyes as well. You smiled as you felt like dancing joyously.</p>
<p>"Bye." You said, finally turning away to head to class.</p>
<p>A few hours later in History, your phone vibrated in your pocket. You normally didn't text in classes that were necessary for good college acceptance, so you were confused at who was messaging you.</p>
<p>'OMG, why didnt you tell me about you and Kenny?! I heard from Token!' Bebe.</p>
<p>Shit, she was pissed. But you hadn't seen her yet today, your next class the only one you shared with her. You rolled your eyes, trying to not groan in annoyance.</p>
<p>'I wanted to tell you in person but I haven't seen you, duh! And it only happened officially this morning.'</p>
<p>'Officially? Does this mean there is a unofficially?' Bebe. Her grammar always horrible in texts.</p>
<p>'I guess. We, well I, may have made out with him last night. He kissed back of course... and then some... wow, btw!' You hit send, knowing she would only begin to vibrate in her seat in her French class with need for details on that. You didn't even have time to slide your phone back into your pocket when another messaged buzzed in your hand.</p>
<p>'DETAILS NOW BITCH!' Bebe</p>
<p>So subtle. You smirked and typed one last message before pocketing your phone, needing to get caught up on your notes on the separation of the church of England from the Catholic church before your teacher switched slides.</p>
<p>'Just WOW!'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You and Kenny had been together a little over a month when you felt like making out and over the clothes touching was not enough. You wanted to feel his skin against yours, and you already knew before that above the waist was something you could be comfortable with. And though he kept his word that he would wait, you could sense the mounting sexual tension that was rolling off of him as his hands grabbed against your hips and sides, wanting to move a few more inches toward the center to your breasts or to grasp your bottom or press against your ever more needy core. You knew that you could only tell your body to calm down so much, but his taste and talent had a way of making you feel like throwing all caution to the wind and scream for him to take you there and now. But that small, scared Jamie would march back and forth with a large picket sign reading NOT YET across your mind, grabbing his hand away before it ventured too close. But you and she had an intense conversation and agreed on the next step.</p>
<p>That night, after Karen had gone to bed and Kenny was relaxing in his room, you came in fresh from your shower, hair still damp and a cute night dress on. You put on boy-short underwear, wanting to feel more but not give away too much. As he looked up at you with a soft, innocent questioning look from his bed, you smiled and pulled the dress up and over your head, swallowing the nerves away as the cool air hit your bare breasts. As the fabric cleared your body and you dropped it to the floor, you saw the excited shock all over his face and body, he was frozen in place with his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. For a few moments you stood where you were at the base of his bed as his eyes raked over you over and over again until you began to crawl up to meet his lips with yours.</p>
<p>His arms latched around you quickly and pulled you tightly against his body, you felt the soft cotton of his shirt and sweatpants against your exposed skin as well as the firm muscles that were hiding underneath. You moved your leg to the side of his hip so you could feel his pressure against you, even these small acts causing heat to flare inside of you as your heart raced. He reacted to your movement with one of his own, laying flat against his bed instead of in the seated position he was in originally so that he could feel you pressed against him with all gaps closed. You shifted your knees on his mattress to move lower against the erection growing in his sweatpants, feeling more definition against the thin fabric of your clothes and his, your body purring for more contact as you felt a hot slickness against your sensitive skin. You knew he could feel you move against him and his hands went from pulling you close to closing around your breasts, cupping them each and his fingers grazing back and forth across your sensitive nipples. As a moan slipped from your lips an animalistic groan ripped from Kenny's throat and he flipped you onto your back and rolled with you as he pressed himself against your hot center.</p>
<p>"Oh fuck." You moaned, his mouth licking and biting against your neck and down your chest. His hands slid down your sides to grab onto your hips, pulling them close with each small thrust of his own, causing the knot in your stomach to tighten more and more. His mouth roamed over your breast, licking and gently sucking on your nipple and setting your skin on fire. He rolled his teeth across your nipple with another thrust as a deep moan filled your throat. All you could think was yes more yes yes more more MORE!</p>
<p>He kissed and licked his way across your chest to repeat the process on your other breast, heat building up inside your stomach as you felt your hands shaking as your fingers gripped his hair. You could feel your heart beating in your throat and knew that if he kept doing what he was doing, you would lose your ability to see or speak. You could feel the wet heat in your body as he pressed against, your body opening for him as he pressed harder and harder against the barrier of cloth. You wanted to know what he really felt like, what he really tasted like, to feel him fill your body, but tiny Jamie screamed from the back of your mind. 'That wasn't the deal!' Right, focus, this right now was perfect, you could have more another time. But damn was he working for it. Even tiny Jamie was having a hard time arguing as his lips began moving down your stomach. His lips placed small kisses against your hip bone as his tongue trailed the edge of your underwear. You felt your eyes rolling into the back of your head with that motion and as you attempted to find words in the lust filled brain, you felt him kissing across the top of your underwear and moving further down. Your lungs inhaled in panic and pleasure, feeling him kissing against the plump flesh hidden away, his chin hovering over the soaked portion of cloth.</p>
<p>"Damn, baby, you must be feeling so good right now." He said, biting on his lip as he studied the evidence of your arousal. You felt an embarrassed blush and hid your face in your hands as your knees snapped together, baring his view and access. He chuckled softly and began kissing along your hip line again, slowly making his way up to kiss your neck and jaw as his hands gently ran through your hair. You felt yourself ease again, your legs relaxing from their tense hold and he settled back between your legs. His hips began moving again, slowly and deeply against you, bringing small moans to the surface from both of you.</p>
<p>"I want you so bad." He spoke against your skin, his breath coming in gasps as you pushed back against the pressure he would give you. Your hands dug under his shirt, clawing at his skin and pulling at his lower back to push him further against you. Each connection seemed to bring a tension you hadn't felt in years to the surface.</p>
<p>"Uh... Kenny... this is so... so good..." you groaned in between movements, the heat near breaking point in your stomach as the twist reached from the top of your stomach all the way to your core with one last push from him. Your vision doubled, white spots floated like glitter, your body sprung open with a snap and a loud moan bloomed. "OH GOD KEN!"</p>
<p>Your breath was coming in spasms as the muscles in your stomach contracted in time with them. Kenny stopped his movements but continued kissing against your jaw as your heartbeat and breathing settled into an actual rhythm. He pushed up, supporting his weight on his elbows as he smirked at you.</p>
<p>"Did you seriously just cum from that?" There was a small hint of pride in his smirk as you blushed and looked away.</p>
<p>"Um, maybe?" You answered, thinking that must have been what that feeling was but never being told. He smiled again, brushing hair away from your mouth to kiss your lips.</p>
<p>"Did you feel like you just exploded and all you could think was that you must have just viewed heaven?" That smirk would be the death of you.</p>
<p>"...Yes." You blushed more, curling your face into his arm next to your head as he chuckled softly.</p>
<p>"Awesome." You felt yourself smiling as well as he began kissing at your exposed neck and earlobe. "Do you think... would you be willing... to help me?" he asked, whispered softly in your ear.</p>
<p>YES! Yes you did! But you never did this before. How were you supposed to do that? And you knew it would make.... a mess... so how were you going to deal with that? Damn it, okay, focus. Just ask maybe, he won't laugh. Hopefully.</p>
<p>"How?" You whispered back, feeling your skin burn under his lips from embarrassment. He smiled against the skin of your neck, sending a chill through you.</p>
<p>"You can start by touching me." There was a small hitch in his voice, giving him away for being as nervous as you felt. That little quiver you heard only strengthened your own resolve as you began sliding your fingers across the skin of his stomach and lowering slowly. You wanted to feel him shiver against your touch, so you curled your finger tips to softly scratch down his stomach as you made your way to the hem of his pants. When a groan spilled against your shoulder from Kenny you knew this was a good movement to repeat again sometime. Scratching seemed to be a turn on for him as your other hand scratched across his shoulder blades as you cautiously let your hand feel his hard erection with your palm over his clothes.</p>
<p>Another groan, this one more guttural than before, flipped a switch inside you as you wrapped your fingers around his firm dick over the cotton and gently felt the length of him. Again his size made you nervous, wanting badly to someday explore every inch with your mouth and to feel him fill your body, but unsure if it could ever fit. When your fingers grazed to the very base you could feel where the firm muscle gave way and you cupped him softly, knowing from many misadventures with boys to not be rough with testicles. You went back to feeling his thick member when you wanted to really feel more and trailed your way back up. You toyed coyly with the hem of his clothes as you traced your finger along the opening before sliding your hand inside next to his hip. You wanted to explore sure, but you didn't want to just shove your hand in and grab him. That would be weird.</p>
<p>As your fingers gently moved across the skin of his groin you felt him hot against the side of your hand and his body began to shake. You caught your breath as the first contact, feeling the firm, pulsing muscle that seemed to be burning to the touch made you gasp in shock. You thought the clue of feeling him through his clothes prepared you, but you were wrong. You traced your fingertips against the skin like a soft breeze as he shuddered against your body and began attacking your neck and shoulder with bites and kisses, sure to mark your skin in several places. Hot need pulsed inside your body as you grew more confident at his reaction and wrapped your fingers around him fully, feeling now that your hand was too small as you couldn't seem to connect your finger to your thumb to make a full loop. He didn't seem to mind as a small moan met your ears.</p>
<p>"Oh yes." You gently began to pump your arm, dragging your hand up to the ridge of the head of his dick and quickly brushing the tip with your thumb. You felt a wetness at the opening, unsure what that was but using it to make your movement smoother against his skin, bring out more moans from him as you went back down to the base and then repeating the movements. You worked a small rhythm and he began pushing his hips softly against your movements, encouraging you to go faster.</p>
<p>After a few minutes of that he pushed up and away from you and you lost your grip as he was too far away. He smiled down at you. His eyes dark with lust and need as his chest heaved gently from deep breathing.</p>
<p>"Let me grab something." He said as he leaned towards his bedside table and opened the drawer. He reached in and you could hear the sound of things moving around when he pulled out a small bottle.</p>
<p>"What is that?" You asked him, having an idea put not seeing a label.</p>
<p>"Lube." He smirked as he clicked it open and grabbed your wrist to hold your palm up. You looked at him with curiosity as he poured a bit into your hand. It was cool and felt like your normal lotion but way slippery and runny. Kenny put the bottle back on the table and looked at you with anticipation.</p>
<p>"Uh.." he paused, his thumbs hooked into the sides of his sweat pants. "Is it okay if I get these out of the way?" Oh. He was going to move them down. You could see he was nervous but you felt excited as you nodded while biting down on your lip to prevent the eager grin giving away how horny you felt. He grinned nervously as he shifted and lowered his sweat pants first, pulling them off all the way and kicking them off the bed before pulling at his boxers. You swallowed hard, trying not to stare as he revealed himself to you. You began shaking from nervousness and desire as you tried to casually examine him, sitting up so you were on your knees. You reached to him where he was kneeling on the bed and reached your unlubed hand to his hair, pulling him down into a kiss as your other hand reached to touch him.</p>
<p>The lube had made your grip on his solid cock slick and easier to move with varying speeds. You massaged the muscles under the skin of his member, feeling the separation finding a sensitive spot near the head of his dick and would give special focus there as he moaned and groaned against your mouth. The sounds of him, his taste in your mouth and the heat billowing off of him had your mind spinning as a shadow of your earlier explosion teased through your veins. He began thrusting into your grasp, the muscles in your arm beginning to burn from exertion as they were used in a motion you were new to. But you could feel he was building to his own pleasure and you wanted to give that to him so badly that it screamed in your cells. A breathy stream of curses came spilling out of his mouth as he leaned back and grabbed at his discarded boxers and used them as a catch as you felt his dick pulse violently against your hold and you began to slow your movements until he shuddered and grabbed your wrist.</p>
<p>"Too sensitive." He chuckled between deep breaths. He gently pulled your hand away from him as he continued hold of his now ruined boxers. You felt awkward, on your knees wearing nothing but boy short panties with a slippery hand.</p>
<p>"Um..." you didn't know what to do and Kenny chuckled again as he wiped himself and threw the boxers in his laundry hamper and then handed you a shirt from his drawer.</p>
<p>"It won't ruin the shirt, just wipe your hand with that and that way you can properly wash your hands without walking with it like that." He smirked as he pulled on a fresh pair of boxer briefs as you began wiping the wetness off your hand and fingers. Your teeth went to grab at your lower lip instinctively as you watched him get dressed and pick up your night dress from the floor. As he walked back to the bed he held your chin with his thumb and forefinger and tilted your head to look at him.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" You could see his worry and concern in the tension of his eyes as he looked into your eyes to find his answer.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but... was that... did I do okay?" You imagine it was at least okay, the goal was made but you don't know for sure if you did it well enough. He smiled and the tension in his eyes dissipated.</p>
<p>"You did amazing baby!" He said, catching your lips in a kiss as you felt your confidence rise slightly. He handed you your night dress then with a sly comment. "I'd rather you stay like this, but I bet you wanna get dressed."</p>
<p>"Thank you yes." You said as you pulled it on over your head before climbing out and walking to the bathroom to clean up. When you got back to his room he was laying in bed, the blanket casually over half his body as he smirked and beckoned you closer with his hand. You smirked in return as you approached and climbed into the blanket and curled into his side to rest on his chest. "So you sure you liked it?" You asked again, feeling the need to be sure.</p>
<p>"Oh fuck yeah! Hell, last 2 months I've had to..." he stopped himself and you imagined what he had to do the last 2 months and you giggled against the fabric of his shirt, feeling his muscles contract with a chuckle as well. "Anyway, it was great. I would really love.... well, I would like to be able to, to touch you as well." You could hear his heart quicken as he spoke as you felt yours do the same. "When you want me to, that is." You felt him swallow and his head shift. You could mentally see him shaking his head and rolling his eyes at his attempt to say he wanted to be able to go further. You wrapped your arm around him in a hug and he held you in a hug as well, placing small kisses on the top of your head.</p>
<p>"I'll think about it." You said, wanting to be able to make that next step but nervous about what it may feel like for you and for him. You never really explored that part of yourself either.</p>
<p>"Okay," he said into your hair as you felt him rest his cheek against you. "When you're ready... please tell me."</p>
<p>"Don't worry babe, you will be the first to know." You chuckled as you settled more comfortably in as you felt sleep pull you into slumber.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mid December found you and Kenny lounging lazily in the living room, the first day of winter break in full swing. You had done all of your shopping online so Kenny wouldn't sneak a look like you had caught him trying to do several times over the years.</p>
<p>"Bored." You said, rolling your head across the arm of the couch.</p>
<p>"I can think of something to do." Kenny's tone was thick with sexual suggestion as his eyes shined with lust. You giggled and shook your head slowly as he pouted slightly.</p>
<p>"I have an idea but it's a bit crazy." You were feeling chaotic and mischievous.</p>
<p>"I'm totally down for crazy! What are we up to baby?" His eyes were lit up again, this time the mischief bright and he sat up and pulled out his phone.</p>
<p>"Well, we could drive around the shopping area and shout random shit at shoppers." You shrugged as his eyes widened and he began laughing hard.</p>
<p>"That is amazing!" Kenny managed to get out as he wheezed in laughter. "We have to bring Kyle! Just because he went to anger management doesn't mean he doesn't still want to yell at people. He just keeps it reigned in now."</p>
<p>You laughed as another thought hit you. "We should see if Craig wants to come too." Kenny looked at you skeptically.</p>
<p>"Craig is a dick."</p>
<p>"Exactly, and I know that if he could shout curses and insults at people he would probably consider it a golden experience." You chuckled as you remembered the time Cartman faked tourette's syndrome and how jealous Craig was at how he got away with saying horrific things.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'll text him too, I guess." He said, shrugging as he began typing.</p>
<p>Less than an hour later you were driving your truck into town as Kenny, Kyle and Craig chuckled and donned realistic animal masks Kyle handed out. As you pulled to the first shopping street the windows all rolled down as the 4 of you prepared to start, you pulled yours on quickly too as you were not going to be out done by boys.</p>
<p>"Santa is my baby daddy!" "Come roast my chestnuts!" "Ai harder Papi!" "You looked better on your back!" "Fuck you and your coat!" "Your mom tastes great!" "Unwrap this dick!" "Work that ass bitch!" "Tell your bitch I said hey!" "Your dad fucks better than you!" "I wanna have your baby!" "I'm gonna be your stepdad!"<br/>"Hail Santa!" "That dog is a whore!" "You're an uncle fucker!" "Sleigh my bells bitch!" "Smother me in your tits!" "Your daughter calls me daddy!"</p>
<p>Your stomach was aching from laughing at the shocked and furious faces of the random people on the sidewalks as you continued driving. You noticed some on the phones yelling angrily and turned into a side street to park.</p>
<p>"Why are we stopping? This was fun." Craig asked from the back.</p>
<p>"Its only fun until they get Barbrady involved, and from those sirens coming," you paused for emphasis as the distant sound came closer. "Its best we split."</p>
<p>"Shit, my mom and Nichole will be so pissed if I get arrested!" Kyle ripped his mask off, revealing his paranoid panic as everyone took their masks off as well. You drove off using quiet roads until you got back to the residential area as the guys erupted with laughs and jokes about the mischief you had all accomplished.</p>
<p>Once Craig and Kyle were dropped off again you and Kenny went back home when you both got a message from Karen.</p>
<p>'Going to a movie with a friend, see you at dinner.' Karen.</p>
<p>"Looks like we have the house to ourselves." Kenny said, feigning an innocent tone but you could tell he would want to fool around and you were equally wanting that too.</p>
<p>"One sec, babe. I wanna know which friend in case something happens." You said, typing into your phone as you begin to climb out of the truck.</p>
<p>'Who are you with?'</p>
<p>'Firkle.' Karen. You could almost hear her hesitation in the one word answer. Was this a date? You smirked conspiratorially as you sent one last message.</p>
<p>'Okay. Be careful, don't do anything stupid, and you get to tell Ken.'</p>
<p>"So who is she with?" Kenny asked, opening the door as you both walked in.</p>
<p>"A friend. But we have a few hours to ourselves so..." you left that open as he smiled and picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist.</p>
<p>"You know, James, I did not know you had THAT dirty of a mouth!" He eyed you seductively as he nibbled on the corner of his lip, sending a bolt of electricity through your body and waking up the prowling, hunger creature inside you.</p>
<p>"Mmm, maybe you should clean this dirty mouth." You pressed yourself into him and doing what you hoped was a seductive look. It must have worked as you saw his eyes shift just slightly with deep hunger and lust. You added, feeling a nervous knot that you were ready to untie. "Shower?"</p>
<p>His eyes opened wide with surprise at your suggestion and his mouth opened softly before he could correct and smiled.</p>
<p>"Fuck yeah!" And while still holding you to his chest he began sprinting up the stairs and down the hall, only to place you on your feet once inside the bathroom. "Are you sure?" He asked as he turned on the water.</p>
<p>"Definitely." You added to your resolve as you began to pull off you sweater and boots. You and he both began stripping off clothes, watching the other as items were removed. When you both reached to just underwear, you paused and waited for him to go first. He gave you a sweet half smile as he removed his boxer briefs (nyan cat decorated, the dork) and stepped into the water, pulling the door closed behind him.</p>
<p>"Join me when you're ready." He said from the other side. You took a deep calming breath to try and settle the pounding heart inside your ribs and checked to make sure you had a towel each for when you got out before realizing you were distracting yourself. 'You don't need to be afraid, he won't do anything to hurt you. Its Kenny. He loves you.' You said to yourself as you slipped your panties down your legs and stepped out of them, taking another calming breath, and opened the door.</p>
<p>He was facing away at the moment, and you took that chance to appreciate the muscles in his back that spread down to form dimples just above his plump backside before he turned to face you with his gentle smile. He smartly looked at your face instead of immediately looking you over as you smiled back and stepped into the water with him. As the water soaked into your hair and down to your scalp, you closed your eyes and tilted your head back to let the water cool your blushing cheeks.</p>
<p>"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." You heard his voice as he stood closer to you and you felt his fingers trace down your shoulders and arms. By the time he reached your hands he laced his fingers in yours and pulled your arms up to rest against his bare chest as his hands moved to your hips. As he pressed a kiss against your eager lips you could feel that his member had begun to harden and press against your stomach. Your hands reached up around his neck and into his hair, pulling him closer as your tongue pushed against his lips and he accepted you in to massage your tongue with his. You could feel his hands begin to venture down towards your thighs and angle so his fingers aimed towards your toes as he leaned away slightly from your lips. "Can I touch you?"</p>
<p>You felt heat spill into your soft folds as if your body answered before your words could. You smiled softly and kissed him again and with your lips still grazing his you answered. "Be gentle."</p>
<p>This final instruction was all he needed as his right hand turned and continue grazing towards the inside of your thighs as his left moved to hold against your hip and grabbed firmly. You could feel the heat building in your skin and felt that the steam coming off your bodies as your mouths moved feverishly against each other as his hand continued to creep closer. When his fingers made first contact with the soft outer lips you gasped into his mouth and you could feel him smile to your response. Carefully he slipped on finger between and ran it back and forth across the seam with a light touch one, two, three times. You began to feel an eagerness to have him really touch you as he continued to tease gently until you felt yourself cave against him.</p>
<p>"Touch me!" You breathed with a needy whine against his lips and you felt him push between the soft folds of skin into your hot, wet core. He continued to be gentle as you had asked before but as you felt his finger become slick from your own moisture and move in the same pattern as before between your lips you wanted him to be rougher. As you felt him reach to the front around the hidden mound you knew was there from basic health classes, he moved with expertise as he swirled around and around as moaned slipped from deep inside you. You could feel your body shaking and with instinct taking over you, you reached down and grabbed his now severely hardened dick with your hand and began stroking it with reckless abandon. Your mind with fueled by lust as each breath burned with need inside your lungs. Groans escaped from him now as you continued touching him, using one hand to stroke up and down and the other to cradle and gently massage his balls. His hand became more adventurous as he added a second finger to pinch your swollen clitoris between moving in alternating circles and movements that felt like he was spelling different words against you. You felt the ability to actually focus on what he was doing begin to slip away as he continued working and the building tension in your body threatened to snap.</p>
<p>"Oh fuck! Kenny! I think I'm... Oh God!... I'm gonna!..." You attempted to get out as his mouth left yours to bite on your earlobe.</p>
<p>"Cum for me." He breathed into your ear, his voice deep and rough as it sent the final zap through your body as you felt yourself explode into a million pieces and become a sky of stars. Your knees buckled under you and your grip on his thick cock tighten as you felt the walls inside you tighten in a spasm that came in smaller and smaller waves. His hand had left to allow you to come down gently from your orgasm as he had to hold you from falling down, but as you felt yourself slip a new idea came into your head.</p>
<p>With eyes blown out you looked up at him and allowed yourself to continue lowering yourself until you were seated on your knees in front of him. He cocked his head slightly as his eyes were wide with shock. You smirked and put on your most innocent looking face you could muster with how very not innocent you felt.</p>
<p>"You want to help me clean this mouth now?" You blink sweetly as you saw a panicked look flash in his eyes. Was he really this surprised by the effect he had on you? Silly boy. You resumed stroking him, this time with both hands, studying him as you prepared for how to best go about this. You thought of where he was most sensitive to touch and would most likely enjoy feeling most tongue movement in those places as well, so you planned your attack as he nodded after a moment of shocked silence before choking out.</p>
<p>"Ye- yeah, that... That would be good." You wet your lips as you approached and began kissing along the sides of his shaft, thankful for the first time for your odd hereditary trait that you were going to put to it's first real test. Small sighs came from his bit lips above you as you continued to kiss your way towards the head. One last tease before you began as you went back to the base and opened your mouth to put your tongue flat against the underside of his dick and licked all the way up to the head, earning you a deep and guttural, "FUCK!"</p>
<p>You were ready. You licked a full circle around the tip of his dick and allowed just the head to enter your mouth as you wrapped your lips around it and continued the circle motion from the inside of your mouth. With a slight shift of your hips to lower yourself an inch or so, you were now at a better angle to go deeper, using your tongue to move in a wave like motion against the underside and mimicked a swallowing motion to allow the muscles in the roof of your mouth to move back and forth as he was pressed against. A stream of curses from him encouraged you to keep this action going and you did this while moving your neck to bob up and down, each time going deeper as he was now moving to touch the back of your throat.</p>
<p>"Holy fucking shit! Uh! God fuck yes! Jesus Christ! Uh, shit!" His hand had moved into the wet tangles of hair at the top your head, not grabbing but feeling with added touch how you were moving on him. You knew it was time to show off as you fully relaxed your throat, tongue the only muscle you gave focus to as you pushed him further into your throat after taking a proper breath until you felt your lips press against the very base of him, upper lip against his groin and lower lip against the soft flesh of his ball sack. You held him there in place for a count of 5, moving your tongue out to brush against the skin of his balls that you could reach as a very loud moan erupted from him</p>
<p>"OH FUCK!" You moved back up again, taking a breath through your nose so you could massage the base of his head with your tongue and began teasing the same way you had started. "That... holy shit Jamie!" He managed to get out, you could see his knees shaking slightly as you coyly looked up to lock eyes with him as you felt the need to be more aggressive. You thrust your head all the way back down again while maintaining your eye contact with him, thankful the water was hitting against your back and not your face as you watched his eyes roll back into his head. You thought back to that silly title they gave you at that party. You were proving it now you hoped. You allowed yourself to get up again, letting your mouth fill with more spit as you continued to alternate between sucking and rolling your tongue, even for a brief moment allowed your teeth to gently graze against him as you pulled back and earning you another 'holy fuck!' from Kenny. His moans were beginning to get more and more prominent and he began moving with you, pushing his dick further and further into your throat as he held your head in place and you lavished the sensation. You recalled hearing Bebe refer to this action as "fucking your face" from when she had hooked up with an upper classmen a few months ago, but there was something so much more satisfying to it than you had thought. The haze of lust spilling into your every cell as your blood pumped throughout you had you feeling that sweet sensation building inside your stomach. You weren't sure how it was possible, or if it technically even was possible, but how he held your head and how his hips pushed his thick cock into your throat as sounds of fucked bliss filled the room had you seeing sparks as your body began to convulse in another orgasm. You began to scream your moan against his dick, sending a vibration through both of you.</p>
<p>"Fuck! Jamie, I'm going to cum!" He said, letting go of your head to allow you to move away. If that was what you wanted to do.</p>
<p>Nope.</p>
<p>You simply hummed in agreement and continued where he had left off and a fresh moan came from him, sending goosebumps across your body. You were ready.</p>
<p>"I'm cumming baby, I'm cumming!" He groaned fast and deep as you pushed him to the back of your throat. You felt the sides of his hot dick pulse against the insides of your cheeks as his load hit the back of your throat in a hot, bitter tasting and thick sensation. Instinctively you began to swallow, knowing from others that it wasn't something that would taste very good and you wanted to just prevent the taste from reaching your tongue as he began to shake from your actions. "What the fuck?!" He exclaimed.</p>
<p>As you finished swallowing what was left, you pulled off of him and looked at him with concern.</p>
<p>"Did I do something wrong?" You were beginning to feel shame and embarrassment but then he shook his head, his eyes heavily lidded and his body still shaking slightly.</p>
<p>"No! No! I've just... never had anyone start swallowing while I was cumming... so sensitive... felt over stimulated." He breathed out as he reached with tired arms to help you up. You hadn't realized from the whole time you were down there that your legs had fallen asleep and you felt the sharp stinging needles all down your legs as you stood. He smirked again as he held you to his body and you listened to his breathing attempt to steady. "Did you, did you cum from sucking me off?" He asked and you felt your face shift into a deep red.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I did." You hid your face against his chest as he chuckled softly.</p>
<p>"That is the hottest thing I have ever heard." He said as he continued to pet your hair. "Are you sure that was all okay? I didn't make you feel like you had to do that?"</p>
<p>"No, I very much wanted to do that, I just didn't realize it." You said, smiling before taking a small bite of his nipple and made him jump.</p>
<p>"Whoa, I think I might be making a monster!" He joked as he stepped away slightly. You winked playfully at him and began to turn back to the water to take a gulp of the water that was starting to feel cooler than it was when you had first felt it and turned it off. When you stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel, you felt a quick slap on your bottom and turned to get away from his reach with a giggle.</p>
<p>"Love that ass, damn!" He said, grabbing his own towel now and rubbing his damp hair with it before wrapping it around his waist.</p>
<p>"I love your damn ass too babe." You said sarcastically as you wrapped up and began walking down the hall to get dressed, noting that it was beginning to grow dark.</p>
<p>"Oh, by the way, Karen is out with a boy." You coyly said as you began to shut you door, but not before you couldn't hear Kenny explode.</p>
<p>"She's WHAT?!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The morning of your 17th birthday the first thing you could notice was a new smell. Sweet, gentle and floral. You blinked several times to push the sleep away as your focus settled on the new things on your bedside table. Eyes shifting properly now, you saw a lovely vase filled with soft pink and white peonies and a small handwritten note folded into a tent next to it.</p>
<p>My Darling Jamie.<br/>Every year, every day you grow more and more beautiful in both body and soul. I can count myself truly blessed to have watched you grow into the amazing young woman that you are today. Happy Birthday to my most beloved.<br/>Eternally yours,<br/>Kenneth</p>
<p>You felt your heart flutter as you read your note over for a second and then third time. He must have snuck in while you were sleeping and set these things in place so they would be the first things you would see. With a bright smile you climbed out of bed, more awake than usual from the tenderness written for you, and went about your morning routine.</p>
<p>Once you got down to breakfast you found that Kenny had made you a bowl of warm oatmeal and had formed a heart from the blueberries from the fridge. A new blush took over your face as you sat down and heard Kenny come around the corner and Karen begin bouncing down the stairs.</p>
<p>"Good morning baby girl." Kenny said as he placed a kiss on your head and sat down next to you with his mostly eaten bagel.</p>
<p>"Happy birthday, Jamie!" Karen smiled really big as she began to pour a bowl of cereal. "Can I give you your present now?" She asked, clearly holding it in her hand behind her back. You smiled and swallowed the food in your mouth before you answered.</p>
<p>"If you want to." You giggled as she bounded over and placed a strangely wrapped lump in your lap. If felt like cloth of some sort and you eyed it before opening as she smiled brightly and eagerly leaned forward. As you pulled the paper loose you realized it was a tee shirt and as you pulled it out and realized there was print on the front. You twisted it and read it fully now and felt the tears swelling up before you could really finish reading it.</p>
<p>World's Best Sister!<br/>👭<br/>Jamie and Karen</p>
<p>You hugged the shirt to your body as you looked at Karen's now confused and sad eyes and smiled as a few tears managed to spill free.</p>
<p>"I love it! Thank you!" You leaned forward and hugged her from across the table as she and Kenny shared a baffled look.</p>
<p>"Ugh, I think I will give you my gift later then." Kenny said with a nervous chuckle. "Just to not have you crying at breakfast." You laughed as you wiped the tears from your cheeks and pulled the shirt on over the camisole you had slept in.</p>
<p>"No, sweetie, I'm fine. Just really love this." You smiled at Karen again and added, "I'm so wearing this today!"</p>
<p>"Either way, I'll save mine for later." He said and began getting up again, bagel finished and Karen pouting at him with an unhappy grunt. He turned a stern look at her that was loaded with unspoken words you couldn't read as he said to her, "Later." Karen rolled her eyes and went back to her cereal, leaving you both confused and nervous as to whatever his gift may be if Kenny was having to tell off Karen. Your stomach twisted with excited nervousness and you resumed eating your oatmeal.</p>
<p>After dropping Karen off at school, Kenny seemed to become tense. You could feel the nervousness coming off of him and though you weren't sure why you wanted to ease it away from him as you intertwined your fingers in his. You attempted to be subtle, but you hadn't tried this with emotions before, only with pain, as you focused on his anxiety like it was a string tangled inside him and began gently pulling it out and away. It felt strange as you could feel it as a different effect from the nervous you would feel inside yourself. Like when you wear someone else's shoes, you can feel how it is formed for them over time and how it feels like you are unwelcomed. As you focused more you could feel your leg begin to bounce, a trait Kenny would do when nervous but that you didn't. That was interesting.</p>
<p>"Jamie, stop, I'm fine." Kenny said as he pulled his fingers from yours to instead drape his arm across the back of the seat. 'Crap, he could tell.' You thought as you felt the truck shake slightly from your bobbing leg as he put the truck in park.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, you just seemed so worried..." you said, tilting your chin down and looking up with wide eyes to pull off your most innocent look and hoped it would work. He became putty in your hands with that and you could see his anxiety fall away as he smiled and lifted your chin to plant his lips on yours.</p>
<p>"I love you so very much." He said with his forehead softly on yours. "Which is why I got you this." You felt him place something small on your leg and you looked down curiously. On the edge of your knee was a small black box with the top opened, revealing a silver ring with a deep blue stone cut into the shape of a heart.</p>
<p>As your eyes widened and your heart began beating in triple time, you felt your mouth become dry as panic screamed across your mind.</p>
<p>"Happy birthday." Kenny said. You felt time had slowed down but you realized that it had only been a second since he had kissed you, your mind had been reeling the moment your eyes locked on the sapphire in the shade perfectly matched with the eyes of the young man watching you. You looked up and gulped, trying to get enough moisture in your mouth to speak intelligible words.</p>
<p>"What is this?" You managed out with a soft voice that did a terrible job of hiding your fear.</p>
<p>"Calm down, James," Kenny chuckled as he grabbed the small box from your knee and pulled the ring from its hold. "Its a promise ring."</p>
<p>Your heart sighed at it settled into a calmer but still quickened rhythm. You could feel your lungs begin to breath again with fire spilling into every corner.</p>
<p>"A promise ring?" You asked, a shy smile starting to lift at the corners of your lips as he grabbed your left hand from your lap and gently held the ring near the fourth finger.</p>
<p>"Yes," he smiled with a deep blush hiding the freckles in his cheeks and nose. "A promise that I will always love you and that I will always want to be with you." He watched you with his midnight blue eyes filled with hope and uncertainty. You smiled and leaned in to kiss him, pushing as much love and adoration into it for him to feel how much you felt for him. When the kiss eventually broke you smiled and pushed your finger through the ring. As it slid perfectly into place Kenny's smile was so peaceful and bright that it felt more like home than anywhere you had ever been or would ever be.</p>
<p>Near the end of the school day your friends had all come to wish you happy birthday and comment on your gift from Kenny, some showing sweet surprise and others seemed to have sensed this something like this would happen anyway. The one reaction that most surprised you was from when you were in your English class.</p>
<p>"Jamie." You heard Stan's quiet voice from behind you as you were discussing the characters from the assigned book for the month with Nichole and Lola. You turned around and saw him eyeing your hand with a tight frown on his mouth.</p>
<p>"What?" You asked, not too keen to talk to him when he seemed to be in a bad mood. You were still trying to keep it casual and friendly, but since that first morning you and Kenny began dating he had been very distant. </p>
<p>"What is that?" He asked, nodding toward your hand. You resisted with near physical pain from rolling your eyes as you turned your body more to face him, ready to tell him to mind his own fucking business when you could see the concern in his eyes. </p>
<p>"It's my birthday present from Kenny. It's a promise ring." You said, rotating your hand slightly so the light could shine on the deep blue stone.</p>
<p>"...Oh." He said as he slumped back in his seat and added under his breath, "I guess I owe Kenny an apology."</p>
<p>"What?" You felt your head tilt in confusion and your eyebrows furrow. What did he do to Kenny that he needed to apologize for?</p>
<p>"Well..." He looked down at the desk for a few moments as you noticed his feet under his seat begin shifting nervously. "When you guys first started dating, I didn't think he was being serious. Honestly, I thought you were just going to be another conquest, so we got into a fight." As he said that you remembered a few days after you and Kenny began dating that he came home with a nose bleed and bloody knuckles but you didn't know this was why. He just told you that he and Stan had gotten some steam out with a friendly fight, which guys would sometimes do. You remembered laughing it off and now it made you feel sick. Stan must have seen the shift in your emotions as he added quickly, "I barely got any hits in, if anything he kicked my ass before Kyle separated us. He kept saying that it wasn't like that with you but I didn't believe him.... I just didn't want to see you get hurt again."</p>
<p>"Oh... okay..." You didn't know what to say. You had made it clear to him that there wasn't anything left for him to try and pursue, but he still wanted to fight your boyfriend because he didn't want you to get hurt? 'Younger Stan would have done that too' piped up a small voice belonging to the Jamie from your preteens. 'He always protects his friends.' You felt a small smile lift a corner of your mouth and you looked back at him with a clear mind. "Thanks I guess, for wanting to look out for me, but yeah, you do owe him an apology. Not that it's your business, but if he just wanted to use me for that he would have left already." You saw a minute twitch in his eyebrows as he understood what you implied and slowly nodded.</p>
<p>"What's his next class?"</p>
<p>"Trig up on 3rd." You said, running his schedule through your head quickly as you would do when wanting to find him between classes.</p>
<p>"Thanks." He said as he began to turn away before his head snapped back to you. "Oh, and happy birthday." He smiled that sweet smile that you had once fallen for and you didn't feel anything other than platonic love as you smiled back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kenny's birthday came late March and you had felt yourself preparing for it for weeks. The gifts alone took time to gather after you and Karen had figured out what to get him. His other gift, his special gift, he would get after Karen was gone for the night. You had managed to convince them to go by their parents' place and when they got there they realized their dad had been taken to jail again and their mom missed Karen a lot and asked if she could stay home that night so they could have a "proper mother daughter night", to which you encouraged her to try because you knew she missed her mom just as much. </p>
<p>The morning of his birthday you had placed a large wrapped box at the table where he normally sat for his breakfast and scrolled through his social media. You and Karen were already downstairs when he came down and saw the box, as well as the balloons you and she had tied to the chairs just moments beforehand. His face lit up in a bright smile as he took in the view and you and Karen shouted out enthusiastically.</p>
<p>"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENNY!!!" </p>
<p>He walked over, beaming like a ray of sunshine as he looked at the box with excited hesitation before eyeing both of you with a silent request.</p>
<p>"Just open it you dork." You said, giggling as he began tearing into the present like a small child. Once he opened the box however he froze as he took in what was inside.</p>
<p>".... Is this.." he attempted to get out and you just told him what he was looking at so you didn't have to wait for his words to gather properly.</p>
<p>"A signed poster of Jimmie Johnson, as well as a signed hat. Look under that." You smirked as he pulled the hat on and carefully put it on his head before delicately lifting the framed poster. His eyes were as wide as dinner plates when he lifted it out and could see what you had placed there.</p>
<p>"Three tickets for the next NASCAR race in Dacono." He picked them up carefully as he read them over, noting the small detail you had left out.</p>
<p>"Jamie, these are VIP tickets." His eyes were still wide and his jaw seemed to have lost muscle control. You and Karen smiled at each other, both very excited about his reaction.</p>
<p>"Yes they are." Karen giggled as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug as he continued to stare at them with awe. "Do you like your present?"</p>
<p>He stared at the poster and tickets before he looked down at Karen's grinning face and then to your peaceful smile.</p>
<p>"It's the best ever. Thank you." He hugged her back then after placing the tickets back down on the table and gestured for you to join in on the hug. You chuckled under your breath as you walked the three steps to get pulled into his side. "It's the best thing I could ever ask for, and I will get to share it with my girls!"</p>
<p>Later that day at school you ran to Bebe between 3rd and 4th period as you and she had agreed to get your package from her.</p>
<p>"You're lucky my mom doesn't care that I get packages delivered to me." She said slyly, having helped you pick it out. </p>
<p>"I couldn't have it delivered to my place, he would have looked!" You said, feeling your face getting warm.</p>
<p>"Yeah yeah, I know." She said, handing over the small Amazon bag. "But you better tell me how it goes!" You blushed even deeper. "Just remember the three things okay? It will hurt but not for long, don't be afraid of saying if you need or want anything, and you might bleed a little." You felt like you could erupt from embarrassment as the nerves you had been fighting all day began climbing up your body. Bebe then gently cupped your cheeks in her hands as she smiled motherly at you. "Have fun becoming a woman."</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm going to go and die now." You said, pulling her hands away and shoving the bag into your backpack for later that night.</p>
<p>Kenny had wanted to invite Stan and Kyle over for dinner, so you had spent the few days before hand getting the ingredients ready for a vegetarian and kosher dinner that Kenny would actually like, and as they all ate it with dumb grins while you all joked and talked you remembered with a passing thought that teenage boys would eat anything if you added cheese. Kenny's mom had come in time to partake in cake before she left with Karen, giving Kenny a kiss on his cheek before leaving and you even received a hesitant hug. </p>
<p>"Take care of my Kenny." She said as she leaned away, her eyes searching yours as if she was only first seeing you for who you were. </p>
<p>"I will." You said simply, not needing to add that you had been doing your very best at this very thing for over 8 years. It wasn't your place to tell her. The three boys had moved into the living room, continuing to joke and talk about their classmates when you walked over to the kitchen and grabbed your phone. You pulled up Kyle's name, knowing he would understand better than Stan would and typed a message.</p>
<p>'Kenny still has another present I want to give him... so leave ;)'</p>
<p>As you put the dishes in the dishwasher to run before bed when your phone chimed.</p>
<p>'Nice, we're out. Have fun!' Kyle</p>
<p>As you felt a blush tickle your cheeks you heard Kyle begin saying that they needed to get going as he was going to drive Stan home and had curfew. As you finished loading the dishes Kyle and Stan popped into the kitchen saying a quick goodbye to you, Kyle giving you a quick knowing look and you felt a nervous bubble pop up saying that he was probably going to tell Stan something was going to happen. Those two can never keep a secret from the other. A blush tinged your cheeks as you said your goodbyes as well before you gathered your breath for a moment and went to meet Kenny in the living room.</p>
<p>"That was a great birthday baby, thank you!" He said as he pulled you onto the couch with a hug. You weren't really sure how you were going to get him upstairs without being a little bold, so you began with a question.</p>
<p>"Was the cake good?" Dumb, so dumb.</p>
<p>"Yeah, very good." He smirked suggestively, his flirtations as reliable as Old Faithful and saving you. "But you know me, I would love something sweeter. Maybe some pie?" </p>
<p>You felt your heart pounding so hard you could see the pulse in your vision as you took a steadying breath. "With a cherry on top?"</p>
<p>His flirty smirk dropped away, his eyes wide and serious as he watched you for a shadow of a joke. You kept your eye contact with him as the realization broke through him at what you meant and that you weren't backing away from it.</p>
<p>"Are... are you sure?" He had leaned forward on the couch, looking like he was about to launch across the couch and attack you right there. His wanting to make sure you were okay and ready only further established your decision. You were ready. You wanted to give this to him and only him. And you wanted to be with him in ever sense of the word. You wanted him so much his name became the beat of your heart. You continued to close the distance between your faces as you faintly brushed your lips against his, sending a shiver through both of you.</p>
<p>"Yes." You said, sealing your word with a kiss that was soft and gentle. His hands cupped your face and through his fingers you could feel him shaking slightly. Was it anticipation or nervousness? Or maybe even a mixture of both.</p>
<p>"I love you." He breathed as his kiss broke away from yours and his hands were suddenly lifting you up as he stood, holding you to his body as he began walking upstairs as he coated your jaw and neck with kisses. As you let yourself succumb to the hot pressure of his mouth against your skin your hands raked through his hair and your legs wrapped around his waist. It wasn't until he tilted and landed between your legs as your back hit a mattress did you realize you were in his room and his hands began pulling at the buttons of your shirt. The eagerness of his movements and the emotion bursting from both of you had you pulling at his shirt desperately until he understood and pushed away to let you pull it up and off of him. You raked your fingers down his chest and abdomen like claws as his whole body gave away to a shudder of pleasure and you hooked your hands into his pants and pulled him down again to press against you. He resumed removing your shirt, revealing the new bra (with matching thong) you had purchased just for this. Normally you wore soft colors and cotton, occasional lace, but this was a dark red with a black fishnet overlay, much more daring and provocative than you usually wore. This choice did not go unnoticed as he looked at your bra with amused surprise before turning it up to you with a smirk.</p>
<p>"That's new." He snickered as he began placing wet kisses across your exposed skin with small bites. You could feel a moan building up as he licked across your clavicle.</p>
<p>"It's a matching set." You answered with a breathy sigh, causing him to stop and look up at you with lustful hunger. He then pulled your pants down with alarmingly sexual aggression which only turned you on even more. As his eyes looked you over, laying in nothing but very sexy lingerie on his bed, as his tongue swiped across his lower lip and he dove into kissing across your stomach. You felt the growing need for touch building up inside your body as you arched up into his mouth, needing him to touch you more and more. His mouth continued to venture lower down your stomach and he began sucking a hickey into your hip as his hand cupped across the inside of your thighs, feeling the moisture soak into the fabric against his hand as he moaned against your skin. His every touch felt like trails of fire as his fingers hooked into the straps of fabric on the sides of your hips and began pulling them down your thighs and you lifted to let it fall away. Before you could register what he would do next you felt his hot and eager lips press against the soft pillows of your womanhood and a surprised gasp clutched your lungs. As the exhale of the gasp was ending, his tongue had slipped from his lips and pushed between yours, finding the small pearl of ecstasy with the precision of a hired assassin. Your back arched as the heat in your stomach began building in speed, a free fall with no parachute and no hesitation. You felt his wet tongue lap you up, swirling across your clit before diving to push inside of your body as you felt your legs shake against his shoulders. He began a new motion as he would alternate licking and sucking on the small bud and you felt a raging fire with a heat that could dwarf the sun begin to overflow inside of you. Your hand grabbed into his messy tangles of blonde as a scream broke from your body as you felt your orgasm push against his lips and tongue.</p>
<p>"FUCK!!!!" You felt your body twitching as he pulled up with a smirk, making sure to lock eyes with you before wiping his chin of your wetness. Fuck that sight alone would bring you halfway to your next orgasm as he began crawling back up to your face. You caught his mouth with yours, tasting yourself on your lips and tongue as you felt him push against you. He was still wearing pants. No, those needed to go. You reached down and began pulling at his belt and he took over for you, undoing his pants and pulled away to kick them off as well as his boxer briefs. He rolled back to lay between your legs, catching your mouth in deep kisses, these slightly hotter but softer. His fingers lay gently on your cheeks as he pulled away from the kiss and looked at you. His eyes were heavily lidded from overwhelming lust but you could still see the nervousness.</p>
<p>"Are you positive?" He asked as you dove into the warm waters of his blue eyes, swimming in the love that poured from them as he looked at you.</p>
<p>"Very." You said, the nerves you had been feeling earlier having melted away as you floated in his warm hold. He nodded and reached over to his bedside table, blindly searching for a second before pulling out a shining condom in it's wrapper. He sat back on his knees as he opened it and rolled it down. You felt yourself taking steady breaths, remembering what Bebe said as you looked again at his rather intimidating size. He must have seen your gaze before you could look away and he smiled gently as he laid against your chest to kiss you sweetly. </p>
<p>"I'll go slow." You nodded with your eyes tightly closed, your heart pounding so hard in your throat you couldn't form words if you wanted to. "Tell me if it hurts, please." You opened your eyes, seeing the concern as his hips began settling between you more and you felt him pressed against the top of your pelvis. </p>
<p>"Kenny," You breathed as he resumed his previous gently caress of your cheeks with his fingers and watched you. "I trust you." You saw the worry fade away as he placed his lips against yours in a deep kiss, tongue gently teasing across your lips and tongue as you felt one hand go to himself and you felt him slowly push between the slick folds until he lined up with your entrance. As he began to inch his way deeper inside of you, you felt the gasp of pain and surprise escape you. You felt like you were being ripped with the amount of pressure that slowly entered you. At first it was too much and you were scared the whimper in your throat would give you away. You didn't want to stop. You knew this was going to happen, but you wanted to get through this with him. He had stopped moving as he felt you tense up against his body.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" His voice was strained, sounding slightly pained himself. You took a second to pull your thoughts together before you nodded.</p>
<p>"Yes, it's getting better." You said, noting the initial shock was wearing off and you experimentally rolled your hips towards his, feeling his dick pushing slightly further inside of you. He groaned at your movement and it stirred the animal that was stalking inside of you.</p>
<p>"Fuck, you are.. so tight." He breathed against your neck as his head fell into the nook of your shoulder. He slowly continued pushing himself deeper inside of you as your hands gripped against his shoulder blades. He had pushed himself all the way in, you could feel the base of his dick against the tender lips as he shuddered slightly. "Is this okay?"</p>
<p>"Uh, yeah, so good." You managed out between gasps, feeling your head spinning with need for movement. You shifted your hips against him again and he could sense your need as he began to pull himself out slowly only to push back in again. With each thrust in you felt a gasp pushed from your lungs. You felt like a puppet, each of his movements causing a reaction movement in you. After a few experimental movements he began a steady rhythm, enveloping your lips with his as heat rolled off of you both. 'This was it' you thought 'this was what I was meant for'. You felt your body respond to him like magnets, rocking into his hips to mirror his, earning extra depth and small moans and groans between messy kisses and deep breaths. As another roll sent pleasure up to your brain you felt a new pressure building from deep inside your core. Each time his penis brushed against it inside of you was like shaking a bottle of soda, the bubbles rising and growing in number in an alarming rate. Your breaths became haggard and spastic until the cap finally blew off.</p>
<p>"YES KENNY YES OH SHIT!!!" You felt the walls of your aching pussy pulse wildly against the thick muscles of his dick as his voice murmured against your throat.</p>
<p>"Fuck yeah baby, cum for me. Fuck this pussy is so fucking tight. Ugh!" He continued pushing against you as you rode out your orgasm, feeling a new confidence as you moved your arms to the front of his chest and kicked your foot against the bed to roll you both over, you now on top of him without losing your connection. "Oh fuck." He said, his eyes wide as his hands grabbed onto your hips as you began rolling them like waves on the shore.</p>
<p>You wanted that explosion again and you wanted him to see what he did to you. You reached behind you, feeling your skin was too hot even just to belong on you and unclasped your bra, freeing your breasts for only a second before his hands reached up to cup them as you rocked back and forth. You leaned forward to kiss him, needing to taste his arousal and from this new position you found that if you rose your hips up and down you could feel your next orgasm building again. You began moaning against his lips now, hands holding you up on either side of his head and breasts pressed against his chest. Another deep groan vibrated against your skin as he grabbed hold of your hips and began bucking up in your movements, pushing deeper and deeper than you could reach on your own. His grip grew tighter as you began moving faster, needing the pressure and the speed as he filled you like you had never thought possible. As you pushed down again, the hazy blur of your mind was now dangerously sharp as a shock ran down your body and bringing you into a small fit of convulsions. You had lost the ability to form words as a loud scream forced its way from your body and with the last of your shaking you collapsed against his chest to catch your breath.</p>
<p>Kenny took this opportunity to roll you both over again and as you landed on your back he pulled at the inside of your knees and held them up, opening your hips wider as he began thrusting harder and deeper. His weight he held up by the hold he hand on your legs and you grabbed onto the thick muscles of his biceps as you felt him pound into you with a fierce growl to his groans of pleasure. You could feel your eyes rolling into the back of you head as your body began shaking and a string of curses fell from your lips.</p>
<p>"Fuck yes! Fuck me Kenny! Harder! Fucking shit, fuck my pussy! Harder! Oh fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Your hands formed into claws as your nails dug into the flesh of his arms as another orgasm grabbed you without mercy and threw you high into the sky, your vision that of the night sky as it was black with sparkles of light for a brief second when you heard his loud groan pull you back into your body.</p>
<p>"Fuck, Jamie, you're so fucking good, holy fucking shit FUCK!" He groaned deep as his thrusts became erratic and harder as it felt he was pushing into your lungs to literally split you in two and you reveled in it. You watched as his teeth became bared and his brow furrowed under the sheen of sweat glistening on his skin. His eyes were deep pools of enchanted lagoons from a fairy tale as he locked eyes on you as a final thrust sent him spiraling into his release and you felt his dick throbbing inside of you as he came. As the last of his orgasm fell from him he let your legs go and settled his face against your chest, using your breast as a pillow to gather himself. You felt the melting heat of your skin on his but did not shy away from it. You shifted your hips slightly, feeling a muscle ache from being held in a new position for too long and felt him throb slightly again from inside you. As you both continued to catch your breath, you reached up and began running your fingers through his hair, watching the way the color would shift from a shining gold to a deep honey from the way the light would hit it. You loved him in every sense of the word. And as he carefully pulled himself out of you and you felt the painful absence of his body you accepted it as truth. You were made to fit together. You and he were a perfect combination, like two pieces of music that while on their own were nice, but together were breathtaking art. He was all yours. And now, you were all his.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Seeing Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it broke, but you can always see the crack in the reflection. </p>
<p>Can you trust your heart or do you trust your head?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jamie, baby?"</p>
<p>You smiled, his voice guiding you to shore from the cloud you were floating on above the beautiful sea of his eyes. You opened your eyes, expecting to see him smiling above you, still riding the emotional and physical high of sharing that act of love for the first time. Instead he looked down at you with concern.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" He asked, brushing his fingers across your hairline to pull the hair from your face.</p>
<p>"I'm perfect babe." You smiled, feeling he must be nervous about his performance or that he went too far for your first time.</p>
<p>"No, baby, are you hurt?" His lips pursed together in a frown and you eyed him in question. "You're bleeding a little."</p>
<p>"Oh, sorry!" You sat up quickly, seeing blood now on the outer skin of your vaginal opening. You felt some embarrassment as you got up and made sure you didn't get any on his bed before walking down the the hallway to the bathroom and shut the door behind you. As you began cleaning it off with a wash rag you heard Kenny's timid voice through the door.</p>
<p>"Baby? I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you." The sadness emanating from his words had you so overwhelmed with emotion for him that when you opened the door you captured him in a tight hug, not caring that you were still naked and he had put on sweat pants. You had nothing left to hide from him. He knew you inside and out like no one ever has or will.</p>
<p>"No, Kenny, I'm fine I promise. That was nothing." You pet his cheek trying to soothe his worry.</p>
<p>"I made you bleed!" His eyes were beginning to shine with tears.</p>
<p>"That can happen for a girl. Bebe told me. You didn't know that?" You were sure he had taken other girls' virginity, you had heard the stories.</p>
<p>"I guess I never really noticed... it was usually dark." He murmured, his pained expression shifting to look more internalized as his eyes looked down. "I didn't need to see. It didn't matter who it was, it wasn't who I wanted..." You felt your stomach twist, remembering how when he would sleep he would call out for you or for Butters for all of the end of freshman and all of sophomore year.</p>
<p>"... do you still wish you had him?" You heard yourself ask in a tiny voice, your heart shattering against your will. His head snapped back up and saw the broken stare in your eyes.</p>
<p>"No." He smiled and placed a small kiss on your nose. "I don't want anymore more than I want you."</p>
<p>You relaxed and felt your heart beat again as a smile bloomed on your mouth. You turned and slipped quickly down the hall to your room, grabbing clothes from the drawers and throwing them on before self confidence could begin to wilt. Kenny stood leaning against your doorway as he watched you dress and when you turned to smile at him he strutted over with a dangerous smirk.</p>
<p>"So... was it how you thought it would be?" His smirk made your body pulse with heat again. He had flipped a switch inside of you that you didn't want to turn off.</p>
<p>"No." You said, returning the sly smirk as his fell. "It was way better. Definitely worth repeating."</p>
<p>"I could go for a second round if you think your up for it." His smirk grew with a level of cockiness you hadn't seen since you were kids. He was trying to tease you, thinking you would reject him or laugh like you had both done back in the day. Time to let him see what he created.</p>
<p>"Come and get it." You grabbed his arms and pulled him close before turning him to throw down on your bed, his face lit up with excited surprise.</p>
<p>"Really?" He was smiling brightly, caught off guard by your feisty sexual reaction. You jumped onto his lap to straddle him and pushed him down more on the bed with a giggle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next week went by in a haze of sex, both of you jumping the other as soon as an opportunity presented itself. Before and after school, during lunch break in the truck, when Karen took a shower, after she had gone to bed. You were insatiable, and only Kenny could give you want you needed to continue until the need took you over again. He had to run to get a new pack of condoms twice and you began thinking maybe it would be more cost efficient and practical if you just got on birth control. That Monday you approached Bebe to ask her to come with you to the Planned Parenthood, nervous about going by yourself and walking past the protester that was always camped outside, spewing hateful and incorrect "information" at anyone coming and going. You would think they would do something better with their time, not everyone who went there was going for an abortion, you yourself had taken Bebe there when she was wanted to get tested after dating a senior for a few months so she had a clear slate before dating anyone else.</p>
<p>"Bebe, I need a favor." You said when you caught up with her between classes.</p>
<p>"Course, what's up?" She asked as she sent a smile and a wink at a group of boys watching from a few feet away. They all turned away with embarrassed looks as she rolled her eyes in pleased teasing and you giggled. How she had this effect on nearly every guy was a gift.</p>
<p>"Will you come with me to the Planned Parenthood?" You asked and her face flashed into a shocked look as her wide eyes looked at your stomach and then back up to you.</p>
<p>"Are you pregnant? Kenny, that idiot, he knows to wrap-" She began as you flinched in shock at her reaction and words and cut her off before she went on a rampage and hunted Kenny down.</p>
<p>"NO! God, no! I want to get on birth control... condoms are... too quickly used..." You said, your face deeper in a blush with each word as Bebe smiled knowingly.</p>
<p>"I knew you had it in there somewhere, you little sex kitten." She teased as you were now a violent shade of crimson and hid your face in your hand.</p>
<p>"Will you come?" You asked again, not wanting to go into more details in a hallway at school.</p>
<p>"Yeah, of course! But it will have to wait until after prom committee, I'm heading it this year." She smiled proudly and you were sure it was because she had been training to be prom queen since 6th grade. "It gets out at 4, so we can go after that."</p>
<p>"Thank you." You gave her a quick one armed hug before turning into the door of your next class, pulling out your phone to message Kenny that you would need the truck later.</p>
<p>'Thats okay, I have plans with Tweek later.' Kenny♥</p>
<p>'Plans? What are you guys doing?' Jamie</p>
<p>'We have a science project.' Kenny♥</p>
<p>What the hell? Kenny didn't have science class with Tweek. You did. And you knew that there was no project in that class. Something wasn't right, but Kenny wouldn't lie to you, would he?</p>
<p>'Oh, okay. Do you want me to take you guys by the house after school?'</p>
<p>'No, we will walk to his casa, that way he can keep things there so I dont break them or somethin' Kenny♥</p>
<p>You felt nauseous as you read his message and wanted to text back that he wasn't making any sense but the bell rang to start the class. You waited for class to end and sent him another text that you would see him at dinner, seeing him too far to catch up with as he walked away in the distance with Tweek. No Craig with them either. The nauseous flip in your stomach still wouldn't settle.</p>
<p>After you dropped your things off at the house and waited for 4pm to come, you got a message from Karen asking if she could hang out with Tricia Tucker, the two becoming very close friends over the past year.</p>
<p>'Yeah, that's fine. Hey, weird question but is Craig there?' Jamie</p>
<p>'Tricia said he's playing video games in his room. She can hear him cursing into the headset. Why?' Karen</p>
<p>'Just wondering, it's nothing.' Jamie. You tasted a metallic taste on your tongue, now realizing you had been biting your lip so hard you had actually broken skin and begun to bleed. Cursing at yourself, you went to the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel and bunched it up and pressed it to your lip, hoping to stall the bleed with pressure. It was about time to leave and get Bebe, so with the paper towel to your lip, you grabbed your purse and keys and returned to the school.</p>
<p>"How was it?" You asked her as she bounced to the truck, her blonde curls like springs as she climbed in with a pleased smile.</p>
<p>"Great! We will have an assembly on Friday to announce the theme and prom king and queen nominees. We also have a small performance from some kids to help set the mood, it's going to be so great!" She added with a smirk you had learned to understand as an 'I know something you don't know' tease.</p>
<p>"I'm sure it will be." You chuckled, wondering again if Kenny would ask you before that uncertain feeling came back. Maybe he meant a different class that he shared with Tweek but his phone corrected it to science. He misspells things all the time, it wouldn't be the first time the words were wrong when he sent a message. Yeah, that had to be it. Later that night when both Kenny and Karen were home for dinner, Kenny acted just as he had been the past week, no change in the love and affection nor in his sex drive. You felt more settled that it was a typo because if something had been going on he would clearly be acting differently. He was a horrible liar, and you could always see through him when he tried to hide something from you, and you didn't feel any guilt in his movements.</p>
<p>That was until Wednesday when Kenny sent another message right before the last class of the day that he was going to be spending time on the project with Tweek right after school, not giving you a chance to see him in person until after dinner again. When he got home he seemed more tired and slightly irritable, only placing a small kiss on your cheek before closing himself up in his room with his headphones on. You could feel your heart begin to crumble away like a ancient building, small pieces breaking away from time and wear and would soon be nothing but a pile of rubble. It was like Stan all over again, only this time he was hiding. How could Kenny do this to you? You had been there for him and he had been there for you since the first day you ever met eyes on each other. He saved your life on 3 separate occasions, 2 of which he died in the act of saving you. And now he was killing you by attacking your heart? You had told Karen to eat whatever she wanted that night, shutting yourself in your room as well as the tears began to spill freely.</p>
<p>Something Stan had said to you a few months ago came back to the front of your memory. That they had fought because Stan thought Kenny was just going to use you for sex and then move on, like he would do with every one else. Could that be what is happening? That now that he finally had sex with you, and several times now as well, he was done with you and moving on to a new target? Your mind was reeling in the idea that when you were here at home waiting he was in bed with Tweek, his hands on his body and in his hair. How the different shades of blond hair would blend against the pillow as they lay together. You felt dizzy and sick. How could Kenny do this to you? How could Tweek do this to Craig? Of all of this, that was the part that seemed most perplexing. They had been inseparable for years, why did Kenny have to sink his teeth in now? Or was it Tweek who went after Kenny? 'You were never good enough.' The cruel voice had returned along with a beckoning image of the blade you had forgotten you stashed in your sock drawer years ago. 'Stan knew it, Kenny now knows it. He just wanted to be able to say he got you before anyone else could. You were just another notch in his headboard, just another name to a list, you never really meant anything to him.' No, that can't be true, you were still wearing the promise ring he gave you, you knew he loved you. 'It's just a ring. A gift. A birthday present. He knew it would charm you, bring your walls down. It was all a game.'</p>
<p>You couldn't stand listening to that voice anymore, knowing the only way to get it out of your head was to physically bleed it out. You went to the dresser and pulled open your sock drawer, finding the small blade tucked away in the back like a secret. 'He won't even notice, or care if he does see it.' The voice taunted more as your vision blurred from the tears and you lifted the side of your shirt, finding the old scars that had faded enough to look only like pale lines and pushed the sharp edge against your skin and pulled away as hard as you could. The sting and burn brought the taste of blood to your throat as you looked down and saw the toxic negativity leaving in the dark red blood that ran down your side quicker than you were ready for.</p>
<p>"Shit." You grabbed an old shirt from the floor, not noticing it was one Kenny had left in your room from a previous sex session a few days before, and placed it roughly to the opening in your flesh and pressed as hard as you could. Your mind honed in on the pain, focusing solely on it and willing it to heal, to close faster, to not be seen. You didn't mean to cut it that hard and large, but the screams of how Kenny betraying you had you so far pulled away from reality you didn't realize how hard you had done it until it was done.</p>
<p>Several minutes later, one ruined shirt that you would have to try and fix and a large patch band-aid with gauze stuffed underneath and you were falling asleep in a tear soaked pillow, promise ring mocking you with the shine cast off from the light from the hallway.</p>
<p>The next morning Kenny's mood had improved and when he gave you a tight hug you flinched against it, the contact on the cut sending spikes of pain against the tender skin. Kenny leaned back and away from you, dropping his hands to his sides with a look of concern.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" He sat down in the chair so he could still see your face when you looked down. Dammit, he really did know you too well.</p>
<p>"Yeah," you lied, "I just slept funny, my side is a bit sore."</p>
<p>"Let me help, I can massage it." He offered, his tone light and with the intention of helping as his hands reached up for you so he could touch you again, but you pulled away again. His hands froze in the air and a pained expression shaped his features.</p>
<p>"I'm fine, really." You walked away and into the kitchen, grabbing a banana from the bunch that sat on the counter before walking towards the front door. "We heading out or what?"</p>
<p>Both Kenny and Karen shared a look you couldn't see as you began to open the door, wanting to distance yourself and clear your head of the flurry of thoughts and emotions. The ride to school was difficult, you could feel the worry and confusion from Karen in the back seat as well as from Kenny driving, but he had another emotion swirling around them that was darker and sticky, feeling like a tar that would never let go. Fear. After bringing Karen to school, the ride to school was silent, not even the radio playing as you looked out the window in the attempt to seem aloof as the building haze of emotions inside the cab began to make your head spin. By the time you had pulled into the school parking lot and Kenny pulled into a spot, the banana you had managed to eat was making its return and you were throwing up as soon as you jumped to get out of the truck.</p>
<p>"Jamie, baby, seriously. What is going on?" Kenny was at your side now, pulling your hair back over your shoulders. "Are... are you pregnant?" his voice was in a low and empty tone and you couldn't help but snort out a laugh.</p>
<p>"No, God, I'm not pregnant." You wiped your mouth with the sleeve of your jacket, planning on taking it off as soon as you got to your locker as the sun would be warm enough by the afternoon. "If you don't remember, I had to take a test to prove I wasn't so I could start my pills." You saw him visibly relax when he processed your words and linked them to the memory from earlier that week. He forgot something that happened on Monday, something major, and it was only Thursday. Your stomach began twisting again, angry not to find anything left to throw up. "I'm just not feeling great today."</p>
<p>"Do you want to go home? I'll drive us back home." He began to open the door for you as you stubbornly began walking toward the school. He managed to catch up with you after only a few strides, his legs being that much longer than yours, and grabbed you by the shoulders to face him.</p>
<p>"Baby, what is it? You never act like this, what happened?" His eyes were desperate in their search for an answer in yours, but you wouldn't give it away. This was your secret. And if he could keep something from you, than you could keep something from him as well.</p>
<p>"We're gonna be late for class." Your voice was cold and empty as your heart began to freeze from the look of heartache he gave you. You could feel the burn in your throat and the wetness building in your eyes as the threat of crying became very real, and you knew he could see it before you managed to turn away and continue walking, but he let you.</p>
<p>By midday a handful of your friends had approached you asking why Kenny seemed so down, some of them sharing classes with him and noticing how he didn't make silly remarks or jokes, telling you he would just stare down at his desk. Each time someone came to you with these statements and questions, the threat of crying would grip you again and you had found yourself walking away in tears before they could finish asking you anything. As you were walking away again from this situation, now posed by Annie, you looked up to see Craig walking in a cloud of rage right for you. Oh shit, what happened now?</p>
<p>"Jamie! You better tell your boyfriend to stay away from Tweek before I beat the shit out of him! If I even hear that he comes near him again, he's DEAD!" He nearly screamed into your face before continuing to storm away as a crowd of onlookers stared at you with surprise that you felt you too must resemble. You didn't want to admit it, it hurt more than any pain you had ever felt, but this reaction from Craig only further validated your fears. Kenny and Tweek were having an affair. And soon the whole school would know. You were supposed to have your Chemistry class, the science class you shared with Tweek, but instead you began making your way downstairs towards Kenny's English class. This could not wait, not with the speed news would travel. And this time, you would have to be strong enough to do this without someone to save you. No Kenny to defend your honor, he was the one to betray it.</p>
<p>You were nearing the door when you saw through the open doorway Kenny sitting in a desk in the second row. He was sitting very still, his hands resting on his lap and his eyes glued to the top of his desk with his bag unopened and on the floor.</p>
<p>"Kenny." You hissed at him, his head snapping up instantaneously at the sound of your voice as a shine of hope flashed across his face before being shadowed again in worry. It wasn't like you to skip a class, he knew that very well having tried to have you skip with him several times over the years. He carefully grabbed his bag and slipped out of the class before the bell rang and you turned to lead him down the hall to an area that did not have any current class inside.</p>
<p>"Spill." You demanded, your eyes hard and a scowl turning your face to stone.</p>
<p>"What? Spill what? Baby, I don't know what I di-" He began as his body drooped into a pleading stance as he dropped his bag to the floor.</p>
<p>"Don't play stupid Kenny! Something is going on between you and Tweek! Craig just threatened to kill you!" You saw a shimmer of guilt on his face before the shock of Craig's response took over, but that small shimmer was all you needed. "Kenneth, if you are cheating I need you out of my house tonight!" You could feel the tears falling out of your eyes against your will, you wanted to seem strong and resilient but those treacherous tears showed the anguish you tried to hide.</p>
<p>"NO! NO BABY!" He had fallen to his knees and was hugging your waist tightly, causing the pain in your side not inches away to sting again in reminder of your reckless actions. "I could never! Please! I'm not cheating!" He was crying into your shirt as you felt your resolve begin to fall away. He was never a good liar when it came to you, that was how you knew something wasn't right. But these words, there was nothing but truth inside them. "Please James, I could never do that to you! I love you so much! You are my entire world, I could never hurt you like that! I only want you forever! Please, please don't do this!" His cries were reaching hysterical and you felt your anger completely dissipate as you pulled his arms off you.</p>
<p>"What is going on?" You asked him, hands now holding his face softly so he could see your now gentle expression. You wanted the truth. You saw a quick flash of nerves before he spoke, but couldn't hear any lies.</p>
<p>"We are working on something, it's not a school project, but we aren't cheating! I love you more than anything else, I want to spend every life I could ever have with you. And Tweek would never do that to Craig. Please Jamie, please believe me. I need you to believe me. I can't live without you." He resumed crying, now nuzzling into your hand as tears began falling from your eyes again.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you just tell me that?" You asked, still wanting more truth. "What are you working on?"</p>
<p>"Baby, you will know soon okay, I promise. But I can't tell you. Please Jamie, please don't leave me." You could feel his heart breaking apart as the thought of losing you overcame him, his body's weight falling against you as sobs broke from his chest. You couldn't stand seeing him like this, both emotionally and physically. You went down to your knees and continued to hold him upright as best as you could and wrapping your arms around him in a hug.</p>
<p>"I'm not going to leave you." You spoke into his chest, his torso longer and your head only reaching his chin but he managed to hear you over the sounds he was making as he hiccuped to a silence. "I love you so much. I've been in love with you for so long, and I was so scared. You have been strange all week and today just made me think..." You couldn't finish as you felt your throat tighten, choking your speech and limiting your ability to breath. Kenny wrapped his arms to hold you softly, his hands petting through your hair to soothe you from the heartache you were feeling now as well.</p>
<p>"I swear to you, on every life I have ever lived and every life I have yet to have, I will never do anything to hurt you." He added emphasis to his words by tilting your chin up to look at him, both of you having tear stained cheeks and red eyes, and he placed a tender kiss to your eyelids and then your lips. You felt you soul shiver with this touch as if your entire being accepted his words now beyond a shadow of doubt. Your head however, was still skeptical.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That evening while relaxing with Kenny while watching TV on the couch after he got back home from his mystery project with Tweek you felt him softly and slowly begin to kiss against your neck as you were resting against him. You could feel your body responding to his touch, your soul curling happily around his and swirling together into a cloud of colors. His mouth moved toward your ear, leaving a trail of hot kisses up your neck, and took a playful bite on your earlobe as he whispered to you.</p>
<p>"Wanna go upstairs?" Your eyes fluttered closed and body shivered violently against his chest.</p>
<p>He looped his arms under you and pulled you closer as he balanced carefully to stand up while holding you bridal style and began to carry you upstairs and into your room.</p>
<p>"Bye." Karen's annoyed tone came from the living room as the door began to close, but your mouth was on his with a heated kiss, tongues battling for dominance. You felt Kenny toss you gently onto your bed and a giggle escaped you as he lunged forward to resume battle. His hands were pulling your hips closer to him and you felt another giggle in your throat until his hands began to move up your sides under your shirt. Before you could flinch away, a flash of pain on your side to warn you, you knew he felt the bandage there.</p>
<p>"What was that?" He asked, pulling at the side of your shirt to lift it for better view. You tried to pull it back down but it was too late, his eyes were wide with shock and horror. You looked down too, noting that the severity of bleeding could be seen through the bandaid, having tinged darkly where blood had been absorbed. His eyes shifted then to the shirt you had forgotten to wash that you had used to stay the bleeding last night on the far corner of your bed, tears beginning to shine in his eyes. "Did someone hurt you?"</p>
<p>You looked away, unable to face him. How could you tell him that you did this to yourself. That your thoughts had destroyed you so thoroughly that to silence them, to focus on something that hurt just as much, you felt you had no other option. Would he blame himself? Would he want to see? Would his eyes be able to see the faint scars from the previous times?</p>
<p>"Jamie, talk to me." He held your hand tightly, begging for a response. "Tell me who did this."</p>
<p>"I did." You felt that even the smallest of animals wouldn't be able to speak quieter, but he still heard you as he leaned back slightly. You still couldn't look at him, not wanting to see the disgust he was most likely feeling. "Its fine." You tried to convince even yourself.</p>
<p>"No it isn't baby. You shouldn't hurt yourself, you're so wonderful and perfect." He began to pet your hair, his fingers brushing through your reddish blonde hair until he tucked it behind your ear. You chanced a glance at him and you saw only guilt and sadness. "When did you do this?"</p>
<p>".... last night." You admitted feeling your shoulders curl in as your body tried to hide itself.</p>
<p>"Why?" His thumb had begun softly brushing back and forth across your cheek as his palm rested on your chin.</p>
<p>"...." you couldn't find the words to even start and shame overcame you as you collapsed into yourself with a feeling of drowning. You could feel your lungs gasping for air and your vision had begun to tunnel, all edges blurred. You could hear Kenny's voice from the end of that tunnel, an echo ringing around in your skull but you couldn't speak if you had no air to use. You were scared and focused on his voice, the man you loved, your very best friend.</p>
<p>He called to you, your name velvet on his tongue, beckoning you to reach him. Through the deep and sluggish waters that held your head under you pushed, eyes determined on that light at the end of the tunnel where his face shined like a piece of art. You kept your eyes on the sapphire eyes, the galaxies of freckles across his nose and cheeks, the slightest tint of pink in his pillow soft lips, the contrast of soft in the center and hard edges of his strong jawline that was so perfectly balanced that only a masterful artist could create. You felt yourself reaching for the halo like glow around his head that was his tousled honey hair and you could feel the soft and silky texture when your lungs opened again. A large and painful gasp allowed a flood of air into your lungs and the tunnel finally slipped away, bringing the angelic face of the love of your life now only inches away and you desperately closed the distance with need to feel his lips on yours.</p>
<p>"Jamie, baby, please speak to me." He pulled away as you could feel your heart return to a regular rhythm as you kept your breath slow and steady. You felt his hands cupping your face softly and you opened your eyes to see your angel looking at you with unfiltered heartache. "Please, tell me what I need to do. How can I make this better?"</p>
<p>You closed your eyes and could feel the answer screaming inside every cell of your body. "Love me."</p>
<p>"Oh baby girl, I do." He came close again, kissing your cheeks and forehead. "I love you so much. You are the best part of my life. How could I not love you when you are the most giving, caring and beautiful person inside and out?"</p>
<p>"But all this week, you've been so distant. I was scared that you were bored of me now that we've had sex and were looking for som-"</p>
<p>"Never." He silenced you with his finger pressed to your lip. "I will never be bored of you." Be began tracing his fingers down your neck and across your clavicle. "I will never want anything or anyone more than I want you. To be able to touch your skin," he leaned closer, tracing kisses across the sensitive skin near your neck. "To kiss you and hold you." He held you close and gentle, making sure not to touch your injured side as he spoke into your hair. "I would consider myself the luckiest man if I spent the rest of all my lives with only you."</p>
<p>He kissed you now, softly and sweetly and you felt the wave of love seep into you from where you and he connected and you craved more. You laced your fingers into his hair and pulled him closer again until he was laying against you. The need in the kisses grew and you were soon needing to gasp for air as you both acknowledged the lust you now both felt for the other. You began to shimmy out of your pants and he pulled away to begin to do the same before pausing.</p>
<p>"Shit, the condoms are in my room." He began to get off your bed to make for the door when you giggled and he looked back at you.</p>
<p>"I've already started on the pill, you don't need to get one." You told him with a coy grin as the reality of being able to feel you without anything in the way sent him pouncing over to you. Clothes were flying to the floor in a frenzy and soon you found yourself straddling Kenny's face as his mouth worked against you as if he was a starving animal. His tongue and lips moved with strong and deliberate strokes and not long after that you felt a bolt of lightning flash through your body and your muscles seize as his tongue traced intricate patterns against your swollen clit. You looked down and your eyes locked into his as the orgasm took all your strength away and caused you to fall forward, resting your head against your headboard. Before you could finish catching your breath however, Kenny had pulled himself down the bed and was now on his knees behind you and leaned forward to breath into your ear.</p>
<p>"You taste so fucking good." His hand reached down around the front of you to massage your over stimulated clitoris as he wrapped his arm around your side to hold you now by your neck and pulled you back up so your back was pressed against his chest. "Are you sure this is okay?"</p>
<p>His grasp on your throat was soft enough that you did not feel restricted in breath or speech, but just the way he held you with such demand as he continued to use his hand to bring you higher again made your response come out rougher and lower than you were expecting. "Fuck me, Kenny."</p>
<p>You felt his growl in his chest against your back as his teeth bit into your shoulder and his hips pushed forward, and with the use of his hand already there at your dripping wet entrance, penetrated you and a deep guttural groan began pounding into you, bringing a loud screaming moan out of your lungs. He began moving at a faster speed, one hand still on your throat as that arm rested between your breasts pulled you close as the other hand wrapped lower around you at your hips to pull you closer with each thrust. You could feel your eyes rolling back in your head from the immense stimulation both physically and mentally as his sounds filled your mind. Your hands clawed at his arms as another orgasm tore through your body. You wouldn't even care if he fucked you so hard you actually did rip in half, it would be a pleasurable death.</p>
<p>"Fuck, this pussy is so tight!" He groaned again as his hand moved away from your throat to hold onto your hip and your torso fell forward and you used your arms for balance. From this shift in your hip position you felt him go even deeper than he ever had before, and you grabbed your pillow to scream into as you felt the base of his dick brush against your clit with every thrust. You were shaking as another orgasm teased its soon arrival.</p>
<p>"Ugh! Kenny! Fuck me harder! Fuck this pussy harder!" Had you not been nearly vibrating from your building orgasm you would have felt embarrassment at how you were speaking, but you were past caring as you could feel the crest of your orgasm twist inside your stomach. With a violent explosion that shot from the center of your body and down to the tips of your fingers and toes you screamed his name into your pillow, attempting to muffle the sound that he could still clearly hear. You could feel as his dick became harder and began to twitch inside of you as his hip movements pushed even deeper with a rhythm that was falling.</p>
<p>"Oh God, I'm going to cum." He said as his nails dug into the skin of your hips and his fingers squeezed, sure to leave bruises in the morning.</p>
<p>"Fuck yes, cum in me Kenny!" You turned your face so you could speak clearly without being muffled and when you locked eyes with him you felt a large shudder ripple through him and a hot feeling inside you as his cock throbbed over and over, pushing his orgasm out of his body in bursts as you saw his eyes lose focus. He grit his teeth together and groaned as he continued to thrust slowly through before carefully easing his way out of you and sitting back on his legs. He sat slumped and was gasping for air. You had seen him post orgasm many times, but there was something different about this one. You moved to face him, now feeling very aware of the thick liquid that had begun to make its way out of your body and sat so it wouldn't until you could clean yourself.</p>
<p>"Baby?" You asked, the question evident to him in just the one word.</p>
<p>"I'm okay, I've just... never done that without a condom on... and holy shit!" He chuckled and leaned forward to kiss you, his lips chapped from his heavy breathing. "That was the most amazing feeling in the world. I'm sorry I didn't last very long." He looked apologetic but you restrained against laughing.</p>
<p>"You lasted fine, trust me, I'm all good." You felt a dumb smile pull at your mouth as your cheeks began to lessen in it's redness. "Um, can you get me a rag or something?" You were beginning to feel very self conscious now, knowing if you moved you would begin to drip the remnants of both his and your orgasm down your legs and onto your carpet.</p>
<p>"Yes, of course!" He bounded off the bed and threw his clothes on in a flurry. Before running down the hall he opened the door just a crack to make sure Karen wasn't near and repeated the slow opening again when he returned. He was polite enough to turn away as you wiped up the mess between your legs and began to dress yourself when you felt his hands stop you as you pulled your shirt past your breasts. You looked at him with confusion as he crouched down and gently kissed the top of your bandage. When he looked up at you with sadness in his eyes you felt a new heartache. Doing this to yourself was just as bad as doing it to him. You had always been bonded to his pain, at least since the time you and he officially became friends. How stupid to not think that he would feel pain from what would happen to you. He may not feel it like you did, but maybe it was his heart that was hurt. And if there was one thing you didn't want to do, was to hurt Kenneth McCormick. When he offered to help put a clean bandage on it, knowing he would then see exactly the damage, you nodded. You couldn't hide from him forever. He knew every inch of you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The following morning Bebe was blowing up your phone before you even fully woke up, asking for you to help with the final prep for the assembly as one of the committee members had gotten mono and wasn't allowed to leave the house for the next 3 weeks.</p>
<p>'I'll help for this, but I'm not going to join the committee in their place.' Jamie</p>
<p>'That totally works! TY!! Your the bestest!' Bebe</p>
<p>'You will need to meet me in the backstage area of the auditorium about 10 min be4 it starts k?' Bebe</p>
<p>'10 minutes before? Doesn't seem like I will be doing much help.' Jamie</p>
<p>'I just need you to pull the curtain at a certain point. Super EZ!' Bebe</p>
<p>"What does Bebe want? She's had your attention all morning." Kenny asked as he drove the truck out of the driveway.</p>
<p>"She wants help with the assembly, wants me to pull a rope or something." You told him as you tucked your phone into your pocket.</p>
<p>"Bebe is so funny, I wish she could hang out with us more." Karen chimed in from the back seat as she looked through her phone.</p>
<p>"Maybe when she has a free weekend we can do a girls night at our place, what do you think?" You asked her and saw her face light up as she looked at you.</p>
<p>"Can I invite Tricia? She is so funny too, but in a snarky kind of way. Like you should have seen the way she told off this one girl the other day. EPIC!" Karen giggled to herself as she thought of the memory. You could only imagine what Tricia had said, being that she was Craig's little sister and they were very much 'cut from the same cloth' when it came to attitude.</p>
<p>"I can imagine it was very traumatizing." Kenny said with a sarcastic glint in his eyes as he looked at Karen through the rear view mirror as she stuck out her tongue at him. "Alright my darling sister, your people await you." Kenny spoke with dramatic tone as he pulled up to her school and she rolled her eyes before jumping out of the seat and waving goodbye.</p>
<p>"She's a good kid." He said to himself as he watched her walk toward a group of friends before pulling off to head to the high school a few streets down.</p>
<p>"Course she is, we pretty much raised her." You replied sarcastically, expecting a chuckle from Kenny. But when you looked at him, having not received a response, you saw that his brows were furrowed in deep thought. You continued to watch him as he pulled into the usual spot and waited for him to speak. You could tell he was thinking of something, but it was best not to rush him.</p>
<p>"We kind of did, didn't we? Raise Karen. And for a long while we were raising Dennis too." Kenny said, his focus far off and brows still tight. "Jamie... do you... do you want to have children?" He turned to look at you now and you felt yourself blink in surprise. The last time either of you spoke about kids and the future was years and years ago when you and Kenny managed to get enough money to test his DNA to see if his immortality was a hereditary trait. When the tests came back inconclusive, Kenny took that as a risk too high to take and told you that he never want to have kids of his own. Growing up, you only ever focused on the present and immediate future, the next level of schooling and taking care of Dennis. But now that he asked, you felt unsure how to answer.</p>
<p>"I don't know, maybe. I might be good at being a mom. But I never really thought about it." You paused, thinking of how mad you were at your mother, bringing children into the world she didn't want. You thought of all the children that were like Kenny and Karen and Kevin, how they were trapped with no one to help them. You thought of the children who would grow into teenagers, still waiting in foster care or orphanages to be adopted but it would be the babies who would be picked. "If I were to have kids, I would adopt them. So many of them need a home, someone to help them and make them safe. Maybe I could be a mom like that." You looked over to Kenny and saw that he was watching you with a tender look and a small smile. "What?"</p>
<p>He shrugged and looked away with a smile. "You saved me."</p>
<p>"I owed it to you." You replied sarcastically, but you knew he was right.</p>
<p>"Keep telling yourself that babe, you knew you loved me even then." He replied with snark right back at you as he pulled his bag from the back and began to leave the truck, you rolling your eyes in amused annoyance and getting out as well.</p>
<p>The rest of the morning went on as usual with your phone buzzing before and after every class as Bebe texted you to remind you to meet her.</p>
<p>'I get it. Calm down! I'll be there!' Jamie. You were half tempted to turn your phone off at this point but it was your last class the juniors had for the day as they would soon gather for their prom assembly in the small auditorium that had been converted from an old church across the street from the school. As the class was near over you walked up to your teacher and told her you were helping with the assembly and needed to leave she waved you out with a look that showed very little care in the matter at all.</p>
<p>"There you are!" Bebe ran to you from the other side of the street as you neared the crosswalk. "Come on, follow me!" She grabbed your arm and began pulling you into the building and led you down a hallway you had never seen. You were always curious about the backstage areas as you weren't talented enough for theater or music, so you took the chance to look around at the old props and large paintings that could have been backgrounds for plays. "Okay, Jamie, I'm going to do something that might seem a little strange, but I need you to trust me." She said, her eyes lit up with excitement and her hands holding yours tightly. Something was off, she said you just needed to pull a rope. You felt your eyes tighten as you looked at her, trying to will out her truth.</p>
<p>"What's going on." She simply grinned with a wrinkled nose as you heard someone come up from behind you and a long ago familiar scent reached you as you saw a folded black bandanna briefly before your vision was obscured. "What the fuck?!" Bebe kept your hands in hers as you tried to turn away and Kyle off of you before he could blind you.</p>
<p>"Jamie, calm down. It's fine. Just go with it." Kyle said, his hands fast at the knot as he now placed his hands on your shoulders and began to turn you as Bebe let go.</p>
<p>"Kyle, seriously, what the fuck is going on?" You felt the urge to rip off the blindfold and run but your instincts and the energy you could feel around both Bebe and Kyle was that of excitement and love, no negative or violence anywhere, so you continued as he began to guide you forward with small steps.</p>
<p>"You will find out soon enough. Okay, just keep that on for now and sit down right..... here." He moved you to a spot where you felt a seat against your legs and you cautiously sat down. "Don't move and don't speak. I know you trust me, so just wait."</p>
<p>"But-"</p>
<p>"No! Just wait." He wouldn't let you ask about the assembly, or what he and Bebe were up to, or even if Kenny knew that you were pretty much being held against your will, but you sat and you kept your mouth closed. You also listened. You could hear a crowd of people grow in sound, not too far from where you were. You could hear people walking past you with hushed voices but you weren't able to hear what they were saying. You felt something heavy moving the floor as it slid, or rolled maybe, closer to where you were. Then you heard another voice, louder than the others and just as confused as you felt.</p>
<p>"What the fuck is going on?" Craig.</p>
<p>"Just sit here and shut up, it's fine." Clyde. What is going on?</p>
<p>"Why am I blindfolded and tied up. I'm not into this shit, and definitely not with you dude!" You had to resist laughing as you heard Clyde make a slightly offended sound.</p>
<p>"Not that I'm gay, but you can't tell me that I'm not at least cute." Clyde's voice sounded slightly hurt.</p>
<p>"Fuck you." Craig responded in a flat tone.</p>
<p>"Fuck, just sit right here, don't say anything and don't move. Just for a few minutes." Clyde groaned as you heard him move away and Craig let out a huff of annoyance. Why was Craig here too, and why did he say he was tied up? You still had free use of your hands and you were almost tempted to use them and take off the blindfold when suddenly you heard Bebe speaking from close by.</p>
<p>"Okay everyone, time to start."</p>
<p>Wait, is this the assembly? What the fuck was going on? Bebe's voice came back, but this time magnified as you could tell she was speaking into a microphone.</p>
<p>"Welcome juniors! So as you know, prom is coming up 1 month from now which means it is time for us to announce this years prom theme as well as the candidates for prom king and queen." Scattered applause and a few catcalls came from the crowd at that. "We also have a little surprise to help everyone get into prom spirit in just a few minutes. After that, feel free to go home because I got us excused for the rest of the day!" Bebe said with a bop in her voice and the entire room began to applaud at this, far more excited for a free hour than prom royalty. You chuckled quietly, knowing you wouldn't be heard over the noise.</p>
<p>"So, this year's prom theme is Under the Stars, and we will be hosting it at the newly renovated Stark's Pond Cavern, which has an indoor and outdoor dance floor. We will also have a photo booth area that is completely free of charge." Bebe said, some sounds of mild clapping and agreement being heard.</p>
<p>"And now the nominees for prom king, as decided by faculty as we all know, are..." She paused for dramatic effect. "Clyde Donovan, Token Black and Stan Marsh." You weren't too surprised at the list, top three most popular and friends with everyone, best at their sports and fairly well in classes. "The nominees from prom queen are... Heidi Turner, Annie Knitts and" you heard a small gasp from Bebe that others would hear as surprise, but you knew her better. "Bebe Stevens. Oh, thanks!" You smirked, both of you knowing she would end up as a nominee anyway.</p>
<p>"Okay everyone, now that we know who is on the prom court, the other basics you need to know are that it goes from 6pm to 10pm on Saturday May 3rd. Tickets must be presented at entry, which you can purchase for 15 dollars at the office and that I know for a fact the punch bowl will be guarded, so no attempting to spike it." Mixed laughter and sounds of disappointment came from the crowd. "And now for a little treat, to get us into the mood for prom and all the romance that it can bring, I give you a little show of two couples you all already know." Wait, what? Craig was up here too. The pieces of a puzzle began to fall into place in your head as you realized what was happening.</p>
<p>You heard the sound of a curtain rising and light hit your eyes from behind the blindfold. You shifted slightly in your seat from the sudden brightness but then felt the familiar touch on your hand as you heard the sounds of a piano a few feet away from you. The blindfold was then pulled off over your head and you realized you were, in fact, sitting on the stage looking out at the audience of your peers with Kenny kneeling next to you, one hand having pulled off the blindfold and the other holding a microphone. You turned and saw that seated at the piano was Tweek and Craig was seated next to him, his hands now unbound and eyes free and you and he shared a quick glance that shared a thought. 'So this is what they've been up to.' As Tweek continued playing the opening notes, you recognized the song and felt your heart melt as Kenny began to sing to you.</p>
<p>"I found a love for me, Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead."</p>
<p>Tweek continued this verse, modifying the lyrics slightly but you found that they were better this way than original.</p>
<p>"Well, I found a boy, beautiful and sweet, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me." Then with a swell of emotion that flew throughout the building they sang together in a perfect harmony.</p>
<p>"Cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this time. Darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own, and in your eyes you're holding mine. Baby I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, we're listening to our favorite song. When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath but you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight." You felt the tears building in the corners of your eyes as your hands covered your mouth to hide the embarrassed and overwhelmed smile that had bloomed on your face.</p>
<p>"Well, I found a man, stronger than anyone I know. He shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share his home."</p>
<p>"I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets. To carry love, to carry children of our own."</p>
<p>"We are still kids but we're so in love, fighting against all odds, I know we'll be alright this time. Darling just hold my hand, be mine and I'll be your man, I see my future in your eyes. Baby I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When I saw how you were dressed, looking so beautiful I don't deserve this, darling you look perfect tonight." As Tweek began his piano solo you saw Craig rest his head against his shoulder softly, watching his fingers dance across the keys. Kenny's hand on yours began to pull and you stood up, realizing he was now moving slowly in a relaxed waltz that you had taught him how to do before your 8th grade dance. He waltzed you closer to the piano, where you noticed on top was a small pink rosebud that he grabbed and delicately tucked behind your ear along with your hair, bringing a deep blush to your cheeks. He continued to dance with you as he and Tweek picked back up with the vocals of the song.</p>
<p>"Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, we're listening to our favorite song. I have faith in what I see now I know I have met an angel in person, and they look perfect. No I don't deserve this, you look perfect tonight."</p>
<p>With the last chord of the piano stuck the crowd had erupted in cheers and the sound shocked you back into where you actually were. You had felt yourself become caught up in the romance and sweetness that both Kenny and Tweek had planned for you and Craig and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world as Kenny pulled you into his arms for a tight embrace. Over the sound of the cheers from your classmates, along with some catcalls from voices you could easily identify, Kenny leaned down to speak into your ear.</p>
<p>"Will you go to prom with me?" You smiled brightly and answered with a joyful kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and you felt him lift you up and hold you tightly against his chest. The concerns from earlier in the week, worrying if you were good enough, if Kenny really did love you and wasn't just using you, all were gone. You trusted your heart entirely as it smiled and beat rapidly in his name, love for this golden boy coursing through you. You would never doubt him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The morning of prom had come and you decided it would be best to be lazy up until it was time for you to go to Bebe's house to start getting ready. Knowing her, she was already deep into skin prep and getting nails done. You were never the type to over do it on makeup, but you asked for her to help a little and she jumped on the opportunity to play dress up with you as her doll. You still had a few hours and you wanted to spend it relaxing with Kenny, knowing the night would be full of high energy. Kenny was just planning on getting dressed here before going over to Token's to meet up with the other guys. You were going in a group that consisted of Token and Lola, Kyle and Nichole, Stan and Annie and Bebe with Clyde. </p>
<p>You remembered how a 2 weeks ago Bebe sent you a text telling you to look at the sky and you walked outside your house to see that there was a skywriter that was finishing a message that read.</p>
<p>"B.S. PROM? C.D."</p>
<p>You smiled and yelled for Kenny and Karen to come and look as well and when they saw it they both responded that it was about time Clyde had made his move. You messaged her back but didn't get a response for several minutes and you put two and two together to realize that she was either talking to Clyde on the phone or physically with him and more than likely over the moon. She had liked him for a long time and was a sucker for big romantic gestures, and having a prom-posal written in the sky over the whole town was as big as it could get.</p>
<p>When you found out that Stan was going to ask Annie you were initially surprised as they were very different when you first look at them, but knowing how opposite they could be it made sense as well. He was a bit on the darker edge, bordering on bad boy while still being the popular quarterback. Annie was on cheer and you would almost swear that she could leave a trail of glitter behind her where ever she went. But when you heard him and Kenny talking on the phone before he asked her to prom, you realized that her bright optimism was exactly what he needed. </p>
<p>You had thought that Lola and Token going together meant that they were going to start dating, but when you asked each of them about it separately they both told you it was as friends but you could feel an awkwardness around Lola when she answered. It wasn't until you saw Lola watching Bebe a few seconds too long as she did her usual hallway strut and it clicked in your head. You asked Kenny about the times he had spent with Lola, not wanting too many details as it would always make you feel like you would shift into a shade of green, but enough to confirm your suspicion. </p>
<p>"She seemed only slightly into it. Made it weird, like we were both just going to the motions." He said with a nervous guilt that you kissed away.</p>
<p>"Babe, your past days as a slut are in the past. Just call it practice for the big show." You added with a smirk and a wink before walking away to your next class, feeling his eyes on you and added a bit of a hip shake to further entice him. You loved being a tease.</p>
<p>You felt your phone vibrate in the pocket of your slightly oversized sweat pants and noticed the time. You needed to gather your things and get them in the truck now if you wanted to get to Bebe's by the time she wanted to begin prep on you.</p>
<p>'Time to get your cute ass over here! ;P' Bebe</p>
<p>'Grabbing things now.' Jamie</p>
<p>You groaned as you got out of the comfort of Kenny's arms and stood up from the couch to stretch.</p>
<p>"Time already? Prom isn't supposed to start for another 4 hours." Kenny asked as his lower lip pushed out to pout.</p>
<p>"I know, but Bebe will flip if I don't head over soon. She wants to do my hair and makeup "just right" to make up for all the times I wore only mascara." You chuckled at the thought, feeling that your face was just fine without over doing anything. Kenny stood up as well and wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head.</p>
<p>"You look perfect just like this." He spoke against your hair and you snorted at the thought of arriving at prom after the major show he put on for you in sweat pants and a tee shirt with your hair in a sloppy bun.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm sure that would be totally fine." You tilted your head up and kissed his awaiting lips. "See you later?"</p>
<p>"That you will." He gave you your favorite smirk and sat back down to resume watching the show you and he were watching as you made your way upstairs to grab your dress, shoes and makeup bag. You had debated on packing a second set of casual party clothes as afterwards Token was throwing a party but you lived across the street, you could just change here and go back.</p>
<p>When you got to Bebe's house she handed you a glass of water to sip on while she worked on your hair first, putting it in delicate curls that fell around your face and neck while the rest of your hair was up in a chignon. You and Bebe spent a fair amount of time arguing over the make up and you finally agreed on letting her use eye shadow and false eyelashes but rejected her notion to contour. By the time she was finished she wouldn't let you look at yourself until you had your dress and shoes on, saying it would ruin the over all look if you saw it early. You stepped into your dress and pulled it up, thankful that you were able to get it slightly altered so you wouldn't trip over the length as it was made for women who stood about 5'8", and those inches made a difference for someone your height. You decided on a dark purple dress, knowing it was Kenny's favorite color and hoping to surprise him with that. You always thought it was funny that people thought it was orange because it was the color he wore the most but you remembered discussing favorite colors as kids and the strange reasons he gave you.</p>
<p>"I don't really like orange. But hunters wear it so they don't get shot when in the woods." He told you as you were on swings.</p>
<p>"But haven't you been shot a few times?" You had asked, thinking back over his deaths.</p>
<p>"Well... yeah.... but not in the woods. What I really like is purple, kind of like your shoes." He pointed at your sneakers that were a dark purple with hot pink laces.</p>
<p>"Why purple?" You asked, feeling like it was more of a girl color than a boy color in your 9 year old mind.</p>
<p>He shrugged and continued swinging. "I don't know, because it's the end of the rainbow I guess."</p>
<p>You pulled the dress up over your chest and Bebe did your zipper, you felt the small butterflies in your stomach come out of their cocoon and take flight. You pulled up Bebe's zipper of her deep red dress and as you saw her spin you thought to yourself she could pass as a modern Marilyn Monroe. Once you had put on your shoes, opting for platform heels to reach Kenny's height a bit better, Bebe removed the sheet from her full closet mirror. You looked in silent awe at the graceful and alluring woman in the mirror before you remembered it was you. She had managed to make your eyes look wide and seductive and the way your dress hugged your body gave the illusion of curves you didn't have. </p>
<p>"Wow." You breathed out, turning slightly to see all the angles as Bebe stood next to you with a proud smirk.</p>
<p>"I know right?" Bebe's mom called up from downstairs as the doorbell rang. How time managed to go that quickly was insane, but you remembered you were all going to dinner before the dance and you both carefully made your way down the stairs. Once you were down you realized Bebe's must have been the last stop as Token, Lola, Stan, Annie, Kyle, Nichole, Clyde and Kenny were all standing in the living room. When you and Bebe began coming down you saw both Clyde and Kenny in a brief moment of awestruck silence before reacting. Clyde smiled brightly and came over to Bebe, fumbling with a plastic box holding a corsage. Kenny sauntered over to you, oozing confidence and instead of taking your hand to bring you down the last few steps, scooped you up into his arms bridal style. You let out a surprised laugh as well as the room. Kenny held you close and he gazed into your eyes and you felt your heart leap into your throat. He had managed to tame his wild blonde hair and looked very dapper. He wore a black suit with a dark blue shirt that only with the black to compare to made you see that it was in fact blue. </p>
<p>"You look... so beautiful." He whispered softly so that only you could hear him as his eyes continued to pour into yours and you felt your cheeks flare up with heat. Before he carefully set you down on your feet he placed a tender kiss on the corner of your mouth and you felt your eyes flutter slightly closed. "Here, I made this for you. Took some time, but I think it turned out okay." He said, pulling out a delicate origami rose made from a shimmering gold paper that was connected to a hair pin. You looked at it, seeing the hours of work he must have done on it and the hours he had to have taken to relearn origami, having not done anything with it since after Butters had left.</p>
<p>"It's perfect." You smiled up at him, more butterflies breaking free inside of your stomach. How could he out do himself so easily, finding more and more ways of surprising you and showering you with love. He leaned down and whispered in your ear.</p>
<p>"I wanted to do this instead of a real flower. Flowers die. This, will always live on. Just like how I do for you." You smiled at his referenced joke, thankful it had been some time since that had happened and again praying that it wouldn't happen again soon. He offered his opened hand and you gave his gift back so he could place it in your hair, the perfect finishing touch to your look.</p>
<p>A few hours later, as you sat in Kenny's lap at a small table with some of your friends as the principal walked up to the small stage where the DJ was set up. You could see Bebe shaving with anxiety, and though part of you felt bad that she wasn't going to win, you knew that in all honesty, the right thing had been done. You and Kenny gave each other a mischievous side eye and smirk as you thought back to the week leading up to tonight and how you and he began spreading an idea to the juniors who were not nominated and it took on like wild fire. You were certain that it had worked as you had seen the principal and the counselor discussing something seriously not 10 minutes ago which resulted in the counselor leaving to come back with a second crown.</p>
<p>"Okay everyone, may I have your attention." The music had stopped and the conversations died down to near silence, a few still murmuring to themselves. "There seems to be an interesting development with the winners of our prom king and queen. With nearly all votes being written in, our winners tonight are Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak." The room erupted in cheers and applause as you looked at the table next to you, seeing both Craig and Tweek looking back and forth from each other to the principal in shock. You laughed as you also noticed how Bebe's mouth had dropped open in shock as well before a small twitch in her lips sparked a laugh and smile as she began applauding too.</p>
<p>Craig slowly stood up, straightening his dark blue jacket and offering a hand to Tweek, who seemed to be chewing on the sleeve of his dark grey jacket nervously. They approached the stage cautiously, hands clasped together and when they reached the stage the counselor came out and placed a crown on both of their heads as they continued to stare confused at each other. As you continued to giggle at their confusion you felt Kenny's breath against your ear, sending a shiver of lust down your body.</p>
<p>"Great idea baby, they really are the poster couple for tonight." You smiled and kissed him sweetly as you felt him speak against your lips. "But, baby, we are the perfect couple."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Promise?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Senior year. Time to make those lasting memories. Time to cause a little trouble. Time to leave behind childhood. Time to grow. Time to make a choice.</p><p> </p><p>(Thank you all for making it this far! You have been patient and I got this out to you as fast as I could. Chapter 13 is more of an epilogue, so I'll see you there!)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The summer before senior year was a busy one. You and Kenny both got summer jobs, knowing your usual allowance would be ending eventually and it would be better to start off adulthood making your own money. You worked at the town library, filing books and helping younger kids find proper material for summer reading. Kenny got a job at Stan's uncle's gun shop, having a large knowledge of weapons and a friendly relationship with Jimbo. You didn't think he would get hired at first because he was still a minor, but Jimbo was able to work around the issues to have Kenny on the sales floor selling guns and ammunition. As the summer went on Karen spent more and more time with Firkle, much to Kenny's dismay. But you couldn't help but notice that when he would come around he would smile more and was more talkative to which you thought Karen had a big influence on. As September crept closer you and Kenny became more and more nervous. You had already both taken your SATs and had done rather well, but next would come actual college applications. And though you knew how others would think you were being naive and a love struck teenager, but the idea of being away from Kenny made you feel physically ill and pain.</p><p>"Earth to James, hello!" Kenny's voice drug you from the deep crevices of your mind as you sat with a spoon half raised to your mouth at breakfast one morning.</p><p>"Sorry, what were you saying?" You placed your spoon back in the bowl, feeling dumb and trying to figure out how long you sat frozen in thoughts.</p><p>"Token is throwing a party this weekend, he was wondering if we were coming. Apparently he wants to talk to all of us about senior year plans too." He said, holding his phone to reply once he knew how you felt.</p><p>"Sounds fun, I'm okay with it if you want to go. I get off at 6 on Saturday." You said as you saw from the corner of your eye Karen walk past in a small summer dress with her swimsuit showing around the straps.</p><p>"Yeah, the store is clos- Karen what the hell are you wearing?!" He turned a stern glare at her direction as he could fully see her now. You turned to give her a knowing grin, you would settle him once she was gone. She rolled her eyes at him with a deep sigh.</p><p>"God, Ken, it's a dress. I'm going to the pool with Tricia." She threw her phone into a bag that you could see also contained a large towel.</p><p>"That hardly counts as a dress." He grumbled under his breath as he turned back to his phone to text Token. You snorted softly at his reaction.</p><p>"Have fun, be safe, text me if you need anything." You said to her, having the day off today and would be spending it mostly just lounging at home.</p><p>"Yep! Bye!" She called out at she walked out the door, no doubt to walk to the pool with the weather as nice as it was today.</p><p>"You don't need to be so hard on her, she's your sister, not your daughter." You didn't look at him when you said this but you saw his shoulders slump in his defeat.</p><p>"I know, but boys can be so..." He lost his words.</p><p>"You're a boy." You looked at him now with a smug face.</p><p>"Exactly! It's not fair, I know, but I just want to keep her safe." You could see how upset he was getting, his leg beginning to bounce in anxiety. You reached a hand out to his on the table and rubbed your thumb across the back of his hand.</p><p>"Ken, not all boys are predators. And girls are not prey. She is strong and smart. You can't always be her shadow, she needs to live her life too." He cast his eyes down, making it so you couldn't see his expression anymore. You sat like this together for a minute before he looked up with a pained expression.</p><p>"I don't know if I should leave for college." You felt shocked at his sudden statement and stumbled for something to say.</p><p>"Wha... But you've..... All th.... Why?"</p><p>"I can't leave her all by herself with my folks. Who knows what will happen. Especially now that she is so used to the freedoms and safety from living here." You felt your insides grow colder. All that hard work you saw him do to get out of South Park, to escape the instant stigma of his name and be something more than the world expected, to be the man he really could and deserved to be, he would just quit when the finish line was in sight?</p><p>"Maybe think about it first?" You said, your words as numb as you felt. He could hear and sense the effect his words had on you when he bolted up with a yelp.</p><p>"Shit, I'm gonna be late! I'll see you later baby." He kissed you quickly on the cheek and grabbed the truck keys from the table before running out the door, leaving you alone with nothing but your thoughts again.</p><p>All this hard work he had done, the AP classes he had passed with flying colors, the studying until his eyes burned for his SAT, all to be for nothing? It couldn't just be that he wanted to stay for Karen. There had to be something more going on. He couldn't just want nothing as a reward for all that work. Your mind began listing off possible reasons he could have for not wanting to go to college. Scared of leaving town? Fear that if he died he would just wake up back here? Fear of failing? Maybe he didn't want to leave because he didn't want you to worry about him around new classmates? But you had accepted that he wouldn't cheat, you knew he wouldn't do that. Maybe he wanted to stay because you were leaving? Was he scared you would leave him once you got to college? Was he scared you would cheat? First things first, his excuse was Karen. So Karen would need to be the first step towards the truth. Kenny would succeed, you believed it with your entire soul. It was time he believed it too.</p><p>Later that day as Karen walked in with Tricia following behind, you called for her to come into the living room where you were doing some summer reading.</p><p>"What's up?" She asked, hair still damp in a ponytail and Tricia standing behind her with a slightly bored face.</p><p>"I need you to do something." You shifted in your spot on the couch, feeling slightly awkward now. "Kenny was saying he doesn't want to try and apply for college."</p><p>Her eyes went wide with shocked surprise and even Tricia looked surprised. "What?! Why? He's been doing so well!"</p><p>"I know." You said, feeling more nervous. "He said it was because he doesn't want to leave you alone with your parents." You saw her process the words, her mouth in a tight line before she nodded slightly.</p><p>"I'll talk to him. I won't let him give up because of me." You offered a shy smile as she and Tricia then went upstairs to her room. As you settled back into your seat, you felt your phone vibrate from a message. When you opened it, you felt a rock fall in your stomach.</p><p>'Hey, I'm sorry I haven't talked all this time. I was mad that I was all alone, but then I remembered you would be too. I miss you. I hope we can talk some more. I know you're getting ready for senior year right? I'm doing pretty good in school too.' Dennis.</p><p>You stared at the message for a long time, reading it over and over again. You hadn't heard a single word, not a call or a message, nothing for years. What would you say after all this time? 'It probably took him a long time to get the nerve to talk to you after what happened, this was hard for him too.' The soft voice of the more maternal Jamie spoke, making you feel that much worse. Why didn't you try harder to reach him? Were you so caught up in your own life that you forgot about your little brother who was still in Seattle with your father? How could you be that selfish?</p><p>Today was not turning into a very good day for you. You gave up on reading anything more for today and went up to your room to change into your swim suit to sunbath in the back yard. You needed to think about what all to say to Dennis. You mulled the words over and over in your head as you lay in the sun, feeling the tight heat on your skin as the only passage of time. You thought you may have come up with a decent response when you noticed the time and went inside to make a quick dinner for everyone. Tricia was spending the night and you made sure to make an extra amount and a mental note to get more groceries soon too, grabbing the coupons you kept on the top of the fridge to move to your purse to remind you tomorrow to get things after work. After getting caught up with all the tasks of the evening, talking with the girls and with Kenny when he came home, eating dinner and then making a list of essentials you needed to restock you took out your phone to check the bank balance you finally remembered Dennis's message.</p><p>"Hey babe. You would never guess what happened today." You said, walking back into the kitchen where he was washing the dishes.</p><p>"I probably won't, so what happened?" He asked, his hands still washing the plates one at a time.</p><p>"Dennis texted me." You said after a moment, seeing Kenny spin in the spot to face you with a soft expression of surprise on his face.</p><p>"What did he say?" You showed him your phone and let him read it for himself. A corner of his mouth lifted into a sideways smile and he looked back up to you. "What are you going to say?"</p><p>"Well, I'm going to apologize. That was a shitty time, I wasn't doing a very good job at taking care of him. And he had to leave because of my mistakes." You felt your shoulders tilt in on yourself as shame pulled you down. Kenny set the plate he was washing down along with the sponge and wrapped you in his arms.</p><p>"It was not your job to raise him, Jamie. It was your mom's and she shoved it on you because she is a terrible person. Dennis knew that. And I know he loves you. You can't blame yourself. And it sounds like he is doing okay now." He leaned back to hold you at arms length and study your face. "He might be unsurprised to know we moved in and that we're together though." He added a smirk that made you question his meaning.</p><p>"Why do you say that?" You asked.</p><p>"He would tell me often that I would be his brother someday because I would marry you. He must have seen something we didn't." He continued to smirk as he returned to his chore as you felt a heavy blush coat your face in red.</p><p>"We're not married Kenny!" You could feel a giggle building in your stomach.</p><p>"Eh, legalities." He turned to wink over his shoulder, bringing the giggle bursting out of you as you began moving out of the kitchen.</p><p>"I'm going to bed." You chuckled.</p><p>"Can I join you?" You could hear the eager question and his meaning.</p><p>"We have company, thank you." You reminded him, watching his lips pout and make you smile as you shook your head, holding firm. You saw his face shift into acceptance as he finished drying the last of the plates as you turned to go to your room. Once inside you laid down on your bed and began writing a message to respond to your brother. You had typed and deleted several times over, trying to order the words properly to get across what you wanted. Finally you managed to type out:</p><p>'I miss you too! I'm so sorry for what happened, I have been feeling so guilty for so long that I didn't take care of you well enough and didn't notice you needed my help before it was too late. If I could I would take it all back so you could still be here. But, in truth, I'm not all alone. Kenny and Karen moved in to the other rooms. They practically lived here anyway right? I hope that doesn't upset you. I'm so happy to know that you are doing well, I want to hear about everything! And yes, Kenny and I are about to start senior year in a few weeks. And we... are together too. Have been for a year actually. I hope that isn't weird to you, but it makes more sense than anything else ever has. We both wish we could see you soon. Maybe you and dad can come to graduation so we can introduce him to Kenny. That would be an interesting day! I love you Dennis. I really hope to hear from you more!'</p><p>You read the message over 3 times before hitting send, feeling like it covered the things you wanted to say without over saying anything. You glanced at the clock and finished getting ready for bed, having an early start to your shift tomorrow and wanting to clear your head from the craziness of the day.</p><p>When that Saturday came, after you came home from your shift you changed into more fun, summer clothes and you and Kenny walked across the street to Token's. You could see several cars parked along the street, realizing he must have invited the entire senior class to this party/meeting he was holding. When you walked in you heard someone yell out "down here!" from the den and you both made your way down. It was a crowded room, people standing along the walls and some lounging on the couch and each other's laps. You and Kenny moved your way near the front and sat on the floor, you settled into Kenny's lap and feeling happy you were small enough to not have to take up any extra space than was needed. In front of the group was Token, Clyde, Bebe and Stan. They seemed to be looking over the group and making note of everyone there when Token finally spoke.</p><p>"Okay everyone! So yes, we are going to party and have fun, but I, or we, wanted to get everyone together in a nonformal meeting for an important matter." Token said, now motioning to Clyde and Bebe, who were smiling brightly and holding hands. You were still happy that they were going strong together after prom. He kept her humble, she kept him focused. It was a good match.</p><p>"As we all know, our class has been pretty much the epicenter of total chaos for this town. Now we are in our last year of school before we all begin to separate and leave." Bebe began and you felt Kenny stiffen slightly at her mention of leaving. "So, with that in mind, it only makes sense that we go out with a bang." She smiled at Clyde and Stan now as they stepped forward.</p><p>"Pranks." Clyde said, that boyish grin on his face as Stan nodded. "We need to begin to plan our senior pranks. Past classes have done one prank, usually in the spring. But we have been the game changers."</p><p>"3 pranks." Stan continued as Token uncovered a white board with the seasons fall, winter and spring written across the top like columns. "We will do one for each season. We will do it in groups, that way we can all have a hand in the fun."</p><p>"Fuck yes!" Kenny exclaimed excitedly, bringing a few friends to laugh.</p><p>"Actually Ken, you and Jamie seem to be the ones to come up with the craziest shit, so you two are in charge of the prank ideas." Token said, grabbing a dry erase marker and standing next to the board. You felt all eyes shift to the two of you as Kenny slightly vibrated with excitement.</p><p>"Okay, first of all, we have to do something to "demonstrate" school spirit." He put air quotes in with a sly smirk as a nervous knot tied in your stomach. You and he had talked about funny school pranks when you were younger and you knew what he was pulling from those conversations. "Cows can be led up stairs, but they will refuse to go down stairs. They're legs don't bend that way." You heard small sounds of understanding from around the room as well as small snickers. Stan crossed his arms with a frown and shook his head.</p><p>"We are not hurting animals Kenny." Stan said with a stern voice to which Kenny just laughed, causing you to bounce slightly in his hold.</p><p>"No Stan, it's okay, we aren't going to hurt them! Just guide them to the roof and leave some food and they will be fine. From there, the school has to figure it out." The group all began murmuring in agreement, thinking of how bad the school would smell from the resulting cow pies that would lead to the school being shut down and classes canceled for a period of time. That was voted in for the fall so that the cows wouldn't get too cold and to be done the Monday morning after homecoming.</p><p>"Okay, next idea. Jamie, I'm stealing one of yours." Kenny said, kissing your head as you cringed slightly in embarrassment. "School wide water balloon fight. Outside of each door will be tubs of water balloons and we will skip out on the last class of the day so that when the underclassmen begin to leave the building, we begin the attack. We can also be equipped with water guns." Laughs took over the whole room and you could sense the childlike excitement as Token controlled himself enough to write that down in the spring column.</p><p>"Okay, what about winter?" Bebe said as her giggles ceased and she took the marker from Token.</p><p>"Well, it's a bit trickier, and a bit illegal, but no one will get hurt." You said, looking down at your hands and the crowd hushed to hear you.</p><p>"What did you have in mind?" You heard Craig's voice from a few feet to your right where he sat on the couch with Tweek leaning against his legs from his spot on the floor. You knew the word illegal had been the part to spike his interest. You knew he would take the lead on this one and you felt more confident about the likelihood of it working with him at the helm.</p><p>"You know the snow plow they leave on the street every year to clear the snow from the parking lot? The guy who runs it always leaves the keys inside it." You let that fact linger in the air for a moment, feeling the buzzing excitement pass from person to person. "We could block all the doors but the one the teachers come in so they won't notice until it's too late. The day before we can bring in as many small sleds we can because the only other way out will be from one of the top windows, and we will be sledding out."</p><p>The room was silent.</p><p>"That is amazing!" Clyde said.</p><p>"I'm in charge of that one. Bebe, write that down and put my name on it." Craig said, one of the few smiles you've seen from him now bright on his face. Bebe smiled mischievously as she wrote those things down on the winter column. Over the course of the next 10 or 15 minutes everyone said what they would help with pulling off and all making a vow of silence for when the potential punishment would come.</p><p>"Alright, now that we got everything planned out, take a picture of this board and don't forget what group you're with because we are erasing it!" Token said as he himself pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of the board for future reference. Clyde jumped up then with a large bottle of liquor and a dumb happy grin.</p><p>"Let's get this party started!" He shouted as he took a large swig from the bottle and the large gathering of other people behind you erupted in a cheer, now moving towards the rest of the house to get the music going and drinks poured.</p><p> </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Senior year had officially started and Kenny had managed to keep his job with Jimbo while also playing on the football team while you also kept your part time job at the library. All the money you and he made from work went straight into savings, knowing that soon the free income from your father would be ending in a few months and you would need a safety blanket in case your mother ever decided to come back after you graduated and kicked you out once she saw other kids were living there. You were just happy that you had checks for her bank account to make the normal house and utility payments, the city being non the wiser that you were the one keeping the house together. In early October the time to start working on college applications had begun as well as the scholarship applications. Karen had done her part and had confronted Kenny on his excuse to not go to college and you had gotten him to agree to try and submit applications, helping him with the essays and letters. You were nervous, his early years with so many "absences" didn't look great but you and he had spun it to make it sound like he was overcoming an illness knowing it was illegal for them to try and look into medical records without court order. He seemed deflated, already accepting that he would be rejected for any scholarships as well as from any of the colleges you and he had sent applications to.</p><p>You had hoped that where ever you would go, he would be coming too, or at least going to a college somewhere nearby. Hopefully no longer than a day's drive. Since the moment you vowed to help him the idea of being somewhere far away from him was agonizingly confusing and painful. And now that you understood that you were in love with him, bound to him in the deepest parts of your heart and soul, being far away from him wasn't something you could begin to understand.</p><p>The homecoming game had arrived and the South Park Cows were playing against their rival school North Park Miners. Before the game you gave Kenny a quick kiss as well as a good luck butt slap before he went into the locker room and you and the other cheerleaders began putting school colors on your cheeks. You were excited for the halftime presentation for homecoming king and queen, you were sure that Bebe had finally won her crown. As the first half of the game reached at end and the teams left the field, the cheerleaders put on a show while they set up a quick stage on the sidelines. As you were tossed you saw Bebe in a deep green gown wringing her hands nervously from off to the left, nervous about the outcome. While being held up by your foot, you made sure to give a big smile in her direction that you were happy she noticed, settling her hands slightly now.</p><p>"Alright everyone, I have the honor of presenting out homecoming court and crowning our king and queen." The principal spoke as the girls in gowns took the small stage and boys in tuxedos and 3 of them still in their football uniform, having rushed over from the locker rooms. "And this year's King and Queen are..." An anxious hush fell over the crowd of students and adults alike. "Stan Marsh and Bebe Stevens!" Stan walked forward with an awkward smile to receive his crown while Bebe broke out in tears of joy. He watched her for a moment before taking her hand and leading her to the front, looking slightly uncomfortable from her crying and attempt to not get the mud from his cleats on her dress. Stan graciously took the crown and gave Bebe a quick kiss on the cheek with a friendly smile before sending a flirty wink at Annie and he and the other 2 football players ran back to the locker room to join the team before taking the field again. Bebe was dabbing at her cheeks and under eyes with a tissue to stop her make up from smudging as the tiara was placed on her curls. Eventually she was led off the stage by her parents, Clyde being in the locker room and not able to calm her down enough to move, and the stage was broken down while the cheer squad performed another special routine with large stunts. The teams came back out for the second half of the game and you watched Kenny in his number 13 jersey.</p><p>You remembered asking him to choose a different number back in freshman year, feeling like he was purposefully making himself unlucky by using 13, but when he suggested 69 you rolled your eyes and dropped it as a pointless argument. But you had a strange sense of foreboding as you watched the game, seeing one of the players on the North Park team moving more aggressive than was needed. In the first half of the game he had nearly broken Travis's leg and had hit Brody hard enough that it took a few minutes for him to get up. You could feel a nervous knot in your stomach but kept it down with the bright smile that came with your uniform. South Park was now ahead by 10 and you saw Stan had the ball and taking a step into the pocket as Kenny took off running towards the end zone. But that other player was hot on his tail. As the ball was flying towards Kenny and he reached for it, you felt a quick moment of fear as he caught the ball and was almost immediately brought down by the North Park player. As they landed on the ground a quick snapping feeling in your neck took the breath from your chest. You felt yourself begin to gasp for air, already aware of what happened but hoping you were wrong, that it was just a twinge in your own neck and not a sliver of Kenny's death blow. As you began moving from the squad and closer to the sidelines, moving almost trance like, you saw the North Park kid get up and looking down at Kenny while nudging him. You could hear him yelling and the referee and coaches running forward and you continued moving closer. Your feet pulled you along as your mind went numb and tears trickled down your cheeks, making the green and white paint bleed and fall to your chin. There was a large crowd around Kenny now, and you could see they had rolled him to his back and someone was checking his pulse. You saw the shock and panic in their faces as someone pulled his helmet off of his head, his sweaty blonde hair in a beautiful mess around his face and in the grass.</p><p>You had managed to push your way through the men with little effort, now standing right next to his prone body, bruising around his neck and his eyes still wide and staring but empty. Your knees landed in the grass and mud and you began brushing his hair away from his face, tears now falling onto his jersey. The 13 taunted you and you felt bile rise up in your throat to be released in a scream. You felt movement around you, but your hand cupped his cheek, still feeling the warmth of his skin as you leaned down and kissed him again before resting your head against his unmoving chest, crying into the evil 13 and begging it to take it back and bring him back. You lost track of time, not sure what was happening around you. You could hear loud voices and sounds, but they didn't process properly in your mind. You could feel that Kenny was losing heat against your hand as more screams ripped in your throat. You couldn't open your eyes, not wanting to see his face grow white.</p><p>You suddenly felt yourself being picked up from the ground, your arm pulled away from Kenny and tucked to your side. You still didn't want to open your eyes, scared you would see the Grim Reaper himself coming to move you aside to collect your Kenny. But as you felt your body shifted slightly you felt the warmth of arms against your skin and a smell you didn't recognize. You opened your eyes then to see Clyde of all people was carrying you, tears running silently down his cheeks as well as he stared straight ahead at a sobbing Bebe.</p><p>"Clyde?" You asked, your voice a small and rough sound.</p><p>"Bebe will take you home." He said, his eyes still locked on her. You realized she must have sent him over to get you, knowing the only way you would leave is if you were carried because you wouldn't leave willingly. You nodded as you curled into his chest and let yourself cry. Clyde really was a nice guy, you were happy he and Bebe finally figured out that they made a great match. You felt another wave of sadness hit, remembering how Kenny tried to comfort Clyde after his mother died and how he had spent a lot of time trying to help him through that. Kenny was everyone's friend. He helped everyone he could and never asked for anything in return. You cried and wished with each tear that fell that they would bring him back sooner and sooner.</p><p>As Clyde sat you down in Bebe's car she buckled you and gave a long hug to Clyde, both of them crying in each other's arms. You just sat, waiting. There was nothing else you could do. Just wait. You weren't sure what was happening now with Kenny's body. You remembered that Karen and her parents were in the crowd, having seen them arrive shortly after the first play of the game while in the air. Were they with the coaches? Was the North Park kid being charged for manslaughter? Or was it being called an accident? So many unanswerable questions floating around your head, your body locked in it's seated position as you ran through all the different questions and multiple answers for each one. Again you felt yourself being moved against your will, this time Bebe was pulling on your arm and bringing you back into a blurred state of reality. You were in your driveway. Your truck wasn't there, Kenny had the keys and were probably in his gear bag in the locker room and the truck was sitting empty in the parking lot. Would his parents be given the bag and return the keys to you? Or would Karen notice and grab them for you? You felt your body being pulled through the door and up the stairs, felt the movement of your legs and pressure of the floor against the bottom of your feet as you were made to walk and stand. You felt completely catatonic. A puppet being manipulated and moved. But you let it happen. Your best friend would take care of you, even in her beautiful evening gown and tiara. You felt yourself being sat down and your shoes being pulled off as she pushed you to lay down in your bed and the blanket pulled up over your body. You stared forward, not seeing and only slightly aware. Grief pulled you deeper into your mind until you eventually slipped out of consciousness.</p><p>At some point you rolled over to get more comfortable, stretching your arm out and feeling it land on a warm and solid body. In your semiconscious mind you were curious, feeling the familiar body laying there next to you and feeling the skin that was bare to your touch. You squinted your eyes open, seeing a bare back with slight freckles scattered and a tangle of gold hair on the pillow. You heard the familiar, quiet snores and saw the movement of his side as he breathed. You felt a deep sigh leave you, he was home. You moved closer, wrapping your arm around him more now and taking the position of big spoon that you rarely got to do when you felt more skin than you were expecting on your legs. Kenny would either sleep in his underwear in the summer and spring and in sweats in the fall and winter, but you felt nothing there. No fabric of any kind. Your eyes popped open with surprise as you sat up and pulled the blanket away from the both of you to confirm your thoughts.</p><p>"Oh my God, Kenny, you're naked!" You yelped and began laughing as he rolled quickly over to look at you, surprised at the sudden wake up and your burst of noise. "Why didn't you put on clothes before coming in here?!" You laughed more as he looked around the room confused.</p><p>"...." He continued to staring at you with a nervous and confused expression. You didn't remember hearing him come in or feeling him climb in, and normally after a death of his you were a very light sleeper, hoping he would come back that next morning. You glanced at the clock now. 12:03am. It was only three minutes into the next day.</p><p>"What?" you asked him finally, feeling more confused as he stared and his expression shifted into nervous awe.</p><p>"I didn't walk in here. Last thing I remember was playing the game and catching the ball before getting a hard hit." He said, a small and incredulous smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as you stared as realization dawned on you. "I came back here, next to you."</p><p>"But... how? Why in my bed instead of your own?" You were shaking slightly, unsure what this must mean and what it would mean for the future.</p><p>"I would wake up home. When I moved in, my room was home." He said, his smile growing sweet as he leaned forward slightly and rested his forehead against yours. "Maybe... YOU are my home." You felt a small tear fall down your cheek as he pressed his lips against yours and your eyes closed and leaned into his touch. You could feel the truth of it. Because he was your home too.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>The fall prank went off the following Monday with the group being able to sneak and lead 4 cows onto the roof of the school and being able to avoid being caught. It took the full day for the police and farmers to get the cows down, having to fly a helicopter borrowed from the next down over to lower the cows one at a time with a strap contraption. Classes had been canceled after the first class as the smell was the first thing that made the staff aware that something was wrong. Though there wasn't a need for people to linger, nearly the entire student population stayed to watch, many chuckling and filming with their phones and it was early afternoon by the time the press pulled up. You were nervous that someone would talk, but from the bits you heard from the reporter they didn't have any idea how the cows got up there.</p><p>Casually the senior class began leaving, trying not to draw attention to themselves as they eyed each other with smirks of accomplishment. Prank 1 was complete.</p><p>The winter prank was set to happen after the usual large snow storm that would come around the first week of January. When you saw the news report stating the storm was coming, you sent Craig a text to check the weather, knowing he would get that it was time to put the plan in motion and to notify all the others to bring the sleds the next day to stash in empty lockers and classes. Three days later the storm hit late in the afternoon, leaving behind an extra 4 feet of snow on top of the two feet from the previous build up that had yet to melt. This plan was trickier as it would require being done once the school day had begun and you were nervous that Craig and his small team of volunteers would get caught, but as the day went on you noticed that he had managed to pull it off with the doors completely blocked off and a large ramp had been formed up to a window from the third floor art classroom.</p><p>As the classes ended for the day and the under classmen began to go to the doors, only to find them blocked off completely, the seniors began pulling sleds out from random lockers and classrooms and casually making their way to the third floor. There were more sleds than seniors, so some were even handed to a few liked juniors and sophomores. As the underclassmen watched with confusion and followed the growing group of seniors up the stairs and towards the art classroom. Standing at the window was Craig, his face stoic but you could see the chaotic thrill in his eyes as one by one people climbed out and sled down the hill that was created. The underclassmen who saw what was happening all began laughing and as you made your way to the window with your sled you gave a small wink at Craig and he flinched a small smirk in return. At the base of the hill the seniors who had already made their way out were laughing and leaving the sleds where they landed. Before the teachers and staff could begin making their way to the front of the crowd you heard a voice yell "BAIL!" and the seniors that were still around began to run to their cars, leaving the school and sleds behind for the underclassmen to use and bring back for the others.</p><p>Prank 2 was completed.</p><p>When your 18th birthday came you expected to see a cease in your allowance from your father, but the following Friday you saw the deposit in your bank account as usual.</p><p>"Maybe he just has it set up automatically?" Kenny suggested as you brought it up to him.</p><p>"That's probably it. Should I tell him?" You asked, feeling your lower lip with your teeth as you nervously began to chew.</p><p>"That's up to you baby. That is completely your decision." He said, walking up to you and using his thumb to rub your chin and get you to stop chewing on your lip. You smiled shyly as he then offered you up a glass of water. You giggled, knowing he knew you would be thirsty at the stress of making this choice and talking to your dad.</p><p>It wasn't until late February that you called your dad to tell him you were still receiving an allowance from him. When you brought it up however, he cut you off and began telling you that "of course you were still receiving money, how on Earth could I let my daughter not have anything she needs while living in that pathetic excuse for a town". You had glanced at Kenny when he said this to see him watching curiously and you answered with a small shrug and mouthed to him 'Still getting money'.</p><p>At Kenny's 18th birthday you knew that his father along with Stan, Kyle and Jimbo were planning on taking him to the strip club on the other end of town. When he told you that they were planning this you felt your eyes roll in irritation and stomach twist slightly in jealousy. Of course he wasn't blind to that as he chuckled and stepped closer to pull you against his chest.</p><p>"I've been trying to get out of it, but they won't let me. Honestly, I think it's just an excuse they're using to get to go. I've been there before a bunch of times in middle school." You pulled away to look at him with surprise.</p><p>"WHAT?" You were shocked, how the hell did he get in and why the hell did he go in the first place.</p><p>"I have an aunt who used to dance before moving to Boulder. She would help me with my science homework." He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal to have a preteen boy in a strip club. "And if you remember, I was still trying to figure things out, so I thought naked women would, you know, set me straight or something." He said, his voice growing small as his eyes looked away.</p><p>You reached your hand up to cup his cheek, turning his face so it was parallel to yours. "There is nothing wrong with the way you are, Kenny. You are perfect just as you." You saw his lips twitch in a smile as you reached up to match your lips with his. Each time you felt his lips on yours you felt a warm flush fill your body from where connection was made. Always feeling slightly dizzy from the soft skin of his lips and the pressure he could alter to change the kiss from soft and gentle to firm and aggressive. You felt yourself falling into his kiss when the doorbell rang and pulled you away from Heaven on Earth.</p><p>"It's probably the guys." Kenny spoke against your lips, sending small shivers through your limbs as his breath passed over your wet lips. "I'll be home later tonight." He stroked your cheek gently with the back of his fingers before walking over to the door. On the front porch stood and very excited and antsy looking Stan and Kyle, who waved at you briefly before walking back to Jimbo's truck at the curb. "I love you, Jamie!" Kenny called to you as he began walking out.</p><p>"I love you too, Ken." You said back and watched the door shut.</p><p>It wasn't until nearly 2am that Kenny came home, smelling like liquor and sweat and glitter on his clothes but not his skin, which at least made you feel a bit better.</p><p>"What's with the glitter?" You asked, trying and failing to stifle a yawn from where you lay on the couch.</p><p>"They bought me a dance. I'm pretty sure she was a senior back when we were sophomores, she looked really familiar." He said, grimacing in embarrassment as he attempted to brush it off his pants and shirt.</p><p>"Did you have fun at least?" You asked, doing your best to not be jealous and instead be a supportive girlfriend.</p><p>"Yeah, especially when they pulled Kyle onto the stage for a few minutes. That boy has no rhythm what so ever!" He began to chuckle and kicked off his boots. "Let's get to bed huh?" He said as he walked over to you and pulled you up into his arms.</p><p>"That sounds nice." You said, wishing he had come home sooner. He would just have to get his birthday sex tomorrow. But as he held you close and you felt the muscles in his arms against your body, you felt yourself wake up a bit more and gave his ear a slight nibble. He turned just slightly to look at you from the corners of his eye to see you eyeing him back hungrily and a smirk from him further stirred the lustful creature inside you.</p><p>"Now this sounds way more fun." He spoke low as he continued to carry you upstairs and into his room at the end of the hall, only to throw you onto the bed from the doorway and shut the door with his foot and began pulling his shirt off over his head. You could feel a bubble of excitement building in your chest as you pulled your shirt off as well and began wiggling out of your sweats. He was at the foot of the bed now and grabbed the bunched fabric at your ankles and gave a swift pull, yanking your pants off and throwing them across the room. He climbed up the bed with a playful smile and slid himself between your legs and captured your mouth with his. As his and your tongue tasted and licked at each other your arms and hands wrapped up his back and one into his hair as your legs wrapped around him and crossed at the ankles. You were still in your underwear but you could feel him beginning to pull his down his thighs and you felt your body humming with need as you felt his thick erection against the thin cotton. He shifted his hips to push against you, testing the waters and eliciting a moan that was quieted by his lips on yours. You felt him smile, his teeth against your lips and you playfully bit his lower lip. You opened your eyes to see him looking at you in a way that made a shiver run down your spine.</p><p>"Naughty girl, huh?" His eyes went dark with lust now and your breathing quickened. "Shouldn't have done that." His hand went inside your underwear, feeling the soaked and sensitive skin of your core to tease at penetration and glide in circles near your clitoris. Each touch was close to satisfactory, but not enough to bring you to your high. Just as sudden as his teasing had begun did he end it, wrapping his arm around you to now pull you up to sit in his lap while he sat on his legs. You re-latched your ankles together, keeping yourself from sliding away from him and you felt him hold you close with one of his long arms as the other went behind you to pull your underwear to the side. You inhaled in a gasp as you felt him penetrate you hard and fast as his hand had moved from your underwear to cover your mouth as screams and moans began to flow from you with each upward thrust he pushed into you. Your head began to fall backwards as your orgasm drew closer and closer and you began to shift your hips and push down on his engorged dick, taking in as much of him as possible from this position as he in turn began to groan with his face buried in your chest. As you neared the crest you felt him move his legs open and you fell even lower, your bottom no longer supported by his thighs and now the only thing holding you up was his arm and his cock. That move, though seemingly small, sent a raging inferno through your body as your climax took a quick jump even higher before falling, crashing down to the ground. You felt the muscles in your throat ache from the scream as the walls of your vagina pulsed against him, sending him into his explosive orgasm as well and he cursed in a low groan into the crook of your neck. As your pulsing began to ebb, you could still feel him as he came inside of you, you feeling the heat building inside of your body indicating something new.</p><p>"Thank God for birth control," Kenny managed to say between deep breaths as he still held you to him and you giggled into his hair. Your giggle must have flexed the muscles against him as you felt him jolt against you. "Whoa, that's too much, too sensitive." He gasped, his breathing erratic again as you resisted to giggle more from his response. He laid you down now and removed himself, grabbing a towel from his dresser to hand to you. The worst part was after and how you could feel his ejaculate begin to drip out of you as you walked to the bathroom to clean yourself up. So you and Kenny would keep a small towel that would be changed out after each time for this reason after you told him. At first it was awkward, but he just thought it was arousing so you just shrugged it off and continued with the towel plan. After you had managed to clean up and find your clothes you climbed into bed with Kenny, curling into his warm chest and wrapping your leg with his to interlock the two of you together.</p><p>"Happy birthday babe." You said as your fatigue returned with a vengeance.</p><p>"Happy sex anniversary." He answered back, earning a small chuckle from you as your mind slipped away into a dream.</p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Graduation was coming closer and you knew some of the others were beginning to receive letters of scholarship grants as well as college acceptance. Each time you checked the mailbox you felt bile rise in your throat to threaten vomiting from nervousness. You were hoping that something would come soon and you were really hoping it was for Kenny more than you. He deserved to be able to leave this town more than anyone else did in your opinion, and you couldn't help but feel crushed each time nothing arrived.</p><p>Until the day Karen checked it while you and Kenny were at work. When you got home you saw large envelopes addressed to the both of you sitting on the table with Karen and Kenny staring at them like they were venomous snakes.</p><p>"What is it?" You asked, walking over to the table and seeing there were 3 addressed to Kenny and 1 addressed to you. Only one of Kenny's envelopes shared the return address as yours did and you now felt nervous as well.</p><p>"What do you think they say?" Kenny asked to no one, the question just hovering over the table until you attempted to swallow your fears with a dry throat and grabbed yours and ripped it open. You pulled the pages out, noting that there were several and taking that as a good sign. From Oregon State University. Accepted. You read the first few sentences a few times to make sure you weren't misreading or hallucinating the words before you smiled at Kenny and Karen as they stared anxiously.</p><p>"I got in." You took a deep exhale that you didn't realize you had been holding in and looked down at the letters from Kenny. One was Oregon State as well, the other two looked like they were from different scholarship boards. You felt hopeful as you handed him the Oregon State, the size nearly identical to yours and nodded encouragingly. He took the envelope from your hand after staring at it as if it would grow fangs and bite him. You and Karen both watched and waited as he pulled out the pages and began reading. His eyes went wide as you saw his eyes go from side to side over and over again but not going very far down. Was he reading the same lines over and over again just as you had?</p><p>"...I got in." He whispered, his hands beginning to shake slightly as both you and Karen erupted in cheers and nearly jumped over the table to hug him. You began kissing his face all over as you felt him begin to relax from his frozen state as Karen repeated over and over again that she knew he would. He turned to look at you with a nervous smile.</p><p>"We're getting out of here." He said, realizing now that it was actually a possibility for him for the first time in his life. You nodded as tears began to leak from your eyes with joy and a smile burst across your face.</p><p>"We are." You kissed him again and felt him stiffen slightly again as he looked at the table.</p><p>"What about those?" He asked, pointing at the other two. "What if they say I didn't get accepted for a scholarship. I won't be able to afford this on my own." You felt his heart begin to sink but you were not going to have it. You stood tall and pulled one of the envelopes to you and ripped it open, pulling the pages out and began reading.</p><p>"Looks like you just might." You smiled. "This one just granted you $5,000 for college classes and books because of your acts of community service as Mysterion!"</p><p>"And this one," Karen continued as you and Kenny both noticed she had taken the other one and opened it. "Just granted you $10,000 for overcoming growing up in poverty and a drug filled home to be an honorary student and for your endeavor to help other kids like you! Apparently they love when kids make it out of the system and grow up to help the next generation." She smiled proudly at her brother. "You did it Kenny! You actually did it!"</p><p>That night to celebrate the three of you decided to go out to eat at Casa Bonita as it was Kenny's favorite restaurant and in all the time you had been in Colorado you hadn't gone. You were fascinated at all the things that they had there, but still not as in awe as you were with the young man next to you. You had believed in him all this time and now others did too.</p><p>The third and final prank was set to go off on the last Friday before finals as a way to blow off stress from studying and preparing. The seniors were all beginning to get severe senioritis, many times glancing out the windows for long periods of time or losing track of time between classes. Some not even coming to classes very often at all but instead lounging around in the fields outside the school, not caring if they got in trouble for not attending. But as that Friday approached they began getting more and more jittery. All that they had left was this prank to have pulled off the most ambitious of senior stunts the town had seen. The cows were never traced back to the seniors, but the snow was and a class wide assembly was held to try and make them out who had done it. However, all the years of crazy that this town had endured had taught them one thing for certain, and that was to remain expressionless under strain. No one was officially charged with the prank as no one had seen who had done it but those involved.</p><p>However, this one was all about the act itself and not the effect it had. So the chance of being caught was high, but once the underclassmen joined the teachers and staff wouldn't be able to determine if this was planned by the seniors or by the juniors or any of the others. That was the beauty of this one. That all would be guilty, and therefore, no one was guilty. As the set time came for the seniors to begin filtering out of their classes, the teachers already on summer mode as well, to get into position with various sizes of water guns and tubs and tubs of water balloons waiting outside the main doors, they waited for that final bell to ring. As it chimed it was a signal for them to all get into firing mode, some holding water balloons like water grenades, and the first of the students began walking out. Various screams of surprise and shock were soon followed with sounds of laughter and the chase. The battle was on. As you took aim with a water balloon for a freshman you even saw a teacher laughing manically as she pelted a kid in the chest with a water balloon.</p><p>"Take that, Jacob, you obnoxious shit!" She yelled while running away from the surprised boy who began chasing after her with a balloon of his own.</p><p>The following Monday before classes started there was an announcement over the intercom system stating that those responsible for the water fight would not be punished as no damage was done to the school, no one came forth with any injuries, and because so many had been involved it was indeterminable to find who initiated it. The entire student body began cheering and laughing, having gotten away with mischievous fun without consequence. You and Kenny smiled proudly at each other. Your young dreams of causing chaos that would be remembered for years to come had worked, and you and he would go down in infamy as the masterminds that know one knew of other than your own classmates.</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Graduation was held on a Saturday in the early afternoon with a banquet to take place at the community center for the graduating class and their families, just as it was done every year. The Friday beforehand your father and brother flew into Denver from Seattle and you went with Kenny to pick them up. You were nervous for him to meet your father, knowing how prejudice he could be about people who weren't "upper class". But Kenny was kind and sincere, presenting the very best side of himself and you hoped that Dennis had managed to tell your father good things about him on the flight down. It took your father by surprise to find that Kenny and Karen were living in the home that was supposed to be where your mom lived, but once he realized she was hardly there he seemed more annoyed with her than with you. As the night progressed you had heard Kenny and your father talking on the back patio and you could only assume your father was doing one of those stupid 'what are you intentions with my daughter' talks that he truly had no place doing. Kenny had been here for you in more ways and for more moments than anyone else ever had. If anything, Kenny should be the one to question your father on why he felt he deserved to even be a part of your life.</p><p>Your mom had driven into town in time for the graduation as you saw her sitting on the other side of Dennis when you took your seat in the football field where the graduation ceremony was taking place. All that morning Kenny had seemed nervous and a little more fidgety than his usual nerves would display. You tried to sneak a feeling of his emotions to get to what was bothering him but he gave you a knowing squint and shook his head to tell you to not try. You could only assume it was because of the prospect of actually graduating that had him a bit jumpy. He seemed like he was trying to not forget something as he constantly patted at his pockets as if searching for something. But as you sat in your seat a few classmates down from him you could see his leg bouncing under his gown. Bebe leaned forward from her seat behind you and to your left to hand you a box confetti poppers that you were all going to set off once the ceremony was officially complete. As you took it from her and began to turn to pass them down your row she eyed you curiously.</p><p>"What's with Ken, he's super twitchy?" Bebe whispered in a not so quiet way but thankfully only 2 others heard over the valedictorian's (Token of course) speech.</p><p>"I don't know, I think he's just nervous. Maybe because he met my dad or something." You said with a shrug and nodded in the direction of your parents, one sitting on either side of Dennis and sharing cold looks every so often. </p><p>"Ugh, I would be nervous too, he looks intimidating." She said after looking at the high class way your father dressed and the stiff expression on his sharp features.</p><p>"He's just another man. Hardly qualifies as a dad at this point really." You rolled your eyes as the sound of applause broke the two of you from your conversation. You moved to look back to the front and began applauding as well, realizing it was finally time to get the diplomas handed out. Nearly over.</p><p>As your row made its way to the front to wait their turn to be called up, Kenny hopped back to where you were standing with a goofy smile to sneak you a small kiss which you returned with a grin of your own. When his name was called and he walked across the stage to accept his diploma you cheered as loud as your lungs could allow and you saw him turn to send a wink your way. He began to walk away and turned his tassel from one side to the other before skipping down the steps back to his seat.</p><p>When your name was called you could hear cheers from your friends but over all of them you could hear the very distinct sound of Kenny calling out his dumb nickname for you. "JAMES!!!!!" You kept your composure as you graciously took your diploma, shook hands with the principal and head of the school board, swapped your tassel from one side to the other and walked over to Kenny, sitting in his lap with your arms around his shoulders and his around your waist while the rest of the class received their diplomas as well. Once you had yours it truly didn't matter about staying in order, it would be ending in mere moments anyway and most of the others had begun lounging on each other anyway!</p><p>"Sexy bitch!" You snuck a yell in the cheers when Bebe walked across the stage to get hers and she sent a small smirk out to the crowd and blew a kiss to Clyde before she eventually made her way to sit in his lap as well. He made a spectacle out of it by dipping her low and capturing her in a kiss as those nearby whistled and catcalled. The pomp and circumstance of this usually formal ceremony was quickly falling apart, but what did anyone expect in a town like South Park. As the final student made it back down and into one of the empty seats and it was announced that it was done, everyone grabbed their confetti popper and shot into the air, strings and bits of confetti now caught in the slight breeze and floating over everyone and tangling in the caps and tassels as they began making way towards their families. Kenny gave you a sweet kiss on your cheek as he made to stand up.</p><p>"I'm gonna go and say hi to my folks real quick and then I'll be back to ride to the center with you." He said, holding your hand and walking casually toward the waiting crowd.</p><p>"Are you sure, you could ride with them there if you want." You offered, seeing the pride in his mother as her red hair came into view.</p><p>"You'll be okay with both of your parents?" He asked, watching your reaction curiously.</p><p>"I'll be fine." It wouldn't be in any sense of the word pleasant, but at least his mother and Karen deserved to spend some time with him after watching him graduate. Something neither of his parents or his older brother Kevin managed to do. "I'll see you there okay, babe." You stood on your toes to kiss his cheekbone and then leaned toward his ear to whisper. "It's not like I'll have you all to myself very soon anyway."</p><p>You felt him shiver slightly from your breath and you couldn't help but giggle. With the money you and he had managed to save up and both going to college together, you and he found on campus housing that you could move into together. It was a cute little studio apartment and you and he would be driving up to officially move in August. You even managed to get approval for a job transfer to the college library so you could continue working. Kenny was planning on focusing on his studies for the fall before looking for work in the winter, even if it's just seasonal for the holidays. His theory would be with the flood in of incoming students most part time work with have been taken by then or the ones who didn't do well would be fired and spots would be open. You hated to admit he was probably right, so you just nodded with the plan as you and he had managed to save up enough for this plan to work if you and he stayed on budget.</p><p>You had met up with Dennis and your parents, them still several feet apart from each other as you and Dennis hugged and began walking towards the truck. </p><p>"Oh Jamie dear, I'll be driving there myself as I need to meet with a client later today so I will have to leave after about an hour, okay sweetie?" You mother said, false niceness thick in her voice. </p><p>"Sure mom." You said, trying to not give away how much you saw through her as you and Dennis shared a quick look. Your father however had agreed to ride in the truck with you, looking severely out of place in his suit sitting on old, stained and slightly torn upholstery. If you could get away with taking a picture of it you would. Once you had reached your truck you had pulled the gown off to be more comfortable in your light sun dress with a pale purple cardigan to cover your shoulders. You pulled the tassel free from the cap before tossing that into the back seat with Dennis, who quickly snatched it up to wear himself with mock pride, and wrapped the strings around the rear view mirror to let the green and white tassels blow in the wind while you drove to the community center.</p><p>When you pulled in you saw that half the lot was already full and that Kenny was waiting near the front door with an excited looking Karen as she was bouncing on the balls of her feet. When they saw the truck pull into the lot she hugged him quickly, he kissed her head and she ran inside. You thought it was strange that she would run inside instead of waiting to say hi, but you would see her later and brushed it off. As you walked up to Kenny he offered his bent arm for you to take, which you did with a smile.</p><p>"Lets get this boring party out of the way huh?" He muttered low to you, you let out a small chuckle in agreement. This was more for the parents and family of the graduates, the real party was later tonight at the old campground just outside of town. The night before a group of the guys had gone up to set up the wood for a large bonfire as well as arranged the old picnic tables to serve as drink and snack tables. You were planning on picking up Clyde and Bebe on the ride up later that night and were really excited to get to spend a great night with friends before people started leaving. </p><p>As you and he entered the center you saw the tables had been set up with green and white tablecloths and decorations with one table along a wall with buffet style foods and snacks and another table at the front with a DJ playing mild and popular music only loud enough to be background music. You made your way to a table where Bebe was sitting and talking with Clyde and his father and sister and gave her a small peck on the top of her curls.</p><p>"Hey lovely!" You said, leaning down to hug her shoulders as she grabbed your arms in embrace as well. </p><p>"Hey! Take a seat, we were just talking about college plans." She said, motioning to the empty seat next to her. You turned to grab Kenny and pull him to the seat next to yours when you saw that he wasn't at your side anymore. </p><p>"Kenny?" You called in casual volume, glancing around the immediate area and not seeing him. You heard Clyde give a loud sound like he was clearing his throat. You turned to look at him curiously and saw him smirk and point to the front of the room. You turned now to see Kenny was standing on top of the DJ table with a microphone in his hand. </p><p>"What is he doing?" You asked no one as you began walking up to the front of the room to get him down. He was always doing something silly like this. But as you got closer he began to speak into the microphone.</p><p>"Can I have everyone's attention please?" The crowd grew quiet as they all looked up at him, waiting to see what was happening. Some were smirking, others just looked slightly confused. You saw Kyle standing on the end of the table with a beaming smile and you only grew more suspicious as he turned and locked eyes with you, smiling even brighter now. As Kenny continued speaking Kyle made his way casually over to you. "I won't take up much of your time. But I have something very important I need to say and I want to say it to everyone here. A little over 10 years ago I met a girl who promised me that she would do anything to help me." You felt a blush creeping into your cheeks. What is he doing? Kyle was now standing next to you. "At first I didn't think she meant it, but over the years she helped me grow into the man that I am today. She believed in me when no one else did. She pushed me to see myself for more than what this town thought I could be. And because of her, I actually have a chance to make something amazing with my life." Kyle had now taken your hand and was pulling you forward to where Kenny was standing on the table, looking more and more nervous as he gripped the microphone with both hands. "I love you Jamie. You are the kindest, most giving, most fun person. You are truly beautiful inside and out. And I knew the moment I looked at you that first day in Mr. Garrison's class in third grade that you were special. I just didn't know, or couldn't appreciate, how special you would be to me." You were now standing right in front of Kenny and Kyle grabbed you by your waist as Kenny offered a hand and together they put you on top of the table with Kenny in front of the crowd that was hanging on his every word. You felt your body shaking with nerves as he smiled at you nervously and reached into a pocket with his free hand. Your stomach began to drop down past the table, through the hardwood floor and into the earth. "Jamie Prescott, I want to spend every moment of eternity with you." He began to kneel on the table, it being held steady by Kyle, Token, Stan and Clyde so it wouldn't wiggle from the movement. You began to feel your eyes tear up as it became clearer what was happening. "I love you now, I have loved you then, and I will love you always." He opened the small box he had been holding in his hand, the microphone capturing the sound of it opening and sending it through the silent room as they all waited with baited breath. Inside the small box was a delicate ring with a single round diamond no bigger than a ladybug. It was sweet and simple and perfect. You began crying now, hands covering most of your face to hide the ecstatic smile you felt burning the muscles of your cheeks.</p><p>"Will you marry me?" He asked, microphone still low so that only you and those closest could hear. You looked at him. Studied his deep blue eyes, swept over the freckles and across his delicious lips. You skimmed over his soft cheeks and sharp jaw. You dusted through his tousled golden hair and down the freckles that tickled around his neck. Again your eyes connected with his and you saw it all. The future with him. The home near the ocean where you and he would go on walks in the evenings. The children you and he would save from broken homes who would run the halls and fill the rooms with laughter. The beautiful way he would age and his blonde would turn gray and thin. You saw how his hands would lose strength save for when they held yours. You saw how you would wake every morning to his smile and the sound of his gentle breath and steady heartbeat. You had never seen anything more perfect.</p><p>"Yes." You said with absolute certainty as your hands fell to your chest to hold your heart in place before it could burst clean from your ribs. He beamed bright, shaming the sun and it's lesser rays, and pulled the ring from it's place in the box as you pulled your promise ring off your left hand to place on your right. He held your left hand in his for a small moment before his lips brushed across your knuckles and he slipped the ring in place on your fourth finger, fitting perfectly as if it were always meant to belong. Once he set it in place he leapt from his kneeling position and grabbed you in his arms, pulling you up into a tight embrace and kiss as your feet were now standing free of anything and your arms around his neck. The sound of the watching crowd seemed distant and thin as they cheered. The only thing that reached you was Kenneth McCormick's lips on yours, his arms wrapped around your body and his heart beating in a fast rhythm with yours, sealing their promise together in that moment. As he set you down, forehead still pressed to yours, he smiled and offered his hand between your bodies. His hand was in a fist but his pinky was extended.</p><p>"Do you pinky promise?" He asked, a playful giggle making the moment that much more special to who you two were. This all started with a pinky promise. And you never went back on a promise.</p><p>"I pinky promise." You nodded and giggled again, latching your pinky with his and sealing it with a kiss.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. H.E.A.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An Epilogue</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You and Kenny decided to have a long engagement to focus on school and settling into Corvallis. He would go on to get his bachelor's degree in social work and psychology and you received a bachelor's degree in psychology before continuing on to both get master's degrees. </p>
<p>Kenny went on to work as a social worker in child protective services in northern California after you and he moved to Sacramento to be near the ocean. You took on work for the county as a child counselor, often working side by side with Kenny on the most difficult cases. </p>
<p>You and he married on the beach on a late summer day shortly after you and he finally finished college. It was a small ceremony, the closest friends and few family came. You both stood barefoot in the sand with the 10 others circling around where you stood. It was intimate and special in a way that you felt was only right. </p>
<p>Kenny's deaths had become less frequent and he was rarely gone more than a day or two before waking up in your arms in bed. You were grateful at how less it happened now so to not scar the kids. </p>
<p>You and he decided that it wouldn't make sense to risk passing on his "curse" and bring more children into the world when there were so many who needed a home and love. You and he had decided to convert an old mansion into a sprawling home to accommodate the kids in the foster system who had the most troubles and those with siblings to keep them together. </p>
<p>Each night after dinner you and Kenny would sit either in bed, in the living room or on the front porch and share thoughts with each other. Odd dreams. Old wishes. New hopes. Lame jokes. Potential pranks. Parental concerns. You often found yourself smiling when you and he did this.</p>
<p>"What's got you smiling?" He asked one night as you and he sat snuggled close on the porch swing as you heard 4 of the younger kids playing tag around the yard that circled the house.</p>
<p>"We've been married, what 12 years now?" You heard him snicker as you rotated your torso to face him better. "I was just thinking that we've been doing pretty much all of this since we were kids anyway with Karen and Dennis."</p>
<p>"Well, not all of it." He gave you that flirty smirk and a wink. Even under the wrinkles that were forming around his eyes and mouth you still saw that flirty boy you always loved. </p>
<p>"True." You returned his smirk. "Let's get them to bed first huh?"</p>
<p>Again his eyes showed slight surprise at your returned flirtation, just like they always had every time. It was like he was always taken by how attracted you were to him. And you loved it. You giggled and tilted your face and leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that was perfectly fit to your lips as warm sparks floated up your body and into your mind like fireworks.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for following the story of Jamie and Kenny. I hope to see you all again someday.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>